dream induced laugh*

Cedar laughing in his sleep at 2.5 weeks old, taken with my camera phone

He does this thing where all is quiet and he is sleeping deep, breathing heavily and then all of a sudden, his mouth stretches wide open in a huge smile and he laughs. Belly laughs, really hard, in his sleep. Never when he is awake. Only when he is sleeping. Every time it gets me. Every time I giggle so much when I am holding him that I have to brace myself on the couch so that I won't wake him.

It is these joyous moments that get me out of my head. Out of that awareness that I am running off of just a few hours sleep per night and ache all over because of the tiredness. I had heard that the first three weeks were challenging but how can you prepare someone for sleep deprivation? I had pulled all nighters here an there before and had insomnia for like one night but never could I go that long because I am one of those people that loves her sleep. I had always looked forward to sleeping in on the weekends all week long. But I am coming to the realization that I may never sleep in again. ; ) Like I said, I knew this going into parenting but how can you prepare? Seriously? Oh my goodness.

Our dear son is nocturnal. Just like he was in K's womb. He is wide eyed and ready for adventures from 12am - 4am and the rest of the day he is a sleepy bear after eating. The thing is, my body clock is still believing that daytime means wake time and night time means sleep. I always struggled with sleeping during the day. I could never take naps. Even if in a dark room. So the concept of "sleep when the baby sleeps" isn't quite happening for me.

I have received gentle wisdom from friends about how to help our little buddy get on our clocks but I am trying to not have any expectations of him and just go with the flow right now. We've only been home for a few days and we are still adjusting from spending his first few weeks in a hotel room, as well as traveling. ; )

But it is amazing how despite the fact that my energy is completely zapped right now, my love for Cedar trumps all of it. If I start feeling the grumps come on, all I have to do is take one look at him and I go into this other dimension where I feel I have superhuman strength to get through it. I am so blessed that my husband is into teamwork and that even though he's the one getting up early for work the next morning, he is sensitive to the fact that I need my sleep too in order to be present for our child all day. We are figuring it out, sharing the feedings and trying our best to be gentle with one another as we stumble through those zombie-like grumpies.

It is definitely Cedar's pure cuteness that is getting us through these very early days and the fact that he is our dream finally living and breathing in our arms. Oh and speaking of dreams... that dream induced laugh of his just rocks our world right now.