self portrait challenge ~ black & white {2}

SPC self portrait, canon digital rebel xt

Unadulterated Joy.

That is what I have been feeling this past week. It's been a rough few months for both of our families and I didn't realize in the midst of it all, I had lost my joy. That playful, unadulterated joy that seems to permeate my being when I walk down the street. Well, it's back and it feels so damn good.

It seems when I allow joy to come into my heart, that more joyful things happen to me. Like a free acupuncture appointment, a photo gig at a cool art gallery, a crazy amazing psychic reading and a photography opportunity to work with my acupuncturists clients and their newborns. All in a few days. But it's not like these things are falling into my lap out of the blue. I've actually spent time dreaming of them, imagining them, speaking them out loud and feeling as though they were happening when they weren't yet. I believe that is called manifesting. I have forgotten how powerful it is. I forget all to easily, actually...and I sit up in my studio and wonder for months why things aren't happening. It's because I am focusing on them "not happening".

It's all about the Law of Attraction that everyone is whispering about where we attract things that we are thinking and feeling. These past few weeks I have chosen to focus on how grateful I am for my fertility journey because as much as there is pain, sorrow, loss and confusion, there has been much more fabulousness in the mix. Like my blog, the connections I've made, the art that has been inspired by my journey and the opportunities that have come into my path as a result of my blog connections. When we finally do have our Boho Baby, I am going to constantly thank them for knowing the perfect time to come into our life. Knowing it better than we do. That is one of the things the psychic said to me. That our baby wants to be with us but it also understands how important it is for my husband and I to be individuals before we are parents. Our careers, our marriage, our creations are all in a different place than they were a year ago. We are more prepared to be parents now without losing ourselves or forgetting our passions. For that, I am so grateful.

One of the things I heard on Oprah the other day when the folks from The Secret were on was "nothing good will come into your life unless you are grateful for what you have already."

So yes...at this moment, I am focusing on the joy, the passion, the freedom, the juice of life...and I expect magic baby...MAGIC! Bring it on.

ps. And speaking of magic...the Girly Show was fabulous! I thought Mati captured well what I did all evening with this Boho Paparazzi pic! A post with details & my photos of this delicious event is coming soon.