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Thursday, December 11

dream induced laugh*


Cedar laughing in his sleep at 2.5 weeks old, taken with my camera phone

He does this thing where all is quiet and he is sleeping deep, breathing heavily and then all of a sudden, his mouth stretches wide open in a huge smile and he laughs. Belly laughs, really hard, in his sleep. Never when he is awake. Only when he is sleeping. Every time it gets me. Every time I giggle so much when I am holding him that I have to brace myself on the couch so that I won't wake him.

It is these joyous moments that get me out of my head. Out of that awareness that I am running off of just a few hours sleep per night and ache all over because of the tiredness. I had heard that the first three weeks were challenging but how can you prepare someone for sleep deprivation? I had pulled all nighters here an there before and had insomnia for like one night but never could I go that long because I am one of those people that loves her sleep. I had always looked forward to sleeping in on the weekends all week long. But I am coming to the realization that I may never sleep in again. ; ) Like I said, I knew this going into parenting but how can you prepare? Seriously? Oh my goodness.

Our dear son is nocturnal. Just like he was in K's womb. He is wide eyed and ready for adventures from 12am - 4am and the rest of the day he is a sleepy bear after eating. The thing is, my body clock is still believing that daytime means wake time and night time means sleep. I always struggled with sleeping during the day. I could never take naps. Even if in a dark room. So the concept of "sleep when the baby sleeps" isn't quite happening for me.

I have received gentle wisdom from friends about how to help our little buddy get on our clocks but I am trying to not have any expectations of him and just go with the flow right now. We've only been home for a few days and we are still adjusting from spending his first few weeks in a hotel room, as well as traveling. ; )

But it is amazing how despite the fact that my energy is completely zapped right now, my love for Cedar trumps all of it. If I start feeling the grumps come on, all I have to do is take one look at him and I go into this other dimension where I feel I have superhuman strength to get through it. I am so blessed that my husband is into teamwork and that even though he's the one getting up early for work the next morning, he is sensitive to the fact that I need my sleep too in order to be present for our child all day. We are figuring it out, sharing the feedings and trying our best to be gentle with one another as we stumble through those zombie-like grumpies.

It is definitely Cedar's pure cuteness that is getting us through these very early days and the fact that he is our dream finally living and breathing in our arms. Oh and speaking of dreams... that dream induced laugh of his just rocks our world right now.

38 Comments:

Blogger monkey's mama said...

sleep-laughing is quite possibly the cutest thing i have ever heard of a 2.5 week old baby doing. EVER! and i know what you mean about not being able to sleep during the day, i had a hard time doing it as well, and never really was able to. by 10 weeks (i know that seems forever away, but it will go by fast, i swear) you will start to feel semi-rested again. and hopefully for you little cedar starts sleeping thru the night shortly after that. my little breastfed monkey started at 12 weeks, quit a month later after our cross-country move and is now waking me up 3 times a night again - at 7 months! gotta love it! ;) but newayz! i am so overwhelmingly happy for you. i check in every day just to see if you've had the time to update, because your journey is so beautiful and i feel so blessed to be a witness to it. you're doing a great job, mama! xoxox.

December 11, 2008 at 5:47:00 PM PST  
Blogger AnnaC said...

what a wonderful way to sleep -- with the laughs just a dream away.

December 11, 2008 at 6:23:00 PM PST  
Blogger Puanani said...

It is their cuteness quotient that keeps you from breaking down in the supermarket. You are perfection, everything you are experiencing is right on track. Enjoy the dream laughter and one day you will sleep in again, I promise. Just not today.

December 11, 2008 at 6:35:00 PM PST  
Blogger Schmoops said...

reading this just rocked my world right now.

seriously, how cute is sleep laughing at that age? bella didn't laugh until almost six weeks. i really hope you capture a video of it.

the one thing i am learning about babies is that they do everything on their own time when they are good and ready. he will figure out the day/night thing, but not a second before he wants to, love.

when bella was cedar's age (hee hee) she used to make this series of faces in her sleep. we would get so excited for her to fall asleep just to watch her do it, so yes, it's their absolute perfection and cutieness that gets you through those tired, grumpy, energy zapping moments like a true superhero.

