Monday, February 12

self portrait challenge ~ black & white {2}

SPC self portrait, canon digital rebel xt

Unadulterated Joy.

That is what I have been feeling this past week. It's been a rough few months for both of our families and I didn't realize in the midst of it all, I had lost my joy. That playful, unadulterated joy that seems to permeate my being when I walk down the street. Well, it's back and it feels so damn good.

It seems when I allow joy to come into my heart, that more joyful things happen to me. Like a free acupuncture appointment, a photo gig at a cool art gallery, a crazy amazing psychic reading and a photography opportunity to work with my acupuncturists clients and their newborns. All in a few days. But it's not like these things are falling into my lap out of the blue. I've actually spent time dreaming of them, imagining them, speaking them out loud and feeling as though they were happening when they weren't yet. I believe that is called manifesting. I have forgotten how powerful it is. I forget all to easily, actually...and I sit up in my studio and wonder for months why things aren't happening. It's because I am focusing on them "not happening".

It's all about the Law of Attraction that everyone is whispering about where we attract things that we are thinking and feeling. These past few weeks I have chosen to focus on how grateful I am for my fertility journey because as much as there is pain, sorrow, loss and confusion, there has been much more fabulousness in the mix. Like my blog, the connections I've made, the art that has been inspired by my journey and the opportunities that have come into my path as a result of my blog connections. When we finally do have our Boho Baby, I am going to constantly thank them for knowing the perfect time to come into our life. Knowing it better than we do. That is one of the things the psychic said to me. That our baby wants to be with us but it also understands how important it is for my husband and I to be individuals before we are parents. Our careers, our marriage, our creations are all in a different place than they were a year ago. We are more prepared to be parents now without losing ourselves or forgetting our passions. For that, I am so grateful.

One of the things I heard on Oprah the other day when the folks from The Secret were on was "nothing good will come into your life unless you are grateful for what you have already."

So yes...at this moment, I am focusing on the joy, the passion, the freedom, the juice of life...and I expect magic baby...MAGIC! Bring it on.

ps. And speaking of magic...the Girly Show was fabulous! I thought Mati captured well what I did all evening with this Boho Paparazzi pic! A post with details & my photos of this delicious event is coming soon.


Blogger Amanda said...

That picture of you is beautiful! I can actually feel your happiness through your words...

February 12, 2007 at 7:18:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My hubby and I just bought the book "The Secret" and ordered the dvd. It has been very enlightening so far. Keep your positive energy flowing and that magically baby will be!


February 12, 2007 at 7:23:00 PM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh this pic is so beautiful, I am going to print it and keep it in my studio.

This post brought your joy over here and into my heart love.

You are a true doll.

Love you
toe to toe

February 12, 2007 at 7:40:00 PM PST  
Blogger LiteraryGirl said...

Good reminder. I unfortunately have been focusing on all that is wrong lately, and I definitely notice the gray of my mood affecting everything around me. I believe it's a choice, and this is a good reminder that I need to make the choice to be joyful. Thanks for your words!

February 12, 2007 at 8:36:00 PM PST  
Blogger luzie said...

Beautiful, beaming you. Your picture expresses so well the energy that is in your words. xo

February 12, 2007 at 11:31:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yay ... I do like *the law of attraction* ... joy attracts joy :o)

February 13, 2007 at 1:32:00 AM PST  
Blogger Vanessa said...

I love this broad smile and this magically positive post!

February 13, 2007 at 2:37:00 AM PST  
Blogger Intrepidflame said...

Loved this shot. It's strange even when you are being introspective and a bit sad, this is the image I always have of you. I know we are strangers, but it is this smile that keeps me reading and interested in your posts.

Technical aspects: I love how the light comes from below and the framing is genius! One of my faves!

February 13, 2007 at 4:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Beautiful smile--captured joy right there through the camera lens. Thank you for this one--and the post, so heartfelt and uplifting. Magical...

February 13, 2007 at 4:33:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Secret is amazing. Truly changed my way of thinking and life. When I read your blog, I always get an overwhelming feeling of creativity, love and security. Thank you for the inspiration.

February 13, 2007 at 4:43:00 AM PST  
Blogger Brandi Reynolds said...

all I can say to this is amen, sister, amen. Oh, and rock.on.

February 13, 2007 at 5:26:00 AM PST  
Blogger gerry rosser said...

Yay, joy!
Really keen picture. After looking at all your Rebel pics, I bought one.

February 13, 2007 at 5:38:00 AM PST  
Blogger Regina said...

This is such a wonderful post- I love the reminder to be grateful for what you have before you start asking for more... I definitely need to do that!
Yay for you, dear girl... and it's so nice to see you smiling!

February 13, 2007 at 7:14:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can you not smile looking at this photo?

Now of course I am seeing The Secret everywhere I look. How did I miss it before?

February 13, 2007 at 8:18:00 AM PST  
Blogger daisies said...

: ) that smile is so beautiful and contagious and wonderful ... its wonderful that you see all the wonderful that you have to smile about!!

February 13, 2007 at 8:55:00 AM PST  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yes, you're happiness can, indeed, be felt through this picture. Great light and framing.

February 13, 2007 at 8:59:00 AM PST  
Blogger mati rose said...

what a truly beautiful self-portrait! the face behind the papparazzi is unveiled;) you are going to be such an amazing photographer (already are) and parent. i believe that wisdom of your baby knowing when you are ready. SO much wisdom in this post, i need to re-read:))

February 13, 2007 at 9:04:00 AM PST  
Blogger Miriam said...

