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Thursday, February 22

on fertile ground


me wearing Thea's fertility elephant pendant & a fertility goddess pendant
from Jen (thank you, sisters!), canon digital rebel xt

Today was acupuncture day. I go three times a month. Before, during and after ovulation. My session today was post ovulation. This is the time in my cycle that if we did indeed fertilize an egg, it would most likely be implanting in my uterus. This is always such a vulnerable time for me. This is when I feel conflicted. I want so badly to believe and meditate on all that is transpiring within my womb but at the same time all the familiar fears creep in. I've been better lately at not listening to my fears and just allowing myself to feel hopeful and connect with our baby spirit. I feel this spirit near me always. It is hard to explain but it's an essence of a little person that surrounds me. Sometimes I hear it whispering to me. Other times I just feel the longing it has to be with us and I reassure this spirit in my mind that it will be soon...soon. It's always comforting to me. I already feel like a mother nurturing this little soul that is meant to be in my life, in our life.

After my acupuncturist inserts the soft needles and guides me through a meditation to open my heart to a potentially fertilized egg, she quietly leaves the room. It is dark and candle lit, smelling of lightly scented oils while zen music gently plays in the background. My eyes are covered with an herbal pillow. This is when I usually fall asleep. Not today. I found myself crying for the first time during an acupuncture session as soon as I heard the door shut behind her. I whispered to my baby, asking it to come soon and allowed myself to soak the herbal pillow with my tears. I still feel tender from this session.

Yesterday I received a package from Sarah of Rustic Relics. A few months ago I had a dream that I was wearing a fertility pendant that she had made. I woke up with a strong feeling that I needed to contact her and ask her to custom design one for me. Our lives had become busy and we both agreed that the pendant would reach me when it was supposed to. And it did. Yesterday. When I saw the pendant I gasped because it looked exactly like it did in my dream. She also included an oil burner to burn a bundle of fertility herbs she gathered together for me. It was like this cool witches brew of rocks, twigs, stones, fruit and herbs.

I sat down and stared at the burner as it worked its magic and filled our home with an earthy scent. I felt so grateful for her kindness and the perfect timing of her offering. I thought about all of the other gifts I have received over the last year from friends and family to help guide and support us on our fertility journey. I felt an urge to gather them around me and summon the power each of them held. So I gathered.

I feel something shifting in our home. A fertile energy. It feels so close and perhaps that is why I am crying a lot. Not tears of fear this time but tears of joy for all the blessings this journey has brought us.

I thought I'd share the magic that lives in my home from all of the lovelies around the world. If they only knew how much I've needed all this...


Fertility package from Sarah, canon digital rebel xt


Susannah sent me a pouch filled with stones that promote fertility that I put under my pillow every night.


My sister Darlene bought me this gorgeous Gaia fertility goddess. Letha sent me these stones and rocks to help with my journey. I keep them in the Feng Shui "Family" corner of our home.


This baby blessing ring is from my acupuncturist. I either wear it or put it in my pocket every day.


Georgia sent me these pregnant belly earrings that her mother gave her when she was trying to conceive. Apparently it worked for her! I have them on my night stand and rub the bellies often.


Deirdre just mailed me this beautiful mother and baby. She said she heard my name whispered in her ear when she first laid eyes on this in the store and knew she was supposed to send it to me. It is now up in my studio near candles where I can see and rub it throughout the day.



My dear friend Bobbi from Minnesota sent us this fertility pendant at the beginning of our journey. It reminds me of the hope I carried back then and how it still lives within me even 2.5 years later.


The lovely Amy sent me this stunning elephant that I keep on my arched window sill in my studio. I just learned that elephants are a symbol of fertility among other things.



Letha sent me this rabbit charm. Rabbit's are associated with fertility because they actually ovulate right after having intercourse, so they are quite fertile!!


Nina and her children painted me this beautiful "Boho Mama" card and added a lot of goodies in the package to help me relax and meditate on my journey. My sister Darlene made me this beautiful fertility necklace.



Maternity Bliss, Mixed Media by Kelly Rae Roberts

Late last year I asked Kelly Rae if she had a print of a pregnant woman because I wanted a piece of her magic in my home. She ended up being inspired and painted this. I thought it was amazing how much the woman in this painting resembles me (especially since I just got my hair dyed red a few days ago. hmmmm. ). I fell in love with this so much that I bought the original. It now lives in my Feng Shui "Family" corner of our home.

This image is what I am believing the outcome of all of this magic will bring. Until then, I will be standing on fertile ground.

34 Comments:

Blogger renovating this heart said...

