Friday, November 16

i just played...

father & son photo session, canon digital rebel xti

I finished processing the photos from this session last night with tears in my eyes. It's difficult to express in words what transpired as I loaded them up in a gallery, listening to the Cinematic Orchestra swirl around me. It was a deep knowing that I am where I am supposed to be. I am not used to feeling this deeply with a career. It's a dream for me. It is something I witnessed in others throughout my life but wasn't quite sure if I was capable of getting there. That place where you just know "this is me". That place where you are feeling truly authentic in your work.

With photography, it is easy to be overwhelmed or to feel intimidated. There is a huge technical part of it that if I allow it to, can paralyze me with self doubt. I've never been the type of artist that goes from A to Z or read manuals front to back. Trust me...I've tried and I've always felt the creativity pulled from underneath me. For me its always been freedom and playfulness and sometimes I'll get to a place and not remember how I got there when people ask me what I did. That's how I work. There are a lot of brilliant photographers out there that are very keen on the technical bits, which I think is amazing and a gift. Most of the time, they'll just assume I know what they're talking about. In the past this has created a "smaller~ness" within me about my art.

Last night I didn't feel small. I felt wide open and free and came to a place where I accepted that this is how I work and thrive with my creativity. This is me being authentic and embracing that I need balance with learning the techie bits but then letting go of the "this is how it is supposed to look, feel or be." I've never understood how anyone could determine what is right or wrong about someone's personal art, anyways.

I received a call last night from a client in tears because they were so touched by the emotion that was captured in their photographs. This is partly them and their juicy relationship and partly me letting go and exploring it with them during the session and processing. With my last few sessions I have had to stop while working on a photo because I am filled with wild and free emotions and I just need to dance or cry or twirl or laugh.

To me, those emotions, as well as the tears from my client are a beautiful confirmation and blessing that I'm on a fulfilling path. I am so grateful for this right now in my life because a few other paths that I am on, namely my fertility one, are really tough to work through.

So, I hung up that phone and felt like the next time I find myself talking to a brilliant photographer that knows their shit, I will be okay saying..."I have no idea how I did this. I just played."

(i've updated my website with a few new photos. if you've viewed my site before, be sure to clear your cookies before looking at it again so you don't get the old stuff!)


Blogger jessabean said...

And you create beautiful photographs through your playing.

Thanks for sharing this, because it makes me feel better about not knowing all the technical parts of photography. It's such an overwhelming mountain to climb! I want so badly to create stunning photographs...I guess I just need to play more!

November 16, 2007 at 10:51:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it. And the photos you've put up I just adore.


November 16, 2007 at 11:36:00 AM PST  
Blogger Julia said...

I would say that you have the perfect life :-)

November 16, 2007 at 11:43:00 AM PST  
Blogger boho girl said...

oh julia...my life is far from perfect so i just need to cling to the things that bring me beauty and life right now. ; )

November 16, 2007 at 11:50:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think the technical bits matter as much as the gift of capturing beauty. And that's something you got hands down.

November 16, 2007 at 11:58:00 AM PST  
Blogger m said...

Dear Boho... I've been a lurker for some time now, but have been drawn out of silence by your thoughts regarding your incredible photography. I have to tell you that the photo of the beautiful older woman on the beach some time ago (Catherine?) took my breath away. It ranks with probably the best three photos I've ever seen. Just stunning. You have a gift, of this there is no doubt. Thanks for sharing your art and your struggles. I wish you well and will constantly look forward to the life and truth that burst from everything you post.

November 16, 2007 at 11:59:00 AM PST  
Blogger nicole said...

These are so gorgeous -- and I can see how you can be touched when doing a session, it must be amazing sometimes. So awesome you have found something that resonates with you deeply.xx

November 16, 2007 at 12:06:00 PM PST  
Blogger Vanessa/NessieNoodle said...

and it is in the letting go when the best things are allowed to come to us.

Your work is beautiful, and emotional- and it is evident that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

November 16, 2007 at 12:06:00 PM PST  
Blogger all over the map said...

Good for you. Keep allowing yourself to simply be, and the rest will follow.
I am happy for you.

November 16, 2007 at 12:22:00 PM PST  
Blogger Silvia said...

when i look at your photo's i see emotion and i absolutely adore your work.


November 16, 2007 at 12:35:00 PM PST  
Blogger christianne said...

Oh my goodness, Boho Girl, that last line killed it for me. (I mean that in a good way, of course!) I simply adore that you will say, "I just played."

I read this post knowing as I continued reading that this would be the post that brought me out of hiding with you on a current post (I left a comment way deep in your archives a couple weeks ago, which I'm not sure would have even reached you, it was so old!). I have loved your blog for both the images AND the moving, stirring words it contains, and I have never felt that way about anyone's blog before. It is you who have helped me understand how an image can heighten the experience of a post, and can help a reader feel drawn even closer to the writer of that post. It is you who have given me courage to start putting photos of myself on my posts, without shame.

You are so beautiful, and I love the way you share part of what it means to nurture one's self through your self portraits. I love, too, that even you, the photographer, receive the gift of being nurtured by the lens of the camera.

But I was going to comment about this post, wasn't I? :) I guess what I will say is how glad I am that you found this nook of life that is so truly you. What a gift to have found your path and to just take joy in it now! Also what I will say is that I, too, recently embraced what is truly me -- the writer behind words that bring me actual joy when I am working on them, so much joy it's almost real enough to eat! -- and just two days ago did this by deciding to take the plunge and begin to form my words into the length of a book.

Can you tell that I'm a writer by how freakin' LONG this comment is?!

PS to an already too-long comment: I loved learning that you've learned by doing, not by reading techie A-to-Z books. You go, girlie!

November 16, 2007 at 12:55:00 PM PST  
Blogger Melissa said...

