Working for Self
Morning chat with my pensive feline, Amber, Kodak EasyShare LS753
How do I begin?
My first journal entry.
I am still in shock about taking the leap from Corporate Goddess to Working for Self. As ecstatic as I was about taking this leap, anticipating it for months, perhaps even years… I found myself with tears constant, a pale face and lethargy for my first few days of freedom. Perhaps I was mourning the death of an old life. I even wore black out of respect for the eighteenth century mourning custom.
My husband cradled me in his yummy brown leather (oh so boy) chair and asked me tenderly why I was so sad. I sat pondering this for a bit. I am not sad, really…am I? So, in my pensive silence, searching my eyes, he then again asked…”Are you overwhelmed?”
Even with delicious thoughts of freedom to express myself at any time of the day, with my jammies on, pigtails in my hair, candles burning, pastel’s awaiting me and music dancing around the loft.
Overwhelmed with time, with choice, with allowing myself to relax into a groove…with not answering to anyone but me. So, so foreign to me. This is forcing me to get to know my new boss (me). What are her expectations? Will I fail her?
It sounds silly, I realize this.
I found myself keeping busy with as much as possible with everything but my art. Laundry, dishes, groceries, straightening the same place only to return back to this place and straighten it again later…in a different way. *sigh*
I was afraid to begin. Just begin. So…here is what has helped me get out of this foreign funk of mine:
**Reading the first chapter of this book and actually DOING the first exercise of de-cluttering my studio. This took a few days of me swimming amongst piles of my *stuff*, organizing and cleansing the energy. It is much more Zen…but I am still tempted to straighten what is already straightened!
**A harmonious phone conversation this past weekend with my beautiful friend across the globe who is on this messy~beautiful journey with me. I am beginning Winter, she is going into Spring…but we are in the same exact place. Picking new flowers at her abode and tasting rain at mine.
**Remembering all the blessed souls in my life (see "Friends" page on my website) that are also on this journey and how nourished they feel as a result.
**Wearing my Superhero necklace (made by a beautiful friend)...which I am convinced has special she-powers.
So, I am allowing peace to settle.
But I am still scared…excited but scared. Although I'm not wearing all black today.
Welcome to Bohemian Girl Designs (that was for you and for me).