Poetry Thursday

watercolors, canon digital rebel xt

i had a friend over today. playing in my studio. releasing. a quiet peacefulness lingers here in her absence. i wrote this in my studio surrounded by the smell of her watercolors still fresh. i read it out loud and now i am inspired yet again. i so needed this.

we create
her painting
me stringing
music playing, interlaced
between our souls
she sighs
i glance up to watch her strokes
her acceptance of self
her letting go
colors smearing her thoughts
gentle breaths
i sigh
she follows my eyes
my energy into gems
the path down from solitary
to whole
we sit in silence
a sweet surrender
we paint
we string
we create...together

~ Boho

She.

chrissie's boho necklace, canon digital rebel xt

today, while stringing this,
with each gem held by my tiny fingers,
memories of her float in my mind.
the way she searches my eyes,
lightly touches my arm,
and sinks into me, her spirit
envelopes me and it is just her and i
in that moment
in a crowd, but only we exist.
i feel so important in her presence.
she has that gift.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Introduce Yourself #5

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Alas...the finale of this month's Self Portrait Challenge introductions, also known as "easy breezy boho bits" for this neck of the bloggie woods. The month of June our challenge is to experiment with Pop Art if we choose to accept it. I accept...big time!

But we're still in May. So here goes...

A few introductions back, I shared that I was an empath. I received some emails inquiring and I haven't yet responded (my apologies), so I thought I'd do it today.

Up until this past year I didn't know that I had this gift. I had an idea that I felt very different than most around me but I attributed it to just being "hyper sensitive" in every sense of the word. It wasn't until I had an enlightening conversation with another empath who picked up on my gift and she shared her experience with me that I found myself saying...YES, that is me...I get it! After I did my research, the puzzles of my life came together and it all made sense. It had a name. I am not a freak. I am actually special??? Well, we're all special...but you know what I mean.

I could go on and on about this but basically, in a nutshell, I can feel others emotions that are near me. Most times I actually take them on myself and have a difficult time deciphering whether or not they are my emotions or that of another. Every day, wherever I go, I absorb, absorb, absorb so that by the end of the day I am so entirely drained by all the voices, the feelings, the burdens I have picked up while walking by people. You can see how it is both a blessing and a curse.

A blessing because I am able to resonate with people and this helps me never to be judgmental. A blessing because being that I absorb their emotions, I take a little bit away from them, lightening their load. A blessing because I have a heightened sense of awareness and feel completely alive. A blessing because it inspires much creativity in me. A blessing because it helps me be a more kind and loving person.

A curse because I haven't yet learned how to channel this. A curse because I can walk by a person and feel darkness and evil while chills travel up my spine and then walk by another and feel grief and insecurity, then another and feel extremely wild joy. It goes on and on. I feel my emotions inflate and deflate within seconds and I leave feeling terribly drained. I am learning certain ways not to absorb. The woman I spoke with offered me a few tips and they have helped but I have much to learn.

I am not freaked out by it. I am actually really thrilled. For so long I didn't understand why I was the way I was. I thought something was "wrong" with me. Now that I can connect all of these feelings to something, I feel more whole. I feel gifted and I want to use this gift to help others.

We all have special gifts. Perhaps some that you might keep to yourself, like I did for so many years. I'd love to hear of your gifts so that together we can acknowledge and embrace them!

Like no other...

package from sweet Lizzie, canon digital rebel xt

I received a package from Liz Elayne today that has had a huge impact on both my husband and me. We've been listening to her CD all day long, researching a few artist's on there that we have not yet heard. We are music geeks, so this occupied our time for quite a while. If you didn't already know this about her, Liz has incredible taste in music.

What impacted us the most though, was her idea behind all of the colorful bouncy superballs you see in the jar up above.

You see...it all began when Andrea posted a link to a commercial a while back on her blog because not only was it the coolest marketing ad in the Universe, it was also filmed in/near her neighborhood in San Francisco. Bravia, a television brand name of Sony, had an idea to release about two hundred thousand colorful superballs down a few streets in San Francisco and film them bouncing from a variety of angles. The whole point behind the ad is to have a visual celebration of color being that their slogan is..."Color...like no other." The superballs are bouncing down the steep streets in slow motion to the languid song "Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzalez.

