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Thursday, January 25

into the softness


me, canon digital rebel xt

today i sat myself on my bed,
flopped my back down into the softness
and let the tears fall.
because i had to. i was tired of holding it all together.
holding that tightness within my chest,
and down in my belly aching for release.

someone told me today that it was okay to cry.
that crying doesn't mean i don't believe it will happen.
even though i am the first to tell someone to let their tears flow,
i sometimes am afraid to do it myself.
afraid that tears are always attached to lack of faith or hope.
but they're not.
they are just releasing the well within,
leaving more room for goodness.

so i laid back and i cried,
wiped my tears and
smeared them on my pretty skirt.

i watched the emotionally soaked fabric dry,
until i was ready to sit back up,
and go about my day with less fear
and more embrace.

36 Comments:

Blogger Susannah said...

monkey tears are healing tears... it's letting it out, letting it go, and yes, leaving space for the calm, the centered, to come in.... proud of you baby.... i'll email you when you wake up :-) xo

ps. i want to kiss those knees!

January 25, 2007 at 3:21:00 AM PST  
Blogger Toni said...

Oh Honey,

It's so ok to let go and just cry until you can't cry no more.
To let it all flow away.
To let all that emotion go.

Of course it does not mean you don't believe. Your the bravest person I know going through this wonderful journal. I believe this is a wondeful journal for the both of you, with all the sadness, the laughter, the smiles, the bravery, the warmth, the love, the care, all those things and more will make you the awesomest mother you wish to be.

I cried with you on this post. Sometimes you just have to cry when it gets all too much.I wish I was ther with you, to give the bigesst, longest hug,

Big Hugs and lots of positive thoughts,

Love Toni

January 25, 2007 at 3:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger rose colored glasses said...

Beautiful.

January 25, 2007 at 5:19:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i totally understand

January 25, 2007 at 5:20:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Good for you. Bottling things up never does a body good. And besides, you gotta clear out those tears to make way for nicer things...like wishes coming true... Hugs.

January 25, 2007 at 6:32:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

((boho)) I want to come over right away and give you a big hug. Cry all that you want, I'm crying with you. hugs and kisses xo

January 25, 2007 at 6:42:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They say crying is cleansing to the soul. It is okay and good to cry. I wish I could give you a hug. pretty soon.

love to you
big sis

January 25, 2007 at 7:04:00 AM PST  
Blogger deirdre said...

It will happen. I can see it for you. In the meantime, tears are a good release, even if it feels crummy in the moment. {{{Hugs}}}

January 25, 2007 at 8:07:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Sophie said...

Sometimes a good cry is all that can help. Lots and lots of hugs!! :)

Love, Sophie

January 25, 2007 at 8:12:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I personally believe that crying cleanses the soul. We could all use a good cleansing now and then! I really like that skirt, and I think you have a really cute style! ♥

January 25, 2007 at 8:13:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is GOOD to cry. You do not have to hold tears back to remain strong.

I am hugging you from far away, can you feel it?? I am sending you love, holding your hand...

It *will* happen for you. I can feel it. You and Boho boy will get to hold a baby *your baby* in your arms. You will!!!

All my love to you sweetie,

Georgia

January 25, 2007 at 8:26:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

let it out...let it out...let their silver magic heal your heart

kisses to you...

January 25, 2007 at 9:41:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Schmoopy said...

I was talking to a counselor who does grief sessions for women who have suffered loss through miscarriage, she told me that she never worries about the women who cry, only the ones who don't.

I am releasing the well with you. Healing, cleansing, embracing.

A quote that stuck with me in my Artist's Way book last night said, 'tears prepare the ground for our future growth, without this creative moistening we may remain barren."

You are just watering your garden, my lovely, preparing it for all it's growth. And what a beautiful garden it is!

January 25, 2007 at 9:44:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is lovely. it IS ok to cry, even if it hurts sometimes. but then afterward that release, that peace, is so comforting it (almost!) makes it worth it. hang in there.

January 25, 2007 at 10:39:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boho,

i am here, listening. breathing with you, echoing the support that other people have said so eloquently.

i hope crying made you feel better, and that you are refreshed from watering your garden.
{{boho}}

January 25, 2007 at 11:23:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I embrace you, I embrace you,
I embrace you, I embrace you,
I e m r a c e you

and on Monday, embracing won't be enough....I'll be smothering you with kisses :) and HUGE gratitude!

xoxo i love my sistar
Dar

January 25, 2007 at 11:39:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Denise- I think crying is acceptance, really... acceptance that you need someone bigger than yourself to help you at this moment in time. Crying is healthy and cleansing and releasing- but most of all, it's necessary.
You have had so much on you- I am glad that you were able to cry today.
Hugs for you today and always...

