She beckoned...

my guitar, kodak ls753

My Favorite Coat

my favorite vintage coat, kodak ls753

My favorite coat
Hangs in the hallway
Waiting like a good friend
To keep me warm.

I love my coat
Sturdy and versatile
Solving all my problems
Nirvana in the rain.

And it's raining, and raining,
Been raining for weeks now, crying a torrent
And the rain is washing us clean.

In my coat I am a superhero
Traveling through space and time
Impervious to pain.

Me and my coat
We are a symphony
Blanketing the world outside
An oasis in the storm.

~ Deb Talan, Something Burning



I couldn't have said it any better. I found this coat at a vintage shop long ago and I thought my relationship with it odd until I came upon this song.

Do you have an article of clothing or jewelry where with it, you feel like a symphony, a superhero?

Sitting in a Moment

vine plant on our porch, kodak ls753

Our loft upstairs has a door that goes out into a small porch. My mother helped me plant some beautiful flowers in colorful ceramic pots and window planters last year out there. I am not quite as much a green thumb as she is, well...not even close actually, but some plants have thrived in my amateur care and survived our winter (which is far too mild for my liking here in Southern Cali). On each side of our porch, we planted vine plants so that they would spread throughout the top of our porch and sides of the walls.


vine plant on our porch, kodak ls753

I have always loved vine plants. When they grow thick and lush and cover sides of houses or fences, it always brings me to a whimsical place in my mind...as if I am walking through an enchanted forrest.

I've been inside too much lately. I have felt our walls closing in around me and my cloudy head. Before this last year and a half, depression in my life would come and go as fast as a few days. It would come mostly during hormonal times of my cycle or a break up or perhaps a bit of a falling out with someone but would never stay long enough for me to get used to the feeling. It is now something that lingers and stays beneath the surface of all of my days. Last night I read dear Mardougrrl's post and it felt all too familiar. It made me face the truth in that I am indeed depressed. The monthly roller coaster we've been on for 18 months has really taken a toll on my whole self.

I do have wonderful and exhilarating moments still. This past weekend I belly laughed with my husband as we walked a trail near the beach where we were married. I rejoice every day about the strikingly creative women friends I have made through this medium, as well as my old friends and my family. I do know that I have a plethora of reasons to be grateful. But there is always this longing beneath the surface, the fear of the unknown, the fight to not let these emotions control me - - - the constant, constant conversations in my mind where one side is telling me I am not worthy to be a mother and the other is crowning me queen mama.

This morning, I opened my porch door and the smell of a night of rain swirled around me. My skin felt instantly cool. I felt my body lean against the door and I watched the drips of water trailing down the flower petals and leaves at the same moment as a tear rolled down my cheek. I closed my eyes and listened to the birds. The sound of Spring coming. I took a full breath in and allowed the crisp and fresh air to fill my lungs. I smiled. This tear falling didn't come from sadness but came from joy, from a release within. Looking at these vines, I was brought back to that enchanted forrest.

It is when I truly sit in a moment and not allow my mind to go anywhere but here...I find peace. I suppose that is meditation, really.

I need to sit more in these moments because they breathe more life into me and those walls closing in slowly crumble around me and let the fresh air in.

Self Portrait Tuesday ~ Time

me peering thru vintage red glass window, kodak ls753

sometimes i feel like i am looking through the window of someone elses home, watching their process from a distance over time but then suddenly realize it is really me i am seeing. is this really happening to me?

A Cafe to Remember...

the livingroom cafe, kodak ls753

Do you have a particular place that when you go there, you are showered with positive memories and warm fuzzy feelings?

This cafe does this for me. It was the place where family members and friends gathered the morning after our wedding. A few folks that had been strangers the day prior were cozying up next to one another and laughing over inside jokes.

Many told us that our fairy~style wedding sprinkled fairy dust over all who were present and friendships were made, old love rekindled and new love interests inspired. We truly wanted that for our wedding. Not only to solidify our love and commitment but to spark that of others.

