Thursday, March 9

The Beach

seagull on beach, kodak ls753

Today I had a myriad of emotions inside of me that I didn't quite know what to do with. I found myself restless. I started a project, only to be distracted by another. I couldn't really focus. I didn't have the words to write into my journal or here because my feelings hadn't yet been born into words yet. They were just a mass of emotions. Not just one emotion but many, some contradicting the other.

So...I left what was feeling like four walls coming in on me and I brought myself to the beach. A place with wide open spaces, crisp cool air, seagulls flying and singing, waves crashing and sizzling, the sun peeking in and out of grayish clouds and sweet little old women leaning over, picking up ocean treasures to take home with them.

Normally, when I walk on the beach, I absorb all of this surrounding me. I listen to Iron and Wine on my iPod to the rhythm of waves trailing in and out of shore. There is just something about his languid voice that speaks in harmony with the ocean.

Not today.

Today I found myself iPod free, face down, walking at a fast pace, then breaking into a run. I wanted to hear my breath rather than a song. I wanted to be cognizant of my feet pounding on the sand. I went beyond my usual stopping point and kept going. My mouth was clenched. My brow furrowed. My eyes on the sand and rocks beneath me.

I realized something with this shift in behavior. I'm holding onto stuff. I am still not sure how to get it out. The feelings I have inside are so foreign to me. Almost like I am in a foreign country where I don't speak the language and the only way I can communicate is through actions rather than words.

I needed physical action today...not words.

I don't have the answers as to why or what or who or when or where all this is coming from inside of me.

All I know is that tomorrow...I want to do it again because today, the beach spoke my language.


Blogger meghan said...

i understand completely.

in fact. that's where I am headed right now and for the same reason, I just wanted to see how you were first.

I'll think about you as I visit my own beach, listen to her and hear my own soul whisper.

go there!

March 10, 2006 at 1:02:00 AM PST  
Blogger gkgirl said...

beautiful wording..
could so
see what
you were saying
feel sand beneath
my feet..


March 10, 2006 at 4:16:00 AM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

You delineate your feelings so beautifully.

I wish I could go to that beach too.


March 10, 2006 at 6:14:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah, yes, the beach is such wonderful therapy, as is physical action. unfortuately it's still a bit too cold and windy to be out at our beach yet, but hopefully spring will be here soon and i too will be able to go clear my head and reap the therapuetic benefits that the sand and water and sun have to offer. good for you for finding such a wonderful outlet for those emotions!!

March 10, 2006 at 8:21:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like sweet release, I wish I could've walked on that beach with you. I completely resonate with this post, so many underground emotions, that just don't have words or form yet. I will mentally bey running with you on the beach today. I just woke up to -30 here!

March 10, 2006 at 9:37:00 AM PST  
Blogger pinkcoyote said...

i love hearing when anyone discovers "the holding". we often speak of letting go, sometimes i don't even know what i'm holding onto or what i need to let go of. the body has so much power to tell us if we can listen carefully. running helps me blow off excess steam so i can distill down and get a read on my cells. you ar on your path, dear. i just love witnessing it all...

March 10, 2006 at 10:40:00 AM PST  
Blogger M said...

You are so graceful and alive in your emotional experiences, its inspiring.
Running is a great release...sometimes you just need to sweat and struggle for breath to feel better!!
Love sharing your processing....

March 10, 2006 at 10:46:00 AM PST  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

OOOOOO mother father brother sister Beach, it's waves roaring and luring us back to it's serenity! I can't wait to get back to the Beach! Running is great therapy! Hearing your heart beat faster and feeling exhausted, it's a craving for more once you get started! You have inpspired me to get outside! I need to get outside more!

March 10, 2006 at 11:02:00 AM PST  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

Hey Bohemian sweet girly! Please come over to my Blog and leave a few lines of verse!!! Thanks! Hope I seeeeeeeeeeee you today!!!

March 10, 2006 at 11:48:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

beautiful! i hope as you keep breathing and moving and listening and paying attention that you will slowly begin to find the answers...or learn how to live with the questions.

March 10, 2006 at 2:33:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Breathe and move and release and honor yourself. Trust your process.

March 10, 2006 at 9:01:00 PM PST  
Blogger Pat said...

Nice shot!!! Relax.......

March 11, 2006 at 2:34:00 PM PST  
Blogger Sarah e.Smith said...

I envy you for living so close to the beach, it is my dream, which I hope someday will be fulfilled...such a beautiful post :)

March 12, 2006 at 10:16:00 PM PST  

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