January 25, 2007 at 12:07:00 PM PST  
Anonymous bronxbt said...

sometimes tears ARE the bestest bandaides...

tis' okay lovely... cry.
we're right along with you.


smiles guaranteed on my site tho. FINALLY got
a cooh new banner to post. how DO you do it baby...?

hugs,
B

January 25, 2007 at 1:56:00 PM PST  
Anonymous jess said...

hugs to a highly sensitive soul! i have been feeling like this too,you summed up my current feelings...be gentle with yourself,love jess (check out my webspace:"luscius~jasmine~fairy" on society of sark at PLANET SARK~i have images of my jewels up!) i love your website!!! xoxoxxo

January 25, 2007 at 7:06:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"less fear and more embrace"

spoke to me -
hit a chord with your word-
magic hammer -

you have a lovely heart and
wonderful ways to expresss it's
many "hues"

hugs:)

January 25, 2007 at 9:00:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O Boho gal, I can't wait til you are with your sis, hugging together some of the pain away from each other, I am sorry you are there crying by yourself, YOU are in my prayers, xo sweet dreams , Cinda

January 25, 2007 at 9:47:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh honey, this post made me wish to be sitting next to you even though I've barely started reading your blog. I'm glad you let yourself cry.... sometimes we just need to curl up and let that emotion come out before we can move on with the day. Hang in there and stay gentle with yourself, sweet one.

January 26, 2007 at 6:40:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Misty Mawn said...

xoxooxoxxoxoxoxo

January 26, 2007 at 7:59:00 AM PST  
Blogger PaintingChef said...

I cried yesterday too. Sometimes holding it together and pretending that it's not a big deal is too much to bear. You aren't alone.

January 26, 2007 at 9:00:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*hug*

January 26, 2007 at 9:34:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hugs for you my friend.

xox
B

January 26, 2007 at 1:36:00 PM PST  
Blogger blackdaisies said...

hugs ... tears are a good release ... xox

January 26, 2007 at 2:06:00 PM PST  
Blogger ~Bek~ said...

I hope that these tears are cleansing and exactly what you needed sweets.

Bx

January 26, 2007 at 8:12:00 PM PST  
Anonymous nel said...

Have been away and just checked your blog and I am so sorry to hear your news...it is definitely ok to cry, it's healthy. I read somehwere that tears are the safety valve of the heart...thoughts and prayers are with you.

January 27, 2007 at 1:58:00 AM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh baby-I do know these tears-I shed so many these past few months and have found it very healing. You taught me a lot about letting myself cry.

Sweet pic baby-you have such sexy knees!

Love you

smooches and snuggles

January 27, 2007 at 4:25:00 AM PST  
Blogger Frida World said...

sweet, lovely Boho - i wish you release, relief and renewal in the wake of those tears.

and thank you for everything.

January 27, 2007 at 9:21:00 AM PST  
Blogger Novel Nymph said...

I am giving you a HUGE hug, and wondering how it is that even when you are going through so much you manage to make it beautiful--what a lovely photo...

...oh, and a bigger hug from me--you are one of the bravest people I know...

January 27, 2007 at 11:27:00 AM PST  
Anonymous kelly ((your neicy)) said...

i want to hug you right now.

i hate and love to cry.

i try so hard not to cry, holding and blinking back heavy tears. When I'm by myself or with someone i love, crying relieves my stress. And heavy wight that was there gets a bit lighter.

Let it rain my beautiful Cloud!

Everything happends for a reason. And this will make you better appreciate what will come to be.

Ever since i was teeny tiny, you've always made me feel better with your naturally nourturing nature. i wish i could love on you right now...

<3 XoXOxxoX <--- you know what that means... :)

Kelly

January 27, 2007 at 6:26:00 PM PST  
Blogger Gabrielle said...

Your blog is fabulous. I absolutely love your art, writing, and pics.
Just stopped by on a link from Leonie's blog.
Your name intrigued me.

January 28, 2007 at 6:37:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Lunarmusings said...

Thinking about you and sending you timeless softness my dear...

e

January 28, 2007 at 2:23:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lucky Candice said...

Amen, amen, amen. The other day I allowed myself to have a complete breakdown in the shower. It is hard to hold is all together sometimes. I completely relate to this post. We love you!!

LC

January 30, 2007 at 6:19:00 PM PST  

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