Monday, July 24

self portrait challenge

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Self portrait as..."finding my strength".

It is difficult to describe in words what is transpiring within me but I want to share it with all of you, so I will try.

It feels like an unveiling of sorts. I have always known of my strength but I did not realize how deep it really was. I feel as though I have discovered a well of it in my soul and it's flowing...ever flowing abundantly through me.

First, it began with a conversation with Thea. She asked me to think about all of the amazing people/events/things in my life that have happened as a result of my journey through (in)fertility. Flashes of the beautiful faces of my companions (see side bar) came into my mind. My acupuncturist and her healing treatments. My marriage and friendship with my husband being solidified beyond reason. My father getting on his knees to pray. My mother and her perfect words. My sister and her wisdom. Old friends coming back into my life. Lovely friends and strangers sending me emails, packages and prayers of support. The list continues and will live in my heart forever. Rather than feeling bitter or angry that this is my path, I feel grateful for these gifts that otherwise may not have come into my life. Rather than punished, I feel blessed.

I had forgotten how it felt to feel blessed. I had been so caught up in not getting this one beautiful gift (baby) that I was blind to the other gifts I have received.

Then I watched the film The Secret. Wow...talk about life altering. It felt so harmonious to what had already been nesting in my soul. It has given me tools on how to harness this new perspective on life. Reminding me that I have the power to create my own life by my thoughts.

So now my days are spent visualizing and manifesting my dreams and truly feeling that joy as if they have already happened. When a negative or fearful thought creeps in, I replace it with a positive image and I FEEL that joy. My wise friend Leonie always said..."Joy is an option". Now it finally hit me where she was going with that.

I am blessed. I am grateful. I am finding my strength.


Blogger Goddess Leonie * GoddessGuidebook.com said...

AMEN and HALLELUJAH to that my sister!!!!!!!

what an awesome unravelling of consciousness, awareness and blossoming lotus flower realisations you are experiencing! blessed be!

i deeply love that the SECRET profoundly affected you too... i am changing from it also, shifting old skins and stepping into new~ness.

i'm reading doreen virtue's "goddesses and angels" book at the moment... and she makes a beautiful point... about awakening our inner sourceress.
but it is like this:
our SOURCE-eress.
our connection with the source, and allowing its blessings to flow through us without trying to control it.
our living as though we ARE the source, and all those around us are the source, and awakening and creating our moment and future and past as we wish to.
it is reclaiming our inherent truth of divinity,
of re-MEMBERING our role as magician maker and creator of our lives.

we are source-eresses.
we are glowing waterfalls of golden light.


oooooh, just got completely swallowed up in there then, in that beautiful rainfall of knowing, as though the rain was Quan Yin, and each droplet was kissing my skin alive.


love you!

July 24, 2006 at 5:35:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Miriam said...

So beautiful. I envy your arrival there.

July 24, 2006 at 6:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh darling I love how beautifully you have put this into words.

I find myself fumbling to post about this.

You have given me motivation, as it is so enchanting to read you express your process.

I love you sweetness

July 24, 2006 at 7:14:00 PM PDT  
Blogger LiteraryGirl said...

Beautiful words and what a great place to be. So many people go through life and never get what you just described, never understand the journey and the experiences they are given when things aren't going according to their 'plan'...none of what we experience is wasted, and I love that you get that. Can't even find the words to say how I feel about this entry...I guess 'proud of you' about covers it. And I'm reminded to look at my own life with these same eyes.

July 24, 2006 at 7:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

Oh and wow do you look lusciously gorgeous in that photo.

July 24, 2006 at 7:15:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Tish said...

What an absolutely gorgeous photo! You really are stunning. :) And I think it's wonderful that you have such a nice view on life. I do hope you get your baby one day! There's no doubt in my mind that you will when the time is right. Best of luck to you! And thank you so much for the nice words you left on my blog. :)

July 24, 2006 at 7:34:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Misty Mawn said...

My GOD, you are so beautiful...inside and out! xoxox

July 24, 2006 at 7:44:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

you truely look at peace in this beautiful self portrait. In my life, it seems that during the hardest, most trying times, I have felt the most comforted and at peace. I know it is a blessing from our Father, a spiritual hug that is felt from within.


July 24, 2006 at 7:44:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your wisdom and beauty continue to blossom...thank you for sharing such tenderness and sincerity, deni. you are a blessing to us all.

July 24, 2006 at 7:51:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

such a beautiful photo with such a beautiful message!

July 24, 2006 at 8:03:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Sarah e.Smith said...

You are stunning :) It sounds like you have a very blessed life full of love and support...and though your dream of having a baby has not happend YET...it sounds like you are embracing today with all of your beautiful heart and soul. namaste.

July 24, 2006 at 8:08:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Laini Taylor said...

