Tuesday, August 14


feeling brave, canon digital rebel xti

There is a song that I've been listening to quite often over the last few weeks that my dear friend Meg put on a CD for the tribe. Every time I hear the chorus my throat tightens and tears fill my eyes. It's not a sad welling of tears. It is tears of overwhelming gratefulness for all I've/we've been through on this journey.

It's about us never giving up in the face of other's doubt.
It's about lifting my arms up to the sky and letting go.
It's about reconnecting with the divine wisdom within myself that had been silenced.
It's about admitting I am scared and facing those fears.
It's about dancing after the tears fall.

The last few days after my niece left I found myself feeling vulnerable and being brought to tears at random times. I've learned to not fight it and to just let it move through me because I know I am always left standing. Perhaps even more firm.

I think what is happening is I am preparing myself for what is to come. I feel a shift approaching. After my surgery in early September, we will be given more hope. It excites me and it scares the shit out of me. I am afraid of that familiar disappointment but at the same time have decided to not rob myself of the joy. This tells me there is an even more wild journey ahead.

The day after tomorrow I will be traveling to a gentle place where me and four other incredibly brave women friends will circle together and remind one another that we can do this thing called life and do it with abandon. I know these women will inspire me to rock on with my photog business and then some. This gathering came at the perfect time for me.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to visit their beautiful worlds. I have no doubt they will wildy inspire you:

jen gray
christine m.

I will reconnect here in a week or so. Until then, here are the lyrics to the song I spoke of. If you listen to it, I have a feeling you'll be doing twirls with arms wide open as proud tears fall to the ground. Because you are brave and deep inside you know this.

life's so fragile and so frail
and we hold on despite it all
and we're all scared sometimes
and i want to be strong but i never know where to begin
and the light from the window is making me want to stay in
but...darlin' you free me.

and i'm brave
i'm brave
like a feeling i had
once upon a time

like a bird in my mind
wings so high
deep inside

so i turn my face out to the sky
and i know you're out there somewhere
with your satin crown

so i'm spinning closer to my soul
and i'm still here inside me,
although i'm on my own

and i'm brave
i'm brave
like a feeling i had
once upon a time
like a bird in my mind
wings so high
deep inside

~ stephanie dosen


Blogger Toni M Photography said...


Have fun, my dear, with your lovelies, as I am sure you will...

Love Toni

August 15, 2007 at 12:15:00 AM PDT  
Blogger meghan said...

hey!! I am so so so glad you love that song as much as I do!! I can't wait to hear all about your trip. Have a marvellous, enchanting, inspiring time. And while you are there, thank all of those women for me - they don't know who I am, but they have all inspired me greatly.

LOVE to you!! Safe journey!!

August 15, 2007 at 2:31:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

i know you're going to have a fantastic time and i can't wait to hear all about it! sending you the biggest snuggly hugs, little mb... love you xxxo

August 15, 2007 at 4:34:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Boho girl...there is always that little bit of hope..that maybe...maybe this time....or one day...or what if it ne....no...there is always hope...whatever the outcome, remember to celebrate life!

August 15, 2007 at 5:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

thank you so much for this beautiful song today.
you are such an inspiration, so brave and beautiful and strong.
i absolutely love this photo, this post.
enjoy your time away with these lovely women...

August 15, 2007 at 6:20:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can I tell you something? I had to be SUPER brave today... driving home all shaky, on the verge of tears, knowing I'll have to go back tomorrow... then I opened your blog and read this post. And now I'm crying, realizing I was so brave and I did something I've been fearing for the past 6 months. I did it. And I'm overwhelmed. It was something in regard to my body. I am still so shaken up about it and the tears are now falling like crazy, damn it. but they're kinda good tears because I'm realizing how much bravery it required from me. and that feels good in some way. but it was really hard and scary, denise... being brave is often that way, huh? I send you hugs and some to myself as well.

August 15, 2007 at 10:13:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

You know what I love about you besides everything?.....

that you let the fear quickly wash over you, so that you allow it a moment of acknowledgement...

but you then choose to EMBRACE the joy that you know is there also and yours for the taking

and you always bring that joy to my doorstep :)

I choose joy with you
I choose you
me + you = silly sisters

xOx d

August 15, 2007 at 10:24:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Your words:

"I've learned to not fight it and to just let it move through me because I know I am always left standing. Perhaps even more firm."

Speaks directly to my soul. I have wanted to cry for weeks, but I keep pushing it back because I am not exactly sure why the tears are there. I need to learn to embrace the tears, and let them fall. Because you are right, after that I will still be standing and possibley stronger.

Thank you so much for this divine inspiration.

August 15, 2007 at 10:53:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Lianne said...

Having just completed some serious estrogen healing with a circle of the most amazing women, I know you will come back renewed and alive in a way you have never felt before.

Know that my love and prayers go with you.

August 15, 2007 at 11:41:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I could be there this year again... I'd love to spend more time with you... next year perhaps. :)


August 15, 2007 at 4:20:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

i have no doubt that this will be a powerful, amazing weekend for you all. sending you love my brave angel. xoxo

August 15, 2007 at 10:24:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Kristin said...

Your picture is simply divine! Being a FL beach baby and now having to live in upstate NY with NO oceans in reach-it's been like torture for me! That pictures reminds me of a happy place that can not be forsaken! Thanks for sharing! I wish I could just crawl through it and join you!

August 17, 2007 at 8:07:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope that you had a great time!

August 20, 2007 at 5:50:00 AM PDT  
Blogger angela said...

i was just listening to this cd the other day...

found it precious to be reminded of those words, this song. here. again.

and that photograph...

you. your eye. your camera. those are truely beautiful things.


August 21, 2007 at 1:55:00 PM PDT  

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