watch me grow

california poppy, canon digital rebel xt

With this new lightness I am feeling, I am shedding some skin. My skin, my blog's skin...we're one in the same now it seems. Perhaps it is my new extraordinary yoga class that is shifting something deep within. Stretch, hard work, meditation, relaxation. It all requires balance...in my yoga class, in my life. I've realized I need more Zen. So, here's to a new journey of exploring what that means to me.

Watch me grow.

happy day

rasta hubs, canon digital rebel xt

Happy Birthday Boho Boy!

I carry your heart,
I carry it in my heart.

Deep, deep love ever flowing in our soulful river,

Your wifey,
Boho Girl

Them and me.

gemmies, canon digital rebel xt

These are the friends I've been playing with lately. Don't you just want to dive into this sea of color? Sometimes I wish myself teeny tiny so I could jump in and submerge myself, climbing from tray to tray. So, I suppose that makes me not only a tree hugger but a bead hugger.

I have felt such a lightness within my being the last few days. Something has shifted. My head and heart feel more clear and I am able to focus more than I have in a long time. I think in a myriad of ways, lessons are being learned in my life and I am evolving into a person that is truly paying attention to them. I feel open to the Potter's hand. It might be painful in the process but I can see the beauty that is forming.

I suppose I am like a potter to my gems too. Transforming them from a tiny bead into a gem masterpiece. Perhaps that is why I feel so connected to them lately. We're in this process together...them and me.

Here are a few loves I've discovered and want to share:

Zach Braff's website (I so admire his taste in music, as well as his movie producing skills)

Regina Spektor and her songs Fidelity and Hotel Song

Acai Bowls

My dear friend Susannah's Faiku's

My marmie. I haven't just discovered her of course, but I have discovered that I still need her deeply. She called me last night and her words rocked me like a baby in her arms. I've been trying so hard to be strong for my family and I realized, that I don't need to be...I can just be.

do something different

abstract curves, pastel by boho

"Follow the advice of the masters, but do something different"
~ Edgar Degas

twue luv

boho & amber

i suppose i already DO have a baby!! i love you kitty.

prr.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Pop Art

boho getting her boogie on,
canon digital rebel xt & photoshop

Here is my final pop art piece. Whew! This month was quite the challenge. In design school, I was never the fan of drawing or cutting a straight line. Not a gift of mine. I am definitely more attracted to curves (obviously). So, forgive the squiggly lines around the edge of this figure.

I want to personally thank each of you that sent me heart warming comments and emails this past weekend. It lifted my spirits and now I am floating on your love clouds. I appreciate each and every morsel of you dear folks in bloggieland.

Off to the beach for a joggie~walk and some soul cleansing.

pity party

wah!

Do you ever have those days when you just feel angry?

I don't have them very often because in general, I have a positive outlook on life but today feels different. I am having a particularly sensitive day in regards to wanting to be a mommy. Fear again is creeping itself into my psyche and those "what if's" are pummeling into my head.

We went for a drive around the beach today and every other woman I saw was pregnant. I found myself squinting my eyes at them in envy. Is this some cruel joke? Oh, the ugly emotions that surface now and again on this journey. Not so fresh. Especially to those innocent, beautiful expectant mothers that are oblivious to the pain I feel. My spiritual side wants to honor their own journey and bow in their presence but the scared child inside wants to run.

So yes...when my husband went into a smoothie place and I was left alone in our bussy, I had my own little boho pity party. All those usual thoughts pouring out..."what have I done to deserve this?" "this is not fair...women who don't want babies get pregnant, crack whores get pregnant by mistake and here I am healthy, organic, wanton...what is up with this??"

Blah, blah, blah...tears flowing, fists to the sky and then after it is said and done, my chest moves up and down with deep, cleansing breaths. As I sit in silence and listen to myself breathe in the aftermath, I usually end up giggling to myself while wiping my tears onto my sleeves.

