Monday, April 30

raw food ~ raw emotions

Raw Spicy Thai Vegetable Wraps for dinner, canon digital rebel xt

Raw Cranberry Maple Granola, canon digital rebel xt

The first picture posted here was the first *raw* meal we made together after the cleanse. Boho Boy did most of the work. I learned my way around our Cuisinart food processor. Such a stress relief to chop veggies this way! It's amazing how different it feels to consume raw foods. It feels guiltless and it digests so much easier than cooked. I never feel over-stuffed. I feel clean and satisfied...for a lot longer afterwards. Not to mention that the wraps were DELICIOUS and bursting with flavor.

He also whipped up some raw granola by putting loads of nuts together (after they soaked in water for a few hours), dried cranberries and mixing it up with melted pitted dates. He then spread it on a sheet (see above) and we dehydrated them in our Excaliber Hippy Machine for a full day. The granola is heavenly. I've been sprinkling it on my Nutty Rice cereal each morning with Almond milk.

It feels good to think about nourishing myself this way. It seems since the cleanse I am so mindful of what I allow into my body. I also feel hyper sensitive to what doesn't feel right and I make a note to not eat that again or at least for a while. I am craving a lot of fresh fruit, dried fruit and vegetables. Meat and cheese...not so much any longer.

With all these raw foods...some raw emotions have resurfaced. Perhaps a delayed reaction to the detox. I felt so stoic on the cleanse...wondering where all the emotions went. Perhaps it was a fight or flight reaction to fasting. The last few days I have been feeling things again. I am sitting with it. Not ready to share it here yet. I feel quiet. Seeking peace, candles lit and the arms of my husband. I don't feel like psycho analyzing myself. I just feel like sitting with it.

Tonight, while I was taking a bath in the dark with tea lights surrounding, my husband came into the bathroom with his guitar and started playing a Ray Lamontagne song he loves. It was a perfect moment...and as I write this, minutes after it happened, my cup runneth over.

Do watch this. Two of my very favorite musical artists on stage together. Mind blowing.

Friday, April 27

photo friday ~ relaxation

laying in field of flowers, canon digital rebel xt

One thing Boho Boy and I do know how to do is relax.

People often say when they spend time at our house, they leave feeling more calm and at peace. That is one of the best compliments I could ever receive.

Relax without guilt this weekend...

see other Photo Friday entries here.

Wednesday, April 25

self portrait challenge ~ body parts

my face today, canon digital rebel xt

I felt so wonderful today that I put on a white dress and went outside to play in the grass.

I haven't been outside in too long. I sort of holed myself up in my home during this cleanse. My sense of smell was so heightened that I could smell food from miles away. ; ) I know I am fortunate to work from home. I need to bow down to all the people that do this cleanse at work when surrounded by their colleagues eating. My husband was so strong at work this past week. I have seen a level of discipline in him that just rocks my world. All his students would walk up to him with pizza and nachos and try to lure him away from the cleanse. He was brilliant and has been not only a good example to me but to all of his students and the teachers he works with.

I still have traces of lung issues. I'm coughing a lot and my chest feels a bit tight but everything else feels amazing. It's hard to explain but I honestly feel toxic free. I feel so clean that I don't want to put anything in my body that will harm it. My husband and I picked up a few things for our kitchen that will help us eat more raw foods. This book has some fabulous gourmet raw food recipes. This website is a great resource for raw food recipe ingredients as well. We now have a food processor, dehydrator, vita-mix blender and a mandolin slicer...we are READY. I love that we are learning this way of living together.

We want to be balanced about it all with eating the blood type diet, as well as raw food about 3 times a week. Raw foods take a lot of preparation (soaking for sprouting) and it is not realistic for us to do it 100%. Perhaps we'll end up wanting to eventually but for now, we'll chill about it to prevent burn out.

I just want to reward my body for taking such good care of me the way it has. I want to love and honor it...the way I love and honor the earth. We are all one with nature and if I am so careful and reverent with the nature that surrounds me, why shouldn't I be with my own body?

Today as I laid myself on the grass, I could feel the heart beat of Mother Earth...or perhaps it was mine and Hers combined. It reminded me of that deep connection I feel and I want to cherish it in all ways possible. This includes taking care of me and my family.

