Sunday, January 1

Fruitful Year

Bowl of apples in my kitchen, Kodak EasyShare LS753

I am wishing each of you a brave and soulful New Year. I have a feeling that I will be hearing news of courageous leaps from you in 2006. Just a fluttery~excited butterfly in my gut is telling me so. I look forward to being inspired by you.

2005 was a fruitful year for me. I've been taking some precious moments the last few days to reflect on the goodness...the lessons learned...the relationships blossomed.

Here are some:

Our journey of trying to conceive has taught me so much about myself. I feel stronger, wiser and more open which ironically enough has left me with a childlike vulnerablity in regards to the unknown. Such a dichotomy of emotions flowing within and around me. I suppose it goes along with that saying..."The more that you know, you realize the less you really know."

I have learned that as much as I appear to be so calm and "Zen" to others, that I struggle inside with patience and anxiety. Patience with the goals in my life, including: the pace of my new career, the timing of a darling baby coming into our life, our household organization...and anxiety in social situations.

It's okay. I love these discoveries. I love that I am taking time to get to know me and learning how to wrap my arms around myself and embrace who I am.

Like right now I am writing this wearing two messy pony tails. I love wearing ponytails and braids. Someone told me a few years back that I was too old to be wearing my hair like this. I stopped wearing ponytails (but not braids). Now, I don't give a crap. I think I look cute like this and it gets my hair out of the way. This is one of many aspects of myself where I see growth and acceptance within.

I've met some passionate and kind-hearted artsy friends this year. I consider them a part of an artists community surrounding me, holding hands in a big circle. When one stumbles, we all use our strength to life one another up. I feel blessed with these friends in my life. In fact, I admired them for a while from a distance and reached out to them with no expectations. I ended up being reached for in return and am jazzed by the nurturing that's going on in these friendships.

This was my first year as a married woman. My family and I began to think this would never really happen for me. Like I was this wild flower with pedals that were constantly blowing in the wind, never to be rooted along with its stem. What happened is that I found another wild flower...and we float, we root, we float, we root..and it works harmoniously.

So these are a few of the fruitful things that have happened this past year.

More to come soon...