Thursday, October 25

photo friday :: silence

me this past weekend, taken by justin davanzo

My home feels so quiet. Silence. The air is still filled with their fragrance. The blankets are still twisted. The pillows still bare the imprints of their lovely bodies. Its almost as if they haven't left but the silence is a reminder.

I feel restless with the silence...but it is the one thing I need right now. Throughout all the many revelations that came up for me during this visit, the need for quiet time kept surfacing. I've been busying myself with doing and have been afraid to stop and listen, breathe and wait for what comes up within me.

Post surgery, I have entered a new chapter on this journey. I think it is time for me to set aside the books on fertility and just meditate. Write. Breathe. Walk. Run. Swim. Listen. Create. Paint. Get Messy. Oh...and read other books besides those having to do with health. The girls gave me a list to read. It's time for me to peek around the corner at what else I need to learn besides how to take care of my body.

There was a moment this weekend when us girls were all sitting around the table drinking our teas and coffees and they were discussing the latest books they have read. As I was listening to them passionately share the authors and their stories, I suddenly realized how hungry I was. Not for food but for wisdom that goes beyond the health and fertility books that sit on my beside.

I had a healthy, joyful cry with them about how I am ready to move forward and open my heart to a part of me that I haven't nurtured in a long time. The part that isn't necessarily about trying to make a baby but just trying to explore all else that is out there for me to see, touch and feel. The part that isn't afraid to sit in silence and meditate to connect with my inner me, not for the purpose of opening my womb but for the purpose of opening my heart.

One of my clients at a photo shoot this weekend in Santa Monica grabbed my camera at the end and took this photo of me. When I first looked at it tonight I gasped. The very quiet, silent place I am seeking for is captured here. Another reminder from the Universe that this is what I need.

I will share pictures and thoughts on the girly fest soon. But for a few days, I will marinate in the silence that surrounds me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have been waiting patiently for you to post.
i must really miss you!

the silence is beautiful, isn't it?
i mean,
just look at this photogragh.......

your friend
mcmermie x

October 25, 2007 at 11:50:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Silvia said...

I'm with mccabe, silence is beautiful!

Thanks for the reminder too, I have a stack of new books waiting to be read. I just didn't allow myself to sit down with them for no reason at all. Am gonna do so today. Maybe even the entire day!

xox Silvia

October 26, 2007 at 1:03:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got a lot of great fiction to recommend if you're looking for books to read.
I am a creature that needs quiet time and as much as I love house guests and being surround by friends, my soul needs respite. Revel in yours. xo

October 26, 2007 at 4:03:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Toni M Photography said...

I agree with Mccabe and dreamergirl. Silence is beautiful and so are you my dear....

Love is being sent your way,

Big hugs,
love Toni

P.S. Have missed you and your thoughts this week. xx

October 26, 2007 at 4:32:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post Denise. I was just telling my love this morning, as tears streamed down my face, that I feel as though my heart is hardening, aching and closing up since we had to put our 6-month old kitten to sleep yesterday after a bad accident. I will need to be reminded again and again to keep my heart open. This was the first of many reminders to come. Thank you.

October 26, 2007 at 5:11:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your words are very powerful. Everything has its time.... I wish all the best for you.

Oh, and I'm looking forward on photos and stories of your wonder-full girly fest. :)

Take your time though, embrace the silence.

(I haven't made a comment here for a long time and I guess you don't know me.... but I'm reading regularly.)

October 26, 2007 at 5:33:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Brandi Reynolds said...

I am so honored to be able to peak in on your journey through this little internet portal. I too have decided to put the 'how to' books (so to speak) down and do a little more living.

the picture is amazing, btw.

October 26, 2007 at 5:46:00 AM PDT  
Blogger jessabean said...

Isn't it amazing how the Universe gives us these clues? I wish you all the best. Beautiful post...and beautiful picture!

October 26, 2007 at 6:24:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
~Kahlil Gibran

Take your time and enjoy your quiet, my lovely... the pictures and thoughts of your girly fest will spill forth into this space...
when you are ready.

love to you,

October 26, 2007 at 6:27:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm probably not alone in saying this ..

yay for finding the time to be silent, and for knowing what you need!

(and also, i'd love to see what these amazing women are reading and recommending!)

October 26, 2007 at 6:43:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You look ABSOLUTELY STUNNING in this picture! Gorgeous... breath taking. Amazing ;)

I also think I need to read some fiction- everything I read has to do with bettering myself in some way. I need a really good book to get lost in!

October 26, 2007 at 7:15:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh.... I totally forgot about your picture. How could that happen...?! It's truly awesome! A strong woman (and a beauty) confidently awaiting the things to come. Marvelous!

October 26, 2007 at 8:12:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Lianne said...

You are a beautiful woman with an even more beautiful soul.

Denise... come celebrate the life that is yours! Silence is good if it is done in celebration.

Loving you!

October 26, 2007 at 9:45:00 AM PDT  
Blogger bella said...