December 11, 2008 at 6:42:00 PM PST  
Blogger Schmoops said...

p.s. i bet he's dreaming about how happy he is to have finally found you and it sends him into joyous laughter.

December 11, 2008 at 6:47:00 PM PST  
Blogger ~Michelle~ said...

Love the sleep smiles and laughs! So precious!

December 11, 2008 at 7:35:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No advice here, but I just wanted to reassure you that this is sooooo normal. You are right to just go with it instead of exhausting more of your precious energy to try to reverse his schedule. Don't bother, it won't last long. You are also right that nobody can prepare you for sleep deprivation. There is no comparison to parental sleep deprivation. Just know you are in good company!

Nashay

December 11, 2008 at 7:38:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dreams from that magical place baby spirits live before they join us... we're so privileged, us parents, to witness tiny glimpses of that unconditional magic.

December 11, 2008 at 8:45:00 PM PST  
Blogger AMANDA said...

so sweet and beautiful. enjoy every minute....you deserve it~

December 11, 2008 at 8:48:00 PM PST  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

they say what you feel while dreaming is how you are feeling...so I would guess he is the most happiest little boy in the USA...cause in Africa...it would be K...heehee...:-)

sleep deprivation...mmmmmm...that is why I said in the one email...sleep my beautiful friend...sleep....sleep....sleep....heehee...and I guess you were so wide awake en happy and excited to have this little bundle come to you...but yes....sleeepppppp......yummie!!!

but it does get better the older they get :-)

Thinking of you...and giggling with Cedar...oops! he is laughing! So I'll giggle with you xx

heehee...just thinking of this little sleep thingy...it is in times like these that family are even more precious...and you really wanna visit...just for that one or two hours extra sleep...heehee xx

December 11, 2008 at 8:59:00 PM PST  
Blogger Vivienne said...

i love dream laughs!

my work is as a postpartum doula so know that someone else is up holding sweet little ones (usually twins) while you are!

and i have one word of advice for you. just one.
water
i swear, during the middle of the night water does more to keep me awake and functioning than coffee does! totally. thats all the advice i'm going to say because i tend to think folks just need to find their own path with parenting and it sure does sound like you and boho boy are doing just that!

even though i don't know you, i can't tell you how happy i am for you!!!

December 11, 2008 at 9:17:00 PM PST  
Blogger Alisa said...

omygoodness what a true gift to experience such things like dream laughter. I would laugh and cry at the same time to witness such a thing.

you guys rock and just keep following your gut and heart. you will never sleep again like you did before Cedar. but its sooo worth it :)

December 11, 2008 at 9:20:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Char said...

I remember when my son first did that, it was such a beautiful thing and at that moment I knew my life was complete.

December 11, 2008 at 9:33:00 PM PST  
Anonymous amy j. said...

Nothing is more enjoyable than reading these posts from you, mama!

Totally right on track. I handled the first few weeks both times really badly...I mean badly. Then one day, it was over. Now I ache for those days so much sometimes I break down.

It will be a blurry memory, the fatigue, and then you will want him to squish down to the laughing dreaming newborn again!

So sweet. Keep the stories coming!

Are you listening to any music during all this? I did, at night especially. I've got a few songs I could share with you that I think you might love. In case you're even remotely interested:

http://www.lala.com/song/720857415372011071/720857428256912959

http://www.lala.com/song/360569445171207556/360569479530945924

http://www.lala.com/song/360569445171207556/360569492415847812

http://www.lala.com/song/360569445171207556/360569501005782404

http://www.lala.com/song/1657606138190505323/1657606155370374507

December 11, 2008 at 9:47:00 PM PST  
Blogger Swirly said...