What beautiful words! You do have a lot of blessings in your life, and blessings beget blessings, it seems, so it is only right that a baby shall come and share in them with you! Your positive spirit is like a welcoming nest.

July 24, 2006 at 10:01:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Deirdre said...

I'm always amazed at the gifts that can come from things that seem only heartbreaking. I'm so glad you're seeing the blessings. Hugs to you.

July 24, 2006 at 10:16:00 PM PDT  
Blogger dani said...

i haven't known your story until now. i'm glad to hear where yo're at.

beautiful image of you yet again.

July 24, 2006 at 11:06:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Intrepidflame said...

I will leave no comment on the words, although you sound like you have found a nice place to be for now. But the shot itself is great. I love how the oranges and gold mirror your eyes and complexion. Nice shot!

good luck

July 24, 2006 at 11:25:00 PM PDT  
Blogger liz elayne lamoreux said...

oh this is yummy, wise goodness my friend. i am so moved to read these words. the strength found in realizing your are on your path.
this. is. beautiful.

feel my arms surrounding your right now.


July 24, 2006 at 11:26:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Bedazzzled1 said...

Positively beautiful through and through.

July 25, 2006 at 12:13:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Susannah Conway said...

As always, my love, you say the words i need to hear - i will watch The Secret today :-) This beautiful gentle *womanly* portrait of you touches me deeply, and the accompanying words fill me with such love and tenderness for you - you are *so* on the right path. you are blessed, and so are we for your friendship and kindness and love (and naughtiness ;-)

love you xx

July 25, 2006 at 1:58:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Deb R said...

Beautiful thoughts, words, and image. It was a joy to stop by here today. Sending good thoughts your way.~~~~~

July 25, 2006 at 6:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Unknown said...

Your portrait shows strenght and contentment even without your inspirational words. Thank you for sharing.

July 25, 2006 at 7:14:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Left-handed Trees... said...

The idea of finding joy as an "option" IS a very profound one. For all of your struggles, you are (as the portrait showed) still positively radiant. I hope blessings continue to come your way.

July 25, 2006 at 7:30:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Sarah said...

That's a very beautiful photo!

July 25, 2006 at 8:42:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

Beautiful woman is one more thing to add to the list. Counting my blessings created a miracle in my life. Hope is a beautiful thing :)

Lovely SPC!

July 25, 2006 at 10:35:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Darlene said...

You're such a goddess of love :)

You look serene and at peace my love.

I miss your smell :^

lovins to all~

July 25, 2006 at 10:59:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

joy as an option...

...if only more people realized that instead of thinking it's owed to us just for drawing breath. the truth is that it is offered to us everyday, every moment. there for the takening. but we can't fit it into our grip if we are holding on to all the anger and pain.

it's a difficult lesson (one with which i struggle daily) but the result is so full of beauty and grace...and my darling, your journey has becme a shining example of this truth. thank you for sharing.

blessings on your head!

love~ chele

July 25, 2006 at 12:53:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Letha Sandison said...

You look beautiful in the pic, no suprise, you always do! I want to cuddle up in that warm gold space with you and lay my head on your arm. To feel your strength and share mine with you too.

I love that you are embracing joy again, that is the emotion I most associate with you dear heart.


July 25, 2006 at 1:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger lisrobbe said...

Your pictures are always so wonderful. I must say that each day that I have read your blog I have seen the strenght that you say you are "finding". If there were only more people in the workd that could be so strong in showing their true selves as you do here.

July 25, 2006 at 7:53:00 PM PDT  
Blogger turquoise cro said...

I can't figure what that is in your hair?! Is it a diamond? O! I'm nibby like that! lol Well, YOU look like a million dollars in that photo dear Boho gal! Soooo serene and tranquil looking! You should be in movies! Have you joined a theatre group yet? xo

July 25, 2006 at 9:34:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Amy said...

You're beautiful in so many ways and I miss you. I'm going to email you right now.

July 25, 2006 at 10:32:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've watched the secret 3 times already, trying to digest all the wonderful secrets. it's not new to me but sometimes need that kick to jump start that mind motor. thoughts can be so tricky sometimes! lotsa love to you and may you be blessed with all things nice!

July 26, 2006 at 3:40:00 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow Boho!! i admire you and the way you are facing life in this special moment.

this pic is beautiful, the color of your eyes...


July 26, 2006 at 6:19:00 AM PDT  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

and it spills right on over onto me...

i can't help but smile as i read this post because it is always an honor to witness a woman's unveiling. i've had many of those moments myself (during my divorce and during my pregnancy) and it's amazing to see and remember just how big, powerful, brave, and strong we really are.

it's an honor to be a part of your journey.

July 26, 2006 at 11:57:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

yHad to come see your beauty for a moment.

Love and kisses

July 26, 2006 at 1:50:00 PM PDT  

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