feeling the love*

mcmermie, me & schmoops, early august, canon digital rebel xti

I am lying here propped up in the flowy princess bed in the studio with dragonfly lights hanging, candles burning and zen music playing. I have learned that this is how my body can relax the most. I finally have a few moments where I feel capable of sharing a bit of what has transpired over the last few days.

First I want to say how cute was it that my husband posted a few days ago? Adorable. I know he felt really grateful for all the love, prayers and warm thoughts sent our way and wanted to make sure you all knew he was thinking of you too and that nothing was taken for granted.

My marmie left yesterday morning. I missed her as soon as she walked out the door. It's been a difficult month for my parents since their dog passed away and I was grateful that she still gave of herself during a time when most people want/need to be selfish. She was a red-headed love bucket and such a calming presence for me.

My husband had a crazy work week with deadlines that would keep him up late, so my mother's company and help was greatly needed and looking back, I am not sure what we would have done without her.

It was such a comfort to have her by my side in the hospital leading up to surgery. I was calm on the outside but on the inside I was all butterflies. This was the first time for me, so you can imagine. I did end up having little angels for staff that morning. The nurses were loving and attentive during the two hour prep. They made me giggle when I needed to. They were affectionate, rubbing my back and stroking my arms when talking with me. They kept telling me how shiny and lovely my hair was. I mean the last thing I expected to feel going into surgery was beautiful but they worked their magic! My mother was so impressed with how everything went so smoothly and how kind and attentive everyone was. I couldn't have asked for a better experience in that sense.

Like everyone I am sure, I was doubtful that the anesthesia would work! I am a light sleeper and cannot imagine being that far gone. But oh how quickly I drifted off into the land of feeling good. That is until I woke up a few hours later in a ton of pain and totally out of sorts. My marmie was by my side and later my husband was able to leave work and be right there in his shirt and tie looking all gorgeous. The nurses winked at me when they met him. Meds were running through my veins. Life was good again.

So the cysts and endometriosis has been removed throughout my reproductive organs. The dye that was put through my tubes went through perfectly, which tells us that my fallopian tubes are flowing with love! I still have yet to talk to my doctor about exactly where the endometriosis all was but something tells me it was in bits and pieces everywhere because I feel so raw and tender. I still am unable to sit up straight but the meds are keeping the aches under control. I had a few minor complications here at home but it is all okay now and the healing has begun.

I've been taken such good care of by my angel marmie and boho boy. They have fully supported my need to rest, rest rest and be gentle. I find myself feeling guilty when others are taking care of me but I know that this is also for a greater purpose and its not just about me.

I am taking this sacred time to catch up on some books, films, writing, phone dates and dreaming. I am really loving the book "Detox for Life: Purify Mind, Body & Soul" by Josephine Collins.

I feel really empowered and at peace now that this step is over with. I have been through a cleansing process spiritually, mentally and now physically. I am/we are beginning on a new and more enlightened path to taking care of ourselves as individuals, as well as, completing our family.

What's cool is that I feel my close friends, family and sweet readers are walking along this path with us. We felt your spirits, your prayers, your whispers, your creative expressions all flow into the hospital, the surgery and in our home this past week. The power of community blows my mind and I am certain that I am healing faster because of this.

Definitely feeling the love.