So with all this in the air...we broke bread together the next morning here at a cafe filled with comfy antique couches and chairs, fresh flowers and Parisian style windows open to the ocean breeze.

Carsten and I went there this past weekend and it refilled my cup (figuratively and literally). I was reminded of that one day when everyone I loved most dearly in this world gathered in one space. How overwhelming in a beautiful way it was to me.

I am so grateful that if I need to be reminded of how blessed I am, I can just walk into this cafe and receive the gift of remembering their voices and laughter, feeling their hugs and the unforgetable vision of my mother and father looking across the table at their baby girl glowing like a true bride (with major bed head tucked into braids...if you know what I mean) *grin*.

On a side note: I really dig their textured walls. I want to recreate it up in my studio. Isn't it divine?!?

What you See.

jonas, kodak ls753

"The question is not what you look at,

but what you see."

~ Thoreau

I was fortunate to spend time with this lovely soul today. He held my hand and showed me the ocean and life surrounding it through his eyes. A whole new and thriving world that I may have overlooked, since I had been there time and time again.

He inspired me to not only look at it all but truly see it.

jonas, kodak ls753

Ovaries Affirmation

my current pastel drawing in progress...

This afternoon I had the sweetest chat with Leonie. Even in her grief, she still found time to meet me where I was and do what she does best, which is make me laugh and joyfully tear up from her Leonie~isms.

In the middle of our chat...she said this affirmation:
(side note: she calls me Deni, as do most of my close friends)

"Let's spend a moment in appreciation for Deni's ovaries.

Bless you beautiful ovaries.

How beautiful you are, Deni's ovaries

How sacred, and luminous, and healthy and wondrous you are, dear ovaries.

You are very much loved and honoured, dear ovaries.

We think you are AMAZING, dear ovaries."

At first I started to giggle but then all of a sudden, I felt a release down in my belly, a softness, a welcoming of these gentle words. This feeling likened to slowly placing myself into a warm, soothing bathtub when I am cold.

I envisioned my ovaries as she spoke these words and I saw a warm light slowly rising around them, pulsing with my heart beat.

I felt like they were starving for this acceptance, for this praise. And I realized in these moments that I have been angry with them. I have held resentment and blame towards them and I felt such an urge to take them up into my arms and cradle them if I could. "I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry...".

Later in the day, I spoke these affirmations out loud again. I sent forgiveness to my ovaries and acceptance and admiration and awe. This feels so much more harmonious, so much more pure within my soul.

Another baby step to loving myself more. Another baby step to letting go during this process and knowing my inner body is a beautiful vessel for my feminine self.

**********

Ultrasound update: Had another conversation with my doctor and she did confirm that the small lump is benign and not serious and will not impact my fertility. She apologized for being vague and not as detailed in our first conversation as she should have been. Thank you for all of your endearing support and for offering your hands to lift me up. I am breathing more peaceful tonight and feeling so very loved.

Two Things...

new skirt, kodak ls753

Two things that sprinkled fairy dust onto my heavy heart today:

Delicious comments, emails, eCards from all of you...sending me warmth, love, understanding and virtual snuggles. This all carried me thru it...and I thank you from the top of your precious heads down to your little piggies.

Discovering a gift card in my wallet that I forgot I had and buying a new skirt with it.

*sprinkle, sprinkle*

tenderly exposed

golden goddess, kodak ls753

You know...I've contemplated whether or not to write my raw emotions here today. I know that with my sharings I have been brave but perhaps not entirely. I have kept some emotions or some happenings as of late sacred to me and my husband in regards to this fertility journey. I do think that is healthy but at the same time, as my Blogging Tribe gets closer to my heart, perhaps it is more clear to them that I have pulled a bit away and drawn within.

Part of me not sharing entirely must be my pride. I don't want to be pitied or for anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't need loads of advice or for anyone I care about to worry about me. I don't want to sound like a whiner or a broken record or appear that I am not growing through this.