This cleanse has made me think about such things. I am so grateful for this experience.

Tuesday, April 24

master cleanse ~ day ten

me on day 10, canon digital rebel xt (click for larger view)

I cannot believe it is day 10. I am in a bit of shock that I actually did this. I never thought I could because it is hard for me to go long periods of time without eating. I am a grazer. I eat bits all day long. Wow...I made it on lemonade and hot tea for 10 days!!!

Last night was crap again. I was up until 4:30am, laying on the couch coughing. I didn't want to keep my poor hubs up again. So me and Amber kitty cuddled on the couch watching shows like "Divine Design" and "Design on a Dime" (love those shows).

I feel better after a few hours rest but my lungs still feel full of fluid. Although, I am going to focus on the positive things today...

These pics were taken this morning fresh after my shower. My skin has never felt so soft all over my body. Wow. Like a baby's bum. I also haven't fit into these orange drawstring pants in a VERY LONG time. So far I've dropped about 12 lbs and a few inches. I know weight isn't the focus but it is sure a nice little bonus. I don't want to lose my curves. I really want to maintain this weight...perhaps lose a few more and tone up. I want to be fit when I am pregnant so that I can be a healthy and sexy mama!

This morning was my very last Ocean Water drink (aka "Salt Water Flush"). I was practically smiling during the last sips. Even though I've always felt best in the mornings, drinking that stuff was one of the most difficult things about this cleanse. Although, I would recommend to do it every morning during the 10 days. It really does flush out your system...way better than just the herbal laxative tea.

I was surprised that not a ton of emotional stuff came up for me. I think a lot of that had to do with me needing to reserve as much energy as I could being so sick. I thought I would be fisting my pillow over the fertility stuff or that some deep dark feelings from my past would surface. What did come up was some old habits of insecurity about my body image and about my art. Today I don't feel this way. So, I am hoping along with the toxins, those old feelings were also released. If you ask some of my friends, they would say I was a bit more punchy than usual. A big grumpy and freakish...but I know they understood that I was a food deprived monkey. ; )

While on this cleanse, I wanted to go to yoga every day. I just didn't have the energy from being so sick but I will pick up the practice later this week when my energy returns. So many times through this cleanse I had to mentally focus and/or meditate to get through the cravings and sometimes frustration of not eating. This was an incredible mental and physical exercise for me in regards to discipline, focus, mind over matter and self awareness.

Some of you asked me some questions via comments on my previous post. I promise to answer them there sometime today.

Half a day left. Tomorrow is orange juice and organic veggie broth. Mmmmm...

(Schmoops...this runestone necklace you sent me..."Initiation, Peorth ~ The Womb" has protected me through this...thank you, love)

edited to add: for those of you currently on this cleanse, i found this forum to be a great resource for my questions and concerns.

Monday, April 23

master cleanse ~ day nine

me today, canon digital rebel xt

Ohhhh...today was a toughy but I've survived. One more day to go. I almost caved today not because I miss food and would like to start chewing again, although that does sound mighty good. I almost caved because I've been feeling so sick. Yesterday I wrote that I was feeling better, although, as the day progressed, this "bronchitisy~pneumonia-like" feeling came over me again pretty hard. The massage, as good as it felt in the moment, sort of moved things around in my lungs, which is probably good but not so fun. It's really hard to lay down flat because my lungs feel full of fluid. My poor husband...I kept him awake last night coughing. I don't quite feel as achy all over as I did on Saturday but I definitely don't feel like myself and have zero energy.

So last night my husband and I wondered if I was indeed sick rather than detoxing and discussed whether or not we should quit. It sounded so absurd to quit on day nine but I was worried about making myself worse.

I then talked to my Master Cleanse angel, Thea and she did some research for me. She didn't feel this sick while on the cleanse, so she was just as perplexed. She found this article which basically confirmed that what is going on with me is a major detox and that this cleanse is doing its job. Yeah me.

I learned that if I was indeed sick, being on this cleanse would not make it worse. Many people with major illnesses are put on this cleanse for detox because it provides you with all the vitamins and minerals one would need for the body to heal itself.

