Sunday, March 30

my date with an angel...

thea, canon digital rebel xti

The emotions that well up inside when looking at these photographs of Thea are the very same ones I felt in her presence for three days. Our exchanges were soft, nurturing, breezy, light, romantic, ethereal, moving and inspiring.

I left feeling more centered into my self, grounded and looking forward. We spent most of the time snuggled into our hotel room full of beautiful natural light and white sheets...without a second thought about needing to be out and about, exploring the cute little town we were in. We tapped into what we needed more and that was to relax and spill about our fertility journeys that we've walked together side by side and once we felt more clarity, helped one another to move forward into the other passions in our life.

I was introduced to Thea by the lovely Sarah, who knew we would naturally hit it off and resonate with one another as we both have had a rough road to conception. The pleasant surprise with our coming together was that we had so many other things in common and she is now a soul sister for life.

Her and I both have had some highly emotionally stuff going on within each of our journeys lately, so I think both of us were curious if my visit out there would be consumed with us shaking our fists to the sky and letting out the anger in a safe place. I myself felt a bit concerned that letting my anger out would put me back into a tale spin of grief but I knew I was supposed to be with her. So, we both took that vulnerable risk of knowing we'd be completely transparent with one another. That can be scary when you're in a space of just trying to stay above water.

What ended up happening was so beautiful that my heart swells to spilling over as I write this. Somehow our energy coming together was a constant swing of Yin and Yang. We had our moments of letting the anger out but we discovered so much clarity in our spillings that the anger wasn't so consuming and confusion didn't have a home anymore. It's like we helped one another pull out our most evolved selves. I felt stronger in her presence.

We ended up moving on and being each others life coaches about our creative business journeys, asking one another all those yummy questions;"What are you crazy wild passionate about. Which of all your talents makes you swoon like a giddy girl in love." In moments of business talk, sometimes emotions about our desire for a baby surfaced and we'd let those tears flow...falling into laughter...moving into business talk again. It was a flow that I felt comfortable with. No judgments. No expectations. No trying to fix the problem. Just feeling and dreaming and inspiring and letting go.

I think it was because of this major Zen fest, we were able to pull out these emotions in our photo shoots of one another. We spent an entire day dressing up, putting on make-up we'd never normally wear, while music softly played from the laptop and the ethereal light in our room guided us. Most of the photo shoot was quiet...where she would be laying there and rather than me have to tell her what to do, I would gently brush her forehead with my hand to tell her to relax her face and pull a little curl closer to her mouth. She did the same with me. A few of the photos she took are in my new banner and my new profile pic.

Later we took a drive along a snow covered highway and squealed in delight at how inspired we felt and how much we love our jobs and that it feels so damn good to be living a passion of ours. Aching for a baby is so very primal and huge but we helped one another to remember that there are other beautiful things birthing in our life and when we put our energies there...everything else makes more sense.

So, now I am home and full of ideas for my business that resonate so closely to my heart. My longing for a baby is still present but it doesn't feel consuming. The peaceful thoughts are soothing the not so peaceful ones. I am grateful for the magic that transpired with Thea and am comforted to know she feels the same.


Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Tears are spilling, grateful happy peaceful tears, that pour like the joy and gratitude for you, for the universe placing us together at the most perfect of times. And most of all for allowing us to feel each other, and trust that this was needed time together, despite the fears and tenderness that could arise in little moments for each of us, at the thought of being so tender and so close with someone about these delicate places that can stir insecurities and frustration.

You said it so perfectly darling, and these photos, well I feel beautiful and angelic, a feeling that has been buried for a while under grief and the weight of our fertility journey.

My eyes were opened, my heart balmed and soothed to beat strong again. My inner ear has been fined tuned again to the nature of my song, my journey, in this beautiful life.


snuggles and smooches.

March 30, 2008 at 11:04:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Silvia said...

love the photo's and the new banner!!

(i wondered what's so different about you in the banner picture, but i guess it's the make up, you look so peaceful in that picture by the way, just gorgeous!)

some things you wrote about really resonate with me. the aching, be it for something different, and seeing that there are other beautiful things birthing in my life as well and the longing is no longer all consuming.

this is what has been going on for a while now, but your writing has put it in the spotlight for me. i think i need to meditate on this a bit, or journal about it to document the process.

there's always something so very soothing in the way you write. so thanks for sharing another part of your journey!

much love to you

March 30, 2008 at 11:05:00 AM PDT  
Blogger meghan said...