As Liz was pondering this beautiful blogging community and how so many of us have connected so deeply through this medium, that we no longer feel alone and that together, we can make a huge healing impact on our world...her mind drifted back to the superball commercial.

How brilliant of her to see this commercial as an analogy to the meaning of our tribe, our bloggie sisterhood:

"I remember thinking about all the force those tiny superballs had to impact the world around them & how strong they were together. I realized this is what we are doing. We are each in our corner of the world as we laugh, grieve, grow, weep, sit in the quiet, find our roar...we are each having an impact on our own in ways we don't even realize. But together...imagine the force of energy we have." ~ Liz Elayne

So today I am basking in the idea of our colorful little spirits bouncing through the world together, not alone but together, helping to inspire hearts to open, wounds to heal, creativity to flourish and love. Sweet, sweet love.

The Bloggie Sisterhood...Like no other!

edited to add: Yes...that is my kitty Amber in the picture above. She seems to think those superballs are kitty toys just for her. *smile*

I also enjoyed watching the making of the commercial here. It gives you a broader sense of the meaning behind those colorful bouncing superballs!

And last but not least...here is Jose playing his song "Heartbeats" live.


the froggie bit was my favorite!

Sunday Scribblings ~ First Love

cross, kodak easyshare digital

This weeks topic at Sunday Scribblings is "First Love".

My first love was a pastor’s kid.

It was late Sunday morning on a hot Summer’s day. The big church had just sent us young folk free to join the others our age in a quaint dark room filled with metal chairs and some music equipment. I sat myself down on the cold chair waiting for the youth service to begin.

I loved my youth pastor. Him and his wife were blue-eyed blondes that resembled surfer folk with laid back attitudes and a hip style which labeled them “cool” in my eyes. Before the music began, everyone was whispering to one another, saying their hello’s and sharing the events of their week.

In comes this gorgeous guy. My mouth dropped open and chills went up my back. He looked oddly familiar to me. Is he a movie star? He must be. He was prettier than most girls I knew and more handsome than any guy I had every seen. I saw him walk up to my pastor, so I assumed he was a new part of staff or at least someone important. He had dirty blond hair, piercing blue eyes, perfect pearly whites, tan skin and dressed like a musician.

He looked at me and smiled as if he knew me. I was perplexed.

When the service began, the pastor introduced him and again, my mouth dropped. I knew this guy! Quite well, in fact but had not seen him in years because he moved to Oregon. He was the brother of my older sister Darlene’s best friend. Last time I saw him, he was about 11 years old or so. We used to go to children’s youth groups together. He actually kissed my other sister Pamela on the lips once. They “went together” as the term was back then for being boyfriend and girlfriend. It didn’t last long, of course being that young. He used to have curly locks of hair and a sweet soft spoken voice. I just remember him being really tender. I didn’t think he remembered who I was. I had changed so much since back then. I was sweet sixteen, he was eighteen…we were different now.

When the service was over, he was the first to approach me. We were both nervous and shy with one another. He still had that sweet, soft spoken voice and that tender aura about him. I found out he was there for the Summer, living with his sister and her husband to help them with some work. I was happy to know this wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. He would be here every Sunday for three months. I had time to reconnect with him.

I left feeling emotions I wasn’t quite used to: Giddy, sweaty palms, heart racing, energized.

The following Sunday, his sister found me and told me that her brother thought I was beautiful. I told her I thought he was beautiful. And that is how the romance began.

After a few short dates, we both fell pretty hard. We spent practically every day together after that. Our first kiss was at my old elementary school down the street from my house. The moon was out, he was leaning up against the stucco wall and he kissed me nervously. I found this so endearing because he was the kind of beautiful where you'd think he had done this a million times and was more into himself than the person in front of him. But he was humble and it was sweet. I think that first kiss lasted for a few more hours!!

Some of my most favorite moments with him was sitting in church side by side. He’d snuggle up close to me and hold my hand or I would wrap my hand around his arm. There was always a sweet anticipation there because we were in church and supposed to be thinking about God, but both having such lustful thoughts. It was grand! We even ditched church once when his sister was out of town and we spent the entire day at her place in our undies talking and kissing. We were both so innocent and honored our bodies.