Apparently, this cleanse can also bring up the symptoms of past illnesses if it never quite left your system. This makes perfect sense. I have had a history of lung issues. Meaning, I was born with asthma and when I was young, I had a serious lung infection where one of my lungs collapsed and since then, have had some crazy things go on. I was diagnosed once with Legionaries Pneumonia when I was in my early twenties and was in intensive care for a long time. No one in the hospital could figure out why meds weren't helping me. The docs didn't test me for Legionaries at first because typically that comes with many people being infected (hence the name "Legion") in a surrounding area. No one at my college or work had it, so they passed on this test (which takes five days for the results). Finally, after my parents were told to "be prepared for the worst", someone decided to test me and there the positive result was! It baffled everyone that there were no other reports of this illness but me. So they gave me the right meds and I immediately improved. That was the most sick I have ever been. I remember laying there in the hospital in so much pain and in a daze that I was unable to move. Hours and days passed without me realizing it. SO WEIRD. Anyways, since then, whenever I catch a cold, it goes straight to my chest and I bring my inhaler with me everywhere I go. My lungs have never felt super healthy.

It makes perfect sense that I might still be holding some bacteria in my lungs and that this cleanse is doing its magic to help it pass through my body. I don't ever want to get that ill again. I am hoping this cleanse will increase my chances of steering clear of it.

So...I am pressing on thru today and tomorrow.

I feel bad that I don't have anything really positive and inspiring to share today. I made a promise to myself and to you that I would be completely honest and raw about this experience. I do not at all regret being on this and I would suggest it to anyone interested. As sick as I have felt the last few days, I do see other goodness. My skin is really soft and clear. The whites of my eyes are so WHITE and I have dropped weight that has been tough to come off due to depression over the last few years. I also feel inspired to eat more raw foods when this is over and exercise regularly. I have been craving exercise but have felt too weak to do it.

So, don't let this scare you away. For anyone who does this, I would like to return the favor to support you, as my Master Cleanse angel has supported me.

ps. i know you're probably tired of this mirror...but it is the only full length one we have in the house right now! ; ) oh and yes...i practically wear these baggy green draw string hemp pants every day. time to get another color, eh?

Sunday, April 22

master cleanse ~ days seven & eight

the goods, canon digital rebel xt

Okay, so I love my marmie. Have I ever told you that before? She's absolutely wonderful and just said some pretty amazing things to me during our Sunday morning chat. You never really grow out of needing your parents to be proud of you. Somehow, my mother always knows what to say to put a soothing balm on my heart. She knows what I need more than I do at times.

She shared with me that she didn't feel good about what I said a few posts ago about me having the habit of not finishing things in my life. She told me I sold myself way too short. She said that she's always seen me as a go-getter, never a quitter and that when I've wanted something in my life with a passion, that I have gone full force into it with gusto. She shared that she's always been in awe of this quality and is so proud. She said a few more yummy things that I'll keep sacred.

She didn't realize that when she said this, I gulped down tears as I shared my gratitude and told her I needed to hear this.

When I really look back on my life, she is right. The things I didn't quite finish were the things I wasn't that passionate about. I wasn't willing to move forward with something that I didn't feel right about even if to others it appeared I was quitting. I just didn't want to settle. Having the courage to follow your heart can be challenging in a world that tends to focus on not following your heart.

I like this perspective better. It resonates more with the positive attitude I try to maintain. Thanks marmie for your deep love and gentle reminders!

Now onto the cleanse. Yesterday was day seven and was my toughest day yet. I woke up with a ton of mucus in my chest. It was sore, as was my throat and I had aches and pains everywhere. Later in the day I got a migraine. So, I spent most of the day in bed coughing and napping. The last time I felt like this was when I had pneumonia. I didn't have a fever, so both my hubs and I knew it was me detoxing. It was tempting to give up but that would defeat the purpose of this cleanse. Everyone detoxes differently. I wanted to ride it through because if I really have that many toxins, I want them OUT. So, I slept it off and drank a lot of hot tea and water and some of the lemon drink (although it burned my throat).

Yesterday evening we both went to a beautiful zen spa downtown. We treated ourselves to a clay body wrap and dry brushing, as well as 30 minutes in a steam room. That was the best thing I could have done for my body. The steam helped break up a lot of the mucus and my chest was less tight. So, last night before bed I felt so much better.

