Monday, July 30

self portrait challenge ~ patterns

me during a photo shoot yesterday, taken by Boho Boy

Yesterday I was in such the zone that I didn't realize by the end of the photo shoot, my pants were soaked and I had sand all over my body.

One of my favorite patterns in the sand is all the different sized footprints spread throughout. It reminds me we're all walking together on this path of life and we are all so very connected.

These twin boys were a pleasure to work with. Their personalities were completely different. One was quite the serious and contemplative chap and the other just wanted to party.

At one point, the wave washed up on them as they almost floated away. The adults all started giggling as we reached for the basket and the babies looked up at us like...what the hell was that?!? I got to witness their first time eating sand and their faces once they realized it wasn't rock candy. Funny...because I also ended up with sand in my mouth.

So there was me getting down and dirty on the ground while my husband was behind me as Mr. Animated with a colorful hand puppet and furry cat toys making all these noises.

It was a beautiful day with a beautiful family and plenty of baby mojo to go around!

I heart my job.

click for larger view

Sunday, July 29

sunday morning...

our living room, canon digital rebel xti

This morning I sat cuddled up on my couch, drinking my juice, surrounded by soft colorful pillows while the cool, crisp morning breeze gently caressed my skin and hair.

I took a deep breath and felt truly grateful for my life.

Friday, July 27

tagged ~ 8 random things

a different side to me, taken by Boho Boy

I've been tagged by the scrumptious Schmoopy, cuz she knew I needed some fun. So here are 8 random goofy things that you may not know about me.
  • We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
  • Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  • People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
  • At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.

1.) Family Nicknames: My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) all call me Neecie. My parents call me Boochie. My sister Pamela calls me Boochiana and my sister Darlene calls me Sugar Buns.

2.) This face you see above is a slight version of what I called the "Dino" face to make my sisters laugh when we were young. The true Dino face has more puffed cheeks and I pulled my ears out. I am talking about Dino from the Flintstones, of course.

3.) I went to Bible college and the boys sent a secret survey around about the girls and I found out that my dorm mate won "best hair" and I won "best ass". Nice. So much more evolved than high school. Yes...this is what really goes on in Bible college. Oh, I mean "Bridal" college because everyone goes there to find a husband or wife. My dorm mate and I thankfully escaped the bubble.

4.) I can squirt a tiny stream of water for miles out of the small gap between my two front teeth.

5.) I was in a traveling Mime drama group in college. The first fight my husband and I got into was when I told him this and he started laughing and pretending to be a Mime in a box. I was so appalled that he was so ignorant. I mean, Mime's do SO much more than the box thing these days. Please.

6.) I like Sci-Fi shows. I mean really like them. Battlestar Galactica, 4400, Farscape...total turn-ons for me. This is when my true inner-geek surfaces. The girl back in 5th grade that wore the same purple Izod shirt almost every day and didn't like to wash her hair. I was finally rescued by a beautiful rich girl that taught me how to dress (yes, Laurie...that's you) but that geek still lives and my husband used his magic to bring her back to life.

7.) I don't like to put syrup all over my ice cream. I like it on the side so I can slowly pour it on with each bite. Otherwise, if you put it all on...it melts the whole scoop of ice cream. Hellooo Virgo.

8.) I don't freak out using other people's toothbrushes or make-up. I guess that makes me not a germ freak, which surprises me because most people in my family are.

Bonus thing: I won best personality in high school. Way better than best ass.

The 8 people I am tagging are Andrea, Darlene, Christine, Jen G, Kirsten, Jen, Meg, Brittany.

Wednesday, July 25

self portrait challenge ~ elements

me wearing pieces of our earth

This is the last week for SPC's challenge of Elements. When thinking about the elements today, my thoughts went to the necklace I had made. I don't work with wood and bone very much but this week I felt inspired and while putting it all together, it resonated with a part of me that is such an earth child. It feels good to create beauty from our earth and for its energy to be sent across the globe (which one went to the UK and the other Canada) from my hands to the hands of another.

It's been an interesting few days. I received some very unexpected news yesterday from my doctor after some tests I had taken. I am not ready to get into the details as to what they found but I am ready to share the emotions that have surfaced as a result. I hesitated sharing it hear as I don't want to make a big deal out of this or give it much energy but I know its important to keep documenting this journey... for us, for others walking this path and for our child to read someday.