I so admire you and your beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing and for the authenticity that is you. You make it ok for me to put some hope back into my photography dream. Thank you for that too.

November 16, 2007 at 1:00:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you have helped me to realize it is okay to let it flow, the tears the emotions, the truths...it is okay and I am letting tears flow...thanks boho

November 16, 2007 at 1:01:00 PM PST  
Blogger Stacy said...

you know my thoughts on all of this but i will just say it on record... you are changing the world by touching people's lives through your photographs.

... you, and your art, are not small. keep playing.


November 16, 2007 at 3:32:00 PM PST  
Blogger Brandi Reynolds said...

this is exactly the post I was needing. See, I am slowly growing a photography business and I feel my brain oozing out of my head when I try to sit down and learn technical stuff. yeah, I know it's important but I can't go about it in a linear fashion. I too just play and figure thing out and I've been wondering if I can have any success with that method. Your post encourages me that I can.

November 16, 2007 at 3:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger Gina (Lady Goats) said...

Have I told you yet that I love you? And you make me love you more and more every time I read about your personal journeys. I can't wait til i go home to Mission Beach to visit. I'll have to beg you to do family portraits. Our home needs some of your pictures.

November 16, 2007 at 5:17:00 PM PST  
Blogger wabisabigirl said...

I laughed when I read the last line of your post because I just got home from an art show where I'm exhibiting and where I've been amazed and humbled at the kind response people have been giving my newest mixed media collage and when someone asked me if I'm a professionally trained artist (uh, no...) I actually used the words, "no, I'm just playing":) Your photos are gorgeous. I've been enjoying your blog for some months...don't even know how I found it, but i feel like i know you (even though I don't:) and look forward to your pictures and stories like a great book i'm reading that doesn't end:) Fun!

November 16, 2007 at 8:53:00 PM PST  
Blogger Anna said...

Thank you for this! I just wrote about the elusiveness of joy in my life today, and this joyful post is a timely blessing. Thank you, also, for unknowingly being my juicing catalyst~ I finally used my juicer for the first time tonight, and I credit you with inspiring me through your blog. Cheers! *Anna*

November 16, 2007 at 9:24:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we have to live this life as we are born to live it - some of us lead with our hearts and not our heads and that is our unique gift. you are a beauty in everway and your photos lead from the heart - but they are also technically stunning.keep doing what you are doing my darling because it works!


November 16, 2007 at 9:32:00 PM PST  
Blogger Just Me said...

I find it pleasant to read that I'm not the only one that struggles with the technical parts of photography. I usualy feel stupid when other photographers are talking or ask me some questings. I can only say to them that I work with my feeling.

I love the colors of your photos, love the soul…
You are doing great!
Keep up touching others by your gift!

And like "Wasibasigirl" says "… look forward to your pictures and stories like a great book i'm reading that doesn't end:) Fun!…"

November 17, 2007 at 6:18:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, your website is amazing!! Your photos are like..otherworldly or something. Beautiful.

November 17, 2007 at 6:23:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

magic happens when you get behind the lens.
its as simple as that.

November 17, 2007 at 10:57:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those photos are absolutely beautiful and so are you! You are such a wonderful soul and it was so great to finally meet you. I was there when the tears were flowing and let me tell you...she was not alone. Just so lovely to observe.

November 17, 2007 at 1:54:00 PM PST  
Blogger Darlene said...

your artsy self always makes me cry with great emotion...i feel like i am you, when i look at your gallery. you create a very special place for your viewers.

your work is full of the spirit of love.

i luv u
xox b/sis

November 17, 2007 at 3:25:00 PM PST  
Blogger jessamyn said...

THIS post. Wow. Your beauty and play makes me want to get up and dance with you. There is such divine truth in your words here today. You got it. Keep playing...and keep sharing that kind of wisdom with the world.

November 17, 2007 at 8:02:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lex said...

Hello Denise,
I think your new blog banner looks great! It's bright, colourful and happy looking.
Best wishes,

November 18, 2007 at 3:28:00 AM PST  
Blogger jill said...

you are so brave. i'm very happy for you for finding your true self in your career.

thank you for constantly inspiring me with your beautiful spirit. it truly shows in your words and photos.

November 18, 2007 at 3:56:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kathleen said...

love your new site!

you are so talented...and your soul and sparkle shine through all that you do.

November 18, 2007 at 5:38:00 PM PST  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

i just love the power and confidence in your voice...that's what it's all about...giving voice to yourself through your art and your work. i can't stop smiling...and you already know how i feel about these images...

November 19, 2007 at 11:11:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congratulations! You are a winner of a 2007 Blog Envy Award. To see your award, please go here. You can download the image here. We hope you put it on your blog. .

November 19, 2007 at 11:29:00 AM PST  
Blogger Swirly said...

I've said it a thousand times and I'll keep saying it - YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY, and I feel incredibly blessed to be one of your subjects. I love you!!

November 19, 2007 at 5:13:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

you have a talent, my love that is so great...it needs no explaination. thank you for sharing your gift with each of us.
the website...the new photos...the new song...
took my breath away.
i just get lost in the tenderness of it every single time.

November 21, 2007 at 5:05:00 PM PST  
Blogger Louise said...

Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful!!
You have a gift, you are so wonderful behind that camera!! What I wouldn't give to be the subject of your 'creations', so that I could carry forward those memories with me in pictures!
Keep on Keepin on, you are amazing!

November 23, 2007 at 12:49:00 PM PST  
Blogger Mindy said...

the world is so blessed to see the bits captured through your eye. your photos are all emotion and color and life...the best stuff captured in precious moments. these are just so special. xo

November 25, 2007 at 10:26:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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January 25, 2008 at 3:47:00 AM PST  

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