This morning, day eight, my chest pain is gone, as well as my aches and pains all over my body. No headache either. I am still coughing up mucus but it doesn't hurt as bad to cough. I still find it difficult to talk for some reason. It puts my chest and throat into a coughing spasm. I don't mind not talking. I can go hours and be silent. I've always been this way.

This morning I got on the scale and I have lost 10 pounds. So has my husband. Speaking of...he has been feeling fantastic. His tough detox days were in the beginning when he had headaches and a lot of mucus. So far he hasn't had any sinus problems (which he has had every day of his life) and he isn't snoring because he is finally breathing out of both nostrils. So, this means his allergies are from certain foods. When we gradually start eating again, we will pay attention to which foods trigger him and eliminate those foods from his diet.

Later this evening we are returning to the spa for a massage and more of the steam room. We realized how much our body needs this and it makes it a bit easier to treat ourselves like this around dinner time!

This spa is dimly lit with candles and zen music everywhere. They have the most soft and cushy robes I have ever worn. Their lounge room has two cushy velvety couches to rest on while sipping fruit water. It's the perfect oasis for anyone on a cleanse. We've been so focused and working hard to get through the tough moments. We felt we deserved some indulgence. ; )

Friday, April 20

master cleanse ~ day six

today's self portrait, canon digital rebel xt

Well, I decided to write you the earlier part of the day since it seems nighttime is the hardest time for me and I get a bit pissy. I think I may have scared a few of you yesterday!

Today has been pretty good, actually. My energy levels are normal and I don't feel hungry. Last night was tough and I got a bit ill...so my stomach feels a wee bit sensitive. This morning and afternoon, I've been drinking more water than the lemon drink because the lemons feel acidic for my tum. I will probably crave it later when the hunger starts.

I was feeling really down on myself yesterday. I think these emotions all have to do with the detox. I felt really angry last night and depressed. I am allowing these feelings to come. No judgements here. I talked with Thea today who has been a wonderful resource and support. She is finished with the cleanse and has a lot of insight. It felt good to share and release all these ugly feelings that had surfaced. Even as I heard them come out of my mouth, I was aware that these feelings were old patterns of thinking that I must have stuffed deep inside of me. She said the same happened to her and that she did indeed move past them...along with the toxins. I find this all so fascinating how closely emotions and food are tied together. How not only do we hold toxic chemicals in our body but also toxic emotions. This cleanse brings it all out.

A "detox" is clearly happening to me because I ache all over as though I have a cold and that is all part of releasing toxins. For days my tongue has been pretty gross and grey and today it is becoming more pink. Such a good sign that my body is cleansing and healing.

I am not going to go to the YMCA while I am on this cleanse. Instead, if I feel up to it, I'll just do some weights, yoga, sit-ups, lunges here in my home.

So, all is good and well. I am sticking to it and am deciding to be more positive by focusing on the benefits of what is happening rather than the set backs.

It's chilly and rainy out. My favorite type of weather. It's rare in Southern California to put on a hat and scarf. This alone brings much cheer to me. Off to Whole Foods to pick up more and more lemons!

Thursday, April 19

master cleanse ~ day five

pipes on the side of a building in Seattle, canon digital rebel xt

This morning and afternoon I felt fantastic. I had made about 72oz of the lemon drink and poured it into a jug to take with me on some errands. I was surprised at the energy that seemed to whiz through me. I was singing in my car, smiling and even said out loud to myself how happy I was with my marriage, my photography, my family and friends. Yes...I laughed as I caught myself doing this.

I've been afraid to exercise while on this cleanse. I wasn't sure if it would leave me wiped out or starving or both...so for the past four days I had refrained. Until today. I thought I had so much energy that surely I could give it a go. So I went to my YMCA Mind & Body center and did the eliptical for 20 minutes and then did 20 minutes of weights. I didn't want to over do it, so I shaved 20 minutes off of my usual 60 minute work out.


I am not sure how anyone exercises on this cleanse or perhaps it was too early in the 10 days for me to do so but as I write this I am feeling so ill. On the drive home from my workout I totally crashed mentally and physically. My stomach feels eternally empty, nauseous and I am completely weak. Nothing seems to be helping. Not the lemon drink or peppermint tea. I even sucked on the pulp of a grapefruit. Not sure what is going on. Did my workout trigger a huge toxin release? Am I not supposed to work out on this diet? The master cleanse pamphlet says to go about your daily routines as usual (meaning if you typically work out, do it) but I haven't found the energy to do this to the fullest.