I love you my friend, that's all I have to say. :)

December 11, 2008 at 11:37:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Emily said...

your stories just melt me :)

December 11, 2008 at 11:56:00 PM PST  
Blogger the camp said...

oh my gosh...thank you for this
gentle memory. i loved it when
my cherubs pulled this one off.

and i would be giggling too if you were my mommy. cedar is a blessed boy.

bryce is heading your way tomorrow. i am so sad i can't make the trip.

happy weekend!

December 12, 2008 at 4:48:00 AM PST  
Anonymous satori17@yahoo.com said...

boho~

it's beautiful to see you with your little cedar!
he is a beautiful little boy, he is the one i saw you with in a dream. nice to know you are brimming with joy.
the joy and love is what makes never getting another nights rest worth it! my 2 boys ages 3 & 4 still keep me up at night and i think they always will.
if you hear a sniff, a fart, a wince, even a wiggle...it awakes mommy. it's the connection.
our babies slept in our bed and now they think they have free range, so they come in all night long sometimes. some nights we are baby free, like last night...i finally caught up on some sleep!

good wishes, peace & love to you~

December 12, 2008 at 5:12:00 AM PST  
Blogger Terri said...

God makes them adorable for a reason...it is the hardest job in the world to take care of a new life when you aren't sleeping and feel crazed. But all you need is to see a smile and the fact that you haven't slept for 3 weeks just melts away.

He'll get his days and nights sorted out soon, they all do. Sofia was the same way in the beginning and the first time she slept thru the night at 8 weeks, it was a joyous occasion!! I could never sleep when she slept. i don't think many people can.

December 12, 2008 at 5:17:00 AM PST  
Blogger wordnerd said...

Wow, I have vivid memories of that groggy constant state in which I found myself for the first 6 weeks or so...I assure you, you WILL sleep again...even though it doesn't feel that way.

No advice here either..I'm sure you've gotten more than enough...he will figure out nights/days when he's ready, it will happen when you least expect it.

Take good care of yourself, buy good coffee, eat lots of fresh food, take your vitamines and rest when you can. This till will pass quickly....:*) It's great to read about your adventures, it brings back many MANY fond (and a little teary) memories.

My little peanut is only 9 months old and already I wonder....where has my baby gone?

December 12, 2008 at 6:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger dreamergirl said...

oh my dream induced laughs
<3

sending you lots of love
(and some magic dust to use for sleeping during the day ;)

xo

December 12, 2008 at 7:14:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Love this! My girl used to sleep laugh too...I remember just absolutely loving it, the sound make my heart sing.

I am so with you on the sleep thing...Camille is 6 and I still have not slept in since she was born! Up at 5:00.. I guess that is the mommy schedule!

Best,
Jennifer

December 12, 2008 at 7:23:00 AM PST  
Blogger Sharon Delman said...

My son, now seven years old, still laughs in his sleep. It delights me every time. My daughter, nearly six, mews like a kitten; I haven't figured that one out yet. I treasure each peep.

On sleeping, my OB informed my husband and I at six weeks after the birth of my son that we had survived the Geneva Convention standard of torture for sleep deprivation. Just hang in there . . . it does get better.

Cedar is a beautiful boy and you clearly are one great mamma.

December 12, 2008 at 10:11:00 AM PST  
Blogger karin said...

magic ... all babies get it. ALL of them! smartest creatures on the earth!

you see, i've been saying this for almost 10 years (my oldest is 10 in 3 weeks! eeek!) babies are so smart, they reel you in, make you love them as if there is nothing else in the world that will trump that love. they do this in a variety of ways - sleep laughing, giggles, smiles, utter sustainable cuteness, hugs, kisses, yummy smelling clean skin from the bath, calling your name, expressing their undying love for you, excelling at school, at sports, you name it - they are just plain GOOD at the love-capturing. so, strap in, sister, this is ONLY the beginning! he's got you wrapped and you never saw it coming! ;)
oh, and sleep deprivation - yeah, that's so you have EXTRA time to ponder how much they just duped you into loving them! you're living your dreams right here, wide open, and in the bounty of your hearts .... lucky lucky you!

trust me when i tell you, you will miss these sleepless nights, cause the snuggling does slip away ... there is still a good amount at older ages, yes, but it's never the SAME amount as when they are wee little ones! enjoy ... enjoy!