I loved reading this post.... seeing all your fertility gifts and imagining them in your home or in your pocket or around your neck.... accompanying you every day on this tender journey. I haven't *known* you long on this blog, but even I can tell how much growth this time in your life has brought you.... and my hope is that the growth doesn't stop there... that a little blessing begins growing in your belly.

February 22, 2007 at 9:33:00 PM PST  
Blogger deirdre said...

Oh, sweetie, this is sure to call that baby to you. xoxoxo

February 22, 2007 at 10:01:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Literary Bohemian said...

This post is so heartfelt and beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. Even though I don't know you well (I read your blog often though) I'm sending you lots of Fertile energy.

February 22, 2007 at 10:43:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Schmoops said...

Oh angel... I am crying tears of absolute joy reading this post. I feel so much warmth and radiant energy from you as I read each word.

You are so loved and nurtured by so many, your symbols of fertility gathered all around you.

Soon tender one... oh so very soon.

wrapping you in love

February 22, 2007 at 11:12:00 PM PST  
Blogger luzie said...

What a beautiful and moving post. The hope and the fertile energy circulating in your home shine through your words. I'm sending you more love and more fertility vibes.
Hugs! xoxo

February 23, 2007 at 1:33:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am new to blogger and have been reading all kinds of stories. Yours is the first to make me comment. You have an exciting story and I wish you success in fertility. You have all the signs of success surrounding you.

Good Luck!

ps- what is happening with your gorgous brother in law

February 23, 2007 at 5:40:00 AM PST  
Blogger brittany said...

The beauty of the friends and family that send you thier love is wonderful. The desire in your heart to be a mother is powerful.

My love and well wishes are sent to you consistently.

Love to you, friend.

B

February 23, 2007 at 6:24:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Sarah e. Smith said...

Lovely Denise, I am so glad that you feel such a connection to the piece I made, i did my best to create something that I could envision you wearing around your neck and that would bring some extra fertile energry and love your way. Thank you so much for the kind words, they truly mean a lot to me. I am sorry i have yet to email you, but I have so much more to tell you about what went into making your pendant and the herbs insence I enclosed. I'll be sure to email you today with all the juicy information.
Love and light to you...
Sarah

February 23, 2007 at 6:27:00 AM PST  
Blogger Regina Clare Jane said...

It takes so little for us to be kind to one another- a small card or piece of jewelry or kind thought... I wish for you only the greatest joy, Boho girl...

February 23, 2007 at 7:42:00 AM PST  
Blogger Star said...

These pieces have such energy; I'm so glad you shared them here as a group.

Keeping you close in thoughts and prayers.

February 23, 2007 at 8:34:00 AM PST  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

D~ like others above, this brought tears to my eyes, so powerful is both the love people have for you, as well as the space that you are currently in.

That word "magic" keeps coming up, and so I have to believe that this is exactlying what is manifesting right now....two souls are connecting and wispering to each other. This is pure love and magic.

And that picture of you? So divine.

Love you. xoxoxoxoxoxo

February 23, 2007 at 8:38:00 AM PST  
Anonymous bekka said...

such a lovely pendant. but all your fertility items are, gosh, just so nice. with all the good energy being sent your way, i'm sure you'll have your heart's desire soon.

February 23, 2007 at 8:41:00 AM PST  
Blogger Georgia said...

Yay!!

Your post has made me so happy today:)

I love looking at all the lovely things you have received, they are eye candy to me.

Love to you sweetheart, I am dreaming of Yuma... hehe

xoxo
Georgia

February 23, 2007 at 8:43:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Sam said...

Now I am going to walk around singing, "We-eee-are-re-STANDING-on-fertile-GR-OUND..." instead of "We are standing...on holy ground..." but oh how holy and blessed it is. And you know the next line is "And I know that there are angels, all around..." I truly hope and pray that the tides are turning for you - and that you will have that spirit within you, blossoming and anchoring itself inside you, giving you wings - my own pregnancy has been magical, giving me a new set of lenses, and absolutely giving me wings, just like your picture. Not only is there the miracle of a child, but there is a new self acceptance and beauty that I feel - what a gift! I wish the same for you, a hundred times over.

(And I love those pregnant belly earrings - so many of your icons - I hope they light the way, indeed.)

February 23, 2007 at 9:27:00 AM PST  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

you deserve all these gifts and more.

February 23, 2007 at 10:24:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

i can feel the love surrounding you...

February 23, 2007 at 10:50:00 AM PST  
Blogger Sarah said...

Such loveliness to surround you on your journey. Sending fertility vibes yuor way.

