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Thursday, September 7

peace


in candlelight, canon digital rebel xt

I woke up this morning to grey skies and a bit of a chill running through my studio. Some might be a bit depressed by this but I am so grateful. I long for Fall...my favorite time of year. I love to snuggle in scarves and comfy sweaters. I crave the cool, crisp breeze brushing up against my face. When I lived in Berkeley, it was the dream climate for me. Overcast in the mornings and evenings and the sun peering through the clouds during the middle of the day. I lived in a tiny box of a studio apartment at the top of a Victorian home. My place was an attic long ago. I found that so charming. In the mornings with my hands gripping a mug and the steam of java misting my face, I would stand and stretch tall to see the golden gate bridge through the top of my window. It was hardly a spec but I still felt honored that I could watch the morning fog drift from this lovely red structure.

The last few days I have felt such a peace about this journey of mine. The kind of peace I would feel those mornings in Berkeley. Last week there was a bit of a hiccup as you all know and I was concerned that it would send me spiraling down into darkness again. Then an angel came to visit me and with her gentle superhero powers, lifted me up and gave me wings to fly. Not only me actually, but Carsten too. He was blessed by her presence and encouraged that we will hold our own babe soon.

I have heard myself say to my family and friends in the past "I know I'll be pregnant", but I think it was my own way of trying to convince myself in the midst of serious doubt. I must say that when I speak those very words now, I mean it with such comforting certainty. I am even having dreams about being pregnant...actually feeling the babe in my womb.

The wonderful shift that has transpired is that I am no longer attached to "when" this will happen. When going through those fertility procedures, so much was invested (financially, spiritually, emotionally) that if it didn't happen that particular month, it was so devastating. Now that we are back on the road of holistic/homeopathic, my attachment to timing is being replaced with a hope that it will happen when my body is healthy and my baby is ready to come into our life. I know so many loved one's told me this but we all know that it takes time to believe such things.

Now I get to pour my energies into my up and coming online boutique. Through my depression this past year, it was difficult to gather energy to create beautiful things for my boutique. But my energy is back and I am flooded with ideas on how to express, through my creations, the messages of hope I want to share with my potential customers. If all goes as planned, I should open my store by November 1st. There is much to catch up on. There will be necklaces, prints of my pastel drawings, as well as prints of some of my photography. T-shirts will come shortly thereafter but may not be ready by November.

I am now going to focus with the hopes that the peace I am feeling will be interwoven throughout my creations.

20 Comments:

Blogger Susannah said...

well, judging by the love that encircles me when i wear the necklace you sent me, monkey, i can imagine how every piece you create will be so powerful - filled with peace indeed. you are so talented - i can't wait to be your first customer :-) x

September 7, 2006 at 1:05:00 PM PDT  
Blogger b/sistersshoes said...

Yeah!!!

I feel peace in your words, just in the way you describe how you feel about all of this.

this...the focus of your life, your dreams and an important goal for the both of you.

prayers said for every dream you have to become a reality...

lovins xxx d

September 7, 2006 at 1:05:00 PM PDT  
Blogger bronxbt said...

yer shoes RULZ in the other post.
regarding this post today, sounds like yer doin' okay overall, but jes the sufferer of the occasionally daily bluez...

my recent post sums up my chances of survival in a nutshell... hope YOU do better than i am.

hugs to you and yours,

(and why am i the only guy that seems to comment on yer blog!? aroo?)

giggle

B

September 7, 2006 at 3:39:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Goddess of Leonie said...

Within us is the soul of the whole, the wise silence, the universal beauty, the eternal One.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

blessed be on your journey of peace,
love another peace awakening one.

xoxo

September 7, 2006 at 3:49:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Bek said...

Fantastic sweets.
Really.
I am so happy for you at this stage of your journey.
Bx

September 7, 2006 at 4:44:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous BZ said...

I hate to sound repetitive but I find your honesty so inspirational. You have hooked me with your life story, and I check your blog everyday to see your beautiful photographs and peaceful entries. Keep your head up Boho; you are touching complete strangers all over the world, and as every artist knows that is the whole point of us being here. It is strange how we can make these connections online, but in person we are all such bumbling idiots. I guess the power of writing is more powerful than most people think.

I can’t wait for you to have you baby. Great lighting in the shot by the way. I can’t wait to see your store and buy something for my wife or for our home. I know your energy will do good things for us.

And by the way BronxBt I feel the lack of testosterone here weird sometimes too, but what can you do. Sometimes the women seem to make more sense...

