Sunday, August 27

Sunday Scribblings ~ Monster

spirit, canon digital rebel xt

I was going to start by sharing my fear of darkness being the monster in my life. That I need to keep little lights on throughout the house for when I get up in the middle of the night. I find myself walking quickly from room to room, from darkness into light in a bit of a panic. Although, I reflected more deeply and found that it isn't really the darkness that frightens me but the spirits that lurk there.

I believe in a spirit world. I have since I was a child. I had been sick with a flu for a while and one morning I walked out into the kitchen to where my mother was. She said I looked healthy and told her that the angel that visited me the night before told me I was going to be well. I said it as though it was completely normal. Well, to me...it was.

Being an empath, I feel evil spirits as well..not just the healing and loving ones. But the ones that leave a cold chill brushing up against my skin as they pass.

Since this world is so real to me, I have a very difficult time watching thrillers and scary films. After watching Silence of the Lambs, I made my husband drive me around downtown in the middle of the night with the windows open because I couldn't sleep. I kept looking at my husband like he was going to eat me for breakfast with fava beans. It's ridiculous how much it effects me and that is why I choose not to go there.

I am sure a huge imagination adds to all of this.

I never feel like these spirits are going to hurt me. I feel protected by God, by our Universe. It is just the fact that I can sense them that is a bit frightening, where as others are completely oblivious. I wonder if they are trying to tell me something. If I have been chosen as a messenger for them to someone who is living.

I don't talk very much about this. In fact...hardly at all.

So perhaps that is why I used this Sunday Scribblings "monster" prompt as an excuse to share with others that the spirit world is a part of my life. Not quite as dramatic as in films, of course...but existing, nonetheless.

I am choosing to concentrate on the good ones. The angels that protect me. The ones that sing me to sleep and brush my hair when I am crying. I will leave it to them to fight off the others.


Blogger Rachel said...

My Father brought me up to believe that there are angels, often sent to help in times of trouble, when there is no one else around but a kindly stranger who disappears as quickly as arriving. Often just to do a particular thing like change your car tyre or lend you money for the public phone. I enjoyed reading your post, it took me back to my Father in my thoughts

August 27, 2006 at 4:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger kanuthya said...

How well I can relate to this...
They don't fight off the others, they embrace them and try to take them to a brighter place/state :)

August 27, 2006 at 5:54:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are not alone with these "feelings". My sister and I both have this--which we do not have a name for. We are native american decendents and is believed that "we" {as our people} have a sense of feeling spirits, etc. Sometimes it is a feeling of a presence other times it is more intuition. Some times leaves us feeling blissful others are hard to shake.

And I for sure cannot watch scary movies either. But although I do watch "medium" on the tube because I can relate to some of her dreams sometimes. Weird?? I dunno know. Just a gift maybe.

August 27, 2006 at 5:56:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Fran said...

Fly that Freak Flag Sister. This to is part of the colors of my Freak Flag. I know things , just know them. I see and feel things that I can't explain. Some times it is Terrifying and others it is comforting. You are not alone.

August 27, 2006 at 6:03:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't beleive all of the other comments from people who share this same gift. I am one of them. It has long freaked me out but I have recently come to accept it. I also feel and sense the good and the bad. I've had some very cool experiences. All three of my children have come into my world before they were conceived and watched us. Anyway, I don't talk about it either but I'm glad you have the courage to.

You definitely are not alone. AND I'm scared of the dark for this same reason AND I cannot handle scary movies at all. Too real.

Love you and your blog!!!!


August 27, 2006 at 7:18:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am fascinated by this post...I am also deeply affected by frightening movies and thrillers and the like--I don't see spirits, although I do believe in them very strongly. And yes, sometimes I can FEEL them.

Thank you so much for sharing this--and as always, my God, woman, what a beautiful picture.

August 27, 2006 at 7:59:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Georgia said...

I used to tell my mother that God lived in our apricot tree... I believe there were angels and that is what I saw. I also still feel these things very very strongly in my life.

Thank you for sharing!!!