Pity parties don't happen very often but when they do...sometimes that release just feels damn good.

I would love to hear some positive affirmations from you folks out there in bloggieland. I believe in those and sometimes when two or more come together, miracles happen.

I heart kitties

amber, canon digital rebel xt

Tonight while working on a project at my computer, Amber propped herself up on my desk facing the screen. I watched her eyes follow my mouse arrow with such intensity. She then started batting her tiny white paws at it as though it was a bug. When she was a kitten, she used to do this to the television screen when my husband was watching hockey. She thought the puck was a bug and she would run and jump at it as it traveled back and forth between teams.

Then I stumbled onto this adorable video.

Sometimes when I am feeling down, my husband will say..."I wish I could bring you a convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet full of kittens."

I always giggle at that but in all truth...it would be a dream.

Poetry Thursday

michael hedges, photographer unknown

I first heard this poem written by e.e. cummings in a song by Michael Hedges. To this day, I believe he is one of the most phenomenal guitar players. I saw him in concert in Fort Worth, Texas about 8 years ago. It was an intimate venue. He was sitting on an blue exercise ball up on a small stage. On his head was what resembled a metal strainer with his thin dreadlocks sticking out of the holes. He was eccentric. His heart spilled all over us and I found myself forever changed. Ahhh...the gift of an artist.

I strongly urge you to listen to this song by him on his album named Taproot. Close your eyes and allow the tears to fall:

I Carry Your Heart

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)

~ e.e. cummings


the boho's on the beach
at night, canon digital rebel xt

Him, Me and the Sequoia's...

I feel quiet today. A bit speechless. Marinating. I couldn't possibly capture in mere words the awe-inspiring time spent in the beauty of Mother Nature this past week but I will try.

In these first few pictures I am sharing, hopefully you will experience the essence of it all. The closeness between lovers, the silent reflection among streams of water, the riveting sounds of large waves crashing upon rocks, the kiss of a waterfall on my skin... and more. So much more.

Nature let us rest, play, dance, tickle, splash and take risks with Her. So much pure fun filled with many little perfect moments.

This place is always so healing for us.

Enjoy. More coming soon...

(Please click on images for larger view)


One of our favorite rest stops on Highway 1...The Ragged Point
Inn. Boho Boy took this picture at one of the lookout points
in the middle of their Japanese garden


A gorgeous sunset we watched at a stop on our way to
Big Sur, California


We arrived! Here is our lovely campsite in Big Sur.
Bussy is in her glories surrounded by Sequoia Redwoods.


Boho chillin' by the creek at our campsite.
Check out my nifty rainbow toe socks.


Hiking through the Sequoia Redwoods


We climbed some rocks so we could watch
the water flow from Mother Earth more closely


A tiny Boho sitting amongst the enormous Redwoods


A rest between trails


This is the waterfall at the end of one of
the trails. We climbed up passed the end
to get up close, directly underneath it


Wearing our Crocs, we were able to walk/climb through the rushing
waters. Sometimes hanging on for dear life to rocks or branches in
order to get from one spot to the next. Crazy but fun.


Throughout our hikes, there were a plethora of what we
called "swimming holes" that we would wade through or just simply
stare in awe at.


We often sat on the rocks down at the creek
a few feet from our campsite. This particular
morning, Boho Boy caught me meditating...
watching my thoughts drift down with the water.


Laying down on the ground, I tried to capture
the tallness of the Sequoia Redwoods


This was the beach steps away from our campsite. Boho Boy
and I climbed up those rocks and watched the huge waves crash
below us. Each day we spent time here napping, reading, sea gem
searching, climbing and dodging the most unpredictable waves (large, small,
tiny, huge).


On our last night, we ran out of food...so we drove up the coast
and found this gem of a restaurant. We sat here at the spot
on the right up high on a cliff overlooking the ocean, trees and
the sunset.


On the opposite side of the restaurant was a firepit outside
surrounded by cemented seats covered in pillows. I fell in
love with the vibe here.


