Clutter, Dust, Clutter, Dust

Some of my workspace in my studio, Kodak EasyShare LS753

I am having some not so pretty feelings today. I don't really know what to do with them except to blame them on the clutter around me. I can blame it on this because it is something tangible, something within reach that I have control over.

If I organize and clean my kitchen cabinets and drawers, if I re-organize our bookshelf, if I clean out our storage closet...then all will feel good and well within my soul.

Right?

Wrong.

But it is a start. It is better than staring at this computer screen with my shoulders rounded and slouched, my eyes drooping like a puppy and listening to the sound of my shortened breaths.

I feel like my living space isn't Zen enough, isn't harmonious enough to begin creating my art. Am I making excuses to not "begin" again? Clutter, dust, clutter, dust...not only does my home feel like this but my mind and heart do as well.

I woke up today feeling like this.

Feeling like I want to scream in my pillow...or run up a mountain and breathe fresh air. Why do I feel claustrophobic? Like the utensils messily placed in the kitchen drawer are moving in around me?

Perhaps it is because I just came from my parent’s house (over the holidays) where each drawer, cabinet and closet is meticulous and I noticed myself feeling more relaxed there as a result of this. So now the mess in my life is magnified to me.

I don't want to have to be in a meticulously clean environment to feel at peace. Especially if I have dreams of some day volunteering my skills in a third world country (along with my husband and future children).

Listen to me...I am all over the place.

I know what may help with this unsettled spirit feeling: Meditation, Prayer, Yoga, Writing (like I am now), a walk on the beach and perhaps taking one project at a time to de-clutter a particular space.

Hear that Denise? ONE project at a time.

My apologies for being such a blah downer today.

If any of you have any ideas to help me breathe and not be so overwhelmed with all this clutter...I am all ears.

Is it really the clutter? Or is it something deeper...