Wednesday, January 14

loved baby*

cedar's bum, canon 50d

I know I've been a wee bit quiet.

There's been a shift here in our home. Since I am still truly in it, I am struggling to find the words to express what is happening but I am sure once I allow more time for reflection, the words will come. Right now I don't want to try to make sense of it. It just feels like some fears are subsiding. Blame and shame are not getting much attention. Expectations are hushing. My heart is opening wider. My love is growing deeper. I am lost in him. Totally utterly lost in how I want to meet his every need and rock him to sleep and talk to him about my life and dream with him and sit still with him and listen to music and dance with him.

I am marinating in this. I know I have always had a big heart but I didn't realize how much of it was reserved for this little guy.

Such a loved baby.


Blogger Alberta Art Classes said...

Yea for you. I was getting the feeling that you were just swimming in your new love, glad to hear this is true. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Also, so glad to see him sleeping on his tummy. I have heard so much fear surrounding this, but the fact is, babies sleep more soundly on their bellies. My babies did and they were safe and sound. Blessings...

January 14, 2009 at 8:42:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're finding your groove...it's getting to the good, gooey part of new motherhood. Told ya so girlie.


January 14, 2009 at 9:10:00 PM PST  
Blogger pERiWinKle said...

and such a loved mommy! xx

January 14, 2009 at 10:27:00 PM PST  
Blogger Jules said...

release expectations ~ that's the key to enjoying motherhood.
it took me two years to figure it out, yay to you for working it out in two months.

January 15, 2009 at 12:49:00 AM PST  
Blogger Toni said...

Denise, my sons are 21 and 17, both 6'-4", big & hulking and always hungry and full of sass and gorgeous and obnoxious and hilarious and sometimes really stooopid! -- and all that you said about that part of your heart that is totally Cedar's? still true. True forever, I'm sure. Note: that part just keeps getting bigger and bigger, as they do -- you'll see.

January 15, 2009 at 5:20:00 AM PST  
Blogger Natalie said...

ah....you are hitting that awesome 5-6 week change....the one where everyone tells you things DO get better and DO get easier.

I didn't find they got that much easier....I just think I got more comfortable at being a Mom....and at centering my world around my babe.

I used the word "marinate" alot in the beginning months....I think it's a perfect word to describe your state of mind.

thanks for checking in with us....love to read about this kind of softness and goodness...it's a welcome break to my day.

January 15, 2009 at 5:30:00 AM PST  
Blogger Mindy said...

mmm...yes, i definately think it's time for you to add "mother" to your "who am i?" profile ;) it suits you so! xo

January 15, 2009 at 6:01:00 AM PST  
Blogger daisies said...

enjoy :) every single beautiful sigh and smell and soft love ~ so happy you found this heart place ... xo

January 15, 2009 at 9:32:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

W.O.W. Love this post. SO MUCH. Your heart does open W-I-D-E-R and expand in your Cedar Love. I'm sharing with you it grows ever more immense each day you marinate in it. My heart has grown in width, breadth, height and hope since I've become a mom. You don't just love him with all your heart you love him with all the cells that you are. W.O.W.


January 15, 2009 at 10:08:00 AM PST  
Blogger kelly barton art + design said...

mmmm....i love this. it brought tears to my eyes. the one thing i have always gotten from you is the room in your heart. i have loved coming here everyday and looking at the images of your family.
so just know that the girl from middle indiana is sending you some
big hugs.


January 15, 2009 at 10:19:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE that picture. I follow your blog sporadically (well, all my blog reading is sporadic these days) and I was so happy to hear of your adoption. Glad to see some news of settling in. Many, many blessings to you.

January 15, 2009 at 1:12:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know someone once told me, whilst i was holding a dear friend's infant son, that there was never a better way to let time pass. meaning the whole day could pass with a child in your arms and it would be the best time you had ever spent.
what you shared says this exactly.
he's a miracle. he's the soul healer.
he belongs to you & you to him.
i'm so glad your heart is open & free.


January 15, 2009 at 2:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

smiling at the thought of your happiness, and all of you finding one another...enjoy deni.... :)
xxoo genine

January 15, 2009 at 5:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I have followed your blog for quite some time and I just want to tell you that I cry every single time. I'm glad to have tears of joy in my eyes for you and your Cedar.

Also I was wondering if you could kindly share with your readers where you got those adorable pants- my husband and I are trying for a baby and I would love to stash them away for when the time comes.

January 15, 2009 at 5:19:00 PM PST  
Blogger Jamie said...

Oh D ~ so so so happy for all of you. :) Our time is getting closer and it's been so incredible following your journey since Cedar came into your life. It lets me know that while we've waited a long time for this....it won't always be easy and that it's okay. :)The LOVE outweighs the hard. :)
Thank you...

January 15, 2009 at 6:22:00 PM PST  
Blogger beth said...

he is a loved baby and you are a loved mommy....just wait until he's old enough to look you in the eye and say, "I love you" ....you're heart will grow once again, larger than you ever imagined !

January 16, 2009 at 7:21:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post!


January 16, 2009 at 11:18:00 AM PST  
Blogger Cold Spaghetti said...

Oh my. My heart just burst.

March 11, 2009 at 9:46:00 AM PDT  

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