September 7, 2006 at 6:04:00 PM PDT  
Blogger my pink sky said...

aren't friends magical? it always amazes and inspires me with how deeply one person can touch another person's life. glad your angel helped to bring you peace.

September 7, 2006 at 6:31:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Amy said...

To begin with, I am so looking forward to the opening of your store. I'll set aside some of my overtime money, so that I can splurge on your pretty creations. I can't wait!

Lovely, sweet baby boho will happen, I just know it. She will arrive when you least expect it, when she's no longer a constant thought in your head. I can't wait for the post that begins with "you know, i thought I had the flu, but..."

Keep pouring your energy into your creations. Your body knows how to take care of the rest, love.

I love you...
Oh, and I know that depression loop. Stifling, isn't it?

September 7, 2006 at 7:34:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

I can't wait to buy one of your necklaces so I can wear a piece from your heart around my neck:)

I am so warmed by reading this-where you are-it helps me so.

I have had so much company this past week or so I feel a bit lost in the shuffle.
This helped ground me some.
Thanks sweetness.
Loving you.
XOXO

September 7, 2006 at 8:45:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous LB said...

I totally know what you mean. Sometimes lately I think I am at the point of relaxing and accepting the timing of it all. That's truly my main goal right now. But honestly I don't think I am really actually "there" yet. But I know I've improved! That has to count for something, right? :)

September 7, 2006 at 10:37:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

I also am eagerly awaiting your shop and how you plan to share your creations with everyone! There is so much power in well-loved/crafted gifts...they become talismans, full of the person who made them. These are the things I love to wear, to give, to enjoy. My heart is full of good-luck-wishes for you and (all of your!)endeavors.

September 8, 2006 at 6:19:00 AM PDT  
Blogger red sun said...

bravo to you and the peace that you're finding. you're ability to create is beautiful - now, and sometime in the future too - sweet blessings to you!

September 8, 2006 at 6:27:00 AM PDT  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

i'm so excited to see your creations...can anyone say "wish list"? everything about you exudes peace, even in your most turbulent times- i'm sure your creations are going to be the embodiment of all that beauty.

September 8, 2006 at 6:31:00 AM PDT  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i am so happy
to hear you so optimistic!
that is awesome!
i am so hopeful and happy
for you
and can't wait to see
the amazing things
that come out of your
boutique!
:)

September 8, 2006 at 7:26:00 AM PDT  
Blogger mrs. kleiner said...

I am a big fan of the superhero and linked to your blog via her's today. I sit in the misty, cool Seattle air thinking about you and praying for your family this morning. I spent years searching for my baby and crying and focusing on the desire. And it almost overtook me. Desire is a funny thing. It can motivate and it can devour.

I am praying that this peace you are feeling today can be stored up for you and accessed again tomorrow when it may not feel so clear. And I say to you with the deep knowledge of someone who has walked this road--it can happen. After 7 years, I am due any day now. Both me and my babe send you peace.

September 8, 2006 at 7:59:00 AM PDT  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

you're spirit is so very inspiring. i think many of us out here in the blog world are trying to concieve--a babe, a new way of being, a new level of self-acceptance. seeing your journey, your struggles and your joys, is a blessing. one of my readers reminded me last week that sharing our struggles with our blogging community is a gift to them. it lets them see not only that we're human but that we're all in this together, we're all struggle to become. it's one of those "if she can do it so can i" kind of gifts.

blessings deary...

September 8, 2006 at 11:23:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Keely said...

I am so glad I followed the link from Andrea's post. My husband and I have been trying for well over a year and are in our second series of fertility treatment. Finding bloggers going through similiar situations, getting encouraging emails from Andrea, having a close friend on the same journey as me (and seeing the same doc) are all huge factors in my keeping a positive attitude. I look forward to reading more of your words and offer big hugs and tons of well wishes for you!

September 8, 2006 at 11:49:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

Yay! I can feel your new acceptance and resolve in every word...I am excited to see where this journey will take you, and it's a privilege to walk it with you.

Also, what Michelle said. :)

September 8, 2006 at 2:51:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Romina Bacci said...

awwwww i adore this picture of you!!

and for sure i'd like one of each piece you're selling....hehehe...

September 11, 2006 at 9:41:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous victoria winters said...

What a great attitude you've got. I need to listen to that, even if it's only been a few months for me. (I don't know how long it's been for you...just started reading.)

I feel the Exact.Same.Way about Fall! Love it!

September 12, 2006 at 9:34:00 AM PDT  

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