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Wednesday, February 13

today i lit a candle...


an altar that my dear friend tammy (our adoption consultant) set up
for me in our hotel room during the photojournalism trip a few weeks back.
notice the yummy affirmation rocks from a magical mermaid.


This morning I lit a candle for a very special birth mom that will read our profile for the first time today. When I lit the candle, I took a deep breath, laid on my bed and focused on her and the plethora of emotions that must go through her mind when reading through profiles. How overwhelming it would feel to have to choose which couple resonates best with her heart. I noticed in doing this, it helped me to put aside the vulnerable emotions I felt; the fear of rejection from her or the worry that we may not be what she is looking for. Instead, I put more energy towards what she is feeling and going through and this helped me to let go. Her choice to put her baby up for adoption is full of bravery and speaks volumes of her character and selflessness. I know this is so sacred to her, just as it is sacred to us and today I am honoring this for both of us.

Putting our profile together was so healing for me. It was a joy to share about how Boho Boy and I met and fell in love. I always love the opportunity to share about my husband and what an extraordinary human being he is and to read the bit he wrote about me was one of the greatest gifts I've received from him. Writing this and gathering all of our photos to put creatively together in a book was affirming for us that we're so open and willing to share our life with a little boho. This act for me did not at all come from desperation. I felt so at peace with where we are at in our lives, knowing that together, Boho Boy and I are so very connected and happy. That as individuals, our lives feel fulfilled and there is so much ahead for our careers and plans. Our decision to adopt doesn't come from the idea that we need a child in order to be happy. It comes from the deep desire to gift the world with an extraordinary human being and to nurture this little being and their gifts and help guide them on their journey. It comes from a place of having so much love to give that it is spilling over and needs a little place to go.

Aside from all this...my thoughts go to the birth mom. Whether she is the one that chooses us on this journey of hers or not, I honor the space she is in today and send her healing love from us. Perhaps, if you feel inspired throughout your day, you could send her love too.

My candle is still burning.

33 Comments:

Blogger AnnaC said...

I am sending lots of love to both you and the birth mom.

These are difficult decisions and deserve as much love and compassion as we can muster.

February 13, 2008 at 1:35:00 PM PST  
Blogger Schmoops said...

my candle is already lit for the both of you and is filling my home with it's sweet scent. i send love to both of you today, for you are both filled with bravery and are both making sacred choices. may she feel a strong connection with you and c. i feel as if the little one already has...

xoxo

February 13, 2008 at 1:38:00 PM PST  
Blogger dreamergirl said...

i will light a candle once i hit 'send' and i will send love to all of you.

xOx silvia

February 13, 2008 at 1:50:00 PM PST  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

Bohogirl...I want to say thank you .... and to bless those still waiting. It happens and it is the mightiest miracle in the world." xx

February 13, 2008 at 1:58:00 PM PST  
Blogger ttdavis said...

my candle is lit and sits along side of my magic rocks and the beautiful fertility necklace that has hung around your neck for so long. my little "alter of hope" will stay just so until boho baby finds her way home.

my love, thoughts and prayers are with you, carsten and j.

love you,

tammy

February 13, 2008 at 2:04:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know we hardly know one another, but your story touches me deeply Denise. i'm lighting a candle as soon as i walk away from the computer for you, BohoBoy and the mother of the baby with the intent that if it's for the greatest good of all, it will happen.

peace from my heart to your heart,
Lillithmother
www.changingwoman.wordpress.com

February 13, 2008 at 2:23:00 PM PST  
Blogger Frida said...

you already know that my heart and thoughts are with you and with her.

you are such a natural Buddhist - focusing compassionately on the other is one of the techniques I learned from my teacher to help me release my own fears.

love you as much as i love avocado on organic seed toast at the end of a 16 hour work day. more even - and that's getting up to a whole lot of love!

xx

February 13, 2008 at 2:36:00 PM PST  
Blogger Bethany said...

I've been following your journey for a while, and I just wanted to tell you that I have happy, tingly goosebumps for you today. The thrill of knowing you will hold your precious baby soon... wow. I'm wishing a peaceful excitement for you, your family, and the bio mom getting ready to give you your gift!

February 13, 2008 at 2:50:00 PM PST  
Blogger gem said...

i am completely, in every possible way, inspired...and, yes, of course, i will send her love. on this valentine's day/love's day eve, a candle is lit for her, for all.
thank you for *being.
warmly,
gem

February 13, 2008 at 4:31:00 PM PST  
Blogger Georgia said...

