self portrait challenge ~ black & white {4}

self portrait, canon digital rebel xt

I chose this self portrait because it shows a very raw and vulnerable side of me. I feel this way about a few pieces of my life but one in particular that I will share with you is my art. Whether it be photography, jewelry, drawing or writing, for years I was timid to share these pieces of myself. I hid them away and created during my quiet times where no one else could judge or criticize. I am tender about my creations. No matter how hard I try not to care what others think, I do care. It is deeply personal.

Going to design school was a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it helped me be more brave about coming out of my creative bubble and displaying my art for all the class to see. A curse because I had to endure critique and found myself comparing my art to others and questioning my ability as a designer and artist. No matter how many fabulous things were said about my creations...it was that one not so fabulous comment that stood out above all the rest. I know critique is necessary for growth in our talents, just as pain is necessary for growth on our path, but it still hurts our inner child that wants to believe there is no right or wrong way to create when it comes from our heart. This is the only way I know how to create...from my heart.

That is why people like SARK and Sabrina have rocked my world. They, among many other friends in my life, have inspired me to nurture my inner child and explore my talents with freedom and abandon. No rules. This is the perfect path for a sensitive soul like me.

I still struggle with comparing myself to others and when I do this, I have a tendency to run into a corner and hide my art. It is a journey and during those times I need to hold my inner child and tell her there is no right or wrong when it comes to her creations.

Here is an excerpt from "Letters to a Young Poet" that I like to read often for a reminder of the type of artist and designer I want to be:

Your work needs to be independent of others' work.
You must not compare yourself to others.
No one can help you. You have to help yourself.
Criticism leads to misunderstandings and defeatism.
Work from necessity and your compulsion to do it.
Work on what you know and what you are sure you love.
Don't observe yourself too closely, just let it happen.
Don't let yourself be controlled by too much irony.
Live in and love the activity of your work.
Be free of thoughts of sin, guilt and misgiving.
Be touched by the beautiful anxiety of life.
Be patient with the unresolved in your heart.
Try to be in love with the questions themselves.
Love your solitude and try to sing with its pain.
Be gentle to all of those who stay behind.
Your inner self is worth your entire concentration.
Allow your art to make extraordinary demands on you.
Bear your sadness with greater trust than your joy.
Do not persecute yourself with how things are going.
It's good to be solitary, because solitude is difficult.
It's good to love, because love is difficult.
You are not a prisoner of anything or anyone.

"Letters to a Young Poet", Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)