So much love for you both fills me right now - how I ached to be with you in some way, but I am glad that I wasn't because I wasn't what you needed. I love you so much - both of you -

(and HOLY COW look at those faces - stunning. I looked at the pictures of Thea and she looks so angelic and open and light - really LIGHT - and then I looked at the one of you in your blog banner and you look fiesty and dreamy and stunning - and both so beautiful. SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! OH my heart is hurting from missing you so much!!)

enough babbling - I am so glad you got to be together and go through this part of your journey uplifted. LOVE YOU.

March 30, 2008 at 11:13:00 AM PDT  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

Doesn't Thea look a lot like Kelly, your niece, in this photos? When i opened your blog and saw these, i thought...ohh...D and Kelly had a fun day filled with yumminess?

Thea.you ARE so sooo beautiful!!!

And girls...there is just nothing more heart warming and emotionally great when someone really do understand how you feel?

happy, happy happy xx

March 30, 2008 at 11:15:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am so so happy you are being held gently in the hands and in the hearts of loving angels.
i wish i could have been with you ...
jen gray

March 30, 2008 at 11:42:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

these photos of thea are stunning, denise and your new banner and profile pic are simply gorgeous!!!

i'm so happy for the both of you that you had this magical time to spend together.

love to you,

March 30, 2008 at 11:46:00 AM PDT  
Blogger WhimsicalBird said...

What a yummy time. Both of you are so lovely and I love the new banners, too.

March 30, 2008 at 4:54:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Martha-Anne said...

what a great time!!!

Love the new banner. Gorgeous!!!

March 30, 2008 at 5:25:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's all i can say...
just stunning...
both of you, everything, your words, your pictures.


March 30, 2008 at 5:42:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Erin Alaska said...

I just found your blog the other day. While reading your posts I was in awe of how eventhough we have never met you can think and feel the same things as I do. I am a secret gyptsy too!:) You are so blessed with your family and friends. Keep giving them warm snuggles and one day your prayers will be answered. You will have a beautiful miracle of a child, from a special place in this world. The right child is looking now to match their soul to yours for the perfect fit. Good luck to you and your lovely husband. I will keep reading on your happiness in life.

March 30, 2008 at 6:20:00 PM PDT  
Blogger all over the map said...

The photos are serene and oh-so-yummy-beautiful. The two go so well together. Your beautiful photography and Thea's gorgeousness.
I immediately noticed you were wearing make-up and I thought "I wanna play too". How fun. It suits you both so well in these photos.
The new banner has a nice feel to it. Serene and calm and as always you look smashing.
So glad you had the opportunity to spend time with a dear friend. Woman need woman. We lift each other up in ways only we know how. There's no doubt about that.

March 30, 2008 at 6:27:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Intrepidflame said...

Long time no speak so to say. These are great shots. I am just looking at the Flickr set. Quite a contrast from my last set. Interesting juxtaposition.

Hey can you share my latest post about http://daraja-academy.org/ with your world. great cause to get behind.

Miss you. Drop by sometime and leave your voice...

March 30, 2008 at 10:08:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a beautiful woman your friend is and what a precious connection you describe. thank you for sharing it.

March 31, 2008 at 3:19:00 AM PDT  
Blogger gkgirl said...

the photos turned out gorgeous,
soft and pretty
full of light and love...

March 31, 2008 at 5:40:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

wow. what a wonderful connection you guys have. I am happy that you can fill that for each other and that I get to watch and get little bits and peices of your worlds.


March 31, 2008 at 5:40:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can send some of your photos to

hotelroomphotos dot com



March 31, 2008 at 7:13:00 AM PDT  
Blogger kelly barton art + design said...


March 31, 2008 at 10:11:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Jon-Erik said...

Wow...way to go...proud of you opening to the medicine walk, to a women's transparent yet a illuminatingly circle, within the energies of mother earth.....and so the feminine energy danced as the fire flys took your fear-tears.....AWAY!
A Long solo guitar and a the beat of "the call back drums"......Wonderful energies in words and descriptions....BRAVO TO BOTH OF YOU
Miss ya sister

March 31, 2008 at 10:57:00 AM PDT  
Blogger jenica said...

perfect beauty.

March 31, 2008 at 12:07:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

prrrrrrrr kitties!

you both are so hot, you make me sexist {wink}


March 31, 2008 at 12:45:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

beautiful girls
beautiful Thea
beautiful Denise
Beautiful Fristers

loving you both
xox Dar

March 31, 2008 at 9:36:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hugging you with my mind, love

April 2, 2008 at 3:47:00 PM PDT  

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