Up until I was with him, I hadn’t known what it was to be with a truly sensitive guy. My father at the time didn’t share his emotions (although he is one big mush pot now). So, I think as a result of this, I was attracted to guys guy’s. My first love was the first guy I saw cry about love he felt for someone else. At first it was a bit shocking but then it made me fall hard because I recognized how safe I felt, how cared for I was. I began to see sensitivity as strength rather than weakness. A huge lesson that has lasted my lifetime.

We thought we’d be together forever but of course, it didn’t end up that way. We decided to temporarily break up while he went away to college in Southern California that Fall. Later that year he met someone else older than me. I was still a Senior in high school at that time. He was a college student now. It changed the dynamic between us. He married that girl shortly after that. And my heart was broken for years.

Years later I found out that he is a pastor at a hip church and has tons of beautiful kids. He was always the type of Christian that was a bit rebellious and definitely a leader not a follower…so it didn’t surprise me that he would have flocks of young folk admiring him and a church of his own.

As broken hearted as I was, I am so thankful for this relationship. He taught me the importance of being with a man that is sensitive, creative, musical, open and playful.

If I never would have been with my first love, perhaps I never would have met or had been interested in my husband. I may still have wanted the guy's guy that didn’t like to talk about emotions, thought crying was silly and liked to sit and watch sports all day.

Now when I see my husband’s sensitivity, it makes me fall more and more in love with him. That is just what sensitive ol' me needs...another sensitive soul.

I hope my future daughter has a first love as delightful as mine was so that like me, she will have higher standards and hold out for an outstanding human being and never settle in love.

Grateful Friday

home, canon digital rebel xt

I sit here snuggled in my home, surrounded by our essence and feeling so comforted. My heart is swelling with such gratefulness from all of the sweet, sweet love both my husband and I received this past week from each of you. Even from some lovely souls I’ve never seen here in this space. You came out of the bloggie woods just to give us a gentle nudge of encouragement and pearls of wisdom.

I felt each of you circle around us. I held your hands. I heard your songs. I’ve been lifted up with your arms and both of my tiny feet are standing firm on the ground. I am surrendering once again to my journey. Open to the lessons, the messages and the growth.

I am teachable.

I’ve listed some other gems of gratefulness I received. I am just so humbled and touched by the special gifts from these souls this week, I just had to put it here so they knew how much I appreciated them. If you haven’t met these women in my bloggie sisterhood yet…do have a visit in their lovely spaces.

Sweet sweet gifties:

A sweet package from Andrea with the word “Faith” painted on a canvas.

A beautifully creative homemade card from this amazing woman that I so admire.

A crazy cool and giggly phone convo with this gorgeous creature. Her accent is every bit as beautiful as she is. We're so connected.

Another kindred, tender and powerful phone convo with this goddess of nature. A friendship I treasure.

This yummy post and poem.

This post that left me in tears and feeling so humbled and thinking perhaps this journey of mine truly does have a purpose larger than I can see.

Drinking yummy white sage tea sent in a lovely card from this wise pink coyote.

Thoughts of my dear friend Leonie and her upcoming art show.

Thea walking by my side through this mad roller coaster of fertility and never tiring of the broken record of emotions I share with her.

Liz and her warrior picture. We had a lovely chat and I gently told her I'd love to see a picture of her as a warrior because she felt like one to me. And she did it beautifully with such grace.

This woman for reaching out to me so tenderly and then posting her emotions so bravely. You have moved me!

Her strength in this post astounded me. If we all had a heart as big as hers, what a lovely place this world would be.

And if my big sister Darlene (b/sis) had a blog, I'd send you there but she doesn't. She's been my rock, as she always has been throughout my crazy life. Her wisdom astounds me and the gentle way she loves me is such a gift.

Here are the songs that have kept my spirit alive this week. Most inspired by these two lovely ladies.

Life is Beautiful ~ Amy Correia
When I was a Young Girl ~ Feist
Chariot ~ Gavin DeGraw
Life Goes On ~ Cree Summer
Peaches & Cream ~ John Butler Trio
August ~ Edie Carey
You Dance ~ Eastmountainsouth
32 Flavors ~ Ani DiFranco
How to Save a Life ~ The Fray

Again...thank you to each an every one that commented on this post. Big warm fuzzy hugs to you.