I suppose I just want to be heard and understood and cared for.

Today, I woke up realizing that this place, this blogging community, this Tribe completely stands for that. Here... I feel heard, I feel understood and I feel cared for.

I've received a few very touching emails lately where I was thanked for my bravery and they shared how they were inspired to be true to themselves and speak their true emotions, to embrace their messy bits.

Isn't that what this is all about? Me sharing is not only about the healing that happens within me...but I am learning that it is also about the healing that happens with others that read it. I have also felt healing inside of me as I read your own blogs.

We are all healers to one another...aren't we?

The past few days I have been feeling extra tenderly exposed. Leonie said it well in one of her posts matching images with a few bloggers. She said I was a tender bean. She is right.

Last week I underwent a few fertility tests. All have been perfectly normal, so I was feeling a bit confident that these would as well. I've been struggling with how my doctors have been a bit robotic about all of this when it is such an emotional issue with us. My appointment a month back ended up rocking my world because of how indifferent the doctor seemed talking to us about everything with her head down to her laptop and my heart out on the table. As soon as I sensed her cold, my bravery seemed to melt.

So, my doctor calls me yesterday with a cheery voice to tell me I have a lesion that is most likely benign on my ovary and my uterine lining is thicker than expected. She will send me back to my gyno for more tests.

I hung up the phone with my mouth dropped open. I typed in those two things in the internet and all that came up was ovarian cancer or that I may have to have an ovary taken out...that lesions are tumors and not cysts. My imagination got the best of me and I crumbled. I spent the rest of the day on the phone with my older sister Darlene, in tears, writing Thea, later in my husbands arms and thinking the worst of thoughts...you can imagine.

I called her back to get more information since in my shock, I didn't ask her enough questions and she went home for the day.

Today she leaves me a voicemail saying "it really isn't that serious"...and to call her back and I did, but she was with a patient.

So, now I am not sure how to feel. I am confused and frustrated and embarrassed and unsure and tired. I am so, so tired.

This is such an enormous lesson for me to let go. I want so badly to let go of this grip I have on wanting this dream of ours to happen and right when I feel as if I have...I get a call about lesions.

I am trying...I am trying to be ultra brave and to let go at the same time as being tenderly exposed.

Self Portrait Tuesday

boho dancing, kodak ls753

Something absolutely surreal happened to me this past week. I was leaning over my drafting board when the song "Wedding Day" by Rosie Thomas floated out from my speakers and danced around my studio. I ceased what I was doing at the moment and layed my head down on my cool drafting board, closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics.

In this song...I heard a story about a woman that had poured her every being into a love relationship only to find out it wasn't moving forward. So, instead of allowing the devastation and shock to strip her away from all that she was...she got into a car, with the windows down and the remains of her things and took a trip to find herself again.

"So much for love,
I guess I've been wronged
but it's all right, cuz I'm moving on."

"I'm gonna drive thru the hills,
put my hand out the window and
sing 'til I run out of breath.
I've had enough of love,
it feels good to give up, so good to be
good to myself.

I'm gonna get on the highway
with no destination and
plenty of vision in mind
and i'm gonna drive to the ocean
and go skinny dipping,
blow kisses to venus and mars."

This happened to me once...about 6 years ago with an unhealthy love relationship that I had believed was "it" for me. The moment that it came crashing down into my world that it wasn't indeed "it", I packed my bags, loaded up my convertible jeep and headed to a new city, a new home, a new life away from all that I had known and was comfortable to me. It was the best medicine for my wounded heart.

"I'm gonna drive over hills,
over mountains and canyons
and boys that keep bringin' me down.

I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine,
drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance.

I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing
pass me by...never ever again."

So...after the song finished, I turned it on again, but louder and I danced and twirled and danced again to Rosie's words. I was rejoicing in the fact that I made it through this painful time and was feeling grateful for this experience because since that moment...I have learned so much of who I truly am. I learned how to be alone and how to truly love myself and with that, a few years later, I opened myself up to a healthy relationship with a solid man.

