mondo beyondo part one ~ completion
superhero babe, andrea, canon digital rebel xti
I have meant to write this for a few days now, so I thought it apropos to finish it at the end of a beautiful vacation as a new work week begins. The first work week of 2008, that is.
Reflecting and completing the past year is so important to me, so here are my answers to Andrea's part one of the Mondo Beyondo list::
What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
This past year for me, for both my husband and I actually, was a lot about getting in tune with our bodies through our diets and being aware of how we felt when when eating (and drinking) certain foods. I am proud of myself for being able to gather all the nuggets of wisdom from my homeopathic doctor, acupuncturist and the plethora of books I read on nutrition to create a diet that felt right for me. It began as a path to create a healthy womb for a baby to grow and now has become a way of life for me to sustain energy, balance and health.
For the first few years of this journey I was a student and following the advice of my advisers but I really noticed a shift this past year when I empowered myself to look within for answers rather than at the outside influences in my life.
In regards to our journey to conceive it felt pretty huge because there are so many conflicting "solutions" or paths to take and no way is right or wrong, so it was really was up to me, to us...to decide what felt right.
This new awareness is a beautiful perspective that will carry me, carry us, into so many other areas of our lives.
Speaking of...one of the areas is my photography. I learned to embrace a new direction with my business and to let go of my original ideas of where I thought Bohemian Girl Designs would go. I followed my passionate heart and Boho Photography happened. It felt really natural and I was open and flexible to just go with it!
Another area of my life that feels pretty solid right now is my ability to not take things as personally as I used to (thanks to inspiration from the Four Agreements).
All of these bits collectively define one of the dooziest of doozies when it comes to lessons I have learned:: The awareness that I am the only one that is responsible for my own happiness.
What is there to grieve about 2007?
I forgive myself for being obsessed with charting, ovulation predictors, pregnancy tests, taking my temp and forgetting that making love with my husband is so much more than making a baby (even though this was more in 2006 than 2007, I still never forgave myself for it). I forgive myself for struggling with looking at or being near pregnant strangers. I forgive myself for feeling sorry for myself and having pity parties. I forgive myself for pulling a bit away from my friends that were mothers because it triggered sadness and feelings of failure in me. I forgive myself for being angry at my body at times. I forgive myself for worrying that my family was disappointed in me because I couldn't procreate as easily as they could. I forgive myself for those moments of feeling angry at God. I forgive myself for losing touch with my sexuality as an individual and in my marriage. I forgive myself for not going to yoga as much as my body needs. I forgive myself for neglecting my pastel art. I forgive myself for being a procrastinator with some projects I am working on.
I wrap all those parts of me that need to feel forgiven and hold them gently with an overflowing abundance of tenderness, respect, understanding and acceptance.
I grieve for my husbands father who passed away nearly a year ago today.
I grieve for my parents dog Daisy that also passed away not long ago.
I grieve for a few childhood friendships that are important to me and have drifted.
What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
Oh sweet crazy fabulous 2007...there were times I never thought I could possibly feel this way but I am truly grateful for the emotion, the pain, the challenges, the connections and the lessons because today I can stand firm and look back with such clarity that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That feels so absolutely freeing.
I close this year feeling more gentle with myself, more empowered, whole, strong and centered from the growth.
I declare you complete!
Lil' side note:: If you're interested in hearing more on the topic of the journey towards my photography, the lovely Swirly interviewed me on her new delicious blog "Sparkletopia". You can read the interview here.