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Friday, May 26

Sunday Scribblings ~ First Love


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This weeks topic at Sunday Scribblings is "First Love".

My first love was a pastor’s kid.

It was late Sunday morning on a hot Summer’s day. The big church had just sent us young folk free to join the others our age in a quaint dark room filled with metal chairs and some music equipment. I sat myself down on the cold chair waiting for the youth service to begin.

I loved my youth pastor. Him and his wife were blue-eyed blondes that resembled surfer folk with laid back attitudes and a hip style which labeled them “cool” in my eyes. Before the music began, everyone was whispering to one another, saying their hello’s and sharing the events of their week.

In comes this gorgeous guy. My mouth dropped open and chills went up my back. He looked oddly familiar to me. Is he a movie star? He must be. He was prettier than most girls I knew and more handsome than any guy I had every seen. I saw him walk up to my pastor, so I assumed he was a new part of staff or at least someone important. He had dirty blond hair, piercing blue eyes, perfect pearly whites, tan skin and dressed like a musician.

He looked at me and smiled as if he knew me. I was perplexed.

When the service began, the pastor introduced him and again, my mouth dropped. I knew this guy! Quite well, in fact but had not seen him in years because he moved to Oregon. He was the brother of my older sister Darlene’s best friend. Last time I saw him, he was about 11 years old or so. We used to go to children’s youth groups together. He actually kissed my other sister Pamela on the lips once. They “went together” as the term was back then for being boyfriend and girlfriend. It didn’t last long, of course being that young. He used to have curly locks of hair and a sweet soft spoken voice. I just remember him being really tender. I didn’t think he remembered who I was. I had changed so much since back then. I was sweet sixteen, he was eighteen…we were different now.

When the service was over, he was the first to approach me. We were both nervous and shy with one another. He still had that sweet, soft spoken voice and that tender aura about him. I found out he was there for the Summer, living with his sister and her husband to help them with some work. I was happy to know this wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. He would be here every Sunday for three months. I had time to reconnect with him.

I left feeling emotions I wasn’t quite used to: Giddy, sweaty palms, heart racing, energized.

The following Sunday, his sister found me and told me that her brother thought I was beautiful. I told her I thought he was beautiful. And that is how the romance began.

After a few short dates, we both fell pretty hard. We spent practically every day together after that. Our first kiss was at my old elementary school down the street from my house. The moon was out, he was leaning up against the stucco wall and he kissed me nervously. I found this so endearing because he was the kind of beautiful where you'd think he had done this a million times and was more into himself than the person in front of him. But he was humble and it was sweet. I think that first kiss lasted for a few more hours!!

Some of my most favorite moments with him was sitting in church side by side. He’d snuggle up close to me and hold my hand or I would wrap my hand around his arm. There was always a sweet anticipation there because we were in church and supposed to be thinking about God, but both having such lustful thoughts. It was grand! We even ditched church once when his sister was out of town and we spent the entire day at her place in our undies talking and kissing. We were both so innocent and honored our bodies.

Up until I was with him, I hadn’t known what it was to be with a truly sensitive guy. My father at the time didn’t share his emotions (although he is one big mush pot now). So, I think as a result of this, I was attracted to guys guy’s. My first love was the first guy I saw cry about love he felt for someone else. At first it was a bit shocking but then it made me fall hard because I recognized how safe I felt, how cared for I was. I began to see sensitivity as strength rather than weakness. A huge lesson that has lasted my lifetime.

We thought we’d be together forever but of course, it didn’t end up that way. We decided to temporarily break up while he went away to college in Southern California that Fall. Later that year he met someone else older than me. I was still a Senior in high school at that time. He was a college student now. It changed the dynamic between us. He married that girl shortly after that. And my heart was broken for years.

Years later I found out that he is a pastor at a hip church and has tons of beautiful kids. He was always the type of Christian that was a bit rebellious and definitely a leader not a follower…so it didn’t surprise me that he would have flocks of young folk admiring him and a church of his own.

As broken hearted as I was, I am so thankful for this relationship. He taught me the importance of being with a man that is sensitive, creative, musical, open and playful.

If I never would have been with my first love, perhaps I never would have met or had been interested in my husband. I may still have wanted the guy's guy that didn’t like to talk about emotions, thought crying was silly and liked to sit and watch sports all day.

Now when I see my husband’s sensitivity, it makes me fall more and more in love with him. That is just what sensitive ol' me needs...another sensitive soul.

I hope my future daughter has a first love as delightful as mine was so that like me, she will have higher standards and hold out for an outstanding human being and never settle in love.

31 Comments:

Anonymous b/sis said...

And while you were at my best friends house ditching church in your underware ;0 I was probally looking for you half out of my mind with worry!

Shame on you ~ hee hee

He was indeed a beautiful specimen of a boy/man.

Ahhh sweet memories~a tender rendition of a time long ago, but not so far away......

May 26, 2006 at 3:57:00 PM PDT  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i loved this...
every word of this.

and the conclusions taken...
perfect...
the lesson of sensitivity
setting the future standard...

this was perfectly written.

May 26, 2006 at 5:42:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Sarah said...

Such a lovely first love story, Denise.

May 26, 2006 at 5:48:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

What a beautiful story -- so good to have a positive relationship like that set the tone for you; loved the innocence of it, too! I had some Christian friends in high school and went to a church camp one summer with them, and I had preconceived ideas but it was filled with healthy, beautiful rosy-cheeked teenagers who played the guitar and didn't have sex. Huh. What a novelty -- especially by today's standards!

May 26, 2006 at 9:48:00 PM PDT  
Blogger papyrus said...

What wonderful memories. Poignant and yet full of encouragement and hope. Thanks.

