self portrait challenge ~ elements {3}

me with Earth, taken by boho boy in Canada,
canon digital rebel XTi

I feel changed.

Leonard left behind a legacy that moves hearts. The entire week I felt his presence closely.

40 plus people came to celebrate Leonard on Tuesday, his birthday and the day of his remembrance. The house and the lush land surrounding it was alive with laughter, hugs, memories shared, food, wine and the occasional tear.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all this goodness and needed a quiet moment alone...so I took a walk. Although, I ended up not being alone at all. As I walked from the house to the dock by the river, winding my way around tall willow trees and branches, I felt a warm presence near me. This presence whispered to me through the soft wind and the silky sun on my face. It told me to put my hand on my belly and I felt a warm surge through my body. I suddenly felt reassured that all would be well. It was other worldly. I looked down on the green path below me scattered with flowers and I smiled as I walked...a tear rolling down my cheek. I was walking with the presence of Leonard. I couldn't see him but I felt him. I took a detour as not to reach the dock too quickly where children were swimming and adults were laughing. I wanted this walk with him to last. I took a deep breath and kept walking through the trees, reaching my hands out to the branches as I brushed by. We had an inner conversation. We talked about the baby his son and I desire and dream of, about how lucky Leonard is to have an amazing family, all these friends and admirers. I felt him tell me how proud he was of us for never giving up and for also letting go of the pressure for it all to happen now, knowing it will come. Our baby will come. I felt a sense of comfort knowing that until then, Leonard would watch over the spirit of our baby...and perhaps teach her/him a thing or two.

By the time I reached the dock, I felt changed. I felt a closer part of the family than I had before. I felt light. I felt pure. I felt special to have had those moments with Lenny that he set aside just for me.

I sat on the dock, surrounded by some of Leonard and Birgit's closest friends. I watched my husband playing in the water with some children and smiled. Us being parents didn't feel so very far off into the future after all.

That walk was a gift I will never forget. It is something I kept to myself the remainder of my stay until now. It is something I wanted to let sink in, to dance around in my mind and to savor. Some people may not have understood or perhaps would respond different than I needed at the time. I let it marinate and knew it was my truth and felt ready to share it today.

I have much more to share about our time there and I will do so this week, along with some pictures. It was dreamy and magical and I already miss so many elements of their home and the people in it.

What I learned about that walk is that our loved ones truly live forever. I feel closer to Leonard now than I ever have before. I hope this comforts others who have lost loved ones. If we open our hearts...we can feel their presence closely.

I feel changed.

I feel closer to Earth.
Closer to Sky.
Closer to the spiritual beings that protect me.
I feel we are all so connected...whether on this earth or beyond.
Me and nature and God and all in between.