sunday scribblings ~ chronicles
my blessing ring necklace, canon digital rebel xt
I thought that this weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt "Chronicles" was very fitting for what I was about to share with you all this weekend. As you know, the name of my blog is Chronicles of Me and I chose that name because I knew this place would become a record of my thoughts and feelings through this journey of mine. A place where years from now I can reflect on to see the growth, the lessons, the dreams, the tears, the connections and the gentle reminder of who I am.
I've always had journals and diaries but I would have never thought to start a blog until Leonie came into my life. I met her on SARK's marvelous message board (aka the MMB). When I first moved to Southern California and wasn't yet connecting with anyone, I thought that this message board would be a great way to meet like-minded spirits that perhaps lived in my area. Leonie and I immediately connected (although she was on the opposite side of the globe) and through our friendship, she inspired me to begin a blog. I remember those few phone calls where she had to teach me the in's and out's of the techie side of blogging (and yes...she has the most fricken adorable accent ever). When Leonie learned I was struggling with fertility, she lead me to Andrea's blog. Andrea was the first person I had heard of that was also struggling with fertility and I wrote her an email sharing my story. Her and I became fast soul sisters and she inspired me to write about my journey to conceive. I saw how healing it was for her and I decided to take that brave leap and let it all out there. Through this medium, I have also connected deeply with other amazing women going through this journey. The support and understanding I've received from them as we walk this path together just awes me and has truly given me that extra boost I've needed to press on with my chin up.
Many of you that are new readers or even old readers have asked me what our full story is. I will give you the condensed version (well perhaps not so condensed...sorry).
My hubs and I were married in August, 2004 and decided to begin trying for a baby immediately. We had been together for a few years and we both felt stoked about bringing a love baby into our love bubble. After 6 months of me taking my temperature, charting and yet no baby boho, I decided to go to an acupuncturist in the area that is well known for helping women conceive. I went to her for 9 months. I've never been a fan of needles, so I had no idea how I would feel about this but she was tender and loving and I hardly felt a thing! I hear that is rare...so I was blessed. The rooms are always dark and candlelit with zen music playing and I get a massage front and back in between treatments. LOVELY I tell you! After 5 months of acupuncture, we decided to go to a fertility specialist and have tests done. All our test came back normal (whatever that is), although always on the cusp of normal...but normal, nonetheless. We then decided to go on clomid for three months. Since I was already ovulating, this was supposed to help me drop more than one egg for a better chance. After three months on clomid, we did two Intrauterine Injections (IUI...formally known as artificial insemination), while still doing acupuncture. This was a challenge for us financially because our insurance doesn't pay a lick of anything fertility related. When the two IUI's didn't work, we were emotionally exhausted and frightened. Our doctor at that time was less than enthusiastic about anything and in a way, instilled fear in us that just didn't feel peaceful or right.
My childhood friend had told me about a doctor that was 1.5 hours north of us that was full of miracles. He had helped her conceive when she was having issues with her health for a long while. I had heard he was very positive and forward thinking. He was also homeopathic. So, we took the risk of the long drives and made an appointment. When sitting in the waiting room, we picked up a binder with story after story of how he helped couples conceive that were told they never could. When we met him, he sat with us knee to knee, intently listening and helping to open our minds to a new positive perspective. He gave us a gift that day of learning to listen closer to our bodies and its needs. He has never stopped giving us so much hope. Each treatment he does muscle testing and acupressure, as well as adjustments to make our organs "happy" he calls it. He has found the kinks in our systems and has smoothed them over. We discovered that our adrenal glands were off which can mess with hormones. Also that I am allergic to Carsten's saliva down yonder, which we were using as a lubricant each time. I also have an auto-immune issue in my uterus that fights off anything foreign that comes in, which could be sperm or a fertilized egg...and of course, the saliva. When we discovered this it was HUGE and made sense to why nothing has worked thus far. So, I am taking herbal pills and supplements that has helped cure the auto-immune issue. We also have been put on the blood type diet and feel wonderful. He has me on wild yam because my progesterone was a bit low after ovulation. We also purchased a computerized fertility monitor thingy which has helped us discover that I've been ovulating later than we thought. I took a few months off from acupuncture for financial reasons and am now back seeing her twice a month starting in January. She just recently sent me home with two blessing rings that I am wearing around my neck. One says "Baby" and the other "Mother". I am wearing it in the picture above. This necklace is now my talisman to carry close to me on this journey.
As crazy as all this is, I am truly not as consumed as I used to be. I am thrilled about my business and creating those opportunities for my life. And looking back, if I would have conceived when we first started trying, I am not quite sure I would be where I am today career wise. So for this, I am trusting and letting go more and more.
But yes...I have my tough days and I will lay that down here in my journal when needed. I always am grateful during those times when you lift me up out of the darkness with your love and light...without judgement.
So, there it is folks!!! Now that you know all the fun technical details...you are truly along for the ride during these Chronicles of Me.