self portrait, canon digital rebel xt
I seem to keep going back to this paragraph in the current book I'm reading:
"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."
~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
I am a few chapters ahead but I've dog eared this particular page. When I am about to go to sleep, I come back to this paragraph...again and again. This is one of the many things this journey to conceive has taught us about so many other aspects of our lives. My husband and I cannot get attached to any one outcome of this journey. We just have to go day by day, moment by moment, with no expectations. We choose to remain open to the lessons from the pain, the change, the transformations that come with it all.
I can see the wisdom of these lessons spilling over into our marriage, our relationships, our creativity and careers. These endless waves of transformation are helping who we are, what we do and what we represent to be constantly evolving. Not only with the idea of how our baby will come into our lives but with everything, really.
These "transformation waves" are for us, not against us but sometimes it is difficult to see this when you feel like you're drowning. We have the power to lift our heads up out of the water and coast the waves. We really do. We just need to be open to change and the idea that our lives may not always turn out the way we expect it to. Unpredictable. Just like the ocean.