Nearing the end of our trip...feeling rested and rejuvinated!

(Please note: All photos were taken with a Canon Digital Rebel XT by Boho Girl or Boho Boy with the exception of the last one. That one was taken by a sweet stranger.)

Goin' Camping...

me & the redwood trees, northern california


hubs building a fire, northern california

We're heading up to the Northern California mountains to hang with Mother Nature in our VW bussy for a week. Oh how I miss the smell and feel of redwood trees. I grew up with them. They are like family to me. We have a special place we go to once a year. It's a campsite nestled in a forrest of those redwoods with a small rushing river right through it. There are hiking trails that lead deep into the woods where it ends with luscious water falls. In the opposite direction, the trails lead to a lovely beach that goes for miles along the infamous rocky cliffs. Last year we spent a lot of time searching for gorgeous sea gems to make jewelry with.

I look forward to the solace of moonlit strolls on the beach, waking early to birds singing and the sound of the rushing river. I love snuggling with my husband when he smells smoky from our campfire.

Up above are a few pictures from last year. The large trees you see behind me stretch much further into the starry sky. They are a fortress of protection and love. I love to hug them. So, I guess that makes me a tree hugger.

I will hold you all in my heart and whisper wishes into the river for each of you.

Until I return, I leave you with this quote to marinate in:

"You come to nature with all her theories and she knocks them all flat."
~ Pierre Auguste Renoir

So true...isn't it?

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Pop Art #2

boho, canon digital rebel xt & photoshop

Tell me something about yourself that noone would ever suspect of you. Put it here in a comment under anonymous if need be. It will be fun!

Boho's story: I was very innocent growing up. A lily white church girl. A youth leader and a missionary. A virgin until my mid twenties. After a break up from a five year relationship, boho put her wild knickers on (that was for Susannah) and discovered a whole new world out there at lightning speed with the help of some crazy gal pals.

A few weeks after the break up, I was nursing my broken heart with a girlfriend at a swank bar in San Francisco. She was a cute pixie red head that worked at the bar as a manicurist. She offered a manicure and a martini for $10. I sat at her small table as she manicured one hand while I held a Cosmo in the next and she made the most dreadful dare to me. "I dare you to find the hottest guy here and go home with him tonight!"

*sound of record screeching*

"WHAT, NO WAY!?!" I nervously screamed over the DJ's tunes. She knew me. She knew that I had never, nor did I ever want to have a one night stand. It was so out of character for me but I knew it was her goofy way to try and mend my sad heart.

It took a few more Cosmo’s until I succumbed to her dare, pretty reluctantly might I add. I was thinking there is no way in hell that this was going to happen anyway, so I'd just give my friend a quick thrill for trying.

I scanned the crowded room and one guy stood out. He was stylish and funky and looked pretty damn confident laughing with his friends. “Him”, I said as I pointed in his direction. “Go, gooooo…”she responded as she practically pushed me off of my chair.

I slithered my way through the crowd until I practically bumped into him. I could feel my friend’s eyes following me. I gave him the “three second glance” as I leaned over between him and his friend to order a few more drinks. He said hello. I heard an accent. Found out he was from New Zealand. I called him Mr. Kiwi. He laughed and we ended up talking the remainder of the evening until his friends took off. So, I did it. He asked if I wanted to see his new place and I said sure. For some reason, I trusted him. Perhaps my good ol’ intuition or empathic ways helped with that. We had talked about our love for old homes with character and he said he lived in one. So, I was curious, of course but more interested in winning this dare!

Him and I went up to my friend to say goodbye. You should have seen her mouth drop open when I waved to her, winking…with my arm wrapped in his. Poor guy was so clueless about our little game. She winked at me and blew me a kiss.

