my current pastel drawing in progress...
This afternoon I had the sweetest chat with Leonie. Even in her grief, she still found time to meet me where I was and do what she does best, which is make me laugh and joyfully tear up from her Leonie~isms.
In the middle of our chat...she said this affirmation:
(side note: she calls me Deni, as do most of my close friends)
"Let's spend a moment in appreciation for Deni's ovaries.
Bless you beautiful ovaries.
How beautiful you are, Deni's ovaries
How sacred, and luminous, and healthy and wondrous you are, dear ovaries.
You are very much loved and honoured, dear ovaries.
We think you are AMAZING, dear ovaries."
At first I started to giggle but then all of a sudden, I felt a release down in my belly, a softness, a welcoming of these gentle words. This feeling likened to slowly placing myself into a warm, soothing bathtub when I am cold.
I envisioned my ovaries as she spoke these words and I saw a warm light slowly rising around them, pulsing with my heart beat.
I felt like they were starving for this acceptance, for this praise. And I realized in these moments that I have been angry with them. I have held resentment and blame towards them and I felt such an urge to take them up into my arms and cradle them if I could. "I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry...".
Later in the day, I spoke these affirmations out loud again. I sent forgiveness to my ovaries and acceptance and admiration and awe. This feels so much more harmonious, so much more pure within my soul.
Another baby step to loving myself more. Another baby step to letting go during this process and knowing my inner body is a beautiful vessel for my feminine self.
Ultrasound update: Had another conversation with my doctor and she did confirm that the small lump is benign and not serious and will not impact my fertility. She apologized for being vague and not as detailed in our first conversation as she should have been. Thank you for all of your endearing support and for offering your hands to lift me up. I am breathing more peaceful tonight and feeling so very loved.