Sunday, January 28

sunday scribblings ~ chronicles

my blessing ring necklace, canon digital rebel xt

I thought that this weeks Sunday Scribblings prompt "Chronicles" was very fitting for what I was about to share with you all this weekend. As you know, the name of my blog is Chronicles of Me and I chose that name because I knew this place would become a record of my thoughts and feelings through this journey of mine. A place where years from now I can reflect on to see the growth, the lessons, the dreams, the tears, the connections and the gentle reminder of who I am.

I've always had journals and diaries but I would have never thought to start a blog until Leonie came into my life. I met her on SARK's marvelous message board (aka the MMB). When I first moved to Southern California and wasn't yet connecting with anyone, I thought that this message board would be a great way to meet like-minded spirits that perhaps lived in my area. Leonie and I immediately connected (although she was on the opposite side of the globe) and through our friendship, she inspired me to begin a blog. I remember those few phone calls where she had to teach me the in's and out's of the techie side of blogging (and yes...she has the most fricken adorable accent ever). When Leonie learned I was struggling with fertility, she lead me to Andrea's blog. Andrea was the first person I had heard of that was also struggling with fertility and I wrote her an email sharing my story. Her and I became fast soul sisters and she inspired me to write about my journey to conceive. I saw how healing it was for her and I decided to take that brave leap and let it all out there. Through this medium, I have also connected deeply with other amazing women going through this journey. The support and understanding I've received from them as we walk this path together just awes me and has truly given me that extra boost I've needed to press on with my chin up.

Many of you that are new readers or even old readers have asked me what our full story is. I will give you the condensed version (well perhaps not so condensed...sorry).

My hubs and I were married in August, 2004 and decided to begin trying for a baby immediately. We had been together for a few years and we both felt stoked about bringing a love baby into our love bubble. After 6 months of me taking my temperature, charting and yet no baby boho, I decided to go to an acupuncturist in the area that is well known for helping women conceive. I went to her for 9 months. I've never been a fan of needles, so I had no idea how I would feel about this but she was tender and loving and I hardly felt a thing! I hear that is rare...so I was blessed. The rooms are always dark and candlelit with zen music playing and I get a massage front and back in between treatments. LOVELY I tell you! After 5 months of acupuncture, we decided to go to a fertility specialist and have tests done. All our test came back normal (whatever that is), although always on the cusp of normal...but normal, nonetheless. We then decided to go on clomid for three months. Since I was already ovulating, this was supposed to help me drop more than one egg for a better chance. After three months on clomid, we did two Intrauterine Injections (IUI...formally known as artificial insemination), while still doing acupuncture. This was a challenge for us financially because our insurance doesn't pay a lick of anything fertility related. When the two IUI's didn't work, we were emotionally exhausted and frightened. Our doctor at that time was less than enthusiastic about anything and in a way, instilled fear in us that just didn't feel peaceful or right.

My childhood friend had told me about a doctor that was 1.5 hours north of us that was full of miracles. He had helped her conceive when she was having issues with her health for a long while. I had heard he was very positive and forward thinking. He was also homeopathic. So, we took the risk of the long drives and made an appointment. When sitting in the waiting room, we picked up a binder with story after story of how he helped couples conceive that were told they never could. When we met him, he sat with us knee to knee, intently listening and helping to open our minds to a new positive perspective. He gave us a gift that day of learning to listen closer to our bodies and its needs. He has never stopped giving us so much hope. Each treatment he does muscle testing and acupressure, as well as adjustments to make our organs "happy" he calls it. He has found the kinks in our systems and has smoothed them over. We discovered that our adrenal glands were off which can mess with hormones. Also that I am allergic to Carsten's saliva down yonder, which we were using as a lubricant each time. I also have an auto-immune issue in my uterus that fights off anything foreign that comes in, which could be sperm or a fertilized egg...and of course, the saliva. When we discovered this it was HUGE and made sense to why nothing has worked thus far. So, I am taking herbal pills and supplements that has helped cure the auto-immune issue. We also have been put on the blood type diet and feel wonderful. He has me on wild yam because my progesterone was a bit low after ovulation. We also purchased a computerized fertility monitor thingy which has helped us discover that I've been ovulating later than we thought. I took a few months off from acupuncture for financial reasons and am now back seeing her twice a month starting in January. She just recently sent me home with two blessing rings that I am wearing around my neck. One says "Baby" and the other "Mother". I am wearing it in the picture above. This necklace is now my talisman to carry close to me on this journey.

As crazy as all this is, I am truly not as consumed as I used to be. I am thrilled about my business and creating those opportunities for my life. And looking back, if I would have conceived when we first started trying, I am not quite sure I would be where I am today career wise. So for this, I am trusting and letting go more and more.