I'm lighting a candle, for her and for you! :)

February 13, 2008 at 4:47:00 PM PST  
Anonymous ruby said...

i'm sending my love to both mommies - you and birth mother...

-ruby

February 13, 2008 at 5:35:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Chookooloonks said...

Email me. Let's talk. :-)

February 13, 2008 at 6:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sending love and peace and calmness and
clarity

watching your dream unfold has been a masterpiece of how the human spirit stretches and reaches and bends and refolds on itself

i'm breathing in and out slowly and believing
all good things, all ways, always
Lynne

February 13, 2008 at 7:23:00 PM PST  
Blogger jen said...

so many times, the rawness and beauty in your writing brings me to tears... you are going to be a wonderful mother.
peace and happiness onto you, your boho boy, and that special little soul out there waiting for you.
jen

February 13, 2008 at 7:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger Sarcomical said...

i'm sure that when she sees what you wrote, she will fall in love with the two of you as her baby's parents.

:)

February 13, 2008 at 8:10:00 PM PST  
Anonymous rachelle said...

absolutely beautiful.
and as a birth mom myself, trust me when i say, she (whoever she is) can feel your love and thoughts and prayers and concern.
best wishes.

February 13, 2008 at 10:11:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lucky Candice said...

Wow. I'm really amazed at how balanced and centered you are about this. It's so very interesting to view adoption from this vantage point for me. You truly are an amazing woman!

LC

February 13, 2008 at 10:36:00 PM PST  
Blogger chest of drawers said...

I will.

February 13, 2008 at 11:00:00 PM PST  
Blogger Penny said...

I am lighting a candle and hoping a new journey will illuminate for both of you. You will soon be the amazing mama you are destined to be xx

February 14, 2008 at 12:20:00 AM PST  
Blogger African Blossom said...

Holding you all in my heart and sending you love...

February 14, 2008 at 12:28:00 AM PST  
Blogger mccabe said...

your journey and story touch
me in such a tender way.

i send you much love and light
while you navigate through the
tides of uncertainty....

with love
mccabe x

February 14, 2008 at 12:45:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is a magical time, you know.
spirits dancing, life changing, energy shifting.

you follow your path with such a keen sense, with such grace and humble.

a baby will be blessed to have you guys as parents.

wishing you love~

m

February 14, 2008 at 2:18:00 AM PST  
Blogger gkgirl said...

thinking of you
and sending you all my
best wishes
today...

February 14, 2008 at 3:29:00 AM PST  
Blogger bee said...

i'm lighting an as-of-yet unlit candle for you, the second i get up from this comment writing....

my heart is overflowing with love for the four of you....take all you need...

February 14, 2008 at 5:46:00 AM PST  
Blogger Deirdre said...

My whole body lit up with goosebumps when I read this. I'll light a candle today too.

February 14, 2008 at 7:57:00 AM PST  
Blogger Lianne said...

I absolutely believe that you and this child have made a contract to be together, and that the birth-mom will know, and the perfect child will arrive at the perfect time.

Sending you loads and loads of love.

February 14, 2008 at 8:57:00 AM PST  
Blogger kristen said...

you are in such an awesome space denise, this post fills me with joy as you and your boy embark on a lovely journey towards your babe.

peace and love.

February 14, 2008 at 2:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger daisies said...

sending best wishes
will think of you all when i light my candle tonight, xo

February 14, 2008 at 6:48:00 PM PST  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I think it is phenomenal that you are able to be at this place right now and be in full understanding of the hardship the birth mother must be going through and also full understanding of why you want a little boho in your life. You are a beautiful soul, and I will light my candle for all four of you tonight (you, boho boy, the birth mother, and the little baby who has no idea how much love this world has to offer)

February 15, 2008 at 6:05:00 AM PST  
Blogger XT said...

I am sending you all love and holding you tight in my prayers.. thank you again for your raw beauty and sharing yourself with us ~*

February 15, 2008 at 9:10:00 AM PST  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

sending lots and lots and lots of love!

February 15, 2008 at 11:27:00 AM PST  
Blogger ~Michelle~ said...

I loved reading this post! Brought back memories of when we put together our letter. Wondering who was going to be reading it and what she must be feeling. I am excited for you and Boho Boy!!!!!

February 16, 2008 at 1:33:00 PM PST  
Blogger she saw things said...

love and lots of being sent...

February 17, 2008 at 7:45:00 AM PST  

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