I have to go in for a final test to be 100% certain but its pretty likely they have found what has prevented us from conceiving over the last three years. There is a surgery that can be done to open things up within me to allow for a natural conception...which is a very very good thing.

Finding an answer has surprisingly been bittersweet for me. I should be jumping up for joy, shouting out to the world, dialing the numbers of all my friends and being thrilled to the core but I have been really quiet and drawn into myself. I am so accustom to us being diagnosed with "unexplained infertility". Even though they say this diagnosis can be the most frustrating, for me it just became a part of this whole journey and it taught me how to be patient, grateful, learn to accept the unknown and have faith.

Those of you that have been reading pretty regularly know that I've been in an amazing place with all this lately. I felt a huge release a few months ago and my whole being has been lighter. I've just been coasting along in peace and acceptance. The news I got yesterday has sort of whipped, whirled and twirled me around a bit and now that I am standing again, I am just trying to keep my balance and re-adjust.

Not knowing who or what it was keeping us from getting pregnant actually began to feel comfortable. Now I have to accept the fact that it is my body that is the factor here. I want to keep myself from blaming my body, for getting angry at it. I want to continue this self-love that has been coming so naturally to me lately. Today, when I tried to focus on my breath, I realized how tight my muscles were around my belly. Almost like I was suffocating it. I don't want to do that. I want to bring it back to the relaxed place it was a few days ago.

I went to go take a nap today and as I was laying there in the quiet, I put my hands on my belly and told my body everything is going to be okay. I reassured my body that I am so proud of all we've been through together and that this isn't my body's fault. I felt hot tears run down my cheeks because at the same time, I also felt the anger and hurt bubbling up. I know its important to allow myself to feel everything so that it too can be released.

This is hopeful news. I know this. I feel it deep within. As I sit here typing this, listening to the Weepies and looking at the silver star that hangs above my desk with the word "Hope" engraved, I can feel the joy is welling up beneath the fear and anxiety. I think I just need time to get over the shock and then re-learn what my body needs to heal itself. I also need to open up some room for doctors to come back into this journey because they are the only ones that can do this surgery. This is my chance to use all I've learned about empowering myself and continue to not allow anyone else (aka doctors) to take away my power again.

In a sense I feel really protected. This happened at a point on this journey when I've been my most strong and centered physically, emotionally and mentally.

A dear friend of mine said to me today that this is divine timing.

With that in mind, my thoughts go to the walk I had with Leonard's spirit a few weeks ago, when I felt a warmth surging through my body and I put my hand on my belly. Perhaps that was God preparing me for what is to come. In that moment I knew everything was going to be okay. I can get back to that place of knowing.

Monday, July 23

so juicy!

our daily juice: carrots, celery, beets, apple, goji berries

A huge contributor to me feeling so balanced lately is juicing. I've wanted to get into juicing for a long time but remembered when I was in high school and my mom and sister got into it and what a pain in the arse it was to clean up. I knew myself well enough to know that this would eventually annoy me and I'd stop doing it. Although, I never forgot how much energy my mother had and how she couldn't say enough about it at the time. That stuck with me.

Over the last few months, there have been a few elements that reintroduced me to world of juicing. First doing the master cleanse, then trying the raw food diet and last but not least attending that juicing and raw food cooking class in downtown Los Angeles with Schmoopy. I saw that the juice machines today are a lot easier to clean and less complicated. Our instructor actually made us juice ourselves to get over any fears we might have of the contraption. Believe it or not, her making me stuff down spinach, seaweed, tomatoes and all this stuff I wouldn't think would be used for juicing opened my eyes and truly inspired me. Especially when she pressed how beneficial it is to drink veggie or fruit juice directly from the juicer because the enzymes, vitamins and minerals are most ALIVE and kicking, making your body oh so happy.

Someone in class asked if it was okay if you made a large amount of juice and kept it in the fridge. Her response to that was that it is best to drink it fresh because some of the vitamins, minerals and enzymes will die off but it is much better to drink it from the fridge than not at all. So, I made the decision go all the way baby!!