Your words resonated so deeply for me and I could feel their echo all the way through me.
I know how consuming it can become to take care of your body and read about health and what you should be doing or not doing. It has its place and can be so useful.
And yet there is the time for silence and stillness. This is where we touch that inside of which can never be taken or broken.
Enjoy and relish and sink deep into your quiet stillness. What beauty awaits.

October 26, 2007 at 10:53:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

look how beautiful you are. i just gasped when i saw this picture.

i can't wait to hear you spill about some of the lessons you have learned from your nurturing time with these soul sisters. i can sense a lot of peace in this post...maybe even a shift of some kind that's been building and has finally happened...

loving you from afar...

October 26, 2007 at 11:17:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Swirly said...

You amaze and inspire me, and I am awfully, awfully proud to call you my friend. xoxo

October 26, 2007 at 11:31:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you look so beautiful and peaceful in that picture. embrace the silence for a couple of days and let it whisper sweet things into your heart.. xo

October 26, 2007 at 11:49:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

oh wow, the very handsome Mr Davanzo captured your true essence, baby. can't believe that it was only a few hours ago that i was kissing this beautiful face... missing you like mad..... and where the heck is amber? she should be on my bed ;-) xx

October 26, 2007 at 1:46:00 PM PDT  
Blogger The Passionate Palate said...

I found you through Frida's site and am so inspired by your words, art, life and searching. You do look at peace in this photo. The bits and pieces of stories of your girly-weekend makes me miss my girlfriends so much. It's difficult when you live so far away from them, isn't it?

I'll be back,

October 26, 2007 at 4:03:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

beautiful capture sweets.

remember i was telling you i was thinking about posting for some book recommendations, therefore, you may need to share some of what is on your recommended list ~ i am also craving some new material.

looking forward to talking soon.


October 26, 2007 at 4:22:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, it sounds like the most perfect and beautiful shift started taking place within you this week. Embrace that silence and space and do indeed see what images, sounds, breathes, books...anything and everything comes to you.

So much goodness to look forward to...so much to feed your soul and your heart. These times spent with soul friends are priceless...invaluable...so incredibly special.

My heart feels warm. :-)

Gorgeous peaceful shot of you...

Love you.xoxoxo

October 26, 2007 at 4:37:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

This really is a great photo!

October 26, 2007 at 11:14:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can really relate to this post. I've been feeling the same way. I don't know whether it's the time of year, when the cold weather is starting to settle in on my part of the world or if I'm just looking for something else... lately I've been doing alot of inward searching.

It sounds like you had a really good weekend with your girlfriends. Those heart-felt moments with deep, honest conversations with our girlfriends are so needed, aren't they?

October 27, 2007 at 11:49:00 AM PDT  
Blogger ReachDabbleShine said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...there is nothing that compares to the time spent with women on the same wavelength in a retreat atmosphere, whether it's at a restaurant for an evening, or more lengthy celebration. The insights that come are juicy, intense, quiet, loud, strong.

And you're already experiencing them.


October 27, 2007 at 12:46:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

Mmmmmm sweet picture of my sissy

can't wait to see your photo's from your girlie week

big hugs,
xOx darlene

October 27, 2007 at 2:07:00 PM PDT  
Blogger madelyn said...

Books! Love them:)
And even when I am so
short on time - with all the
things I wish to delve into -
I love to read - so there are
long stretches of time I read just
one chapter a day -
usually before bed - or when
cookies are baking in the oven:)

Can't wait to see the photos from
your time with your friends -
and your photo above is lovely -
I love the blue in the background.
I heart the ocean:)

October 28, 2007 at 4:50:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Claire Sewell said...

I can see your quiet strength and grace in this gorgeous photo.

October 28, 2007 at 6:12:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Gina (Lady Goats) said...

love the new look :-)

October 29, 2007 at 10:39:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your new banner!!!

October 29, 2007 at 11:00:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Silvia said...

I love your new banner! It's just divine!

October 29, 2007 at 11:33:00 AM PDT  
Blogger daisies said...

silence is absolutely beautiful :) so glad you had such a wonderful time with your lovely girls ...

i so heart your new banner!! absolutely beautiful, playful and joyous :)

October 29, 2007 at 2:44:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Amber Cargile said...

So glad your home was safe from the fires. We were in Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon last weekend and smoke from the CA fires was in the air at both places. I can imagine the intensity at the epicenter.

I completely understand your need and desire to seek inspiration and "food" from other than medical sources. Yet for myself there was still that constant pull back to the "how to" books...I always felt if I just read more, tried harder, I could make it work. My knowledge WAS my power and I am convinced it was part of my success, because I challenged the doctors to think outside the box. On the other hand, the resulting life imbalance left some deep wounds that took me a long time to heal, even after I became a mother. It's part of the journey, the growth...and you will work through it and find that peaceful balance again, I just know it. Godspeed!

October 31, 2007 at 11:21:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

could you BE more beautiful in every way? I don't think it's possible. Just pure beauty walking around in flesh. Thank you for always sharing yourself. You are simply precious. And your journey continues to inspire me on my own.

November 1, 2007 at 10:51:00 AM PDT  

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