on fertile ground
me wearing Thea's fertility elephant pendant & a fertility goddess pendant
from Jen (thank you, sisters!), canon digital rebel xt
Today was acupuncture day. I go three times a month. Before, during and after ovulation. My session today was post ovulation. This is the time in my cycle that if we did indeed fertilize an egg, it would most likely be implanting in my uterus. This is always such a vulnerable time for me. This is when I feel conflicted. I want so badly to believe and meditate on all that is transpiring within my womb but at the same time all the familiar fears creep in. I've been better lately at not listening to my fears and just allowing myself to feel hopeful and connect with our baby spirit. I feel this spirit near me always. It is hard to explain but it's an essence of a little person that surrounds me. Sometimes I hear it whispering to me. Other times I just feel the longing it has to be with us and I reassure this spirit in my mind that it will be soon...soon. It's always comforting to me. I already feel like a mother nurturing this little soul that is meant to be in my life, in our life.
After my acupuncturist inserts the soft needles and guides me through a meditation to open my heart to a potentially fertilized egg, she quietly leaves the room. It is dark and candle lit, smelling of lightly scented oils while zen music gently plays in the background. My eyes are covered with an herbal pillow. This is when I usually fall asleep. Not today. I found myself crying for the first time during an acupuncture session as soon as I heard the door shut behind her. I whispered to my baby, asking it to come soon and allowed myself to soak the herbal pillow with my tears. I still feel tender from this session.
Yesterday I received a package from Sarah of Rustic Relics. A few months ago I had a dream that I was wearing a fertility pendant that she had made. I woke up with a strong feeling that I needed to contact her and ask her to custom design one for me. Our lives had become busy and we both agreed that the pendant would reach me when it was supposed to. And it did. Yesterday. When I saw the pendant I gasped because it looked exactly like it did in my dream. She also included an oil burner to burn a bundle of fertility herbs she gathered together for me. It was like this cool witches brew of rocks, twigs, stones, fruit and herbs.
I sat down and stared at the burner as it worked its magic and filled our home with an earthy scent. I felt so grateful for her kindness and the perfect timing of her offering. I thought about all of the other gifts I have received over the last year from friends and family to help guide and support us on our fertility journey. I felt an urge to gather them around me and summon the power each of them held. So I gathered.
I feel something shifting in our home. A fertile energy. It feels so close and perhaps that is why I am crying a lot. Not tears of fear this time but tears of joy for all the blessings this journey has brought us.
I thought I'd share the magic that lives in my home from all of the lovelies around the world. If they only knew how much I've needed all this...
Fertility package from Sarah, canon digital rebel xt
Susannah sent me a pouch filled with stones that promote fertility that I put under my pillow every night.
My sister Darlene bought me this gorgeous Gaia fertility goddess. Letha sent me these stones and rocks to help with my journey. I keep them in the Feng Shui "Family" corner of our home.
This baby blessing ring is from my acupuncturist. I either wear it or put it in my pocket every day.
Georgia sent me these pregnant belly earrings that her mother gave her when she was trying to conceive. Apparently it worked for her! I have them on my night stand and rub the bellies often.
Deirdre just mailed me this beautiful mother and baby. She said she heard my name whispered in her ear when she first laid eyes on this in the store and knew she was supposed to send it to me. It is now up in my studio near candles where I can see and rub it throughout the day.
My dear friend Bobbi from Minnesota sent us this fertility pendant at the beginning of our journey. It reminds me of the hope I carried back then and how it still lives within me even 2.5 years later.
The lovely Amy sent me this stunning elephant that I keep on my arched window sill in my studio. I just learned that elephants are a symbol of fertility among other things.
Letha sent me this rabbit charm. Rabbit's are associated with fertility because they actually ovulate right after having intercourse, so they are quite fertile!!
Nina and her children painted me this beautiful "Boho Mama" card and added a lot of goodies in the package to help me relax and meditate on my journey. My sister Darlene made me this beautiful fertility necklace.
Maternity Bliss, Mixed Media by Kelly Rae Roberts
Late last year I asked Kelly Rae if she had a print of a pregnant woman because I wanted a piece of her magic in my home. She ended up being inspired and painted this. I thought it was amazing how much the woman in this painting resembles me (especially since I just got my hair dyed red a few days ago. hmmmm. ). I fell in love with this so much that I bought the original. It now lives in my Feng Shui "Family" corner of our home.
This image is what I am believing the outcome of all of this magic will bring. Until then, I will be standing on fertile ground.