I came home on a contagious high and my husband started getting excited too. So, we decided to invest in a quality juicer that would be easy to work with.

Since then we've done it every morning and sometimes for a late afternoon boost. We've tried all sorts of veggies and the cocktail I like best is carrots, celery, green apples, red beets and soaked dried goji berries. I didn't realize how much I LOVE the color of beets. Perhaps that also inspired me to dye my hair red!

I know its important for your body to mix up your juice concoctions and I plan to do this more and more. The other day I tried a recipe from our class for a Bloody Mary with tomatoes, celery, red onions, garlic cloves, oranges, goji berries...YUM.

The shifts I've noticed in my body/soul/mind are my skin feels more clear and supple, I have a balanced energy throughout the day, my mind feels more sharp, my moods consistently calm and I crave more healthy foods. My husband feels the same way.

I want this to be a consisten part of our home and when we have children. I'll make pretty little drinks for them in the morning and perhaps they'll crave carrot sticks rather than chocolate bars. Right! ; )

Friday, July 20

i don't need to understand

Jon-Erik, Boho Boy's brother, wanted to do a mini portrait session of us at a family friends house while in Canada. These were taken down by the river behind their house. I'm pretty picky about pictures of myself and/or us as a couple...but put an artist behind the camera and they're bound to get how to draw emotion out.

He made us feel so at ease and comfy. It was a good exercise for me to be on the other side of the lens.

(photos by jon-erik, post processing by boho...click on images to view larger)

his eyes make me swoon. i love how the light
picked up all the green and blue in them here.

i love his big fat titanium wedding ring. ; )

love how he tries to be so serious in photos. ; )

this was when he pretended to push me in the water. NICE!

I don't know if you can see it in these photos of us but we are both in such a lovely place right now.

I shared in my previous post that my heart is soaring. That is the best way I can describe it. My soul is light and I feel like I am taking flight into a new adventure. I am not quite sure what it is yet but I can feel it all around me. I've been struggling on how to put where I am at into words. So, I thought I would let go and not try so hard and just start typing.

I think this lightness began when I stopped going to my doctor, my acupuncturist and began therapy. I didn't realize how much pressure I was feeling from outside sources about our journey to conceive. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my doctor and he taught us so much, as well as my very gifted acupuncturist but I think what happened was that I had stayed with them long after they had already served their purpose on this journey. I began to put all my trust into them rather than myself and my own instincts. I already wrote about this before. How I have taken my power back and am listening to my own inner wisdom. I am still doing this and it feels wonderful.

Each of us knows ourselves like none other and if we learn what is causing static in our lives, then we can begin turning that static off so that we can hear our inner voice. When I realized I was giving outside forces too much influence on this journey it was like a dark grey cloud parted and I could see more clearly.

What does this mean. Well, I wake up in the morning and I ask my body what it needs for nourishment. Do I need to walk on the beach? Go to yoga? What veggies and fruit do I want to put in my juicer? I am not going by what a book tells me to eat because if I don't eat this food, I won't get pregnant. No. I am taking all the nuggets of wisdom from each diet and exercise that we have tried over the last three years and am paying attention to what feels good. This is the most in tune I have ever been with my body.

And not just my body but my soul. Last night I received some sad news and it shook me up a bit. I was afraid it would send me spiraling again into a depression. I told my husband in tears that I've been feeling so good and was afraid this would push me back into that familiar abyss. But even as I said that I felt more aware of what my soul/body needed to sooth the pain. I needed to get out of the house. To cry and drive and go see a film by myself and eat popcorn (something I would only allow myself to do if I had started my period because the Book said I couldn't eat popcorn. well screw that. i wanted popcorn!). Basically, I needed to get out of my head. I left the film feeling just as empowered and grounded as before I heard the news. I am still getting used to this. Before I would have stayed home and over analyzed it to death and deprived myself of what my soul was needing.

I am not saying that this is "the way". I would never make that sort of claim. All I am sharing is that it is so working for me. My heart feels calm. I am dealing with life issues with more patience and tolerance. I notice that I am not feeling attached to any one outcome of how I will become a mother. In fact, I am really pouring myself into my photography and the juicy~ness that's flowing with it all.