He drove me to his home. I was in awe of how gorgeous it was as I walked up the steps from the steep San Francisco street. He made some tea. We sat on his couch and talked for another few hours. That is when he learned what kind of person I was and I learned that he rarely does this either. A respect deepened between us. I did end up sleeping with him that night. Sleeping in the sense of him snoring and me dreaming. We kissed but that was about it. Mr. Kiwi was a perfect gentleman. He knew I was fresh out of a relationship and was determined not to be rebound boy. I loved that.

He drove me to my car the following morning. He told me I was even more beautiful in the morning. I normally would have fallen head over heels for that comment but I wasn’t ready to feel anything. I needed to be single for a long while…and he knew that. He called me a few times a week for a few months. I always made excuses not to see him again. I wanted to cherish that time we had. Proud of myself for finishing a dare and proud of myself for remaining true to who I was in the midst of it.

Not a lot of people in my life know about this night. No one would ever suspect that I would go home with a guy the very night of meeting him. But now YOU know and it felt good to share it.

A one night stand…who, me????

Find other daring Pop Art peeps here.

Nina-Licious

homemade card from Nina, canon digital rebel xt

I loved this card so much that I wanted all of you to enjoy it as well.

Thank you, Nina...for your peace~love~hippy package full of organic goodness! You are a beautiful soul and a very special bloggie sister to me. Whenever I visit your world, I always leave feeling a bit more whole. So, the name of your blog "The Whole Self" couldn't have been more perfect for you. You really know how to make a boho cry happy tears. Thank you for your impeccable timing and thoughtfulness.

Sunday Scribblings ~ Mystery

carey, post yoga ~ canon digital rebel xt

This week, Sunday Scribblings inquired, "If you could have any mystery unveiled for you, what would it be?"

I nodded as I read this question last night. It seemed so apropos as I just returned from an amazing movie that answered a question in me I had always pondered.

"What is the key to happiness?"

I believe a lot of people might quickly answer that it is their "faith" that is the key. Some might say it would be accomplishing their "dreams", some might answer "love". I might have answered any one of those or perhaps something else other than what I realized last night.

I think the key to happiness is living in the moment. Our minds are so full of thoughts from the past or of the future but rarely do we live in the NOW. Because of this, so much of life passes us by. We don't realize how many extraordinary moments are happening around us because we are consumed with another time other than the present moment. As a result of this, we are left always wanting more or wishing for something else other than what we already possess. Isn't this living with a feeling of being unsatisfied rather than at peace with what is?

I am so guilty of this. I am a thinker. I have such a busy mind. It is so rare that my mind is quiet and able to listen to the present lessons I am to be learning. I have been so focused on what I "want" lately rather than what surrounds me now.

"There are no ordinary moments". It was after hearing this in the movie last night that an epiphany came flooding into my heart and mind. "Pay attention".

Following the movie, I put "living in the now" into practice. Walking out of the theater, I listened to the soft wind and felt it caress my face. I concentrated on the feel of my husbands hand holding mine. His warmth, his love, his protection. I heard laughter up ahead and behind us as people walked passed. I admired the architecture of the buildings surrounding us. I smelled the jasmine flowers that were draping over the large flower boxes around the restaurant near us. I looked at my husband's face as he opened my car door and thought how beautiful he was. I sat in our car, grateful that we have one to drive.

And you know what? I felt happy. My mind was emptied of what was or what will be...and it embraced what IS...and that flooded my heart with a true happiness.

sneak peek

boho blossom necklace, canon digital rebel xt

Here is a little sneak peek into a gem that will be in my Eclectique Boutique come this Fall. This one in particular was made with love for a special friend. I look forward to pouring my boho energies into more gems for those beauties who fancy to feel a lil' bohemian.

Have a juicy & joyous weekend.

(Necklace shown is Boho Blossom in "Orange Toffee")

rain or shine

weeds in wind, canon digital rebel xt & photoshop

I've noticed lately that my life feels a bit like waiting for weather.

For the last four days our sky has been a canvas with a myriad of grays brushed on. I am waiting to see if what will spill from the sky is rain or sunshine.

