photo friday ~ stillness

first snow, vancouver island, b.c.,
canon digital rebel xt

I didn't think it was a coincidence that this weeks prompt for Photo Friday was "stillness". Just a few days ago, I allowed myself a day to be angry and confused about my journey to conceive and during that anger with my fists to the sky and tears down my cheeks, I asked for answers. I just needed some answers.

When I sat breathing heavily on the floor of my studio, the idea that we as a society have forgotten how to wait came to me. I wrote about it in my previous post. I've been so focused on our goal, trucking ahead, doing steps 1, 2 & 3, that lately I have forgotten how to be still and pay attention to all that I am learning through this. I have stopped meditating, writing about it, taking walks on the beach and imagining being pregnant. I have stopped being still.

On the way back from McMiracle's office yesterday (for those of you who are new readers, this is my holistic fertility doctor), I decided to stop at a beach during the 1.5 hours coastal drive home. I stepped out of my car and walked down a bumpy dirt hill onto the sand. I stood and stared at the sun all sparkly on the ocean and allowed myself to be still, to drink it all in. My appointment was full of some new information, some "answers" as to what may be the main issue with us trying to conceive. I had asked for answers and I received some. What I normally may have done is call my marmie, my sisters, my nieces or my friends, one after the other, the whole way home but this time, I needed to be still. As I stared out into the ocean, I thanked God, I thanked the Universe for listening and just breathed in this new wisdom and gratefulness I was feeling.

The remainder of the day I stood quiet in my studio with candles lit all around me and ambient music playing. When my husband came home, I waited until he was in the right head space to share my day with him. I waited. I was still. And today, I feel more peaceful, more aware, more open to the lessons I am supposed to be learning.

I am making a commitment to myself to be more still. I encourage you to try it with me.