flowers & thea diptych, canon digital rebel xti
I know I've been a bit quiet about the details of what is going on in our life with adoption and/or trying to conceive right now. There are reasons for my silence. Whether it is out of respect for privacy of those involved or that we are in a space of limbo, uncertain of how this will truly all unfold over the next few months. I promise to spill when appropriate and when I can gather my experience into words that will nurture hearts...mine and yours, rather than add confusion.
What I can share is that I am pleasantly surprised that through all the shifts, I am feeling a special kind of centered I have never felt before. I know this comes from the endless support I receive from family, my tribe, my sensitive and strong husband, God and the Universe blessing me with abundance and an adoption consultant that cares for us deeply.
This special kind of centeredness also comes from what this whole entire journey over the last three and a half years has taught me...and that is how to listen to my inner voice. I've learned to create boundaries where needed and to pull back and breathe when it all feels like too much. I've learned how to let others take care of me while at the same time not giving over my power. I've learned how to guard myself when I'm feeling too open or empathetic. I am continually learning that creating an alternate plan helps me to not feel completely wobbly if the current plan unfolds into a different direction.
These are just bits of what I've learned, really...and it is still a bit messy and lending itself to more wisdom to be gained but I am okay and I'm feeling at peace that we are in a good place with good people surrounding us.
I know this all sounds so cryptic and someday soon I'll be able to pull all the pieces together and tell my complete story.
For now, some other amazing things are transpiring in my life that are helping me to stand tall during my days. My photography business is blossoming in a direction I feel pretty blissed out over. I am connecting with people I have admired from afar and collaborating on a few things that have me feeling giddy like a girl being handed a huge lollipop with swirls of all colors (this use to excite me when i was little at least). I am learning how to express all these natural parts of me in my photographs; femininity, softness, dream-like ethereal romance, inner beauty and strength. This is where I am comfortable and this is where so many true parts of me unfold and feel free during my creative process.
So along side the pain of this journey has come so much beauty and I never look back and regret or feel sorry for myself. On the contrary, I am full of gratefulness and as I sit here and write this, I feel a swelling in my heart with the faith that beautiful things are coming. Beautiful things...