Tuesday, March 4

zen out and slow down*

me on the beach, photo by
boho boy

This morning I woke up and felt as though four walls were closing in on me. Every cell of my body was aching to be out in fresh air. I took a moment to reflect on how many times I've actually been outside this past month, aside from the usual errands of the week. Not very many. I've been nesting and craving solitude but I am not sure why I have felt I could only find this within the four walls of my home. Most of my life I have been a forest nymph or ocean faerie...craving the energy, dance and playfulness that nature provides. Being out in nature was a part of my being. A way to breathe life into my soul. A place to hear the voices of God and Mother Earth and my angels.

I have somehow managed, throughout the last few years, to neglect this part of me. I've been to the beach a handful of times and to the forest only during our annual camping trip in the redwoods. I've been starving for the nourishment nature brings me and my poor body is aching for adventures of the earthy kind.

Today, I took a long walk on the beach. I walked back and forth and back again along the shore. I found a tall cliff in the middle that I could climb. Digging my hands and feet into the stone I reached the top and then found a comfy spot to sit on at the edge. I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my eyes. I felt the sweet sprays of water as the waves crashed up under me. I took a deep breath and listened. Just listened. My mind has been so very tired and noisy. I have felt disconnected to my soul and centeredness. For a while now I have been unable to hear the voices that sooth, reassure and guide me on my journeys. So I listened. A hush came spilling over me on that cliff. The warm sun enveloped me, wrapping its gentle arms around my skin for what felt like hours. I rocked back and forth and began to hum a song. A lullaby...for the little one that wants to come into our life and that we long to hold in our arms. A lullaby for my heart and all that surrounded me.

I asked what I should do now that this journey has taken a turn and I heard the voice of a little child and it said..."slow down". Tears came spilling. What a wise soul this voice was. It could have been the voice of my inner child, or of God or an angel but so much of me believed it was the voice of our child. A child whose spirit already knows our hearts. Regardless where it came from, it was speaking my truth. I've been running, haven't I? From one doctor to the next, from one cure to another cure from one path to the other...running...running and not stopping long enough to check in with my heart...with our hearts.

I kept hearing this over and over with each wave that curled towards me..."take care of you first and i'll come when i'm ready."

I sat for another hour or so to meditate on what that means for me. What I need to hold onto and what I need to let go of in my life right right now in order to slow down and stay centered.

I had a good talk with my husband tonight about taking a mini-sabbatical, so to speak. I've been so tired and weary and longing for more life energy within me. I typically would feel a bit guilty for needing this because I am used to a full creative plate in front of me. But this decision feels so absolutely harmonious with my body and mind. The thought of it is helping me to breathe easier and clouds are clearing the way for more clarity. I am blessed that working from home allows me to do this and I do not take this for granted.

So I am doing this without guilt or shame. I am celebrating it with all that I am and embracing the awareness that I am by no means giving up but just standing still for small while.

I need a break from heartache for a bit. I need a break from the noise and the confusion. I need to totally zen out and slow down.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

peace boho XXXOOOO carole

March 4, 2008 at 10:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

and nobody can say this more beautifully than you!
You must have a magical pen? oh no! it's the heart full of love and magic!

I hope the fairies in the forest will surround you and that you will feel their hugs and comfort around you..and when at sea...that the 'swooosshhinnngggg' of the waves swoosh right into your heart...and calm your mind...

It is true that you heard the voice...and yes, it can be of that little one already waiting...have you ever thought that maybe he/she is not yet ready to arrive? :-)

Here is a song that soothed my soul and I would love to past it on to you. I hope it comforts you just as much. I love you Beautiful...have fun spending time with yourself...this song is just the one for where you are now! Listen...and just hug yourself! xx


March 4, 2008 at 11:03:00 PM PST  
Blogger Marianne said...

just before reading this i sent you a wee little token of what was in my heart for you all day today.
it's in your inbox.
its the beach.
soul sisters.

March 4, 2008 at 11:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

I'm sitting with you by the sea, my angel.... i'm listening quietly.... i'm letting you be..... and later, i'm helping bring a little smile to your lips... i love you xo

March 5, 2008 at 4:33:00 AM PST  
Blogger kristen said...

the beach has a way of restoring our souls...the slowing down is so necessary, the gift you can give to yourself in the best, most nurturing way.

peace and love to you.

March 5, 2008 at 5:03:00 AM PST  
Blogger hhh said...

peace to your soul precious one ....your writing always bring peace to mine.


March 5, 2008 at 7:22:00 AM PST  
Blogger Stacy said...

i just read this after sending you the email about getting away to connect again with nature. vibing.

let it embrace you.
take care of you.