I felt ready for this relationship because I had learned that I can live a full life being alone. That I am a whole person just as I am. When I met my husband, he too had just discovered this about himself. He is not my "other half". I am whole, as he is whole.

I wanted to capture this moment of the purest of joy I was feeling as I danced...to always be a reminder. So, I brought the camera along with me in my dancing and twirling. Although...in my bliss, I do not remember taking the pictures.

"It's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be so grand,
it's gonna be just like my wedding day..."

To me, this song not only represents moving on from a relationship but perhaps also moving on from something that is holding us back from inner freedom or keeping us from who we truly are.

If you don't have this song already...I encourage you to get it and come dance with me.

You can listen to it by clicking: Wedding Day

Gem~ness Continued...

today's choker necklace, kodak ls753


necklace charm, kodak ls753

Since some of you lovelies insisted that I show my creation...*blush*. Please forgive the bad lighting and glare. Thank you for your endearing support.

Feeling Gem~y

rocks & gems, kodak ls753

I took a trip to my favorite bead store yesterday. It is a long drive from my place up the coast. I rolled down both windows so I could feel the ocean breeze through my hair strands that were dancing outside of my window. I found myself taking long, deep, replenishing breaths.

I love rocks and gems. I wish I was small enough to swim in them, take up home in one of their tiny holes.

Today, I will create with these divine elements while listening to this playlist I put together on iTunes for my day:

Wedding Day ~ Rosie Thomas
Red Meets Blue ~ Matt Wertz
Hockey Skates ~ Kathleen Edwards
Lay Lady Lay ~ Magnet
Riga Girls ~ The Weepies
Underneath the Stars ~ Kate Rusby
Forever My Friend ~ Ray Lamontagne
Because I Told You So ~ Jonatha Brooke
Big Strong Girl ~ Deb Talan
Drinks We Drank ~ Azure Ray
Caramel ~ Suzanne Vega
Black River ~ Amos Lee

Poetry Thursday

sean & carey, reaching

"No human relation gives
one possession in another.
Every two souls
are absolutely different.
In friendship or in love,
the two side by side
raise hands together
to find what one cannot
reach alone."

~ Kahlil Gibran

******
Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorite poets, authors. His book The Prophet was introduced to me by Letha years ago and since then, I have held his words close to my heart. As many times as I have read through each chapter of this book, whenever I open it, I gain new perspective from his wisdom.

she's coming...

suz & me, kodak ls753

...a few more hours and she'll be here. Trekking from the other side of sunny Cali.

It was 20 years ago when I first laid my eyes on this goddess. I was a freshman in my first day of French class, sitting there in my cold seat, feeling so entirely awkward and unsure of my very stoic French teacher awaiting the rest of class to file in.

Everyone was whispering around me. As I slowly scanned the classroom, I realized I didn't know a soul. Most of the students were older than me. Thus began the awkward Freshman blues washing over me.

Then SHE happened.

suz & me

She was one of the last students to come stumbling in. She was tall, slender and had these gorgeous long, wavy tresses trailing down her back. I remember being surprised that she came to school with her hair wet. This was the 1980's, you know. It was all about dry, big, hair sprayed hair. I was impressed with her ability to look absolutely gorgeous with not a stitch of 80's make-up and the bravery of wet unstyled hair. She sat down in the empty seat next to me. We smiled awkwardly.

Then our teacher, without saying a word of hello, stood in front of the class behind a podium with an empty brown box sitting on top. Without cracking a smile he held up a banana and shouted the word "banana" in French and then placed it into the box..."En Banane...dans la boite!" He did this object after object. Suzi and I immediately locked our eyes and started giggling.

This is where the story of our friendship began.

We've been through mountains and valleys together. We've moved to a different State together. We've picked one another up out of painful and unhealthy relationships. We've been one another's biggest fans.

