sunday scribblings {anticipation}

velouria boutique, seattle, canon digital rebel xt

Anticipation is the perfect Sunday Scribblings prompt for me today.

This morning, as I was running around my home preparing for a portrait session, I caught myself smiling and my heart swelling. The new Rosie Thomas album (thank you, Meg) was playing in my home. All of my candles and tea lights were lit. The lights were dim, the wine poured. All this with the hope to create an ambiance that would relax my model and make her feel nurtured.

My heart is so closely attached to my photography right now. I feel it pulsating with ideas, images, moods. This morning it felt as though my life and the choices I have been making were in harmony because what I was preparing for in that moment felt so very meant to be. When my head is in a space like this, I am usually flooded with images, moments that have brought or would bring joy into my life:

I remembered a moment when my sister Pamela and I were sitting on my bed in Berkeley eating grapes, cheese, chips and hummus and we were laughing so hard we were crying. I remember loving her so much in that moment that my heart could barely fit into my chest.

I imagined me snuggled up, sandwiched between my two brother in-law's during Christmas. Thinking that they feel like my real blood brothers as they've been in my life for over 15 years.

I thought of my first kiss with my husband. Him leaning up against a car in Santa Barbara and the moment before our lips touched, he told me he's dreamed of me all of his life.

I thought about eating sushi in Berkeley with my sister Darlene and sharing some of our deepest secrets over hot sake. We surprised one another that night with our stories. Reminding her and I that there is always so much to learn about someone...even when you feel you know them so intimately.

I remembered me sitting on my bedroom floor and my parents up on my bed listening to all my stories from my trip abroad when I was in my early twenties. We sat there for a few hours. I'll never forget the excitement and awe on their faces. I felt so very wrapped up in their love and admiration and that was the moment that I realized they were also my best friends.

I imagined a group hug, nuzzled in the bosoms of my tribe, my girls, my life support.

All of these images and more flooded my mind. When my model arrived, I was feeling nurtured and alive. Nurtured from the souls in my life that hold me together and keep my heart beating.

As my joy and anticipation swelled, so did my ability to nurture her.