Self Portrait Tuesday
boho dancing, kodak ls753
Something absolutely surreal happened to me this past week. I was leaning over my drafting board when the song "Wedding Day" by Rosie Thomas floated out from my speakers and danced around my studio. I ceased what I was doing at the moment and layed my head down on my cool drafting board, closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics.
In this song...I heard a story about a woman that had poured her every being into a love relationship only to find out it wasn't moving forward. So, instead of allowing the devastation and shock to strip her away from all that she was...she got into a car, with the windows down and the remains of her things and took a trip to find herself again.
"So much for love,
I guess I've been wronged
but it's all right, cuz I'm moving on."
"I'm gonna drive thru the hills,
put my hand out the window and
sing 'til I run out of breath.
I've had enough of love,
it feels good to give up, so good to be
good to myself.
I'm gonna get on the highway
with no destination and
plenty of vision in mind
and i'm gonna drive to the ocean
and go skinny dipping,
blow kisses to venus and mars."
This happened to me once...about 6 years ago with an unhealthy love relationship that I had believed was "it" for me. The moment that it came crashing down into my world that it wasn't indeed "it", I packed my bags, loaded up my convertible jeep and headed to a new city, a new home, a new life away from all that I had known and was comfortable to me. It was the best medicine for my wounded heart.
"I'm gonna drive over hills,
over mountains and canyons
and boys that keep bringin' me down.
I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine,
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance.
I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing
pass me by...never ever again."
So...after the song finished, I turned it on again, but louder and I danced and twirled and danced again to Rosie's words. I was rejoicing in the fact that I made it through this painful time and was feeling grateful for this experience because since that moment...I have learned so much of who I truly am. I learned how to be alone and how to truly love myself and with that, a few years later, I opened myself up to a healthy relationship with a solid man.
I felt ready for this relationship because I had learned that I can live a full life being alone. That I am a whole person just as I am. When I met my husband, he too had just discovered this about himself. He is not my "other half". I am whole, as he is whole.
I wanted to capture this moment of the purest of joy I was feeling as I danced...to always be a reminder. So, I brought the camera along with me in my dancing and twirling. Although...in my bliss, I do not remember taking the pictures.
"It's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be just like my wedding day..."
To me, this song not only represents moving on from a relationship but perhaps also moving on from something that is holding us back from inner freedom or keeping us from who we truly are.
If you don't have this song already...I encourage you to get it and come dance with me.
You can listen to it by clicking: Wedding Day