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Thursday, December 13

centered*


a friend's tattoo, canon digital rebel
xti


A few days ago I arrived at my morning yoga class about 20 minutes early. I did this intentionally so that I could meditate before the class begun. I am someone that struggles with meditation. People that meet me wouldn't have that suspicion because I am soft spoken and have a calming effect on others. But inside my mind thoughts flow at lightening speed and with each thought there is analysis, philosophy, perhaps some obsessing here and there. It's difficult for me to hush those thousands of conversations going on inside my head. I think this is pretty normal and it is exactly why we need to meditate. All those voices and images can distract me from getting in touch with my body, my mind, my soul and I miss opportunities to gather all these parts of me into one sacred room where we can breathe together in unison and check in with one another.

I laid down on my yoga mat and my hands immediately went to my belly. The room was dark and there were few people in the studio. They were quiet. I was quiet. I asked myself why my hands made the choice to connect with my womb and what came back to me was..."You haven't checked in with us since the surgery. We went through it with you. You weren't alone." I took some deep, cleansing breaths and I focused on my reproductive organs. My two bold and beautiful ovaries, clean and gorgeous fallopian tubes and my warm and comforting uterus. I realized how much I miss spending time connecting with these parts of me. We are a team in this and I've been taking it all on myself. They were pushed and prodded and scraped and all I could think about was how much it hurt the days following but what about how they felt? I gathered with them in my womb and listened. A tear slipped down my cheek and into my ear as I heard how they were frightened to have strangers move them around but they braved through it and now they need me to believe in them with all of my heart. That they are working beautifully together as a team but miss me connecting and remembering that we're all in this together. They reassured me that they understood my frustrations and they apologized for their part in that but they wanted me to know they are trying their absolute best and nothing less and they want what I want and its hard for them too when it doesn't happen. I whispered to them in my mind that I am here. I am not leaving. I will work on believing and I am so grateful that they are working so hard and I will not take them for granted any longer. I will check in, give them love, encouragement and comfort. I will remember we are a team and none of us are in this alone.

The space we created together was soft, gentle and warm. No judgments or disappointments...just pure love and compassion. This warmth enveloped me and I felt completely safe.

I took a deep breath, wiped my tears and drew myself back to the studio. I opened my eyes and my instructor had sat down in front of us, the class was now full. I realized that I had just meditated. I was taken to another place and didn't hear anything going on around me. I meditated with my womb and it felt so, so good.

I've noticed a shift the last few days. I feel more of a calm in my heart. My mind feels a bit more clarity. I feel a tenderness towards my womb that I haven't felt in a very long time. A trust that had slipped away.

I think we forget how very hard our beautiful body works at taking care of us, protecting us from harm and working together to help us touch our dreams. We forget that we are not alone. We are a team with all of the physical, mental and spiritual parts of our selves.

Perhaps the awareness of this is a small part of staying centered.

15 Comments:

Blogger Miss Eliza said...

this is a perfectly beautiful post. my cheeks are wet.

December 13, 2007 at 10:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger josey said...

thank you so much for sharing this loving, personal and intimate moment. i struggle with meditating during my yoga sessions as well...and your words just wrapped around my mind and heart like a satin ribbon; a complete gift to myself.

this gives me a new way to be thankful and at one with my beautiful reproductive organs and by body's ability to heal itself...and reminds me how blessed i have been throughout my struggle with endometriosis and infertility.

i will remember you in my next quiet time. thank you from the bottom of my heart!

December 13, 2007 at 11:31:00 AM PST  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

Your are such an amazing, gentle and thoughtful soul...xx

December 13, 2007 at 12:16:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lianne said...

I have been a crappy blog commenter the last few weeks, but I am just writing to tell you I love you still and your blog.

Please have a blessed Christmas holiday and know I'll be back in the New Year.

December 13, 2007 at 3:00:00 PM PST  
Blogger Schmoops said...

this is really beautiful my wise, sweet, soulful friend. i love reading that you had this time with your whole self. i love how your body answered your question, and how you address your reproductive organs as gorgeous, bold, beautiful, warm and comforting... they are.

i love how you have reconnected in this way.

whoever that girl is in the photo... tell her she needs to get that tattoo redone! {wink}

xoxo

December 13, 2007 at 3:37:00 PM PST  
Anonymous amy said...

wise and lovely words. I read this just before i headed off for a yoga class this morning. at the beginning of my practice i thought about some of the angry thoughts i direct each day to my injured body. reframing those thoughts in a more positive light is a wonderful thing to do. thank you.

December 13, 2007 at 6:25:00 PM PST  
Blogger Megan said...

you are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this...

December 13, 2007 at 6:56:00 PM PST  
Blogger ~Michelle~ said...

This is a beautiful post, you are an amazing woman.

December 14, 2007 at 8:35:00 AM PST  
Blogger Swirly said...

This is so beautiful...what a wonderful way to re-connect with ourselves and open up a whole new well of gratitude.

December 14, 2007 at 8:35:00 AM PST  
Anonymous ceanandjen said...

A gentle and beautiful reminder; thank you for sharing this and helping me to see how important this is today, as I too have forgotten in the overwhelm of life.

Sending you love and warmth.xoxo

December 14, 2007 at 9:24:00 AM PST  
Blogger blisswarrior said...

this post made me feel so good for YOU. happy connecting.

December 14, 2007 at 7:08:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Patricia said...

ah, yes, gratitude. Your post made me pause and reflect. I crave internal quiet, serenity and personal peace. My own journey seems to keep bringing me back to the idea of meditation. I have hesitated because I don't know the "right" way to do it. You showed me that I all I need to do is extend to myself the same gentleness, understanding and acceptance that I extend to others. It sounds so simple - why are we so reluctant to give ourselves the gifts we give freely to others? Thank you for your example, your reassurance... and this latest gift of a lesson.

December 14, 2007 at 9:11:00 PM PST  
Blogger Frida said...

i'm smiling. i only wish i could be smiling at you in person. damn these miles. but still, i'm smiling with you today my darling.

December 14, 2007 at 10:32:00 PM PST  
Blogger bella said...

We so often feel betrayed our bodies and how healing to have this experience of letting this part of your body speak and to truly connect with love and compassion. And I feel a spaciousness inside as I read of your meditation, knowing you are not in this alone but together.

December 15, 2007 at 2:15:00 PM PST  
Blogger Amber said...

Bless you.

:)

December 30, 2007 at 12:59:00 PM PST  

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