I've been battling feelings of being a failure and that I am weaker than others on this cleanse. Battling feelings of wanting to take a shower and curl up with a bowl of soup. But I won't. I am committed and this is a test for me and my will power. If I gave up now, I would deeply regret it. I've had a habit of not finishing some things in my life and I want to break that pattern here and now.

I looked at this picture I took in Seattle today and it cheered me up. It reminded me that I am cleansing my "pipes" and just as this beautiful flora is growing through the top of them, I will grow in so many ways.

My sweet friend Pixie said to me yesterday "i love that you have the cajones to do this-childbirth will be a cinch for you". I don't think she realizes how much this is keeping me focused. Even if she was kidding. ; )

Must go on...

Wednesday, April 18

dreams & master cleanse ~ day four

light within darkness, canon digital rebel xt (click for larger view)

One of my dreams is to do a photo shoot of a band. An even bigger dream would be that they use my photo for their album cover or the homepage of the band's website.

Letha has always thought these trees on a beach near her home in Seattle were cool. She knew I would love them for a photo. While we were walking across the grass towards the sand I immediately envisioned these trees on the cover of an album. I wanted it to be haunting, other~worldly and ethereal all at once. I looked over at her and realized she embodied the beautiful and mysterious goddess I would want to stand in the middle of this structure of trees. Her renaissance dress couldn't have been more perfect.

When I returned home from the trip and looked at this photo of her, I felt chills. The words "light within darkness" whispered into my soul. Letha is leaving for Uganda soon. Both her and her husband's desire with this move is to bring light to the people of Uganda using both of their talents. Her husband Taylor in the medical field and Letha with fashion and art. I know this is overwhelming to my dear friend and sometimes she feels like a lost girl in a Forrest. Although, I know her light will guide her to help build the community she envisions for the Ugandan women and their families.

I know this photo can also be interpreted as something haunting. Perhaps a screen shot from a horror film like "The Ring". I also had that in mind. This is what I love about photography. People will resonate with photos and portraits based on their own experiences.

Today is day four of the Master Cleanse and it has been the easiest yet. My stomach is getting used to only liquid and no food. I can sense that I am hungry less. Today I wasn't hungry until about 5pm...which is about when I typically start cooking for dinner. Heck...even our cat's wet food that we put out at this time smelled tempting! Although, as soon as I had a glass of the lemon drink, the hunger went away where as before, it didn't go away. I had more energy today and at times, felt a bit high or a sensation like I had a few classes of wine. Interesting.

Boho Boy is doing great. Today was tough for him though because they had a special lunch for the employees at his job. He had to suffer through a lot of tempting foods and watching people eat them. He came home bummed but is in better spirits after having a "shot" of maple syrup. He's dropping weight fast. I told him if he gets too skinny in a few days that he needs to drink more maple syrup. Why is it that men shed pounds so much easier? What gives us strength to stay on this cleanse is we know our bodies need it for various reasons.

Last night I slept like a baby again and had extremely long and vivid dreams. Two of them could have been cool films. I should really write this stuff down.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support on my previous posts. You seriously rock and wouldn't believe how much it helps me stay focused. I often think of those of you who will be doing this cleanse soon and it pushes me to also stick it out for you...; )

Tuesday, April 17

spc & master cleanse ~ day three

self portrait, canon digital rebel xt

I chose this picture for this month's Self Portrait Challenge "body parts" because I felt it was quite apropos for this week and some emotions that are surfacing during the cleanse.

I feel like there is a bit of a battle going on between my physical and emotional self. I am not really that hungry, although my mind tells me I am because I tend to emotionally eat. Food and "chewing" my food comforts me and I am sure that this is why I have gained weight over the past few years because comfort is something I need through this journey.

This awareness has caused me to stop each time I feel hungry and ask myself if I really need another glass of the lemon drink or is it that I am wanting to distract myself from something that is going on in my head.

I don't have the answers yet.

