this weekend's family portrait session,
Last night, while still dressed up from our night out, I was picking up the kitchen while my husband wrapped his arms around me from behind. He kissed my neck and said..."you're so yummy". He then stepped back and said, "I don't know why but you really look like a mother right now". Some women may have rolled their eyes at that compliment or perhaps not taken it as a compliment at all but I found myself feeling extremely beautiful and sexy when hearing that.
This fertility journey does wonders on a woman's self esteem and/or self worth as the most basic function for us is not working "properly". They are all lies of course but it messes with us, nonetheless. With everything else I have questioned, I have also wondered at times whether or not my husband can even see me as a mother at all after what we've been through. So, needless to say it felt wonderful to hear him say that.
I had a family portrait session with twin boys this weekend. I wondered how I would feel in their presence. I wondered if it would bring up all these sad emotions. On the contrary, it did the opposite. It was pure joy being around them and all the baby mojo they were giving to me. I loved the smell of their skin. I left feeling even more confident that this is a path, among all the other paths in my life I have chosen, that feels so right to me.