I have felt restless waiting for something big to happen in my life that is just around the corner. I am feeling an overwhelm with how to prepare for it not knowing what is to come. Will it be a storm or a sunny calm?

When I try to sit still to breathe, I feel fidgety. I find myself walking around our loft, starting a project only to leave it unfinished and move onto another. I am struggling with the ability to marinate in a moment, as I usually do.

I am sharing this with you because not knowing what is ahead in our lives can at times be a good thing and at other times, a painful thing. Perhaps this "waiting for weather" is happening within all of us and knowing we are not alone, will give us courage to stop waiting and to move through it, rain or shine.

Poetry Thursday

clock, canon digital rebel xt

This is a poem I wrote years ago. It's about a deep yearning for something/someone that is so close within reach but there are barriers, obstacles precluding the relationship from being. It's about patience in regards to the grander scheme of things and what always seems to be perfect timing upon reflection but when in the midst of it, feels messy and painful. It is a lesson I am learning still, years later with this present journey I am on.

I know the prompt for Poetry Thursday was to gather bits of conversations I listened to while I was out and about but in all honesty, I didn't get out much this week. I stayed in my studio creating art and nurturing friendships. So, I have no juicy gossip or clever haiku's...just an old poem about time.

Father Time

On one side of the door,
you stand

On the other side of the door,
I stand

I feel your presence
and you feel mine

Our hands, one on each side,
touch the barrier
between us

We watch
as our hand strokes down
slowly
imagining the other’s skin

Our foreheads lie
against the barrier
between us

Our own breath,
mists our face
like dew

Our torn souls cannot
speak

Our tired ears cannot
listen

We close our eyes,
feeling heaviness

Warm tears fall
on familiar ground

When can we reach
passed this barrier and touch
one another again?

Who holds the key,
to the locked door
between us?

Who holds the key
to the other side?

Father Time.

~ Denise, 1998

savoring

carey savoring, canon digital rebel xt

I am gathering up some sweet time tonight to savor my close friendships.

Savoring.

At this moment I am sitting in a space of allowing the love and support I feel to fill me up as I take each breath.

I am astounded that during one of the most difficult times in my life, these women are coming down from the mountains around the world to dance with me, to remind me who I am and because of this, it has also become one of the most extraordinary times of my life.

You have inspired tears of joy (spilling as I write this) and have soothed my tears of grief.

So to my tribe, my blogging sisters and the close women in my life...tonight I am savoring each one of you. I continue to learn from you deep life lessons each day. I feel full. Full of wisdom. Full of a fierce joy that I did not know existed. Full of belonging. I belong. We belong. We are not alone.

I am savoring. Savoring you...yes you.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Pop Art

blue boho, canon digital rebel xt & photoshop

This is my first attempt at this week's Self Portrait Challenge of "Pop Art" for the month of June.

I created this with thoughts of Andy Warhol...an artist that I have always found intriguing to say the least. He embodied what it is to me to be super cool. I would definitely crown him the king of pop art.

"Pop art is a significant sociological phenomenon, a mirror of our society."
~ Steven Henry Madoff

Sunday Scribblings ~ Earliest Memories

little boho, 1976

When I saw the Sunday Scribblings prompt for "Earliest Memories", the one that popped into my head was when I was a little over one years old. I had just arrived home from Stanford Memorial Hospital. A few month's prior to my arrival home, I had nearly died. For a long while I wasn't able to hold anything down and no one knew what was wrong with me. By the time our local doctors sent us to Stanford, I was malnutritioned with skinny legs and arms, a sunken in face and a huge belly like you see on television. Just when a doctor said to my terribly worried parents that there isn't much hope, a European doctor heard word of me, took a graph of my intestines and figured out what it was. Once I was diagnosed, all we had to do was change my diet. I couldn't digest gluten and apparently, gluten was in every baby product imaginable.