But yes...I have my tough days and I will lay that down here in my journal when needed. I always am grateful during those times when you lift me up out of the darkness with your love and light...without judgement.

So, there it is folks!!! Now that you know all the fun technical details...you are truly along for the ride during these Chronicles of Me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. I knew part of this story, but it helped to read chronologically. Your journey has definitely touched me and I look forward to reading more.

January 28, 2007 at 5:30:00 PM PST  
Blogger Bob the Frog said...

Thank you for sharing this, Denise. You know that you are in my prayers (and the prayer of many). We all have faith that you will be mother to a sweet boho baby someday soon.
love to you

January 28, 2007 at 5:45:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for this synopsis of YOU and your journey. I really appreciate this and feel "in the loop" as I read your posts now. I am a very new reader, so this was perfect. I know baby boho will come at just the right time and you are OFTEN in my thoughts.... I dance inside for both you and Thea. Thank you for sharing your heart. Love and hopeful thoughts to you!

January 28, 2007 at 5:54:00 PM PST  
Blogger rel said...

I hope your time arrives soon. What a joy for you when it does happen.

January 28, 2007 at 5:55:00 PM PST  
Blogger Fran said...

You amazae me.

January 28, 2007 at 6:48:00 PM PST  
Blogger Magicaldamselfly said...

Before we are born into this journey God knows us and he knows when we are ready for new journey's. Put this in God's hands and let him lead this journey and when it is time it will indeed happen. I was told I couldn't have any babies and so I struggled with that for several years and then I had to adjust and make a life for myself without a child and the age of 29 I got the flu really badly and my sister insisted that I go to the dr and see when I was due. I told her how cruel that was and how thoughtless and she looked me in the eye and said "Cruel or not your having a baby." She turned and walked off and came back a short time later with a little brown bag (this was 23 years ago) and handed it to me and led me into the bathroom. Today my flu is 23 and totally beautiful and she was nice enough to bless me with 4 of her own flu's so don't give up just relax into life and let it take you on it's journey.

Baby blessings,

January 28, 2007 at 7:05:00 PM PST  
Blogger Goddess Leonie * GoddessGuidebook.com said...

blessings on your journey and your "chronicles" honey...

and bless your honesty...

and ~

blessed be

love and light,

January 28, 2007 at 7:12:00 PM PST  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Hmmm darling....what a perfect prompt for you this week.

I love the necklace - the rings look perfect around your neck.

You fertile mamma you!

Love and snuggles
toe to toe

January 28, 2007 at 7:17:00 PM PST  
Blogger Julie said...

What a thoughtful gift from your acupuncturist--so meaningful. I hope all the pieces fall into place for you soon.

January 28, 2007 at 7:23:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have so many wonderful people on your side. It's only a matter of time before your little boho-baby-bean starts growing.
Your story is very touching and I am familiar with alot of the terminology. My best friend is a surrogate. She's currently being "implanted" for the second time. Both sets of intended parents were diagnosed infertile.
You haven't been. Hold onto that and hold tight to your talisman. One day you'll be posting your first ultrasound pic here!

January 28, 2007 at 7:46:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, lovely! I can feel your positive radiance through your words.

You have helped me tremendously and I am thankful that we have connected. I feel I am entering a place to create opportunity in my life as well and you have been a huge inspiration in that.

I will be thinking about you next week as you love on your family.

Looking forward to our playdate when you return.

Loving you...

January 28, 2007 at 8:03:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you sound so much more peaceful...will be so happy for you when we hear the good news!

January 28, 2007 at 10:08:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And isn't it remarkable to 'look back' on any period in our lives...and realize that, yes, it really IS a chronicle...that's unfolding in ways we'd never have expected...

January 29, 2007 at 3:54:00 AM PST  
Blogger Frida World said...

Lovely Boho,

I love that when you look back you can see magical things that have developed in your life precisely because of the terrible challenges you faced. I also see that when I look back on my chronicles.

But I am in total awe of anyone who can see that all day, every day as they go through it (does such a person exist?). We must surely all have days when the journey feels too hard, too long, too sad.

Thank you for sharing them - trusting and letting go (along with sitting still and being quiet through and through) are also great lessons for me - so I will be back here to follow your journey and send my love and encouragement whenever it might be of help.


January 29, 2007 at 4:30:00 AM PST  
Blogger Brandi Reynolds said...

a coworker of mine just had her first child after she and her husband dealt with 'infertility' issues for four years (her journey sounds similar in many ways to yours). I personally don't know if I even want kids but her story and journey are an inspiration to me about love, mothering and committment. And I know yours will be to others as well. Don't ever give up hope.