August 27, 2006 at 8:56:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Sarcomical said...

this is so very interesting. of course i do believe in the spirit realm and i think it's probably way to complex for us to ever understand. i'm a really sensitive soul and have a hard time watching anything too "dark". it just makes me feel awful. similar to how you described.

thanks for sharing. ;)

August 27, 2006 at 9:21:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Sarcomical said...

"too complex" i'm tired. ;)

August 27, 2006 at 9:22:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think most people had this gift as children...but as they grew up they were told that is was wrong...by well meaning parents and/or "wiser" ones...the same with our creativity...somehow we start to compare ourselves to others and fear of expression and knowings get squished(?) out of us...i am not a religious person...but feel my sense of spirituality confirms certain things...and one of them is that we each have guides...or angels...i have had too many unexplained things happen that were more that coincedental...most of the time i don't question it...just go with what i knew as a child...i do love the idea..."become as a little child"...it has so many wonderful conontations...that is one of my aspirations...i have a picture of me as a little girl that i look at often to remind me of life before i was told no...no...no....sorry...i know i just went off on a tangent...i have just happened upon your site via lorraine...nice banners! take care...annie

August 27, 2006 at 9:28:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am crying. can't help it. everytime i hear, read or talk about this... don't like talking or thinking about it either. sometimes i just know things, or dream about them, my dreams are so real that i have to ask my hubs about it. though this is an exhausting experience for me many times i feel complete, like when an ordinary person gives me a strange gentle smile as if he/she would know me from another place. other times i just guess what someone is thinking or about to say... and say it first. twice my sisters and i had the same exact dream, long time ago, we figured that out when we were telling it to my mom and she said that it wasn't true. now if i think about it, it's impossible... i have angels that wake me up every morning and i play with them asking to open my eyes at a specific time, never the same, and it happens...

boho... you have just opened my door again... it wasn't exactly in my plans...i could go on and on and on with my stories... i have so many.... i'm going to have to keep little lights on tonight...

August 27, 2006 at 9:38:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With this gift, comes the burden of the weight of feeling, knowing, and believing. There are times when the gift will bring the stars to you and others, a deep fear of silence. Thank you for sharing this very special part of your life.

August 27, 2006 at 10:44:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

Sweet sis~ we have had this conversation so many times. Questions that may never get answered here or now. All I do know is that you are special, precious and gifted and that I pray for your protection every day of my life.

Sleep in peace lovely one

xxx d

August 27, 2006 at 11:16:00 PM PDT  
Blogger bronxbt said...

i lost a fiance and an unborn son to a tragic occurance back in college.
never to try to diminish anything you've been thru, my be goin' thru or anything (since i'm still learning and reading about you)

your words are touching, comforting, and i can only hope that you can some luv & comfort in reading our responses to your magic.

your writings blow me away. you're so touching, deep and thoughtfull.


all i can say is that i have huge luvins for you and yer fans that have graced yer page.

sounds SO silly now, but don't forget to VOTE this week on my fuzziechadsrule site... damned near as deep as yers... i promise.

smiles guaranteed for those who need it.

my best,
B & mr puddins

August 28, 2006 at 8:31:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

it makes perfect sense to me that you would have such a gift, monkey. you are an earth angel to me, and all who know you...

after got off the phone to you last night i watched the rest of my scary film... am i brave or what? :-) x

August 28, 2006 at 11:45:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know, when i was little i loved horror movies and i loved watching true crime stories through my teens. but now, i am absolutely UNABLE to watch them...it's odd how they frighten me more now than when i was a little girl. i just have no interest in filling my head with such things anymore.

August 28, 2006 at 12:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Deirdre said...

I have nightlights scattered throughout the house too. The dark is not good for me. As for the rest, the sensitivity, me too.

August 28, 2006 at 2:09:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i feel these monsters sometimes too...when my chest tightens and and the darkness is reaching out to me...then i think it is only my mind playing tricks on me. i'm not sure what i believe...

August 28, 2006 at 5:13:00 PM PDT  

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