today i lit a candle...

an altar that my dear friend tammy (our adoption consultant) set up
for me in our hotel room during the photojournalism trip a few weeks back.
notice the yummy affirmation rocks from a magical mermaid.

This morning I lit a candle for a very special birth mom that will read our profile for the first time today. When I lit the candle, I took a deep breath, laid on my bed and focused on her and the plethora of emotions that must go through her mind when reading through profiles. How overwhelming it would feel to have to choose which couple resonates best with her heart. I noticed in doing this, it helped me to put aside the vulnerable emotions I felt; the fear of rejection from her or the worry that we may not be what she is looking for. Instead, I put more energy towards what she is feeling and going through and this helped me to let go. Her choice to put her baby up for adoption is full of bravery and speaks volumes of her character and selflessness. I know this is so sacred to her, just as it is sacred to us and today I am honoring this for both of us.

Putting our profile together was so healing for me. It was a joy to share about how Boho Boy and I met and fell in love. I always love the opportunity to share about my husband and what an extraordinary human being he is and to read the bit he wrote about me was one of the greatest gifts I've received from him. Writing this and gathering all of our photos to put creatively together in a book was affirming for us that we're so open and willing to share our life with a little boho. This act for me did not at all come from desperation. I felt so at peace with where we are at in our lives, knowing that together, Boho Boy and I are so very connected and happy. That as individuals, our lives feel fulfilled and there is so much ahead for our careers and plans. Our decision to adopt doesn't come from the idea that we need a child in order to be happy. It comes from the deep desire to gift the world with an extraordinary human being and to nurture this little being and their gifts and help guide them on their journey. It comes from a place of having so much love to give that it is spilling over and needs a little place to go.

Aside from all this...my thoughts go to the birth mom. Whether she is the one that chooses us on this journey of hers or not, I honor the space she is in today and send her healing love from us. Perhaps, if you feel inspired throughout your day, you could send her love too.

My candle is still burning.