Your post is inspiring...as is the photo. I watched that show the other day too...and felt like I was having an aha moment, but was flustered in my attempt to watch it at the same time because of my three year old running around me in circles. I feel like your post is giving me the opportunity to revisit that feeling. I want this feeling soooo much too. Or rather I want it back. Thanks for making me think again instead of going on in a blur. It will be today's ponderance for sure. ;)

February 13, 2007 at 10:12:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm loving this photo. It makes me want to laugh out loud too. It expresses, you express pure joy!

XOXO Sophie

February 13, 2007 at 11:42:00 AM PST  
Blogger Waspgoddess said...

What a lovely, happy, joyful photo; looking at it I can't help but smile. Your joy is spreading all the way over to cold rainy England.

February 13, 2007 at 11:43:00 AM PST  
Blogger Georgia said...

Oh you delicious, beautiful, yummy woman you! I can feel your joy all the way over here.


February 13, 2007 at 11:58:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it is so wonderful to see this picture, it brings a huge smile to my face! ....you are covered with magic! xo

February 13, 2007 at 12:12:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love reading your journal. I found it through kelly raes and your sisters. I was infertile for many years. I had my gorgeous 21 yr old daughter at age 35 and my sweetheart of a son at age 37. I am thinking positive thoughts for you and your hubby. you are beautiful, i just sense it...........hugs, nance

February 13, 2007 at 12:50:00 PM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

oh i LOVE that smile!

February 13, 2007 at 12:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger Uber Mer said...

I really needed to read this post ~ I truly believe in manifesting. Thank you for keeping me on my focus.

To happy days and a wonderful journey!

xo mer

February 13, 2007 at 1:21:00 PM PST  
Blogger Rebecca said...

gorgeous! great smile. what a pair of choppers you've got!

February 13, 2007 at 2:16:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so happy for you, that you are feeling joy again.
I found out about The Secret through a blog last week and then two days later, Oprah had an entire show about it! Talk about timing! My husband and I watched it together. I do believe that if we have a dream or a goal and if we think positively about it and if we TELL others about it with enthusiasm and take our own steps towards that dream or goal, then there is a good chance it WILL happen. I believe that there are people we know and who we don't know, who WILL help us reach our goals because there is so much good in the world and we want others to succeed.
And yes, this amazing blogging world has proved that to me, too.

February 13, 2007 at 5:12:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kathleen said...

YOU are beautiful and magical!
i am stoked for you and all that is happening for you. i believe, too, that if you visualize it, "it" will happen.

run with it, girl. things are going to keep happening for you. i can see it, too!

February 13, 2007 at 5:48:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I first heard about the secret on your blog, then saw the Oprah show and am now waiting for the DVD to arrive. It reminds me a lot of what Wayne Dyer says, and he is someone I consistently go back to reading and listening to. I too am on this journey of infertility and have decided to make a conscious effort to be more positive and appreciative of all the good in my life. The pity party is over. Thanks for your continued inspiration.

February 13, 2007 at 6:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger kelly rae said...

i've been doing so much manifesting myself lately that i almost believe i manifested this very post from you!

and this photo is wonderful! i am loving that smile!

looking forward to the girly show photos!

February 13, 2007 at 6:47:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I left a comment earlier but I think it didn't load right because now I don't see it. *silly technology*

This picture is absolutely beautiful and so is your positive attitude.

Thank you for sharing both.

February 13, 2007 at 6:53:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You look beautiful as always - and sooo happy!


February 13, 2007 at 6:53:00 PM PST  
Blogger Jaime said...

Thanks for this post; it's help me re-find the joy in my life too.

February 13, 2007 at 6:54:00 PM PST  
Blogger Deb R said...

Oh, that photo of you is just beautiful! It made me smile even before I read the title or your joyful words. That was a wonderful post.

February 13, 2007 at 9:04:00 PM PST  
Blogger Vedrana M. said...

beautiful photo, real joy :)

February 14, 2007 at 2:15:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

most things i've ever wanted i've manifested, keep feeling the joy. this is a fabulous portrait. you have a gift

February 14, 2007 at 5:40:00 AM PST  
Blogger Kim Carney said...

I feel your joy

February 14, 2007 at 10:05:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

absolutely gorgeous photo that conveys the sheer delight in your life. blessings to you and everyone in your wonderful life...

February 14, 2007 at 1:37:00 PM PST  
Blogger me-nikk said...

OMG!!! I have been wanting YOU and YOUR FAMILY to find this secret for awhile now!!! I AM SO EXCITED THAT YOU HAVE FOUND IT AND ARE PRACTICING IT WITH YOUR BABY TO BE!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!! I LOVE YOU!!! and you WILL have a child! This works!!! It's been amazing and crazy to see it work in my husband and my life... like crazy, unbelievable!!! PLEASE share this with your sister and Mark!!! PLEASE!!! He needs it so badly right now. They both do! I have been visualizing that you found this. I even visualized that you saw it on Oprah! Good GOD!!! TODAY is a good day!


Someone who you do not know and loves you very much!

February 16, 2007 at 10:50:00 AM PST  
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April 10, 2007 at 5:20:00 PM PDT  

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