Saturday, December 2

photo friday ~ stillness

first snow, vancouver island, b.c.,
canon digital rebel xt

I didn't think it was a coincidence that this weeks prompt for Photo Friday was "stillness". Just a few days ago, I allowed myself a day to be angry and confused about my journey to conceive and during that anger with my fists to the sky and tears down my cheeks, I asked for answers. I just needed some answers.

When I sat breathing heavily on the floor of my studio, the idea that we as a society have forgotten how to wait came to me. I wrote about it in my previous post. I've been so focused on our goal, trucking ahead, doing steps 1, 2 & 3, that lately I have forgotten how to be still and pay attention to all that I am learning through this. I have stopped meditating, writing about it, taking walks on the beach and imagining being pregnant. I have stopped being still.

On the way back from McMiracle's office yesterday (for those of you who are new readers, this is my holistic fertility doctor), I decided to stop at a beach during the 1.5 hours coastal drive home. I stepped out of my car and walked down a bumpy dirt hill onto the sand. I stood and stared at the sun all sparkly on the ocean and allowed myself to be still, to drink it all in. My appointment was full of some new information, some "answers" as to what may be the main issue with us trying to conceive. I had asked for answers and I received some. What I normally may have done is call my marmie, my sisters, my nieces or my friends, one after the other, the whole way home but this time, I needed to be still. As I stared out into the ocean, I thanked God, I thanked the Universe for listening and just breathed in this new wisdom and gratefulness I was feeling.

The remainder of the day I stood quiet in my studio with candles lit all around me and ambient music playing. When my husband came home, I waited until he was in the right head space to share my day with him. I waited. I was still. And today, I feel more peaceful, more aware, more open to the lessons I am supposed to be learning.

I am making a commitment to myself to be more still. I encourage you to try it with me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be more still...This might be a good idea for me also.

Hope McMiracle had some good and/or hopeful new to share with you :)


December 2, 2006 at 10:29:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet D~ this is exactly what I hoped for you yesterday...and it came to fruition..my heart is skipping a bit of a beat. Being still is the only way for us to take in everything that we are moving towards, as well as everything that we are accomplishing along the way. Interesting enough, this (though in a different way) has been the main thought on my mind for the last few days...embracing the steps, big and small, that affect our journey.

I am so glad to hear that you took the time that you needed through out the day. I am also grateful that you rec'd needed answers from Dr. V, as I know that you were in need of answers.

Breathe in and out and just be still...all my love to you honey.


December 2, 2006 at 11:39:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad that you have found some peace through all this. Being still is probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves- and I know for myself, when I am still, that's when I see and hear things more clearly. My yoga practice really helps me find that still place inside and even if only for an hour a day I can find it, that's a step in the right direction.
Thank you Denise, for sharing.

December 2, 2006 at 11:53:00 AM PST  
Blogger britt said...

you've brought tears to my eyes. what an amazing day. what a gorgeous experience. blessings.

December 2, 2006 at 12:31:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I been checking out random blogs today and coming up to this one has inspired me... maybe a sign! All the best to you...

December 2, 2006 at 2:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger Darlene said...

Sweet sister of my heart ~ I love you continuously and deeply. I am standing still with you. Standing on a foundation of faith that will bring strength, courage and ignite an anticipatory hope that will keep us standing in every moment of stillness, regardless of the quiet that stillness induces.

I have always admired your determination and your strength in the past, now I have a deeper respect for you, as well as the admiration.

Hold on, my love...this is only the beginning of many blessings to come.

Put your small hand in mine,
loving you is easy because you're you.

OOOXXX darlene

December 2, 2006 at 6:09:00 PM PST  
Blogger Georgia said...

I will have to try and be more still :)

I always find a bit of inspiration when I come read what you write. Thank you for that.


December 2, 2006 at 7:09:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kim Carney said...

feels still and soothing.

December 2, 2006 at 9:51:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this message was for me as well...thank you...I too have forgotten...

December 3, 2006 at 3:19:00 AM PST  
Blogger Lady Painter said...

Yes, you are right ! Thank you for the gift you gave me today with those words.
And all my best positive thoughts for you !
I hope you understand my poor english !!!
And, one more thing... I love your blog !

December 3, 2006 at 4:27:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel inspired. Thank you

December 3, 2006 at 3:28:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel the same today. Thank you for sharing and helping me feel connected and on the right path.

December 3, 2006 at 6:43:00 PM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

and this stillness seems to go so much deeper--it is a gift of self love. reading your words i heard that--i heard the tenderness and gentleness with which you are treating yourself. what a beautiful gift you are offering yourself through just being still, resting in your confusion, your questions, your anger, your faith.

December 4, 2006 at 11:20:00 AM PST  

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