Saturday, December 27

fuzzy head shot*

boho brother (jon-erik) and cedar, canon 50D

One of my readers asked for a head shot (sans hat) of our little schmook. Well, you can't get any more of a head shot than this. Hello cute fuzz.

Boho Brother has been in town since the 22nd and will stay here until the 29th. Since I couldn't be with my family this year (per Pediatrician's instructions to stay away from airplanes and crowds...and believe me, my enormous Portuguese family is a CROWD), the four of us went 20 minutes down the road and stayed in a hotel room overlooking the sea.

It was beautiful, peaceful, romantic. We brought a tree, strung lights, had a fire inside and outside each night. It was a great distraction from not being with my family. I didn't allow myself to break down about that until the drive home. Then it was me and a car full of stuff, following my husband and Jon-Erik in their car, totally boo-hooing it. Both Cedar and I crying, actually. My second mommy meltdown. It was so hard not to be able to comfort him while he cried in the back seat. I almost got side swiped by a car and that was it. Tears flowed and all the faces of my sweet parents, sisters, nieces, nephews and cousins came into my mind. All of them singing Christmas carols and us not there. Me worried that I almost got in an accident. It was pretty pathetic but good to release the emotions, nonetheless. It was all better when I arrived home and my husband came over to my car and held me tight to his chest. Then slightly more better when I was able to take Cedar out of the car seat, rock him and smell his head. Then even MORE better when Jon-Erik gave me a foot rub on the couch when we got settled in.

You know...for a while I was feeling a bit annoyed that it was me and a bunch of testosterone over Christmas. But you know...it's kind of nice when they treat you like a goddess. I have a friend that has four boys and when I asked her if she missed having more estrogen in the house, she said..."It's nice being the princess". I got a taste of that this holiday.

Last year we were so totally sad and depleted because it was the fourth Christmas without having a baby and this year Boho Boy and I continue to remind one another that we have our dream. Our Holiday bean that has been not only healing for us but everyone who spends time with him.

Just see photo above.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

now I have tears in my eyes

December 27, 2008 at 2:10:00 PM PST  
Blogger Darlene said...

I cried while wrapping your gifts and then having to box them for shipping.
I cried when we drove that 2 hour trip to the bay for no necie.
I cried Christmas day when we all sqweezed(minus you)into our family room to pass out the presents.
I cried that night when I went to bed exhausted because I didn't get to hold you that day...or smell Cedar's head and hug my bro's.

...next year, no more tears, just all of the above without the crying.

I love you sissy
and miss you beaucoup

xox dar

December 27, 2008 at 2:51:00 PM PST  
Blogger Alberta Art Classes said...

I remember when my daughter pulled a crying jag in the car for the first time. I was driving in Waikiki to pick up her father, the traffic was horrendous and there was no place to pull over. She was screaming and red-faced with her wee hands flailing about. I just cried and cried while trying to soothe her, ignore her pull over, comfort her, nothing worked. Eventually, you get used to it and it doesn't hurt so much...

December 27, 2008 at 4:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww. I'm so happy for you. You are the sweetest. Jon-Erik is a stud just like his brother by the way! Surrounded by handsome men who love you - sounds like a nice holiday to me <3. Much love to you and Carsten!!

December 27, 2008 at 4:23:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and Cedar. Whoops..;)

December 27, 2008 at 4:24:00 PM PST  
Blogger AnnaC said...

he is a treasure! And what a fantastic supportive extended family you have!!
so many blessings surely make up for those four years of longing!!

December 27, 2008 at 5:01:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet girl, it is hard for you to see it, but I do quite clearly. It was just a year ago that the magic began to weave its wonder. And still we cry!
Tears and laughter. That's all there is to this life of ours. A soaking mess.

December 27, 2008 at 9:41:00 PM PST  
Blogger Tara Whitney said...

the crying in the car thing is so bad-so helpless-so many fights jeff and i had over babies crying in the car and me feeling crazed and momma bear-ish about it-him feeling logical and "the kid is fine" about it. :)

those crying in the car days end pretty fast. his, maybe not yours. :)


December 28, 2008 at 11:54:00 AM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

look at that fuzzy head!


Oh darling I am hapy you were treated like a princess by C and JE...you are a princess. I am also just bursting with gratitude that you were with your son as well.

I do feel the tug that you must have felt not being withyour family. It is difficult to celebrate holidays separate from them. I get it and it is hard.

Please give all the beautiful boys hugs from me. I love how they love you:)

hee hee

Missing you

ps-haven't been blogging but was super excited to see all the posts. It must be so hard to find the time. Thank you. xoxoxoxoxo

December 28, 2008 at 1:19:00 PM PST  
Blogger Lucia said...

Wow, I can't imagine having the type of brother that would give me a foot rub!

I've been following your news with joy, and it sounds like you are doing marvellously. Well done all of you!

x x x x x x x x x

December 29, 2008 at 2:57:00 AM PST  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love how your heart, and your feet, are being so well taken care of during these tender times.

loving you

December 29, 2008 at 9:01:00 AM PST  
Blogger Leslie said...

ahhhhh the most beautiful baby boy.

December 29, 2008 at 12:54:00 PM PST  
Blogger jenica said...

the perfect christmas rarely goes "as planned". i'm happy that you were dotted on.


January 2, 2009 at 5:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YAY!! I was the one who asked for a fuzzy head shot.

What a perfect one!! Thanks so much!!


Rebecca F.

January 3, 2009 at 4:32:00 PM PST  

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