This past month I have felt the most solid with this journey than I have in a long time. I haven't felt sadness or anger or pity. My mind has been in other places than trying to conceive. I wonder if this is a numbness or if it is just healthy. This is what I hope the cleanse will draw out of me. I am hoping that it is just healthy. I am tired of being sad, angry or depressed over this. I'd like to think I am just letting go and trusting rather than becoming numb.

I feel like each day on this cleanse I am fighting my instinct to emotionally eat...and rather dealing with the emotions at hand. Who knew food could mean so much more than nourishment for our bodies.

As far as details on the cleanse...today was WAY easier than yesterday. I put the appropriate amount of salt in the salt water flush drink this morning and it was a cake walk compared to yesterdays "Ocean Water". I didn't deal with cravings today but my stomach does feel a bit empty. A sensation I am getting used to. The drink provides me with the energy I need to do my daily stuff and it fills me up a bit but I never feel quite as full as I do when eating. Perhaps because I am used to eating larger portions than I need. I don't feel grumpy. I feel calm. I feel a bit of sharpness in clarity. I haven't had any allergies or asthma...which I typically do. So, this is actually helping that as well. My skin feels like an infant's bum it is so soft and clear. My pants feel looser as I have already lost 4 pounds.

Boho Boy is doing so well. I am so proud of him for sticking through this with me. We joke about not mentioning food around one another. He sent me a link of gross images to look at when I feel hungry. It totally turns my stomach and works! He's dropped about 5 pounds so far and his skin is glowing. If we can get through this together, I feel like we can do basically anything because we are both passionate about eating.

We're talking about gradually moving into a raw food diet after this. At least two to three times a week...and then the rest would be the blood type diet. We are learning how much the food we put into our bodies truly affects all aspects of who we are...health, mind, body, soul, etc.

Again....thank you for rooting me on and keeping me rooted. Wow...I wrote the word "root" and thought of eating a turnip. Weird. ; )

Monday, April 16

master cleanse ~ day two

me & my squirt tee, canon digital rebel xt

This tee is for those of you doing this cleanse. You know what it's all about.

So yesterday was a total trip. There were moments I felt high and then moments where I wanted to tear down our refrigerator and eat all the carbs I could find. Especially pizza. Actually pizza with some pasta on top. I had read and heard from others that when hunger starts, just drink the lemon drink and it is supposed to go away. It didn't go away for me but I think more than anything it was psychological and not physical. My mind was challenging me that I couldn't do this and I almost gave in. But I didn't and I am so proud of that.

I also heard that when you crave something on this cleanse, that means you are detoxing from that particular food. I have been consuming a lot of pasta and pizza lately. While reading the bit in "Eat Pray Love" where she was in Italy describing her orgasmic experience with pizza, I couldn't help myself but do the same. It doesn't matter how healthy you make pizza and pasta, it is still carbs and loaded with them.

I went to bed proud of myself and slept like a baby. I woke up feeling refreshed and I noticed the skin on my face felt more soft and clear.

This morning it was more difficult for me to drink the salt water flush. I was concentrating really hard on not gagging my way through it. I tried to imagine it as veggie broth but the thought of an ocean wave crashing in my mouth overpowered this. About 30 minutes later I ran to the bathroom and I swear I threw up the size of a pool. It's not supposed to come out that end! I was laying on the bathroom floor sweating and throwing up salt water which made me want to throw up even more when tasting the salt. My poor kitties were in the bathroom with me meowing and totally traumatized. I know this is not a normal experience. I am not sure why I had this reaction. Perhaps I used too much salt.

Although, right now, a few hours later, I feel great. I feel totally full. I've only had one glass of lemon drink because my stomach was nauseous but I have energy and no cravings thus far. Yesterday I had a bit of a headache but today its gone.

I am committed to this for many reasons. I feel like I am in a powerful place in my life and I am not going to give up. My body is actually doing what it needs to do for this cleanse. I obviously carried more toxins than I realized.

Thank you for sticking around on this journey with me. The good. The bad. The ugly. Your support is appreciated and needed.

Oh...and if you're wondering how Boho Boy is doing on this...he is doing WAY better than I am.

update: well, i found out what went wrong this morning. i talked to Thea and she said i was supposed to drink 1 quart of water with two teaspoons not TABLESPOONS of salt. nice.

