Thursday, August 30

honoring uncertainty*

the lovely theodora, canon digital rebel xti

Honor uncertainty. It's the seed from which all-knowingness comes. Give it time.

~ Mike Dooley

I think I have finally come to a place where I honor uncertainty. It was a painful road to get here but I've given up needing to know when and why and just trust in divine timing.

I say this because I look back and see that even though I don't yet have a baby, something I've yearned for so badly, I do have so many out of this world beautiful gifts as a result of this journey. Gifts that blow my mind.

So, I've given up the idea that I am being punished. I'm done with that. I don't see it that way any longer. The clouds are parting and I see the bigger picture. I see that I needed this time to focus on my relationships, my photography, my growth and I am grateful...grateful that I had the space to do all of this.

I am uncertain how or when our baby will come into our life. But I am honoring this and trusting that what has happened thus far is exactly what I needed and what will happen in the following days will be as well.

It's wild to go from feeling punished to feeling blessed. From victim to warrior. What a shift.


Blogger Lady Prism said...

Eeeegads....me' wants to cry sniff! sniff! after reading this..I've been walking around with UNCERTAINTY plastered all over me for a whole week!...Nothing seems to turn out right...then here you are saying I should just dig it..or rather it's you affirming to yourself that you should honor it..but at the same time ( since I read it too)..then it speaks to me to do the same...

It makes me feel stronger that you intend to accept unertainty..I'm finding it very hard to do..but I will....I will own your writing...so I will..I will..I will...

I don't want to continue feeling punished either...

My goodness..I was thinking that word an hour ago..that word punished...I was thinking that things aren't working for me beause I'm being punished...

sorry this is long...

am inspired..thank you...

ps: beautiful girl that Theodora..

August 31, 2007 at 1:03:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Toni M Photography said...

Such a gentle soul you are my sweet, you are so totally a warrior to me and always will be.

Such a lovely post boho,

Big Hugs to you,
Love Toni

August 31, 2007 at 3:29:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...ain't it grand to get to this place?

August 31, 2007 at 4:24:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need to embrace uncertainty, it's so difficult for me. In my heart I'm a nomad but in reality, I'm so rooted in place that change is incredibly difficult for me to embrace, especially change that I can't control. eep!
From victim to warrior....yes, that is a beautiful place to reside.

August 31, 2007 at 4:48:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh! I'm so happy you are honoring your uncertainty! I'm in a low spot in life right now and your quote is just what I needed!! I'm not there yet, but hopefully soon!!!

August 31, 2007 at 5:10:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Mollie said...

You are in a beautiful place, congratulations. Uncertainty can be one of the biggest blessings, allowing us to be open to all possibilities.

Thank you for the inspiration.

August 31, 2007 at 5:25:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Julie @ Letter9 said...

Honoring uncertainty is kind of the same thing as having faith, I guess, right? But the word "faith" can seem so narrow -- it can seem like it only means faith in god. I like thinking of it in terms of accepting uncertainty, instead.

Thanks for always making me think.

August 31, 2007 at 5:28:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Denise,

Ok this is why I'm so addicted to your blog! You are so wise :) I have had some experiences in my life recently where I too felt as though I was being "punished". Now I'm not so sure. I'm routing for you! Whatever path you choose to take I'm sure is the right thing to do. Denise ROCKS :)

August 31, 2007 at 5:45:00 AM PDT  
Blogger nina beana said...

you are an inspiration sandwich.

August 31, 2007 at 5:52:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

what a shift, indeed. If only more of us would do that! a victim is so limited, but a WARRIOR! Think of the potential. Think of the action. think of the strenth!

August 31, 2007 at 5:53:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here! Here! Being a victim puts so much negative in your heart. But seeing yourself as a warrior can only bring good. You are amazing and wonderful and your journey has inspired and uplifted so many of us to try harder, to be better, to struggle through our personal struggles with dignity - holding our head up high and taking it face on.


August 31, 2007 at 6:51:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

Needed that quote today...beautiful.

August 31, 2007 at 7:22:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Georgia said...

Mmmm :) I need to marinate in this for a while... I like it!


August 31, 2007 at 8:10:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

theodora is incredibly beautiful ... what a lovely portrait of her, wonderfully captured.

so happy that you are feeling blessed, we should never feel that we are being punished, such a painful emotion ... you are a warrior, we all are and that is a beautiful thing ... xoxox

August 31, 2007 at 8:33:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Denise,

Big fan here of your blog & your journey :) You are so inspiring... I am so rooting for you & your hubby to be blessed with a Boho Baby & happiness in every other way too. Sending lots of positive energy your way from Jersey...

xo Glo :)

August 31, 2007 at 10:32:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Total Yumji baby.

You are so wise and wonderful.

I love you madly and deeply

Toe to toe

August 31, 2007 at 9:12:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

love you my beautiful, wise warrior... and that dreamy little theodora. xoxo

August 31, 2007 at 9:18:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so happy to read that you're in such a good place right now... wishing you many more blessings as you continue on your journey.

September 1, 2007 at 12:08:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Just Me said...

WOW! I wan to thank you for the inspiration and your quote:

"… But I am honoring this and trusting that what has happened thus far is exactly what I needed and what will happen in the following days will be as well."

I wil copyn paste and print it, just what I need for this moment. Thanks for sharing it!

You're wise and I wish you the very best!

September 1, 2007 at 9:50:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi There,
I just had to leave a comment on your blog. I am going through a very similar journey as you at the moment. I too am 35 years old.
Anyhow, I hope this is no innappropriate of me, but I have found a wonderful website by Susun Weed all about herbs etc. On it, it is recommended that a quart of infused red clover a day can help with all kinds of infertility.
I am going to try it. They said that it can take up to a year to work, but hey I am willing to try.

I hope you have a wonderful day,
Melanie from Australia xx

September 2, 2007 at 2:37:00 AM PDT  

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