Saturday, January 7

Being Held

Zsuzsanna holding me the day before my wedding, taken by Cairenn Russelo

Sometimes, when life feels overwhelming and frightening, one of the most healing places to go is into the arms of someone that truly loves you.

In this moment above, my close friend Zsu and I had stolen some time alone up in my loft. Family members were shuffling all around down below, excitement was drifting wildly from their voices up through the arched windows into the space where her and I stood. I didn't say a word, I just had this look in my eye that I was feeling fragmented. Tomorrow was the day that Carsten and I were sharing our love, our commitment a few feet away from those we love dearest in our life. I knew it would be a day for me with constant emotions welling. I felt like I needed time to meditate, to pray, to prepare for this because I tend to be such a solitary person when it comes to piecing together the puzzle of my overwhelm. I didn't have time to be solitary that day. So we stood there, gazing at one another in silence, breathing, sparkles in our eyes that could be tears or just complete giddy-ness...and with one swoop, she grabbed me, threw me on the bed and held me, not saying a word. Just being enveloped in her warm arms, hearing her heartbeat and the "knowing" that she gets what I need was truly all it took for me to be at peace with all my messy emotions.

Cairenn, Carsten's brother's partner just happened to walk up the stairs and capture this moment. Bless her for this.

Most of my tribe is scattered all over the states, the globe. Our friendships are nurtured with emails constant, phone calls, visits one or two times a year if finances allow. I am blessed with solid friendships that withstand this distance in body. It's also pretty cool that they all live in fabulous places!!!!

Although, at times the distance can be difficult. Especially when I need someone to grab me, throw me on the bed, tickle me, hold me...whatever it takes to get me out of my head. Nowadays, I get an email from my girlfriend Bobbi in Chicago that says..."You're a freaker"...which has become a fun subsitute for a good wrestle on the ground. It works. It somehow works.

Today I was having an email exchange with a girlfriend that was feeling overwhelmed and frightened in regards to a particular assignment to write about herself. With each exchange I could hear the tone behind her words and panic was approaching. I wanted so badly to be there in person to help make her laugh, to get out of her head. So, I told her to feel my arms around her and to breathe. "Feel my arms around you..."

It is amazing how vivid one's imagination can be...and how it can so many times feel like the real deal. I love that I can hold my friends...even in an email.

So...if you see a dear friend of yours unfolding in front of you and you know that words are not good enough at that moment to help..reach for them, hold them...envelope them until you feel a melting within their soul.

Sometimes it will be a playful grab, throw and a pretzel of arms and limbs on a bed like Zsu did for me.

Sometimes it will be a gentle touch and a look in your eye that asks..."can I hold you?".

Sometimes it will be a leaning of yourself onto their self.

Sometimes it will be a holding, a rocking...

Being held is healing.

I would love to hear some of your hug stories. I'm all about hugs today.