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Monday, March 20

Self Portrait Tuesday


boho dancing, kodak ls753

Something absolutely surreal happened to me this past week. I was leaning over my drafting board when the song "Wedding Day" by Rosie Thomas floated out from my speakers and danced around my studio. I ceased what I was doing at the moment and layed my head down on my cool drafting board, closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics.

In this song...I heard a story about a woman that had poured her every being into a love relationship only to find out it wasn't moving forward. So, instead of allowing the devastation and shock to strip her away from all that she was...she got into a car, with the windows down and the remains of her things and took a trip to find herself again.

"So much for love,
I guess I've been wronged
but it's all right, cuz I'm moving on."

"I'm gonna drive thru the hills,
put my hand out the window and
sing 'til I run out of breath.
I've had enough of love,
it feels good to give up, so good to be
good to myself.

I'm gonna get on the highway
with no destination and
plenty of vision in mind
and i'm gonna drive to the ocean
and go skinny dipping,
blow kisses to venus and mars."

This happened to me once...about 6 years ago with an unhealthy love relationship that I had believed was "it" for me. The moment that it came crashing down into my world that it wasn't indeed "it", I packed my bags, loaded up my convertible jeep and headed to a new city, a new home, a new life away from all that I had known and was comfortable to me. It was the best medicine for my wounded heart.

"I'm gonna drive over hills,
over mountains and canyons
and boys that keep bringin' me down.

I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine,
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance.

I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing
pass me by...never ever again."

So...after the song finished, I turned it on again, but louder and I danced and twirled and danced again to Rosie's words. I was rejoicing in the fact that I made it through this painful time and was feeling grateful for this experience because since that moment...I have learned so much of who I truly am. I learned how to be alone and how to truly love myself and with that, a few years later, I opened myself up to a healthy relationship with a solid man.

I felt ready for this relationship because I had learned that I can live a full life being alone. That I am a whole person just as I am. When I met my husband, he too had just discovered this about himself. He is not my "other half". I am whole, as he is whole.

I wanted to capture this moment of the purest of joy I was feeling as I danced...to always be a reminder. So, I brought the camera along with me in my dancing and twirling. Although...in my bliss, I do not remember taking the pictures.

"It's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be just like my wedding day..."

To me, this song not only represents moving on from a relationship but perhaps also moving on from something that is holding us back from inner freedom or keeping us from who we truly are.

If you don't have this song already...I encourage you to get it and come dance with me.

You can listen to it by clicking: Wedding Day

16 Comments:

Blogger Sarah e.Smith said...

Great pics...you look blissful and beautiful! Wedding Day is one of my most favorite of Rosie's songs...i have been listening to her a lot lately....we truly are on the same wavelength!

March 20, 2006 at 4:50:00 PM PST  
Blogger M said...

What a fantastic story! Gorgeous dancing girl! I decided I too didn't need a man to complete me, that I was enough on my own... and then my perfect match decided to show up. Interesting how that happens isn't it? Keep on dancing!

March 20, 2006 at 4:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger Sarah e.Smith said...

oh...i'll try to get an e-mail to you tonight...this cold has been such a pain :(

March 20, 2006 at 4:51:00 PM PST  
Anonymous amy said...

oh woman, you know that this post spoke to me on some many levels. these photos are glorious, I felt like i was dancing in the room with you. i feel so blessed to have had a glimpse in..

March 20, 2006 at 6:18:00 PM PST  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

Those photos are just an essence of pure joy...and you deserve it! Dance on and know that you have earned your bliss.

March 20, 2006 at 8:16:00 PM PST  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i love these images of you twirling and dancing and feeling this song to the core of your being.
i am dancing with girl, dancing and dancing!

March 20, 2006 at 10:36:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Lunarmusings said...

I finished reading your new post and began listening to the song, just as I clicked over to my email, and there was your email! How lovely...

There is something so profoundly magical about those alone moments where the music speaks the knowing of our hearts. I loved the images of you dancing. Spontaneous, beautiful, free, and open.

And yes yes yes... the lesson that its not about being another half, but whole. For so long in my life I had this belief that in relationships there was really only room for one big existence... the other person would have to be a bit in the shadows, or both would have to be a bit stifled. I have no idea where this belief came from, and as you can imagine, it played itself out in a variety of unhealthy ways.

Now... here I am. I love this man big. Its a Field that stretches into directions I had never imagined existed let alone knew to want. He is this whole universe, I am a whole universe, and dancing with that has been and will certainly continue to be an adventure of the heart.

The bigness of love in light of self possession is overwhelming and miraculous. And I think it makes us infinately more interesting!

March 20, 2006 at 11:34:00 PM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

I love these pictures! You gorgeous, slinky, delicate you.

I too have been dancing to the song since you emailed me about it a week or so ago. Thank you, the message hits me too.

P.S. could you tell me how to do this with pictures? I would love to put a series together but am sort of clueless.

Hugs

March 21, 2006 at 7:47:00 AM PST  
Blogger megg said...

fantastic - and so inspiring! You've inspired a post again my friend - this is becoming a habit! Thank you for her by the way. In the UK we are a bit limited in finding wonderful artists (lots of POP & rap but less folky stuff on the radio) thanks for the invitation! xo

March 21, 2006 at 10:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger pinkcoyote said...

i absolutely love this entry. such an important moment in time you reflected on. i did it too, strangely, 10 years ago next month. just packed it up on a sunday and moved it all on a monday. in the end, it was so easy. but in the middle, felt so hard. i could feel the wind in my hair again as soon as i drove away from the barcelona apartments on los feliz blvd...
thank you for your dance-all of it.

March 21, 2006 at 11:06:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

dance girl dance! thank you for inspiring me today...and reminding me of my wholeness.

and i do have this rosie thomas cd...i'll turn it on tonight!

March 21, 2006 at 11:41:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Susannah said...

Hello, your post has really shifted something in me today. Listening to the (absolutely beautiful) song, reading your inspiring words, looking at your wonderfully honest and spirited photos, i was reminded to stop and acknowledge that i am one year on from the most devastating loss of my life - and i have survived. i am discovering the joys of being alone and finding my true self, and i am opening up to my creative self - the real me, at last.

thank you for sharing your thoughts and joy on this blog. i am so glad to have found you here in the ether... x

March 21, 2006 at 1:11:00 PM PST  
Blogger Teri said...

I know the song...lovely!! Thanks for reminding me to dance.

March 21, 2006 at 7:01:00 PM PST  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i have the song
but have yet to listen to it,
i will tonight
:)
and i love the idea of the
spouse
not needing to be
the other half,
that we are already whole...

thanks for sharing that
and the photos? too cute, heehee

March 22, 2006 at 9:28:00 AM PST  
Blogger Yummyteece said...

As someone who moved across teh country when her heart fell apart, and as someone who finds she is most healed when she dances... i thank you so much for this post.

and for the song.

March 22, 2006 at 6:14:00 PM PST  
Blogger just audra said...

just what i needed, even though i would have never realized it until i read your words. i haven't been here for a while, been busy - didn't realize just how much i need this wonderful girl forum is to heal my soul.
maybe i will write a new post tonight?!

March 27, 2006 at 5:03:00 PM PST  

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