Wednesday, September 19

i had a dream...

Zsuzsanna at her home in San Francisco, canon digital rebel xti

I was working in my studio today and a song called "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn came on. It halted me. I turned it up, listening closely to her chords and her lyrics. I closed my eyes and imagined myself singing it on a stage or to a group of close friends. Tears fell down my cheeks, unexpectedly.

I feel this emotional about dreams tucked away inside me that I have yet to do. Playing the guitar religiously is one of them and so is dancing professionally. With hardly any training, I am a good dancer and was told this when I was young. I was in modern dance years ago and wanted to do ballet until one of my instructors told me I was too short. The most I did after that was cheerleading and took belly dancing classes. I met a ballerina once in my twenties. She was my height and told me my instructor was wrong. I wonder how different my life would have been had I not listened to her.

With all this, I know I have lived many of my wild dreams and I am so grateful for this. My photography, my art, my marriage, friendship circles...but I always get those pangs when I hear a song that moves me or see a dance that gives me chills. You know that pang down deep in your belly. When you imagine yourself doing the same thing and you feel the crazy messy emotions tied to it well up inside of you.

I know there is still time and today I was reminded of that. Sometimes I feel myself holding back from picking up the guitar or taking a dance class (although I do twirl around at random). Not only is time an issue but more importantly, it brings up sad emotions of me not taking those risks years ago. I feel like I am too old or too busy. This can't be true. I know it is not true and I am working on reprogramming those thoughts.

Speaking of people who live their dreams, my lovely friend Zsuzsanna (above) is one of them. Born and raised in Hungary, she came out to America about 7 years ago when we met at the company we worked for in San Francisco. I saw a passion in her that was unstoppable and since she has always tapped into what she loves and dreams of. One dream in particular was going to Italy and staying with some locals with a girlfriend. She rode around on a motor cycle on her wedding day. She found the perfect Victorian house in San Francisco. She landed her dream job at a creative company. She makes her dreams a reality. An inspiration to me and a friend my thoughts went to when thinking of this concept. Love you and your dreamy self Zsu!

one of my favorite pics of me and zsu

What is a life without dreaming and yearning for those dreams to come true? Daring yourself to make them happen?

What are your dreams...


Blogger dean said...

I find it hard to push the 'do' part of my brain to the off switch. There are so many dreams, goals and aspirations that alight and fade every day. The ones that have stayed with me for years are the ones I am working on, that I will always work on make them deeper, clearer, better.

Sometimes though, it's just as satisfying and fulfilling (and sometimes better for the soul) to just be instead of do.

September 19, 2007 at 4:22:00 PM PDT  
Blogger PixieDust said...

Dear Denise,

This post touched me deeply, as I too love to dance, excelled in it quite naturally, and watched my dream dissipate like fog after a morning breeze. I was told by a family member quite close to me that I could never be on stage, that I was too ugly.

Everyone has the impression of me that I am tough, and nothing ever hurts me... I have developed this thick skin through such comments. To this day I am uncomfortable with taking pictures. I'm that annoying person who puts a hand up or walks away when the camera comes out.

Yet I still dance while walking while standing, while anything - I will twirl & whirl about, and I delight in music (often singing my sentences).

I have lived my other dreams, and still doing so - the dance is the one that got away...

For you, beautiful one, there is still time for all you wish to do. I am glad that you are kicking any negativity out of your head, out of your home.

September 19, 2007 at 4:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Jennifer/The Word Cellar said...

The last six months have been the beginning of my journey to recover and uncover my dreams. Old ones like acting and singing have suddenly showed back up on my doorstep. Others that I'd forgotten or always dismissed, like dancing, have come for a visit. And new ones, like painting, have randomly come knocking. And through it all I'm rediscovering my love for writing. Oh, and staving off the voices that tell me It's Too Late, I'm Too Old, and I'm No Good. Sad little voices that don't speak the truth. Thank you for being one of the voices of truth and beauty that helps to drown out the doubt. (And thanks for introducing me to Priscilla Ahn's music; it’s lovely!)