The first day she traveled to meet my future husband, I had to work. So, they spent the day together. They walked along the beach, shared stories, threw rocks into the ocean, and took some home for me. She said she felt like he was her brother instantly. When I arrived home, she said..."I couldn't have imagined anyone more perfect for you."

A few months ago she met a truly special man at a wedding back where she lives. He was in town for the wedding. Guess where he lives? Yes...he lives here...near my husband and I.

Funny how the Universe works. It is so fracken cool (that was for Pixie)!

suz & her nephew pickin' his cute nosie

Self Portrait Tuesday ~ Time

click on picture for larger view

For Self Portrait Tuesday...a photo montage of me creating over time this past week.

Contact

ooh la~la~Lisa and her cute colorful hair, kodak ls753

I had another epiphany today while I met my friend (my hair colorist extraordinaire) Lisa, for coffee this morning. I need more human contact!!!

I spend a lot of my days up in my studio, with my kitties, music and art supplies. Every now and then I'll check my email, or read my favorite blogs, comment and try to respond to my comments. I'll go to the ymca or to the beach for a good workout but even then, I have my iPod in ears and am not wanting to be social.

As I have said before...most of my tribe is all over the states (and globe) but I have a few wonderful girlfriends out here that I really need to nurture and spend personal~contact time with. They are both two busy creative bees as well.

I drove away from my coffee date with lovely Lisa and realized how uplifted I felt. Just looking across the table to her eyes and touching her hand and hugging her hello and goodbye was so refreshing to me. A few minutes into my car and my other local girlfriend Carey called. We also acknowledged our need for girl time together.

I find that it is easy for me to withdraw from being social when I am going through a tough time or have a lot on my mind. Being outside at a coffee shop, exchanging thoughts and laughter with a girlfriend and people watching made me feel more alive today.

Andrea shares somewhat similar feelings about how getting out expands her world here.

So Lisa and I declared to have a once a week coffee date (although next week we're substituting coloring my hair!!) and Carey is coming over next week to play with my pastels.

Also, my best frister, Suz is coming into town this week for a few days.

Amazing when you become aware of something you need and you send that need into the Universe and it comes pouring in. I know this doesn't always happen...but when it does...I feel so jazzed!!

It's Business Time

my husbands business socks, kodak ls753

Trust me...you'll understand the purpose of this picture once you listen to the song below.

I thought we all needed some comic relief. So, I am sharing with you one of my favorite songs by the oh so hilarious New Zealand comedic duo "Flight of the Conchords".

Enjoy and belly laugh for me...

If the above doesn't work for you, try this one:

Or this one: It's Business Time!

flight of the conchords, nyc

The Beach

seagull on beach, kodak ls753

Today I had a myriad of emotions inside of me that I didn't quite know what to do with. I found myself restless. I started a project, only to be distracted by another. I couldn't really focus. I didn't have the words to write into my journal or here because my feelings hadn't yet been born into words yet. They were just a mass of emotions. Not just one emotion but many, some contradicting the other.

So...I left what was feeling like four walls coming in on me and I brought myself to the beach. A place with wide open spaces, crisp cool air, seagulls flying and singing, waves crashing and sizzling, the sun peeking in and out of grayish clouds and sweet little old women leaning over, picking up ocean treasures to take home with them.

Normally, when I walk on the beach, I absorb all of this surrounding me. I listen to Iron and Wine on my iPod to the rhythm of waves trailing in and out of shore. There is just something about his languid voice that speaks in harmony with the ocean.

Not today.

Today I found myself iPod free, face down, walking at a fast pace, then breaking into a run. I wanted to hear my breath rather than a song. I wanted to be cognizant of my feet pounding on the sand. I went beyond my usual stopping point and kept going. My mouth was clenched. My brow furrowed. My eyes on the sand and rocks beneath me.

I realized something with this shift in behavior. I'm holding onto stuff. I am still not sure how to get it out. The feelings I have inside are so foreign to me. Almost like I am in a foreign country where I don't speak the language and the only way I can communicate is through actions rather than words.

I needed physical action today...not words.

I don't have the answers as to why or what or who or when or where all this is coming from inside of me.

All I know is that tomorrow...I want to do it again because today, the beach spoke my language.

Inspire Me Thursday ~ Five Senses

Athletic & Feminine, Mixed Media Collage

This weeks challenge for Inspire Me Thursday was creating art with your five senses. I did a mixed media collage of sorts. My mother in-law found for me an old vintage poster with this darling picture of this woman and what came forth in my mind were two words: Athletic and Feminine...and the balance of the two within us.

At the bottom is this quote by Walt Whitman; "The towering feminine of thee! The beauty, healthy, completion fit for thee!"

See: The rusty colored cracks appearing thru my acrylic blue paint. Slowly I watched them appear one by one as it dried. I have previously used this "crackle" glaze on a few furniture pieces and wanted to give a canvas a try. I really dig the weathered antique look on wood, so this was crazy fun to see it work on canvas as well.

Smell: The smell of burning the edges of the two papers brought me back to the scent of our smoky campfires in the forrest just before roasting marshmallows. I had to open all windows and doors so that our fire alarm wouldn't start buzzing while I lit the edges of the paper on fire over our kitchen sink. I found a lot of pleasure in this. Not sure if that's good or bad! *grin*

Touch: Gesso gushing between my fingers and lingering there the remainder of the day. Later, I would find the satisfaction of peeling it off of my skin.

Hear: The sound of Native American flute music in the background...helping me to get all Messy Zen with it.

Taste: As I shared my oral fixaton with pen caps in a previous post, really...it is not just pen caps. It happens when I am in a creative trance. This time I put a brush between my teeth. Little did I know there was gesso on it. A bit startling always at first but it happens all the time. No worries...I do wash my mouth out!!

Echo

sand dune, kodak ls753

I read this post from dear Pixie and really feel like she has something here. I then read thru all her anonymous comments and felt a healing going on throughout their brave words. With anonymous names, they felt the freedom to speak their ultimate truth about fears, worries, insecurities that are living within them.

I've always believed in the power of releasing fears by recognizing and acknowledging them, by getting them out there to a place beyond just inside of you. That this is the first step on a path to healing.

That is why this blog has been such a blessing to me. It is inspiring me to speak my truth, my heart, my fears, my worries...to put myself out there and with this, I have felt burdens lifted.

I would like to echo my sister Pixie's request for you to get it out. Write those burdens here (or on Pixie's blog here)...anonymously. Not only to keep your privacy sacred but to also give you the freedom to be raw and truthful.

Get it out there. In the form of a worry, a fear, a rant, a prayer, a confession, a vow. Let's hear it and let the healing begin.

Thank you, Pixie...for enlightening us and challenging us to be brave and search deeper within to the scary bits.

*********

i know i posted three times today. wow...i suppose i was inspired.

Beautiful Letha...

letha & dace, taken by her husband

Sisters...please welcome my dear close childhood friend Letha to the blogging sisterhood. I am so crazy proud of her bravery for doing this.

She has been such an inspirational vessel in my life. Tears well as I write this. I always feel wrapped up in her enormous love, her huge delicate, yet strong heart.

You will be touched by her talent, her brilliant brain and her overall eye~candy self! *grin*

I love you beaucoup, Leth.

Self Portrait Tuesday

me creating, kodak ls753

The challenge for this month's Self Portrait Tuesday is "time". Please read about it here before you go any further, if you haven't already.

I didn't quite go by the rules (do I ever?) this week but will do my personal best to redeem myself next week, I promise!

I was planning on taking one picture a day of me creating the last seven days. What happened was...I didn't create as much as I had planned or hoped, for that matter.

As some of you sweet and supportive souls know, I was a wee bit consumed this past week but have resurfaced, nonetheless.

There are times when all I have energy for is to create, create, create when I am sad, melancholy or pensive.

