Tuesday, September 19

self portrait challenge ~ "with someone"

bloggie soul sisters Romina & Boho, canon digital rebel xt

"How you feel only matters to you. It's what you DO to the person you love that counts." ~ Tom Wilkinson to Zach Braff in The Last Kiss

In other words..."Actions speak louder than words", right? We can say we love someone until we are blue in the face but what is most meaningful is how we treat them.

When Carsten and I first started dating, I had some major trust issues when it came to romantic love. I had previously been in a relationship where love was whispered in my ear one day and a few months later that love was full of doubt...again and again, for years. As a result, hearing this person say "I love you" to me became futile.

When Carsten learned about this relationship I had, he knew I would not respond well to those words spoken to me. So he would say..."I am not going to tell you I love you...I will show you." He of course eventually told me he loved me but by the time he did...I actually believed him by what I had seen.

What an epiphany this was for me in my life and all the relationships within it. I now have a deeper awareness of how I treat those I love. I am also more sensitive to how I am treated as well.

"I will show you...".

It seems so simple but when you truly think about it...it's pretty huge, isn't it?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

great when words support behaviour ... an *unspoken* endorsement
we can believe it's true

September 19, 2006 at 4:42:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh darling this is so true.

I worry all the time that I am adequately showing people I love them as much as I do.

Actions do speak louder than words.

Hugs and kisses

September 19, 2006 at 6:56:00 AM PDT  
Blogger mint and orange said...

it's interesting that we don't realize how necessary this is - treating those you love with love - until someone explains this so clearly.

i feel that sometimes love is taken for granted, and the actions seem trivial. but they're not. because what's the joy in loving someone if you don't share it in tangible ways?

thank you for sharing this... i think it's hitting home harder than i first realized.

September 19, 2006 at 7:18:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I think you just gave me an epiphany. Actions sometimes do speak louder than words. I think I need to do something lovely for that someone special today. Thanks for reminding me!

So glad you had a wonderful time with your new soul sister. You are beautiful together.


September 19, 2006 at 7:47:00 AM PDT  
Blogger nina beana said...

love the pic, you happy bloggiesisters. and yet again, i'm wow-ed by the power of love between you and your hubby. how stinkin' special!


September 19, 2006 at 8:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Your reflections on love and life were brilliant. Yes, there is really something to be said for a person who can understand how the need to "feel" is so much more important than just the need to hear words--also, the picture by the sea with a dear friend was just beautiful...

September 19, 2006 at 8:37:00 AM PDT  
Blogger maggiegracecreates said...

thank you for pinpointing what is right with my new relationship. Its mututal in the "I'll show you..." department.

I would tell him that I loved him and he would say "we'll see"

Now I know the entire story and I do focus on showing him rather than telling him. He does the same for me.

Beautiful post. Have a beautiful day.


September 19, 2006 at 8:56:00 AM PDT  
Blogger LiteraryGirl said...

Reminds me of James 2:18. I agree with you, this is true in all relationships. Beautiful words and what a beautiful man to understand you so well.

September 19, 2006 at 9:07:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Georgia said...

Love the picture, you both look so happy:) The ocean... *drool* It is calling to me...

You and your husband are so freaking cute!!! I love learning about you two in your blogs. And you are so right, actions speak WAY louoder than words.


September 19, 2006 at 10:12:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

if i ever fall in love again, i really hope he's like CK - you got a good man there, baby, you really have :-) love you x

September 19, 2006 at 10:38:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

Yes, actions are huge!
Our eyes take them in and our hearts record how they make us feel.

and C? the first thing I told mom and dad after meeting him (on that big sis official approval trip) was that he had a gift for knowing just what you needed to feel trust. We used to worry, way back before C, but now we smile at just the thought of 2 love birds who 'show' their love for one another in so many ways :)

I L o v e you Den...you know I do!


September 19, 2006 at 11:09:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Daibh said...

What the -- !! Now I see Bacci on Boho's blog! I love the criss-cross culturation! That's great!

September 19, 2006 at 11:21:00 AM PDT  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

so true, so true

September 19, 2006 at 11:32:00 AM PDT  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

HUGE!!! very HUGE! Keep it up, Show them every day, even a small tight hug hits the spot! XO That is a sweet pic of you and Romina! Is that where you got married Boho?What a special day you all must have had!

September 19, 2006 at 1:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger bronxbt said...

your words of lived wisdom are beautiful, and they also break my heart.

the hardest thing to do in any relationship is to continue to "show that love...." it's SO difficult when that line begins to blur and it's becomes a place of uncertainty and pain.

needless to say, that's my world right now. i always want to show, to prove, and also to earn... not sure if that's a two way street anymore in my world.

anyway, big hugs to you and yours.
once again, you've touched my heart.

yesh.. it's pretty huge to answer your question. one of those really big kinda massive things actually.

~ sigh ~


September 19, 2006 at 1:32:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful Deni.
I agree. I love your line:
"I now have a deeper awareness of how I treat those I love."
I believe THAT is the most important thing, because we can control how we treat others... we have TOTAL control of that one.

Being senstive to how others treat us also makes life easier. If we dont like it, we dont have to have it. Simple.

Trust of ourselves, and loving ourselves is also a great thing.
We are blessed.
Thanks sweets.

September 19, 2006 at 3:27:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a nice photo and a wonderful story!

September 19, 2006 at 4:25:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Deirdre said...

The yo-yo relationships make trusting simple words so difficult. Mine was years, far too many, long. I have to say that I absolutely believe Richard. Life is good. Are we a couple of lucky girls or what?

September 19, 2006 at 4:50:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh!!

I just talked to your sister today and expressed this very subject with her!! This is huge with me also.

September 19, 2006 at 7:45:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Bedazzzled1 said...

Such a pretty photo...pretty subjects and background. ::smile::

You speak very well about loving others and displaying that love. Wise words, all of them.

September 19, 2006 at 9:40:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said as always and great shot. God I miss CA! Look at that crisp light!

I hope to someday simply be able to exude love and have it be felt by all those around me, in the mean time I simply try and be kind. It is harder than it looks. But the more we work at it the more we recognize it in others.


I noticed that you design banners. I am not quite sure if I want a design, but can you simply email me directions on how to post a picture anywhere besides a post on Blogger. How do I post a picture for my title for example? You da bomb thanks.

September 19, 2006 at 11:13:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this post because it's so true and I think it's something that you can only learn by being in a healthy marriage. Otherwise, it's all theory. The tough part is putting it into practice every day for decades. Kind of exhausting when I put it that way! haha!

September 19, 2006 at 11:27:00 PM PDT  
Blogger liz elayne lamoreux said...

yes yes yes
i so agree my dear. a beautiful gift - to be shown love.

September 20, 2006 at 1:01:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Viking Womyn said...

hi deniseie poo!

Very good read...I love how its so uplifting....and i get to see some out door scenes.....

Dont forget to come
''visit me''


~''Viking Womyn''~

September 20, 2006 at 6:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Patry Francis said...

Very inspiring. Think I'll go show someone. Right now.

September 20, 2006 at 7:19:00 PM PDT  
Blogger changapeluda said...

Huge? Yes! It's Ginormous!!

I love the way you Get things,
Bohemian G.

September 21, 2006 at 3:06:00 PM PDT  

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