September 19, 2007 at 6:39:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For me~
Art (esp drawing/sketching)
and most of all, Acting

Thinking of that last one causes so much emotion to arise inside. At least with art and photography, I'm allowing them in my life a little bit... exploring, practicing, seeing talent at times. But with acting, it's the one thing I've loved most since I was a little girl... and the one thing I quit after 5th grade and have not pursued AT ALL since then. Just writing that makes my heart ache.

Love you, calissa

p.s. That last picture of y'all is simply one of the most precious I've seen in a long time.

p.p.s. Look, I was brave this time.

September 19, 2007 at 8:18:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Georgia said...

Love this post :)

My dreams... My secret, deep down in my heart of heart dreams...

I want to sing, I am damn good at it too if I would just do it. I want to learn to play my guitar so I can play whilst I sing in a quaint little coffee shop, or in a park somewhere:)

I also want to write a book someday... This one has been sneaking into my mind more and more lately and I can't quite shake it anymore... maybe soon I will take that plunge.

I have so many dreams, it is hard to even think about them sometimes because I get those same emotions building up inside me that it is too late in my life now... Thanks for the inspiration. I am going to continue to think about the things I really want to accomplish in this life.


September 19, 2007 at 9:34:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Julia said...

I love this post! You put my feelings and emotions into words! I too am a passionate person, and am beginning to discover many of my dreams. For example I am taking a pottery class, oil painting class, photography class...I love creating confidence when I transform peoples hair. All of these things are very important to me, and I send my gratitude to you for putting them into words!

I join you in your dreams of becoming a guitar player. I dream of sitting around with my family and everyone singing along to the old classics. I get choked up every time I see a dance performance. I never took a class when I was younger, but always envied the girls that did. I now am just starting to get out of my comfort zone and DANCE! I went salsa dancing the other day and fell in love (with my partner too!) It is my goal to perform a lyrical solo, expressing myself...

September 19, 2007 at 9:57:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Silvia said...

Wow! What an inspirational post!

My dream is to become a fulltime writer. To be able to write wonderful articles, interview people and so on. Also, I would love to explore my creative side, maybe design some jewelry. and i would love to become an illustrator too.


September 20, 2007 at 2:19:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am just beginning to figure that out now. What makes my heart sing? What do I feel passionate about? What do I want to be when I grow up?

In a very real and life changing way, I am asking these questions and I am fearlessly keeping my heart and soul open to hearing the answer. The world is filled with endless possibilities and I am filled with excitement and enthusiasm at the prospect of pursuing any one of those possibilities!

Thank you for the post - which came at the most perfect time!

p.s. I really wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer when I was younger. :) I also never took formal dance lessons but was told I am a very talented dancer. I also wonder what would have happened had my parents enrolled me in dance classes as a child.

Let's start an over 30 dance troupe!

September 20, 2007 at 7:29:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

oh wow, this is one of those posts that is going to make me seriously take a long hard long look at what i am doing. ever since i can remember my dream was to be a performer in some aspect. i wanted to act, dance, sing and play a musical instrument (guitar & piano) all equally and all from the heart. i know this is why i love music and movies so much. i would begin to go after that dream and then something would happen (fear)and i woudn't pursue it.

as i get older, that dream is still very much alive in my fantasy life but has quietly shifted into making my living as a writer and a creative artist. i think all of these desires stem from the need to express myself.

this one got me thinking....
love you. xoxo

September 20, 2007 at 8:03:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

p.s. love that song. you can sing it for me anytime baby. xoxo

September 20, 2007 at 8:07:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

p.s.s. on a positive note, i do have to acknowledge to myself (and on your comments because i am a dork) that i have been able to live out some of my dreams. finding my soulmate. working in the film industry as an artist. traveling to paris, and europe. having a painting of mine displayed in a public place. starting a business. the possibility of motherhood... so life it good, dreams are healthy, and you are beautful for making so many of us think about our own dreams, as well as your own. okay, i will stop leaving comments now. xoxo