Sunday, April 15

master cleanse ~ day one

me & my lemon, canon digital rebel xt

Inspired by my dear friend Thea and other inspirational stories, Boho Boy and I decided to do the Master Cleanse for 10 days. This is day one. I have decided to record my thoughts, feelings and progress here to keep me accountable because something tells me this is going to be REALLY HARD.

I pretty much love eating. The food and liquid I allow into my body is extremely healthy but there are issues with my portions. I have to admit, I sometimes find myself eating more in one sitting than my 6 foot 2 inch husband. I cannot believe I just admitted that.

Perhaps my love of food has to do with my Portuguese and French heritage. Who knows. All I know is that when all my friends were fasting or cleansing, I never tried because I thought it would be hopeless. I could just see myself lasting half a day and then grabbing something to chew on while curling up fetal position in a corner like a food junkie.

Being on the blood type diet for the last 6 months has me more disciplined, so I thought this would be a good time to try something I've wanted to do for years.

The stress of trying to conceive has made me hold onto some extra weight. Those of you that know me well, know that I love my curves. This isn't about curves. But the 15 pounds I've put on over the last year symbolizes me holding onto something that needs to be let go.

While on my vacation last week I felt myself emotionally let go of trying so hard for our baby. I cannot quite articulate how it happened. I started visualizing things I wanted for my future aside from just a child. I found myself making love to my husband without the thought of a sperm penetrating an egg. My mind didn't feel as occupied with the process and it felt so freeing.

I wanted to come home and let go in other ways. Toxins for one. I feel the need to purge the toxins in my body caused by stress, over eating and not exercising on a regular basis over the past year.

This cleanse isn't at all just about losing those few extra pounds. It is so much more. It's about release, letting go, purging, renewing and soul searching.

As much as I share here on my blog about my emotions regarding this journey, as soon as I turn away from my computer, I busy myself so that I won't feel.

This cleanse will help me focus on some blocks that are preventing me from doing so much of what I dream of. Rather than filling up space with cooking and eating, I can write, research, create, play. At least this is what I hope for. We shall see.

The picture above represents me having a face off with Lemons...as they are one of the main ingredients in the cleanse.

For those of you that do not know what my day will consist of. Here it is:

1.) Wake up and drink 1 quart of warm water with 2 tbs of uniodized sea salt (this is supposedly an internal enema calling it a "salt water flush")

2.) 6 - 12 8oz glasses of the following lemon drink throughout the day:
8oz water
2 tbs fresh squeezed organic lemon juice
2 tbs grade b organic maple syrup
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper

3.) 1 cup herbal laxative tea before bedtime

4.) Hot shower in morning and evening using a body brush to shed toxins on surface of skin

So thoughts on day one??? Oh my...that salt water flush WORKS. Today was actually really hard for me where as other people say the first day wasn't that bad. Are they smoking crack?!?!?

I miss eating.

But I do feel that something very healthy is going on inside of me. I already feel a bit lighter and that cayenne pepper totally puts a skip in my step. I actually like the taste of "the drink" and crave it when the hunger starts. I also notice this helps me live more in the moment because if I think of the next 10 days ahead of me, I will surely make a pizza.

I'll keep you updated daily. Off to squeeze some more lemons. Lucky me.


Saturday, April 14

pieces of april

petals decorating the ground in Seattle, Washington,
canon digital rebel xt

We arrived home late last night. I am exhausted from traveling but rejuvenated from such a dreamy time away. It was wonderful spending time with Letha in Seattle for the first few days. We tried to fit in all the girly things possible since she is heading out to Uganda soon. She lives in such a charming part of town where we strolled and shopped boutiques. My favorite parts were laying on her bed giggling, going through her closet and sharing stories until late. More on this trip soon when I am a bit more coherent.

Boho Boy met me in Seattle and we took the ferry over to Victoria, British Columbia. This place is one of my most favorite on earth. It feels like a Utopia of sorts. I already miss it. Besides strolling around the uber gorgeous downtown, we actually drove up into the woods (only 30 minutes away). Here we hiked up to the Sooke Potholes. The cedar trees were tall and majestic, the water rushing down into falls was surreal. We then of course later got our fix at an Irish pub to watch the ice hockey playoffs along with the other local die hard hockey fans. Here we were made to feel at home and met and hung out with the coolest guy that we swore was the spitting image of a younger Tom Hanks. So Boho Boy kept calling him "Wilson"...a joke this guy has heard far too many times. We also ran into a couple from San Diego that are riding their bicycles across North America and filming the whole gig. How random to meet someone in B.C. from your home town in California!

Here are some pictures that will better explain our beautiful trip as I am a wee bit too tired to do so:

Letha the divine, canon digital rebel xt

Letha & me, taken by Boho Boy

One of the many blossoming trees all over Seattle, canon digital rebel xt

Letha at a beach in Seattle. I was going for a spooky and eerie vibe with this shot~ canon digital rebel xt

Boho Boy in front of Craigdarroch Castle, Victoria, B.C., canon digital rebel xt

Boho Boy on our hike at Goldstream Provincial Park, canon digital rebel xt

Stone steps to our hike, canon digital rebel xt

a rushing stream on our hike, canon digital rebel xt

Boho Boy skipping rocks at the Sooke Potholes, canon digital rebel xt

Boho Boy & me resting on the grass, canon digital rebel xt

Wednesday, April 4

my lens loves boho boy

boho boy, canon digital rebel xt
I used my hubs today as a model to try out some new things with lighting, camera settings and such. It was quite an intimate experience. REALLY hard not to crawl through the lens into his arms and practice something a bit different. *smirk*
I learned he is quite the natural. I kept saying "oh my god, you're so hot" in between shots and he tried really hard to stay focused as I drooled over him. Well done baby.
Him and I are going on another romantic excursion for a week. First I am stopping to spend a few days with my dear old friend Letha before she moves to Uganda. The other day it hit me that she is going to be gone for a long time, not to mention on the other side of the globe and tears began to form in my eyes. Her and I need this time together as I send her off to save the world...bless her!
Boho Boy will be joining us in Seattle for a bit, then he and I are taking the ferry over to Victoria, British Columbia for another five days.
It's been a rough few months with his father passing away. Plus we've both been nose to the grind with our businesses and are so ready to play in his homeland again!
So, I'll be away for awhile and hopefully return refreshed and ready to balance my business and personal life a bit better than I have as of late.
Until then...I'll just swoon over these pics of my hubs. Prrr kitty.

Monday, April 2

self portrait challenge ~ body parts {1}

me & my bum, canon digital rebel xt

The self portrait challenge for April is body parts. When I first read this, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself..."fabulous...does this mean I have to share my wobbly bits?"

So, I thought it appropriate to start with my bum. As it is my biggest wobbly bit. ; ) It has taken me some time to accept and embrace this bulbous part of me. I suffered years of being called a "bubble butt" when I didn't appreciate that bubbly wasn't really all that bad.

The journey to embracing my curves is a treasured one. Throughout this month I will go into a bit more detail about it but here is a summary:

Little girl me isn't that aware of body and just wants to play outside

Young girl me develops faster than friends and has become TOO aware of body at young age

Teenager me becomes modest as result because I want to be liked for personality and brains, not big boobs and arse

College girl me suffers eating disorder and gets alarmingly thin because everyone else in dorm is doing it and sees it as a challenge

Overcomes eating disorder by informing self about health, fitness and longevity. Therefor, become fitness freak.

Young twentysomething me begins to relax a bit in skin and learns balance

Older twentysomething me meets and falls for boy who prefers stick~skinny to curves

Self esteem dives without realizing and subconsciously believes that he is right and that skinny is more attractive than curves. Back to being thin and wanting flat boobs and no arse.

Breaks up with boyfriend of five years after realizing I have lost myself and go on a spiritual quest to fall back in love with self and JUST BE ME.

Early thirtysomething me joins belly dancing and begins to understand how to express to myself and others that having curves is natural, sexy and yummy.
My appreciation for my own curves attracts future husband who happens to be a "butt man" and wouldn't mind if my big bum got even more juicy in the future. What a concept, eh?
Am now proud of bubbly boho bum and like to get a bit jiggy with it to music for anyone who eggs me on. Just ask Sus...who calls me Monkey Butt.
More *juicy* next week.