My mother, sisters, husband, closest friends all say they sense a shift within me and they tell me this with smiles in their words.

I'm just in a peaceful place and to be honest, I think the last time I felt like this was before my heart was broken from my first love. ; ) That was about 20 years ago!

I think another reason why it took some time to write this out is that I was afraid it wouldn't sound articulate or full of wisdom because I am not really over analyzing it. I don't want to. I just want to ride with this wave and see where it leads me. Perhaps some day I'll be able to look back and understand but for now, I don't need to understand. I'll just embrace it.

I have more pictures of Canada to share in my next post...and some fun stories to go along with. I am falling more in love with my husband's cool and eccentric family and it is finally sinking in that they are my family too. More people to squeeze.

Wednesday, July 18

feeling crimson

self portraits, canon digital rebel xti

As of today...I am a redhead, just like my marmie.

I've been dreaming of red locks for a long time and a few hours ago, my hair colorist and I took the plunge. I wasn't sure if my olive complexion was going to look good with this color but today I noticed one of the other stylist's in the salon had my skin tone and I was coveting her red hair. As we were about to mix colors of more blond highlights for my hair, I said WAIT...lets just go for it, lets do ALL RED.

So fun.

I feel brave and my sisters will be thrilled!

I adore the salon I go to in Little Italy. It's cute and funky and my colorist's chair station is up in a loft with huge windows. When a client's hair is finished, the other stylists come over to dote all over them. So needless to say, I always leave the salon smiling as I walk back down the steep hill to where my car is parked overlooking the bay. I am sure passers by wonder what on earth I am smiling about. Do these stylists have any idea that they leave us with such gifts?

I have lots to share but have found myself a bit busy with work. Life has been beautiful and my spirit is calm these days. I am not over analyzing it but just riding the wave as it comes.

I will share more thoughts on it all soon...very soon. Just know my heart is soaring.

Tuesday, July 17

etsy girl...

"Whispers of Spring", Canon digital Rebel XTi
(sold as an 8 x 10 print on my Etsy)

Well...it had to happen sooner or later. I am an Etsy girl now. I decided to launch an Etsy in place of my Bohemian Girl Designs website since my main focus is my photography at this time. I am impressed with the simplicity of the transactions for all involved and simplicity is what I am craving in my life right now.

I'll be adding more photographic prints, as well as a few one of a kind necklaces soon.

When you have time...browse around my new store!

Sunday, July 15

self portrait challenge ~ elements {3}

me with Earth, taken by boho boy in Canada,
canon digital rebel XTi

I feel changed.

Leonard left behind a legacy that moves hearts. The entire week I felt his presence closely.

40 plus people came to celebrate Leonard on Tuesday, his birthday and the day of his remembrance. The house and the lush land surrounding it was alive with laughter, hugs, memories shared, food, wine and the occasional tear.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all this goodness and needed a quiet moment alone...so I took a walk. Although, I ended up not being alone at all. As I walked from the house to the dock by the river, winding my way around tall willow trees and branches, I felt a warm presence near me. This presence whispered to me through the soft wind and the silky sun on my face. It told me to put my hand on my belly and I felt a warm surge through my body. I suddenly felt reassured that all would be well. It was other worldly. I looked down on the green path below me scattered with flowers and I smiled as I walked...a tear rolling down my cheek. I was walking with the presence of Leonard. I couldn't see him but I felt him. I took a detour as not to reach the dock too quickly where children were swimming and adults were laughing. I wanted this walk with him to last. I took a deep breath and kept walking through the trees, reaching my hands out to the branches as I brushed by. We had an inner conversation. We talked about the baby his son and I desire and dream of, about how lucky Leonard is to have an amazing family, all these friends and admirers. I felt him tell me how proud he was of us for never giving up and for also letting go of the pressure for it all to happen now, knowing it will come. Our baby will come. I felt a sense of comfort knowing that until then, Leonard would watch over the spirit of our baby...and perhaps teach her/him a thing or two.

By the time I reached the dock, I felt changed. I felt a closer part of the family than I had before. I felt light. I felt pure. I felt special to have had those moments with Lenny that he set aside just for me.

