our angel*

a card i made for my parents with a picture of me and Daisy on Christmas morning, 2006

Those of you that read my big sister's blog may already know that my parents had to put their precious angel down a few weeks ago. Daisy had been suffering from seizures constantly and my parents were told she had a brain tumor and it would only get worse and more painful.

This happened while I was on the retreat. I was sitting in Kate's flat when I got the email from my mother that Daisy was no longer with us. I had a feeling I needed to check my email real quick and had asked if I could borrow her laptop before the girls headed out for the day. The email was a shock to me, even though I knew our sweet Daisy was so ill. My heart dropped into my stomach. I talked to a few of the girls about it and then needed to spend some time alone in the room I was staying. I let the tears fall. I think I can do that pretty well. Just feel everything and let it go through me. It's pretty rare that I am able to push things aside. I do it sometimes but not often.

I had a really special relationship with Daisy. My parents got her as a puppy when I was living in Dallas for a few years. When I transferred back to San Francisco, I stayed with my parents a few months before I found my own place. It was then that Daisy and I bonded. I would lay down with her in bed in the middle of the night when my parents were sleeping. We did this thing were we would both lay on our sides facing one another and she would put her arm up around me and I would do the same to her while we gazed in one another's eyes. Another ritual we had was every morning when I would get up to pour some coffee, she would walk up to me and reach her paws up to my chest and stretch like a cat.

These two things she did with me every time I would visit my parents the years to follow. She didn't do it with anyone else. It was our thing. She was like my little sister and to my parents...she was their little girl.

This was one of the hardest things they've had to go through. They are retired and spent their entire day with her. Especially when she was ill. They cared for her with diabetic shots, pills, lotions, ear medication, all day. Then all of a sudden, their home was empty and the sadness really hit.

It was difficult to hear them cry over the phone. I wanted to reach over and make it all better. That is always our first instinct, isn't it? But I knew they needed to feel this grief and let it wash over them before I started mentioning another puppy.

The other day I put a package together for them. I professionally printed and matted a few pictures I took of Daisy. I made them a card and a CD of songs in memory of our Daisy Girl. It was so healing for me. It was my time to grieve, to cry, to dance around in my studio with thoughts of her. It was a wake...a ritual of sorts, acknowledging that she is now our angel with wings.

I receive a phone call from my mother that they found a breeder in Washington that breeds Golden Retriever's and Poodles and they're called Golden Doodles (hilarious). My parents were expecting to have to wait over 6 months but a family cancelled last minute and they will be getting a female puppy the end of September. It's all happening so fast but part of me believes Daisy had a part in this, knowing her parents needed some joy back in their home.

Here is a picture of the new member of our family. They named her Callie. She is in the second batch of puppy pictures (Lacy & Toby's litter) and is the second puppy with the orange scarf tied around her neck. Isn't she precious?

Can't wait to snuggle this little curly one. She will never take the place of our precious Daisy but she sure will add joy and create another place to set up home in our hearts.

On a side note, one of my friends just congratulated me for being nominated for best blog. I had no idea what the heck she was talking about and then she sent me this link. I've never even heard of these awards but feel really honored and am grateful to whomever nominated me. I wanted to publicly thank them!

Here are a few of the pictures I took of Daisy Mae last Christmas: