Monday, April 7

beautiful things*

flowers & thea diptych, canon digital rebel xti

I know I've been a bit quiet about the details of what is going on in our life with adoption and/or trying to conceive right now. There are reasons for my silence. Whether it is out of respect for privacy of those involved or that we are in a space of limbo, uncertain of how this will truly all unfold over the next few months. I promise to spill when appropriate and when I can gather my experience into words that will nurture hearts...mine and yours, rather than add confusion.

What I can share is that I am pleasantly surprised that through all the shifts, I am feeling a special kind of centered I have never felt before. I know this comes from the endless support I receive from family, my tribe, my sensitive and strong husband, God and the Universe blessing me with abundance and an adoption consultant that cares for us deeply.

This special kind of centeredness also comes from what this whole entire journey over the last three and a half years has taught me...and that is how to listen to my inner voice. I've learned to create boundaries where needed and to pull back and breathe when it all feels like too much. I've learned how to let others take care of me while at the same time not giving over my power. I've learned how to guard myself when I'm feeling too open or empathetic. I am continually learning that creating an alternate plan helps me to not feel completely wobbly if the current plan unfolds into a different direction.

These are just bits of what I've learned, really...and it is still a bit messy and lending itself to more wisdom to be gained but I am okay and I'm feeling at peace that we are in a good place with good people surrounding us.

I know this all sounds so cryptic and someday soon I'll be able to pull all the pieces together and tell my complete story.

For now, some other amazing things are transpiring in my life that are helping me to stand tall during my days. My photography business is blossoming in a direction I feel pretty blissed out over. I am connecting with people I have admired from afar and collaborating on a few things that have me feeling giddy like a girl being handed a huge lollipop with swirls of all colors (this use to excite me when i was little at least). I am learning how to express all these natural parts of me in my photographs; femininity, softness, dream-like ethereal romance, inner beauty and strength. This is where I am comfortable and this is where so many true parts of me unfold and feel free during my creative process.

So along side the pain of this journey has come so much beauty and I never look back and regret or feel sorry for myself. On the contrary, I am full of gratefulness and as I sit here and write this, I feel a swelling in my heart with the faith that beautiful things are coming. Beautiful things...


Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh baby-this diptych made tears swell. Have I already told you how beautiful I feel seeing myself through your photographs.

How having you by my side in this journey of creating a fertile life-makes my heart swoon?

I am here with you baby-loving you madly and deeply.


April 7, 2008 at 10:25:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Kirsten Michelle said...

there are really no words to explain how you, this space and this community have changed my life in the most extraordinary of ways.
i am forever grateful for your perspective and inspiration and so very happy to read that your heart is full with the promise of beautiful things.
sending love and sweet blessings,

April 7, 2008 at 10:48:00 AM PDT  
Blogger WhimsicalBird said...

I feel a swelling in my heart with the faith that beautiful things are coming.

I cannot wait to see these thing unfold for your beautiful boho family.

April 7, 2008 at 11:37:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Deirdre said...

You sound so centered and calm. And hopeful too. It's good.

I loved those swirly lollipops too. How could anyone not be giddy over all those colors. Never mind the sugar.

April 7, 2008 at 11:38:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This makes me so happy. I can't wait to see what unfolds for you.

I have recently realized that I took all the pain of the last year and stuck it in a box labeled DO NOT OPEN. I have shut myself off from my journey and have been scared for months to look at it again.

Only now, I'm restless. I feel my soul stirring, my creativity begging to get out, my life calling to me. I'm in tenie tiny baby step mode, but i'm walking forward. Poetry and pictures and stillness are following me, catching up for only brief moments before I walk away.

It's reading posts like this that make me want to honor myself and quit hiding from the world.

For that I'm so grateful to "know" you.


April 7, 2008 at 12:25:00 PM PDT  
Blogger BahiehK said...

thanks for sharing the wisdom.

it very much resonates on this particular day.

love from my world,


April 7, 2008 at 1:02:00 PM PDT  
Blogger PixieDust said...

Reading these words full of hope and love, getting glimpses of you through your sharing and art... beauty is already here...



April 7, 2008 at 2:02:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

when I read this post I thought of the following lyrics and thought I would share...thank you for your sweet reply to my email - it meant alot to me that you took the time to reply! :) Peace and blessings to you...good things are coming your way..

"Turn around and smell what you don’t see
Close your eyes, it’s so clear
Here’s the mirror, behind there is a screen
On both ways you can get in

Don’t think twice before you listen to your heart
Follow the trace for a new start

What you need and everything you’ll feel
Is just a question of the deal

In the eye of storm, you’ll see a lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key...To the gravity of Love"

April 7, 2008 at 4:36:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Melanie said...

I was so happy to hear from you! You have been on my mind these past few days. I have been through a storm myself lately but am finally seeing the light.
I know that beautiful things are in your future...in your present.
Continue to love and KNOW you are loved!


April 7, 2008 at 6:22:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

When the door bell rings and you open the door...but no one is there, you feel a temporary disappointment. No it's not a door bell ditcher because you look down and there on the step is a very special surprise gift waiting for you.

When you least expect it...even when doors open and you can't see anyone standing there...that is when I want you to remember that the gift can still be found right in front of you.

You have and always will be our family's shining star.

Den, I used to think it was because you were born under a special lucky star, but with time I have realized that it is the rare love and beauty that resides within you.

I am so excited that you are getting to open so many door bells and finding surprises :)

could I possibly love you more?
xoxoxoxoxo b/sis darlene

April 7, 2008 at 9:35:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Stacy said...

you deserve all the huge lollipops each swirled with all the colors of the rainbow.

love you.

April 7, 2008 at 10:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger kelly barton art + design said...

lifes simple blessings....

April 8, 2008 at 4:16:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Swirly said...

Beautiful things for beautiful YOU.

April 8, 2008 at 8:36:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

just scrolling through browsing your images and man they are blowing me away...so beautiful...

April 8, 2008 at 8:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

just scrolling through browsing your images and man they are blowing me away...so beautiful...

April 8, 2008 at 8:38:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a beautiful woman who makes beautiful art here on the East Coast.. I'd love to send you one of her prints.. here it is... Her name is Teri and she's awesome!


April 9, 2008 at 1:29:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Kristen said...

Pleased to support you. Not many people really WANT a child. They just want babies. It's special when someone who WANTS it GETS it. And you will.

April 9, 2008 at 5:10:00 PM PDT  

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