I sit in my home feeling so very grateful I could burst.

Poetry Thursday

boho & ck, photo by robin nations

Love Poem

We made love last night
beneath the stars.
The moon's Cycloptic eye
unblinking
staring us down
uncovering our bodies of the darkness
like naked roots
we tangled ourselves
thighs and elbows heavy fruit
shiny as winter chestnuts.
Body of the man I love -
bitten mouth, tangerine lips
rose petal surprise of tongue,
I could wander the continent
of your golden valleys
without ceasing
and delight each day
in discovering
a new dawn
rising from the depths
of your mysterious being.

~ Jewel,
A Night Without Armor

*********************

Honey, everything you said the other morning was so perfect. You continue to do and say things that make me fall even harder in love with you, if that's possible. Thank you for creating such a wide open space for my feelings and for yours. Thank you for helping to allow me to be my true self at all times...even the not so pretty times. Thank you for rocking me and saying "I know it hurts" rather than..."cheer up, it will get better". I love you...

Hurts.

This morning I woke early to such a heaviness in my heart. It hurts. Another month full of hope and anticipation and even more expectation than the other 19 months prior to this. Now that we have entered the phase of fertility treatments, the hope seems more, the anticipation more, the expectation higher, I suppose. I didn't realize it would also mean the more grief I would feel if it didn't work.

There are days when I can let go. Really let go and not try to make sense of it. Days when I feel grateful of the time I have available to me to do as I please with my business, my life and I take full advantage of the freedom of my husband and I being alone. Days when I don't question and just trust, have faith, believe our baby will come when its ready. Days when I don't allow negative energy about this process to spill into me. Days when I have a great knowing within that it is soon...I will be a mother soon.

Then there are days like today. Where I feel like I am grieving for a soul that I thought was nestling in my womb and turns out wasn't. A soul that I feel a deep bonding with through meditations, dreams, intuition and just that "gut feeling" that yes...I really think I am pregnant this time.

Oh how I feel tired. I wonder if I can gather the strength to do this again. I feel as though gathering this strength is nearly impossible. I feel angry at the tricks my heart and mind play on me. Today I just can't go beyond the pain to find the deeper meaning in all this. Today I just want to curl up into a little ball in the curve of my husbands chest as he spoons me. I know he tries to be strong for both of us but I can feel it wearing on him deeply. He feels everything too.

I know I am in good hands with my new doctor and my acupuncturist. I can almost hear their voices telling me right now not to give up, that we're just beginning, that we'll just keep moving through this until our baby comes. So I'll say here what I will be too shy to say to them when I make that call telling them we have to try again:

I know, I know...but it hurts, damnit. It hurts. I don't want you to fix it for me in this moment. Just let me feel this pain so I can let it move through me in and out, away from my heart. I am confused and scared and angry and full of sadness and grief. I know it will happen someday. I know I need to have patience but please don't shush these emotions because you are scared for me and don't know what else to say. Just validate my feelings. I know tomorrow I'll wake up refreshed and renewed with more insight and a clear mind but today I am full of a heaviness that is taking every ounce of strength that I have. So I cannot be today what you want me to be.

Yes...tomorrow is a new day but today, it just hurts and putting it all here in this space is part of the healing process for me. We will get through this. We always do.

Little one...I know you are out there. I just wish you were in here.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Introduce Yourself #4

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Since I missed last weeks introduction, this week you get a doozie.

More easy breezy boho bits:

I was a true blue stinky nerd in my awkward years as a youngster. And I mean stinky. I went through a phase in 6th grade when I didn't like to shower. I also liked my purple Izod shirt so much that I wore it almost every day to school. Two scenarios that happened within days of one another changed this behavior. The first one was the boy I had a mad crush on in class turned around and said..."Why do you where that shirt every day?" (ouch!). The second was the most popular girl in our class sitting next to him somehow took a liking to me or perhaps felt sorry for me. She taught me how to dress, do my hair and brought me out of geekdom until I created a style all on my own. Although...my husband is convinced that beneath the surface of me, a true blue geek still lives. Not a stinky one but a geek, nonetheless. I think he is right.

I once lived in a studio flat in Berkeley, California which was originally an upstairs room in an old Victorian home. From my window, I could see a tiny view of the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge. Well, on the days when it wasn't foggy, that is...which wasn't very often.

