brave*

feeling brave, canon digital rebel xti

There is a song that I've been listening to quite often over the last few weeks that my dear friend Meg put on a CD for the tribe. Every time I hear the chorus my throat tightens and tears fill my eyes. It's not a sad welling of tears. It is tears of overwhelming gratefulness for all I've/we've been through on this journey.

It's about us never giving up in the face of other's doubt.
It's about lifting my arms up to the sky and letting go.
It's about reconnecting with the divine wisdom within myself that had been silenced.
It's about admitting I am scared and facing those fears.
It's about dancing after the tears fall.

The last few days after my niece left I found myself feeling vulnerable and being brought to tears at random times. I've learned to not fight it and to just let it move through me because I know I am always left standing. Perhaps even more firm.

I think what is happening is I am preparing myself for what is to come. I feel a shift approaching. After my surgery in early September, we will be given more hope. It excites me and it scares the shit out of me. I am afraid of that familiar disappointment but at the same time have decided to not rob myself of the joy. This tells me there is an even more wild journey ahead.

The day after tomorrow I will be traveling to a gentle place where me and four other incredibly brave women friends will circle together and remind one another that we can do this thing called life and do it with abandon. I know these women will inspire me to rock on with my photog business and then some. This gathering came at the perfect time for me.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to visit their beautiful worlds. I have no doubt they will wildy inspire you:

andrea
jen gray
christine m.
kate

I will reconnect here in a week or so. Until then, here are the lyrics to the song I spoke of. If you listen to it, I have a feeling you'll be doing twirls with arms wide open as proud tears fall to the ground. Because you are brave and deep inside you know this.

life's so fragile and so frail
and we hold on despite it all
and we're all scared sometimes
and i want to be strong but i never know where to begin
and the light from the window is making me want to stay in
but...darlin' you free me.

and i'm brave
i'm brave
like a feeling i had
once upon a time

like a bird in my mind
wings so high
deep inside

so i turn my face out to the sky
and i know you're out there somewhere
with your satin crown

so i'm spinning closer to my soul
and i'm still here inside me,
although i'm on my own

and i'm brave
i'm brave
like a feeling i had
once upon a time
like a bird in my mind
wings so high
deep inside

~ stephanie dosen