March 5, 2008 at 7:54:00 AM PST  
Blogger mccabe said...

i am really drawn to that photo of you-
i can't stop staring at it.
you look so peaceful and full of quiet calm.

yes sweetie, take a break.
refill that precious heart of yours...

holding you all
in my heart,
love mccabe x

March 5, 2008 at 10:39:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what gorgeous and wise sharing D...

beautiful writing
beautiful heart

so much love

March 5, 2008 at 10:49:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been gone for a few months as we built our new house. I've missed your peaceful posts. You have a way of grounding me and making me feel calm. I've just finished reading your blog posts since the beginning of January and going through a whole gamut of emotions in a half hour on your behalf. I feel emotionally drained right now : ) You are such a blessing to me and I am inspired by your faith and hope. I pray for you and your hubby and your baby that you are waiting for. For the whole process, for the birth mother. I feel such a peace for you. (((hugs)))

March 5, 2008 at 12:35:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lisa said...

I too, just returned from a visit to the sea that was long overdue. I feel as though I can breath again. It appears as though you feel the same.

March 5, 2008 at 1:57:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. I know this feeling all too well. Enjoy your spiritual sabbatical.

March 5, 2008 at 2:08:00 PM PST  
Blogger Diana Cohen said...

The very best wishes for you Boho Girl. You're a ray of sunshine.

March 5, 2008 at 2:26:00 PM PST  
Blogger jessamyn said...

one of the most beautiful things about you from reading your words and seeing your images is that you make yourself so available to inner wisdom and teachings. that is beauty.
the way you paint this story is amazing...it really is telling when your story can touch someone who does not "know" you.
every time I visit your space, I am deeply touched.
"it could have been the voice of my inner child, or of God, or an angel but so much of me believed it was the voice of our child"...perhaps it is all one and the same.
much love to you and your blessed time of slowing down.

March 5, 2008 at 4:40:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

beautiful. enjoy your sabbatical. may you find comfort and joy.

March 6, 2008 at 1:56:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear sweet girl,
you do whatever you have to
so that you can rest in a place of
ease and comfort.
sometimes the very best we can do,
is to do nothing.
be like your kitty who lays splattered
in the sun and rests the days away.
love you a million

March 6, 2008 at 5:47:00 AM PST  
Blogger Just Me said...

While reading your story I almost cried. It's so beautiful when you can sit down and listen to the voices inside. Take care.

March 6, 2008 at 6:43:00 AM PST  
Blogger Swirly said...

I have also been learning how important it is to take care of ourselves so that we are able to offer more to those we love. Listen to that voice lovely, she is wise.

March 6, 2008 at 8:48:00 AM PST  
Blogger Jo said...

You are a wise soul. I feel full for you struggling and making these decisions from a place of peace and love for yourself. Thank you for sharing your journey. You do it with grace and beauty!

March 6, 2008 at 9:21:00 AM PST  
Blogger Designer Girl said...

I am reading 'A New Earth' by Echart Tolle and following along with the study group Oprah is providing online...

And your soul's cry for nature is what chapter one is all about! It talks about nature being a portal, of sorts, to the spirit world and that as humans we desperately need to take time for that connection with nature because it is also a connection to the divine. And who couldn't use a little connection to the divine?

To view the discussion go to Oprah.com and view week one. I think it'll be right up your alley.

with love and prayers,

March 6, 2008 at 9:32:00 AM PST  
Blogger Eileen W. said...

Listening to that child's voice by slowing down and giving yourself space is a good thing!!! Peace and serenity to you as you embark on this journey. xoxo

March 6, 2008 at 9:58:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


March 6, 2008 at 12:30:00 PM PST  
Blogger sas said...

beautiful post! how wonderful you are hearing your heart's truth. liten and act - that little cherub is mere moments away xx

March 6, 2008 at 12:48:00 PM PST  
Blogger bee said...

love you.
and you were the small, wise voice that conveyed this message to me. and my heart fills up with gratitude for it.


March 6, 2008 at 2:09:00 PM PST  
Blogger selftaughtgirl said...

""take care of you first and i'll come when i'm ready."

Wow. I *felt* the energy behind those words, just reading them. How powerful, and how wonderful that there is a wise guidance inside of you.

Sending love ~

March 7, 2008 at 10:55:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hugging you with my mind.....
you've done it again. somehow through writing so beautifully about your deep feelings, you have helped me (and many others i see) feel more myself. how do you do that???
i too have forest nymph and ocean fairy in me. they are calling me to let them play...
xoxoxo + xlxlxl :o)

March 9, 2008 at 8:06:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boho- i haven't commented in ages, but i wanted to tell you, i really love you- your site, and your presence in the world- you are such a bright light, and your shining warms me.

(from krista, of the silent k)

March 10, 2008 at 5:28:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Shell said...

That voice is the child leading you to him or her. That voice is to open your heart and begin the grieving process to help you envelope the child meant for you.
You will be in my prayers.

March 11, 2008 at 5:40:00 PM PDT  
Blogger jonerikk said...

Hello boho babes....sounds like its time for you to wander a bit on a medicine walk...with love Jon-Erik

March 16, 2008 at 2:45:00 PM PDT  

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