my girls walking the streets of Seattle,
canon digital rebel xt
It's quiet this morning. It is dark. The flicker of candlelight dances on my screen. I sip my raspberry leaf tea but it is not Susannah's redbush earl grey. Where is the scent of Letha's incense? It feels quiet here. I am alone in my studio again. I imagine one of you will come up from behind and wrap your arms around me, laying your head on my shoulder...pulling me towards the kitchen to break some morning bread together. Where is your laughter? Your morning giggles into your hot drinks steaming up into your tired eyes? I feel Thea's forehead on mine..."good morning beautiful". I feel Letha's kiss on my cheek handing me a thick, large mug. I hear Michelle's soft southern lilt soothing me. I feel Susannah's shoulder rub against mine as I lean into her. I see Meg peeking around the corner. I hear Liz's musical chant drawing us from our separate dreamlands into one another. Where are you all at this moment? Are you surrounded by our pockets of memories, some so deep, some light, some floating in between, pulling us together into a warm group hug? I cannot even count the number of group hugs where my head rested in between all of your bosoms. I felt enveloped. Safe in the cocoon of all of you. Where are you now? I wish you all to come through my front door, running up the steps to my studio, gently grabbing me and all of us tumbling to the floor in hugs, limbs intertwined, giggles and tears. I sit here alone trying to digest all that transpired between us. It is overwhelming to feel so fully accepted. Liz sharing your yoga practice. Us laying on our mats shoulder to shoulder. Your voice chanting, the bell chiming. Teaching us to open our heart chakra. Guiding us into the unknown of sharing the remainder of our stay. But you still all allowed me to be guarded. Me sitting quietly on the couch trying to put my tears into words, while Meg, you sit below me on the ground draping your arms around me with your head on my lap. I felt safe with you. Your beautiful blue doe eyes searching mine up above. They always heard me. Our unspoken glances. That burning in our bellies. You and I are empathic soul sisters. Your joy kept us all in balance. Michelle your soft quiet spirit speaks volumes. I feel centered just sitting near you. Your eyes locking onto mine provide me with a peace. I hear you. I witness the transformation and am dancing along with her. That woman that came through. She made our hearts beat faster and I wanted to shout and sing. She will always ground us. Letha opening your home and creating such a safe and warm place for us all to spill freely and wildly. You were in it with us. Forgetting the mess in the kitchen and nurturing the mess in our hearts. Our hearts were a priority over your home. We saw this. Our childhood friendship strengthened. You pulled us in deeper, allowing us to see and love more of you. All of you...pulled us in deeper. I saw that hurt child in you break through and allow herself to be fully loved and adored by all of us. She's extraordinary. Thea holding my hand as we walk down the stairs and plop on the bed. Holding me close as I spill some anxiety and fear. Your words helping me dive down deep to find my strength and feel centered. You helped me peel. You peeled. You helped all of us peel and find our strength. You have a gift to help us sort out confusion and fall into a harmonious place. You helped all of us find our inner beauty because yours is so solid. So yummy and warm. Susannah wrapping your limbs around me when I broke. Holding me until my body softened as I released. I held it in the whole time. Strong Denise not thinking about her infertility. But then it poured out and you held me all together, rocking me with your limbs tight around me until I felt safe again. Nuzzling your nose into my neck and rocking me. You a blanket of peace. Your soft, strong, calm, beautiful self. Even in your grief your heart is so deep to love me, to love us. Letha listening and stroking my legs. My tears flowing from her eyes. A girlfriend sandwich. These are just a few memories that are surrounding me. The rest will follow but these are enveloping me at this present moment as I sit here. My heart beats faster. I am stripped naked in spirit and feel stronger. The deeper me. The more wild me. The softer me. The balanced me. The creative me. You helped me pull her out and now she is singing and dancing to Madonna...