Then there are also times when I need to take those same emotions and stare at a wall, talk with a friend, write in my journal, go on a hike, lose myself in a book, play with different hair styles (am I admitting this?), meditate, pray, etc.

This past week, I did the latter.

This coming week...I feel inspired to create.

So, here is a portrait of me doing just that last week. I laughed when my eyes first caught the fact that I am subconsciously chewing on my pen cap. This is a dreadful habit I have when working with pens. Dreadful because after it's been in my mouth for a good while, I feel like I need a retainer when I take it out. My teeth feel as though they've moved an inch. I have to admit, I have even checked my teeth in a mirror to make sure this wasn't indeed the case.

I think it's a comfort thing.

Hush

paraglider, kodak ls753

Yesterday, my husband and I went on a hike. I was craving the sweetness of our ocean air and the smell of pines on a dusty path.

As we were hiking, three paragliders coasted close above us. Their color soaked glides were in unison up against the backdrop of blue~ness.

My heart swelled being mesmorized by their peaceful ride. I wanted to reach up and hang on..."take me with you!".

It must have been an astounding view for them with our blue~green ocean crashing below and the pine trees swaying in the breeze.

The quietness of nature is so soothing to me. The hush of it all. The connection to God, our Universe, to life, to color, to texture.

I am always reassured by the whispers carried in the wind and the heartbeat of the ocean that all is as it should be...even if I do not understand. Somehow, being in nature makes it okay not to understand. That all is too grand to try and grasp at the "why's".

I left saying I need to do this more. Not only does it help me get out of my head but it reminds me of who I am, who I always was...that nature girl that yearned to go on hikes with my dad when we went camping.

Those quiet hikes when we just walked one in front of the other or side by side if the path allowed and listened to what our precious earth was saying.

Telling us to hush...shhhh...be still and know we are all connected, without words but with just a calming and peaceful hush within our soul.

Tagged

BoHo Girl Tagged, pen & ink on paper

I have been tagged by the lovely M of Creative Stumblings.

These tag thingy's seem to be a good exercise in truly discovering a few of your wants and needs, does it not? Good timing for me today since I have been swimming in the currents of so many thoughts that this provided my brain with some structure. Thank you M~Girl!!!

So here goes...

3 Things you wish for (just for you):
a healthy pregnancy and baby
a trip to Europe with my tribe
a week at Esalen

3 Things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts!):
audition for a play
belly dance for my family & friends
learn to rock climb (because i am scared of heights)

3 bad habits you have:
twirl my hair when i'm nervous
leave lights on in a room when i leave
daydream while i drive and miss my exit (real safe!)

3 insecurities you feel:
shyness around abrasive people
wondering if my art is good enough
body image

3 talents/skills you wish you had:
excellent rather than mediocre singing voice
knitting (but will learn soon thanks to my marmie)
snowboarding or surfing...can't decide

3 things you would do if you had more time:
handwrite letters to friends & family
create art for friends & family
volunteer

3 things that bring you peace and relaxation:
reading in bed with my hubs
yoga
spa retreats (massage, facials, etc.)

3 things that spark your creativity:
my artsy friends
art galleries & art stores
creative bloggers

3 bloggers you're tagging:
amy - Amystery
michelle - La Vie En Rose
audra - I Rock It Creations

*****
listening to Deb Talen's (of the weepies) song "Tell Your Story Walking". what a delicious song that i am resonating with.

i just discovered that this "tag" was originally Sarah's creation! we were marveling at how quickly things spread throughout our lovely blogging community. : )

Quiet

my drafting board, kodak ls753

feeling quiet today.

marinating in my sacred connection with this amazing woman and how our friendship keeps me company through this very fragile and messy~beautiful journey.

so i will leave you with a picture of where i am spending my time. here at my drafting board, sketching, pastel-ing, watercolor-ing and digesting my emotions.

feeling messy, getting messy.

no worries...it's a beautiful and necessary trip.

******

oh...and songs of The Weepies are dancing around my loft.