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Wednesday, August 16

my emotional self


boho, canon digital rebel xt

I hesitated to post another self portrait of myself this morning, concerned that it might appear to those who don't know me well that I am riding the vain train. That is not what this is about for me. Although I am not following the rules of Liz's self acceptance meditations with a mirror every day, I am participating in a way that is also satisfying the creative girly in me. Does Boho ever follow the rules anyway? That's okay...I know Lizzy loves me for that.

Rather than starring in a mirror, I am trying to capture my emotions with a camera that are real, raw and not posed. It is easier for me to do this with a lens rather than starring in a mirror because without watching myself immediately, I feel free to be expressive without having to deal with my watchful eye. Once all of the pictures are uploaded, that is my time to absorb all the facets of who I am and embrace the parts that are challenging for me to accept.

For me lately, it is not so much about trying to accept the new lines, freckles, lumps and bumps (and they are there...trust me), but it is more about me trying to accept my emotional self. It has been a crazy ride for us the past few years and I have been diving into feelings I never knew existed in this heart of mine.

As my sister's and parents have always said to me, I have lived under this "lucky star" where things, people and events have just come into my life that were absolutely extraordinary. I haven't had to work really hard for something to happen and therefore, never had to face the scary reality that something I want really bad might not ever come to fruition.

Well, this journey to conceive threw me on my ass and taught me a thing or two about working hard for something you want. I am grateful for it, so grateful for the lessons. My eyes have been opened. I am having to learn patience, trust, faith in a way that goes against what feels natural for me. I have dove into depths of pain, anger, frustration, depression that I never thought possible for my positive, lucky~star self.

So, along with all of you beauties on the amazing journey in front of the mirror accepting and embracing your reflections, I am over here on this side, in front of the lens, accepting my new emotional self.

Perhaps next month I'll move over to those other bits. One thing at a time for me.

15 Comments:

Blogger acumamakiki said...

You are definitely on a journey and where ever the path may lead you, you seem to be open and loving and receptive to the process.

August 16, 2006 at 10:51:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Romina Bacci said...

i simply admire you girl... and i love this natural, fresh image of you, beautiful pastel colors...

you are really talented and creative, i'm sure you'll find the way to get what you're looking for.

August 16, 2006 at 11:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Egan said...

It's all been said before, you're very pretty. One thing at a time is right. We could all stand to have a bit more patience, including myself. Have a good Wednesday.

August 16, 2006 at 11:12:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous bekka said...

you're one of the most inspirational people i don't know!

how could anyone ever suggest that you're riding the vain train? love that expression; it's new to me.

August 16, 2006 at 11:16:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

get ready sister....





Kelly and you will have so much fun.....Im gonna really miss her......She's my best friend ya know!...lol





oh....and be aware.........................






















she loves to EAT EAT EAT!!...stock up!



pamiesings

August 16, 2006 at 12:49:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Teresa said...

I love looking at your pictures---eww does that sound like a stalker? :) I just admire your self-confidence and determination. You are one of my inspirations girly girl!! Much love your way today!

T

August 16, 2006 at 12:59:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Susannah said...

little monkey, this is such a tender portrait of you... no vanity here my love (you know i worry about that too)... i see a woman who is searching her depths and finding jewels..... xx

August 16, 2006 at 3:14:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Bo Bo-
I love your littel baby hairs and of course your necklace.....but most of all your emotional self-the one that is helping me with my emotions too.

I am so happy you are doing this photo self study-and that we get to see the pics:)

XOXO
Loving you

August 16, 2006 at 4:49:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Sarcomical said...

i don't think you're vain. your pictures always speak to me. ;)

you have no idea how much finding you a few short weeks ago has affected my own life. my husband and i actually watched the secret one night a couple of weeks ago because of that post you wrote. and i notice how you reference it a bit here and there since then. it's really gotten us thinking, too. for our own reasons, we really needed to hear some of that.

anyway. ;)

August 16, 2006 at 5:36:00 PM PDT  
Blogger pinkcoyote said...

i couldn't have said it better. you're amazing and your self awareness blows me away...xoxoxop

August 16, 2006 at 5:47:00 PM PDT  
Blogger gkgirl said...

could never get tired
of the photos
:)
and good luck
on the journey...

thinking of you,

August 16, 2006 at 6:28:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Turquoise CRO said...

This photo reminds me of that Joni Mitchell song line, "and the times you impress me the most is the times you don't even try" I love this boho pic! Anyway, I'm a sucker for braided pigtails!!! love and prayers, xo

August 16, 2006 at 8:54:00 PM PDT  
Blogger deirdre said...

Oh, those emotions that catch us off-guard with their intensity. It's such a shock, always, when I see that raw emotion on my face and I never quite know what to do with it.

August 16, 2006 at 9:14:00 PM PDT  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Oh, I just got off the phone with you...feeling so warm and fuzzy inside. I had your face on my screen as we chatted.

You're my girl ;)

so so cute you are to me

xoxoxoxoxoxox d

August 16, 2006 at 10:43:00 PM PDT  
Blogger liz elayne said...

i read this post this morning and thought about it a lot today. you inspired me to take pictures of myself today. a lot of pictures. trying to capture a moment and the emotions that are part of that moment.
thank you.
for sharing yourself. for sharing your journey. for diving in and growing.
blessings dear girl,
lizzy

August 17, 2006 at 12:13:00 AM PDT  

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