September 20, 2007 at 8:43:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your friend zsuzanna is STUNNING. that pic of you two together is precious. i love the intimate connection the camera caught.

right now, my dream is to have my health back so i can pursue my other dreams. i am thankful of the dreams i am already living-finding my soulmate, having a solid tribe of girlfriends, living in a cottage by the sea, and making art everyday. oh! and connecting with children in ways i feel makes a real difference.

many blessings
on your way to
your sweet dreams~


September 20, 2007 at 9:09:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Truly, it is never too late to pursue your dreams in one fashion or another. And the fact that you have already made some of them a reality is a testimate to the fact that you are not done yet! :-)

Right now my dreams are too many to list, but C and I talked about some of them over the weekend...crazy stuff really, but one never knows when you open yourself up to the posibilities where you might be in the future, and that is just beautiful.

Such lovely pictures of your beautiful friend, and I remember the last one from a post long ago, and how she embraced you at a time when you needed it most.

Love you.xoxoxo

September 20, 2007 at 11:44:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Boho Girl,

Sometimes I wonder/think that I'm still 'young'..and while also struggling to fall pregnant (7 years already...went for 3 IVF's...and and and)...I think of my dreams...and then I get the 'feeling' there is still a lot of time...because you go to school, go to university, get married, get your dream job! (I have done that)...and then you think you'll get children....(now I know...if your lucky!)...and then all the other dreams follow...I keep on forgetting I'm getting 'older'...and that I should maybe/or not, stop waiting for the little children...and just start doing the 'other' stuff. I'm also sure that you know and understands how difficult that is...so all I want to say...is don't be to hard on yourself...I've got the guitar...can play some tunes..but not enough to fulfill my dream...and then again...what is my dreams?....to be a mommy...(and then people ask me 'why'...you know all the stories...and I feel to sad tonight to tell them trying to be objective and thankfull all at the same time).

good night...thinking of you!

September 20, 2007 at 11:54:00 AM PDT  
Blogger bella said...

Keep on dreaming.
It makes us alive, wakes us up, reminds us what matters to us, and speaks a heart language.
How wonderful you chose to stop and feel and let desire come.

September 20, 2007 at 12:40:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One thing I can say for sure, is don't get that "too old" mindset.

You find that as you age you still dream.

I picked up paint and brushes and painted a mural on my block wall around my pool at 57 and no training. I must say it turned out well!

Dreams are inspirations of possibilites.


September 20, 2007 at 1:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Christine said...

I just want to encourage you to dance if that is your dream! I started dancing for the first time EVER in my life at age 29, a few weeks ago. You can read about it here:

I say go for it! It's never too late :)

Thank you for your whimsical photos and outlook on life.

September 20, 2007 at 2:00:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

you my darling have helped support and model for me how to live my dreams of being an artist.

I truly dreamt of thios for most my life.

I think you should dance baby-you could do it.

really you could.

loving you

September 22, 2007 at 3:40:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Just Me said...

Thanks for the introducing to Priscilla Ahn's music, I love it!
My dream is: becoming a good photographer, working as a freelancer or in an agency. Plus working out my little business I started earlier this year.
It is my fear of "not being good enough" that holds me to take actions. I've been struggling with this for many years, bit by bit I discover that I'm doing well and that I have talents too. It's so hard for me to get a "NO".

Thanks for sharing your story. :c))

September 22, 2007 at 4:19:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

hey sweetie,

this post has been on my mind for a few days now...all the while i've been dreamin' up a way to get myself to california to meet you and a few other lovelies ;-)
the other night sitting with colin, i said it out loud for the very first time, 'i want to take a trip to california." and he smiled and said "then you should." ;-)

this past year, i've been thinking a lot about my dreams...writing them down...speaking them out...and i'm not sure there's ever been a time in my life, where i believed more in the possibility of them coming true ;-)

thank you for this beautiful song...i hope one day you'll sing it for me ;-)
love to you,

September 22, 2007 at 11:29:00 AM PDT  

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