February 23, 2007 at 11:30:00 AM PST  
Blogger Jaime said...

Such beautiful little treasures

February 23, 2007 at 12:38:00 PM PST  
Anonymous teresa s. said...

Every piece is so very sweet and beautiful, wow, all of this art is just wonderful. You know I am a little hooked on "The Secret", so I think the universe will definitely be giving you back what you have put out. That baby will be soon!! I like that believe and you will receive way of thinking!

teresa
xo

February 23, 2007 at 12:56:00 PM PST  
Blogger Susannah said...

i tried really hard to fit inside that little knitted pouch... but it was too small, so look out for any big packages in the mail.. it'll be me :-) xo

February 23, 2007 at 1:15:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kelly Sime said...

what beautiful gifts! i'll be thinking of you.

February 23, 2007 at 3:39:00 PM PST  
Anonymous krista said...

BEAUTIFUL photographs. I loved this post Boho.

February 23, 2007 at 5:18:00 PM PST  
Blogger HLiza said...

Oh I've never seen so many stuffs that's meant for fertility. I hope you'll get your heart desires. Just remember..it all starts with love. With love, you'll get anything!

February 23, 2007 at 7:07:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lucky Candice said...

I too wish this for you - a baby in your womb. I also felt the presence of each of my children before I got pregnant. It will happen soon, just remember to pray and open your heart to God.

LC

February 24, 2007 at 8:10:00 AM PST  
Blogger Lucky Candice said...

I too wish this for you - a baby in your womb. I also felt the presence of each of my children before I got pregnant. It will happen soon, just remember to pray and open your heart to God.

LC

February 24, 2007 at 8:10:00 AM PST  
Anonymous erica said...

i have never been pulled onto another's fetrile ground. i am so thankful...as someone who got pregnant on "accident" much younger than i wanted to, i have felt estranged from everyone with the opposite story. you changed that. thank you. i'll be thinking fertile thoughts your way.
oh and i think this de-lurks me.

February 24, 2007 at 12:17:00 PM PST  
Blogger Amanda said...

So heartwarming...your baby is going to be welcomed with the most love. Sending you positive love and energy.
xoxo
amanda

February 24, 2007 at 4:10:00 PM PST  
Blogger Bohemian Mom said...

This is absolutely beautiful!
You have so much love and baby nurturing just bursting from your soul.
I can picture you with your little boho baby in a carrier on your back.
Love the fertility gifts.

February 25, 2007 at 10:53:00 AM PST  
Blogger Toni said...

I've read this post a couple of times and have loved every word, picture. It was so heartwarming and inspiring. Full of love, nuture, energies.

I believe a "little boho" will be joining you both very soon, with all this love and support from everyone who love and adores you both.

What an awesome post,
Big hugs and lots of love and positive "energies" coming your way from across the seas,
Love Toni

*Thank you for the smiles :)

February 25, 2007 at 10:14:00 PM PST  
Blogger Vanessa said...

warm fuzzy fertile love abounds!
lucky lovely boho family...
sending love,
Vx

February 26, 2007 at 9:32:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Schmoops said...

I keep coming back to gaze at the b&w photo above because I just realized your smile is similar to that of Kate Winslet. And you know how much I love her.

Now I am seriously crushing on you... as if I weren't before... hee hee.

February 26, 2007 at 10:15:00 AM PST  
Blogger LoriLaurieLauri said...

Wow! Not to put your fertility issue in the background, what a wonderful and inspiring post on the power and community of blogging! It really is amazing!

I was told by my OB/GYN that I would probably not be able to get pregnant and would have to adopt. Which was fine with me, but, I just kept believing I would get pregnant and have my own baby one day. And, Voila! There she was!

So, just keep believing that you WILL be pregnant...not 'if' or 'I hope'...just 'when I'm pregnant' or 'when I have my baby'-the power of positive thinking and believing is very strong...and the right little soul, waiting just for you, will be there right when it needs you!

And so many absolutely beautiful fertility symbols! You are blessed!

February 26, 2007 at 4:59:00 PM PST  
Blogger kelly rae said...

all of these treasures are a testament to the person you are, your friendships, and to your journey. you are so, so loved, denise. you're doing everything right. keep capturing that bright smile of yours...

February 26, 2007 at 11:32:00 PM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

It is funny how the posts that most move me sometimes are ones I need to sit with-come back and read and then comment.

All this beauty took a while to soak in.

You my darling are so divine. I so love these pics of you. Especially the ones where you are smiling so beautiful and joyful.

Loving you
toe to toe

February 27, 2007 at 5:18:00 AM PST  

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