December 12, 2008 at 11:03:00 AM PST  
Blogger meesh said...

smiling so huge for you right now!

meesh

December 12, 2008 at 1:29:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Denise,

That picture is absolutely, unequivocally ADORABLE!!! I visually am scooping you both up in my arms. Whoever, took this picture has a great caption. Snuggle bear and Snuggle Mama are all cuddled for a long winter's nap....yum, yum....yummy

Love, Trish
patriciadolan@comcast.net

December 12, 2008 at 2:35:00 PM PST  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Congratulations on your sweet precious little bundle. May God bless him always. He is too cute for words!!!

December 12, 2008 at 4:05:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Rebecca F. said...

Well, although you didn't get the pregnancy part and you sure are getting the whole "new mom" experience. Welcome to mommyhood! It is fantastic, isn't it?

One day you look back with longing for these sleep deprived days. I promise. LOL.

Gentle hugs!

Rebecca F.

December 12, 2008 at 5:28:00 PM PST  
Blogger all over the map said...

it will pass and as you said you have just barely even been home to adjust, etc. i'm sure he will get on a schedule. wee little cutie.
i'm glad these tender moments are so comforting and good for the grump-a-lump moments.
bless you guys.
xo

December 12, 2008 at 5:30:00 PM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

I hope he gets back to the day/night time soon love.

Love and kisses

December 12, 2008 at 6:29:00 PM PST  
Blogger Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

so sweet. makes you wonder what they're really thinking.
What seemed to work well for us is that we never turned on any lights or talked at night. I would just do what needed to be done......change diaper, feed, etc. Lots of snuggles and kisses, but not talking and no light.

December 12, 2008 at 9:28:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:)

not a smidge of advice to offer, heck, im still figuring out how to sleep through the night!

just want you to know you are a super loving mamma
and are doing an amazing job... what mom do you know spends almost a month on the road with a newborn and handles it with such grace??

xoxo
jen gray

December 13, 2008 at 5:32:00 AM PST  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

LOL I was just wondering how Cedar's schedule was and if mommy and daddy were being sleep deprived! Phew! Those were the days!!! How SWEET that dream pic is Boho gal! I LOVE all those family pics too below! SWEET! I'm soOOOOOoooO happy for all of YOU! xoxoxoxo, Cinda

December 13, 2008 at 1:38:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Vicki said...

When our children would laugh while sleeping, we just knew they were playing with angels - felt that in our souls. Your little lovie must have a few angels dedicated just to him - and to you:) Many, many Blessings, Vicki

December 13, 2008 at 1:43:00 PM PST  
Blogger This dreamer girl said...

I think when he laughs he laughs with spirits from where he just came... reminding them of why he chose you.. why he came here... and how loved he is.. seen and unseen..

December 13, 2008 at 2:00:00 PM PST  
Blogger ScrapCandy.com said...

Congrats on your new baby. Stumbled upon your blog by accident one day, but now I'm hooked. He is so completely beautiful! Enjoy (which is sounds like you totally are!) and you are all so lucky to have each other.

Tracy

December 13, 2008 at 3:46:00 PM PST  
Blogger Chelsea said...

Boho -

I have never commented here before but I found your blog through a chain of others and it's just so beautiful to see you now with your sweet baby.

The best parenting advice that I have ever gotten or given is exactly what you said: GO WITH THE FLOW.

Especially when they are tiny...it goes so fast.

December 15, 2008 at 9:36:00 AM PST  
Blogger Tina said...

I loved it when my babies laughed in their sleep, it was SO adorable!

And you are right not to worry so much about the reverse sleeping patterns, it'll work itself all out. My oldest never went to bed before 1 a.m. when she was a wee one.

Definitely sleep when you can though, as we all know sleep recharges us.

I am SO happy for you and BohoBoy and Cedar to be on this wonderful journey of life together!

December 16, 2008 at 8:00:00 AM PST  

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