Thursday, March 23

Ovaries Affirmation

my current pastel drawing in progress...

This afternoon I had the sweetest chat with Leonie. Even in her grief, she still found time to meet me where I was and do what she does best, which is make me laugh and joyfully tear up from her Leonie~isms.

In the middle of our chat...she said this affirmation:
(side note: she calls me Deni, as do most of my close friends)

"Let's spend a moment in appreciation for Deni's ovaries.

Bless you beautiful ovaries.

How beautiful you are, Deni's ovaries

How sacred, and luminous, and healthy and wondrous you are, dear ovaries.

You are very much loved and honoured, dear ovaries.

We think you are AMAZING, dear ovaries."

At first I started to giggle but then all of a sudden, I felt a release down in my belly, a softness, a welcoming of these gentle words. This feeling likened to slowly placing myself into a warm, soothing bathtub when I am cold.

I envisioned my ovaries as she spoke these words and I saw a warm light slowly rising around them, pulsing with my heart beat.

I felt like they were starving for this acceptance, for this praise. And I realized in these moments that I have been angry with them. I have held resentment and blame towards them and I felt such an urge to take them up into my arms and cradle them if I could. "I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry...".

Later in the day, I spoke these affirmations out loud again. I sent forgiveness to my ovaries and acceptance and admiration and awe. This feels so much more harmonious, so much more pure within my soul.

Another baby step to loving myself more. Another baby step to letting go during this process and knowing my inner body is a beautiful vessel for my feminine self.


Ultrasound update: Had another conversation with my doctor and she did confirm that the small lump is benign and not serious and will not impact my fertility. She apologized for being vague and not as detailed in our first conversation as she should have been. Thank you for all of your endearing support and for offering your hands to lift me up. I am breathing more peaceful tonight and feeling so very loved.


Blogger Laini Taylor said...

So glad to hear the news. Yay, dear ovaries!

March 23, 2006 at 11:41:00 PM PST  
Blogger Goddess Leonie * GoddessGuidebook.com said...

bless your splendid ovaries
and kisses on your nose.


March 23, 2006 at 11:42:00 PM PST  
Blogger meghan said...

Oh, I am SO glad to hear that you are okay and that you are learning to be gentle with ALL of yourself! It's funny how disconnected we as women are with those sorts of parts. Bless you and all of the parts that need healing.

Sigh. I'm so happy that you are okay. xoxoxooxoxooxox

March 24, 2006 at 3:11:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

what an incredible gift your friend lavished on you. a beautiful illustration of how we as woman can begin to heal each other.

March 24, 2006 at 9:32:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

blessings to your ovaries, those pearlescant jewels! your pastels have been so organic and sensual lately, almost like prayers to the female body all on their own.

March 24, 2006 at 9:58:00 AM PST  
Blogger pinkcoyote said...

pumpkin head. i have missed your last two posts until today. your ovaries are AWESOME!!!! i'm so glad leonie helped you with a visualization. it is easy to forget our resentments, but the body does not forget. you are all up in my thoughts, dear. i love you. and all of your reproductive organs.

March 24, 2006 at 11:33:00 AM PST  
Blogger khya said...

Happy to read that your ovaries are doing fine :-) Have lumps in mine so I know what it's like. This pastel drawing is beautiful, I love the movement, the form of the hip, very nice!

March 24, 2006 at 1:54:00 PM PST  
Blogger liz elayne lamoreux said...

the power of visualization and connecting with yourself in this way. i am so glad you were able to do this with leonie. i imagine you breathing space, life, and healing into your ovaries as a little practice every day...

and i am so happy, happy, happy to hear that all is okay with your ovaries.

March 24, 2006 at 4:12:00 PM PST  
Blogger liz elayne lamoreux said...

PS the way you can create with those pastels - incredible. every time i visit you and you have posted another piece of your art, i am moved more than i can articulate here...
i can't wait until one day have a piece of your work in my home...

March 24, 2006 at 4:15:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baby bumpkin your recent pastel is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l! (sexy too!;-)
Your ovaries are in a very loving and tender vessel. Safe to do their job accordingly. Receive the beauty staring back at you as you create these fabulous pictures. I miss my lil sis!!!

March 26, 2006 at 12:53:00 AM PST  
Blogger just audra said...

my ovaries are sending their love and support to yours!

March 27, 2006 at 5:08:00 PM PST  
Blogger Yummyteece said...

OH...what a beautiful affirmation. I'm so glad you were able to take it in, feel it hold you, loving you and that warmth and healing bloomed within you.

March 27, 2006 at 9:48:00 PM PST  

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