January 29, 2007 at 5:50:00 AM PST  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i cannot imagine how
hard this must be
but you handle it so gracefully,
your chronicle of this
will definately give hope
and feelings of understanding
to others facing your same journey.

sending you hugs,

January 29, 2007 at 5:57:00 AM PST  
Blogger bronxbt said...

i for one have often been moved by your writings, your shared thoughts, feelings and sometimes such raw emotions.

you are a gift. your husband has that gift, and we're all lucky to share your life.

yeah for us!



January 29, 2007 at 7:25:00 AM PST  
Blogger paris parfait said...

I'm sure your story has touched so many women who are going through similar situations. It sounds like you have a truly wonderful doctor and you are doing everything you can. Quite often in these cases, once people focus on other issues, the pregnancy occurs. I had two friends who tried many many things to get pregnant and finally adopted. As soon as these couples adopted other children, they became pregnant. Now I'm not recommending you adopt - just have faith in the ways of the universe and in the love that surrounds you, from your husband, your doctor, your family and friends and your friends and admirers in the blogosphere! xo

January 29, 2007 at 8:36:00 AM PST  
Blogger Dallas and Krista said...

I am happy to hear all of these details. I hadn't put them all together yet, but I have been reading for a while. You are a strong, powerful, beautiful woman, and you will be a most wonderful mother when that day comes. It almost seems like you are already a mother to some. Keep writing your lovely chronicles. You truly inspire those around you, including me. I was happy to see that you came by my blog, because I come to yours all the time!

January 29, 2007 at 8:42:00 AM PST  
Blogger gautami tripathy said...

Just have faith. You will be blessed with a wee biff soon.


January 29, 2007 at 9:26:00 AM PST  
Blogger Regina said...

Thank you for sharing this wonderful and encouraging story- I guess the moral is to never give up. There will be a baby someday for you and hubby, no matter how that little one comes to you...
My mom and dad tried for nine years to have a baby- which they finally did!
And my sister went through a very similar process to yours, Denise, and ended up adopting a beautiful baby girl- she's now 12!
Writing everything down can be so healing for not only yourself but to others out there that are going through the same thing- by sharing as you do, the blessings will all come back to you!

January 29, 2007 at 9:34:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sharing your journey with us is a such a huge gift sweet you. Your chronicles show a woman of strenght and beauty, sensitivity and love. You draw us in and embrace us with your warm hug....and I hope that you receive that back three-fold.

I adore you...xoxoxoxo

January 29, 2007 at 9:41:00 AM PST  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

I have already told you how much your openhearted story has inspired me as a mother...I really mean that. I hope your time for motherhood comes soon. Your baby will be a very lucky one!

January 29, 2007 at 10:18:00 AM PST  
Blogger nina beana said...

still listenin'.


January 29, 2007 at 10:33:00 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story - surely one day someone looking for hope and help will google her way here, and so goes the journey. I have every faith that you and your darling husband will have your boho baby - and we will dance with happiness and cry big fat tears of unbelievable joy - I so believe that God knows the desires of our heart. That all things work together for good.

Also, I love your necklace and want one, too! Where do you think I could find something similiar? (oh, us girls and our jewelry!)

January 29, 2007 at 2:55:00 PM PST  
Blogger Deirdre said...

My intuitive voice tells me you're so close, so ready for that baby. I'm glad you've shared the story - it brings me closer to your journey. Blessings to you,sweetie.

January 29, 2007 at 9:29:00 PM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the sweet mention and link. I'm truly touched and it made my day!

Your post gave me so much to think about. I'm gonna process it and mull and ponder.

We WILL be pregnant!

January 30, 2007 at 12:45:00 AM PST  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

something about this post...as i read it i could hear your voice relaying the story...and it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside

January 30, 2007 at 2:50:00 PM PST  
Blogger Alessandra Cave said...

When I read all these details about your journey, all I kept thinking was... This story is not about struggling with fertility. These are the chronicles of a new life being conceived right here before our eyes. I'm always amazed at how you can face and reveal your "ups and downs" with so much grace. You're so inspiring to all of us.

January 31, 2007 at 12:33:00 PM PST  
Blogger luzie said...

i knew bits and pieces from reading through your archives, but thank you for giving a recap of your chronicles in this post. i'm glad i found your blog at the end of last year, and i'm positive that you and carsten will be blessed with a boho babe.. soon. hugs and kisses xox luzie

January 31, 2007 at 1:19:00 PM PST  
Blogger Unknown said...

You share so much with us, and I am glad to be here for your "chronicles." I have a fortune that I received twice in separate cookies, it read that Patience is the key to joy. I think that you have more of it than any of us, and I know you are not far from joy...

February 1, 2007 at 3:45:00 PM PST  

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