I sat on the dock, surrounded by some of Leonard and Birgit's closest friends. I watched my husband playing in the water with some children and smiled. Us being parents didn't feel so very far off into the future after all.

That walk was a gift I will never forget. It is something I kept to myself the remainder of my stay until now. It is something I wanted to let sink in, to dance around in my mind and to savor. Some people may not have understood or perhaps would respond different than I needed at the time. I let it marinate and knew it was my truth and felt ready to share it today.

I have much more to share about our time there and I will do so this week, along with some pictures. It was dreamy and magical and I already miss so many elements of their home and the people in it.

What I learned about that walk is that our loved ones truly live forever. I feel closer to Leonard now than I ever have before. I hope this comforts others who have lost loved ones. If we open our hearts...we can feel their presence closely.

I feel changed.

I feel closer to Earth.
Closer to Sky.
Closer to the spiritual beings that protect me.
I feel we are all so connected...whether on this earth or beyond.
Me and nature and God and all in between.

Sunday, July 8

bittersweet celebration

an average day for us, canon digital rebel xti & flash!

Some of you may know that Boho Boy's sweet Father Leonard passed away earlier this year. Tomorrow morning we head out early to Canada to spend a week at the home where he was raised. This home was built by his father's hands with whatever scraps he could find around town. It sits on a beautiful piece of land with a plethora of trees and a bridge that leads to a river behind it. Walking through their land is like finding your way through a forest. So many memories live there. What an eclectic family they were. I will never tire of hearing their stories.

His father's birthday is this coming Tuesday and we wanted to celebrate him. So we chose to wait until his birthday to have the wake. All his friends will gather at his home and Leonard's ashes will be spread by his sons. Leonard didn't want a funeral...he wanted joy and celebration and this is what he will get.

It is so bittersweet. It will be the first time we are there since Leonard's passing. We spent time in Florida with his mother at their winter home after he passed away but have yet to go to his hometown. It will be a richly emotional time. His mother has been so strong. I have much to learn from her.

If you could send love and comfort to our family during this time, that would be wonderful. We miss Leonard deeply but we know he is smoking his corn cob pipe in heaven while playing piano and trumpet for the angels.

Boho Boy definitely has his dads talents, sense of humor and charm. Lucky me.

I'll be back in a week...

Saturday, July 7

a few of my favorite camping pics...

cuddling with our morning tea.

our bussy in her glories...happy to be our home for a week.

a majestic redwood tree, taken by boho boy

he's such a tree hugger...

one of my favorite things to do on this trip was listen to the
rushing water and read next to my honey.

boho boy reading near our fire pit.

my new mittens.

the beginning of one of the trails. we always
prefer to go off the beaten path.

this is what we call his "meep" face. not a day goes
by without me cracking up at this face he makes.

sunlight thru the trees on one of the trails.

the bridge that leads to the campgrounds
from the trails.

his cute little camping hat.

greasy camping girly with my sunburned nose.

Wednesday, July 4

self portrait challenge ~ elements

{click for larger view}

The self portrait challenge for the month of July is "Elements: Water~Air~Earth~Fire."

This week I choose Earth. So apropos being that I just returned from a week of resting under a canopy of redwood trees. Something alters within me when I lay that close to Mother Earth. My life feels less complicated. What may have seemed confusing before might have more clarity. Talking seems unnecessary at times. My husband and I could sit in silence for hours listening to the sounds of Her heartbeat...rushing waters, whispy trees, birds singing, crickets playing.

Standing beneath the tall, majestic redwood trees was humbling. They reach up high towards the sky in a huge stretch...reminding me to do the same; Look above, move forward, rejoice, open up, let go. All the answers are right there.

More pics of our trip to come soon.

Sunday, July 1

feeling fresh

andrea when she was adorably preggers, canon digital rebel xt

My Boho Photography website has a fresh new look! Perfect timing as I am feeling completely refreshed after a gorgeous week camping in the redwoods.

I promise to post pics of our magical trip soon.

We bought a new juicer today. I cannot wait to start my day off with some cool veggie & fruit cocktails! It's amazing how much energy is in a tiny bit of fresh juice. YUM. Now I just need a larger kitchen for all these funky chunky pieces of equipment we've collected.

It's all about feeling the freshness.