my own voice
katie & nolan, canon digital rebel xti
The last few days I have realized that bit by bit...I have allowed the practitioners on this journey of mine to take some power away from me. I have allowed their reactions, their opinions, their idea of statistics or perhaps even their moods on that particular day dictate how I feel about my body and how it is working. When really...if I hushed those voices and listened to my own voice down deep within, I would hear the truth. The truth is my body is beautiful. It is fertile. It is abundant and it will grow life. I am not a statistic. I am a woman. I am a fertile woman. Down deep in my gut I have always known this but when someone else doesn't feel so sure, I have let them take this knowing away from me.
I am learning some tools to help me maintain this knowing. I am doing some deep digging into my heart and allowing myself to feel again. To be in touch. Even with the pain. The pain I was afraid of and wanted to keep quiet.
Someone very wise said to me today..."The opposite of pain is not pleasure...it is numbness."
I don't want to be numb. Even if it means embracing the sadness. The sadness isn't bad. It is part of the longing I have for our child which is beautiful and just means I am alive. And being alive means I am one step closer on the path to where my baby will meet me. Which is good. So good.