May 26, 2006 at 11:41:00 PM PDT  
Blogger sheela said...

great story, beautifully told. lovely.

May 27, 2006 at 4:25:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah said...

The kissing in undies bit made me smile :-) you are such a good soul and these are such tender memories... beautifully shared, as always
Sx

May 27, 2006 at 4:29:00 AM PDT  
Blogger my pink sky said...

skipping church and everything... hot stuff! he sounds so sweet, and i love that his sensitivity made such a big impact on you...how simple, yet so profound. a wonderful fall into the land of love :)
~mindy

May 27, 2006 at 6:14:00 AM PDT  
Blogger brittany said...

I love this story! I'm swooning over your first love:)

May 27, 2006 at 6:53:00 AM PDT  
Blogger andrea said...

You don't know how much I enjoyed reading this. Many of my early crushes were in church. This was a fantastic piece of writing and I fell in love with every line.
Great job!
a.

May 27, 2006 at 7:19:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Maddy said...

-so beautiful and delightful
and enchanting.
Perfect first love.

May 27, 2006 at 8:20:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Lucky Candice said...

Boho - I absolutely love reading your blog! I know I'm silly but I was giggling when I was reading it. I can completely remember when my husband and I met and had to spend every second together. What a great story!

lucky candice

P.S. I'm still sending up many wishes that you'll have that baby girl soon.

May 27, 2006 at 8:34:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

This was so much fun...what a sweet story! Why doesn't it surprise me that your first love was with a pastor's kid? You have that touching sweetness about you--it clings to every word you write.

Beautiful! :)

May 27, 2006 at 10:12:00 AM PDT  
Blogger susanlavonne said...

When I read your first line "My first love was a pastor’s kid" my immediate thought was "uh oh! trouble!"
(I too dated a PK, preacher's kid and he WAS trouble....so much for stereotypes and projection.)
Such a sweet story with such a happy ending.

May 27, 2006 at 10:29:00 AM PDT  
Blogger paris parfait said...

This is so wonderfully written. I loved reading about the first kiss that went on for hours; about "as broken-hearted as I was, I am so thankful for this relationship." Indeed. We learn so much from men who have loved us and whom we have loved in return. It gives us courage to love again.

May 27, 2006 at 10:41:00 AM PDT  
Blogger NuttersNotes said...

It all works out the way it should, doesn't it? I am grateful to be in the presence of your gratitude. Loved this and the previous post. Enjoyed the visit to your site.

May 27, 2006 at 1:54:00 PM PDT  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

what a truly beautiful memory. those first loves contribute a lot to developing our sense of self and our ideas of love. you are lucky to have had such a genuinely loving and accepting experience. i'm grateful that you shared the love with us.

May 27, 2006 at 4:04:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Alexandra S said...

Such wonderful sentiments here. Too often its the memory of a horrible relationship for women that impacts them in yet more hurtful ways, but how blessed are we who have memories of wonderful, good men who inspire us not to settle and compromise on what love and sharing truly can and is meant to be.

May 27, 2006 at 9:44:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Neil said...

So many first loves end so badly, that you were very lucky to have had such a positive experience. I bet you his church has a lot of women in the congregation!

May 27, 2006 at 11:31:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

The ways of love, thanks for sharing yours!

May 28, 2006 at 12:28:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Maggie said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

May 28, 2006 at 6:34:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Uh, oh...a preacher's son--an old friend of mine has a similar story. That element of spirituality and faith really seems to illuminates the whole relationship, doesn't it? I love that he's a rebellious "leader" and that you both are happy on the paths you're on now.

May 28, 2006 at 6:38:00 AM PDT  
Blogger GoGo said...

Nice story, and your B/sis comment had me laughing!

May 28, 2006 at 9:41:00 AM PDT  
Blogger twistedsoda said...

what a wonderful and enchanting story! Your writing just amazes me, its like I am right there with you every time.

May 28, 2006 at 12:06:00 PM PDT  
Blogger cityfarmer said...

What a pathway of memories you took me down with this post.
I, too, had a first love from the church youth group.
At first we only group dated but then finally my Dad agreed to let me go the prom with Jack.
I was freshman and he was a senior.
Now that I think back, I cannot believe my Dad said yes.
When we were leaving the house for the evening my Dad said to Jack, " my daughter had high morals and we expect you to help her keep them high".
More Dads should rise up and take a stand with their "girls"
I am still blessed to have my Dad and his convictions helped me with tough decisions with my girls.

May 28, 2006 at 1:32:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

darling-
I could see you- the two of you sitting there in the church with soft sunshadows dancing on your hands.

Hmmmmm I too wish that my future daughter will have a first love like this. It really does help set an internal standard, that helps guide you to the everlasting love.

May 28, 2006 at 5:56:00 PM PDT  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i always wait to read the sunday scribblings post until i have posted mine...not sure why exactly...but i am so glad i waited to read this one until today. my heart is so happy reading your words - this glimpse into your first love. but more importantly, this glimpse into the love you share with your husband. it is beautiful my dear, just beautiful.

May 28, 2006 at 9:14:00 PM PDT  
Blogger boliyou said...

Such a great story! Thanks for sharing.

May 29, 2006 at 11:15:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Jemima said...

Learning from painful experiences. No fun at the time, but so essential if you're going to transform yourself into someone interesting, wise, compassionate and worthy.

J x

May 29, 2006 at 11:18:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous amystery said...

such a sweet story, I love this glimpse into your past and how it has reflected your attraction to men since then, so lovely.

May 30, 2006 at 9:31:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Denise,
You amaze me. I can't believe you remember all that... I'm just lost in yesterday at the moment. Thanks... for being you.
Me

May 31, 2006 at 3:50:00 PM PDT  

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