So, the memory that popped into my head was me swinging in a baby swing in the back yard of our house and my Va-Va & Vu-Vu (grandmother & grandfather in Portuguese) brought me a filet mignon to suck on for the iron that I was lacking. I remember the taste of the filet and how good it felt on my gums and their smiles. Their huge, huge smiles of relief that I survived. It didn't take long after a bunch of those filets until I became a chubster. My mother did her research, sent away for special foods and always made an additional dish for me as I grew older, without one complaint. She had the patience of a saint and saved my life. (I love you, marmie).

Although, I wonder if that memory in the backyard sucking on a juicy filet is so vivid because there is a picture of it in my parents album and that they tell this story over and over with tears welling in their eyes.

So, I closed my eyes and tried to remember a memory that was simply from my memory. I remembered my sister Darlene, 15 years old at the time and I was 5. She had made me a skirt and shirt for my first day of Kindergarten. They went fabulous with my Dorothy Hamill haircut and Precious Moments lunch box/bag you see across my shoulder that my marmie bought me! I recall walking into class with my best little boy friend and feeling quite proud. I think you can see my pride in the picture above quite clearly.

I am sure you are all digging the cool 70's wallpaper behind me.

full of soul

josh kelley & joe firstman, kodak easyshare digital

Yesterday, out of nowhere, I found myself extremely exhausted. It was one of those days when what I truly wanted to do was snuggle underneath my down comforter and sleep all day long. But I pressed on, doing my daily activities with a bit of numbness and not a lot of zest.

Last night we met some dear friends at a cool venue for a concert. On the way there, I wondered if I could last through it, imagining that I would most likely want to head home early and crash into the sea of our soft comforters that I felt calling me into cushy~ness all day.

Then the music began and my mood was completely transformed. Their soulful voices and instruments pulsated through me and I felt an excitement and exhilaration bubbling within, as did the others we were with.

Josh Kelley and Joe Firstman are absolutely amazing alone but when their bands gathered together on stage it felt like fire in my soul. The energy in the room was vibrant and their passion for music and laughter was contagious. Carsten and I, as well as our friends, just stood there, getting the groove on, enveloped in one another and in awe of the raw talent before us.

I am glad I made the choice to go because as a result of being with my gorgeous friends and listening to this sweet muzak, I am enriched today and full of soul.


carsten, sean striking a pose & carey, kodak easyshare digital


sean & carey groovin', kodak easyshare digital


carey & sean, kodak easyshare digital

good, good news

women in rock, canon digital rebel xt

My husband and I were walking on the beach one early evening and he looked up to the cliff on our left and asked..."do you see two women carved into the rock?"

It took me a moment and then I saw them. Two women, huddled close, standing firm, side by side, solid as rock.

This is what Andrea has been to me on this journey of trying to conceive. I am so grateful for all the ways she has loved me through this and has allowed me to love her through it. The long heart soaked emails, the teary phone calls ending in laughter, the sweet cards in the mail. I cannot imagine this journey without her in it.

She announced on her blog today that she is three months pregnant. I couldn't be happier for her! Can we all shout a collective "weeeee!". I feel so closely connected to her experience, that I feel as though it is happening to me.

In all honesty, it has been difficult to be around, walk by, sit with, hang out with pregnant women. As much as I long for what they have and relish in the miracle and beauty of it all...it is a bit of a reminder that it is not me yet. I think that feeling is natural, albeit difficult to admit to myself and to others.

But with Andrea it is different. I feel so excited that I want to go rub her belly and dance with her in a sister circle. It feels so refreshing to feel this...since we both wondered how we would feel when one of us became pregnant first. I am relieved.

Our journey still continues. And for me...it is now filled with more hope seeing her beautiful picture of her bebe.

So, go give her some sweet, sweet lovins and kiss her pumpkin on the screen. They deserve every morsel!

Now when I look at those women in the rock, I see two pregnant women, side by side, embracing their bellies.