In that studio flat, there was another window that looked out to the bedroom in the Victorian house next door. In this room always sat an adorable guy playing his guitar on the corner of his bed. We would both leave our windows open and I could hear his music. Once, I danced and twirled to his strumming and I stopped and blushed when I noticed him smiling and shaking his head. I met him in person shortly thereafter and discovered he was gay. So I kept dancing to his music and didn't worry about him lusting after me. I would just hear him say..."you go girl!" thru the windows.

I love flowy peasant shirts. Could wear them every day, actually...and pretty much do (although not quite the same one every day like in 6th grade).

I still believe that stuffed animals have souls and can breathe.

Every once in awhile, I like to sprinkle fairy dust all over me. I love the sparklies. Even when they get in my food. Even more fun when they get all over our sheets in our bed and my husband wakes up all sparkly too.

I am grumpy the first 15 minutes after waking up in the morning. I need peace, quiet and tea before I can be considered somewhat human.

I have asthma and married someone with asthma. We often pass the inhaler back and forth to one another. Cute?? Ummm...not so much.

I always felt that I had a strong purpose here on earth. This comes from the fact that I have had so many near death experiences from birth up until now and I am still here. I am waiting to find out what my true purpose is. Like...do I have superpowers or something?

When my throat itches, I make a piggy sound to itch it.

I was quite shy as a young one. Then in my teens up until now, I was extremely outgoing. Lately I have found myself reverting back to shyness. Perhaps it is because I am more in touch with my inner child than I ever have been: A shy stinky, sparkly geek with superpowers??

Still love me?

Edited to add: As to not confuse, the stinky bit is a bit of a joke. I meant stinky in 6th grade for not wanting to take a shower...like ever. Ahhhh...greasy kids...gotta love 'em.

You can find other brave souls here.

Sensitive

prickly weed flower, canon digital rebel xt

I am feeling sensitive today
more than usual
the pricks of life feel more prickly
raw emotions
and some foreign,
perhaps some I am not proud of.

Sometimes I think,
if everyone were as
sensitive
as me...than I would be less hurt
by them
I would be more
protected
but then the earth would be
more ocean,
an ocean of tears,
If all were as sensitive
as me.

We need land and ocean to
survive,
so I must learn to stand
firm on the land,
embrace the pricks
and then sooth myself in my
own ocean of tears,
a healing balm
for me.

Sunday Scribblings ~ Three Wishes

bottle on tree at the Kroon homestead, canon digital rebel xt

The Sunday Scribblings Genie in a bottle has been awakened and has granted me three wishes. I've struggled with this one for what feels like hours to narrow my list down to three. This is a huge challenge for a dreamer like me when my head is always in the clouds wishin' and hopin' for such beauty to come to pass in my life and the lives of those I adore.

My Three Wishes...

The healing of Mother Nature: I wish that an invisible healing balm be smoothed over the Ozone so that our Mother Earth and all of the living organisms throughout it will thrive on now and forever more. I don't want my future children and grandchildren to live with the fears that I do about the environment.

Cures for Sickness: Any disease, cancer, disorder, etc. that does not yet have a cure, a cure will be found and many will be healed. Including my sister that has Lupus.

Inexpensive Travel: I want to travel the world. I want to visit my sisterhood, friends and family across the globe and it hurts knowing that what prevents this is money. I wish that a plane ride would cost as much as a bus but pilots still get paid well because of their talent and bravery.

I would have said "World Peace" but didn't want to sound like a beauty pageant contestant. ;)

Acceptance

Boho accepting, Canon Digital Rebel XT

In her post yesterday, Susannah said something so beautifully that moved deep within me:

"This last year has felt like my own gestation, birthing my new self, my home and, tentatively, my book."

As I read these words, a peace traveled through me, a sweet knowing, a voice within that said "yes". Perhaps throughout this journey I have been pregnant all along. A gestation period marking the growth of my inner child, my raw creativity, my bravery, the baring of my true soul. And what is birthing within me is a new self.

Acceptance.

So, I told her. And now she knows that her eloquent words describing her experience this past year have altered yet another soul for the good. Thank you, dear friend for your bravery. It is changing lives, including my own.

Moved to Tears

morning dew, my sister's garden ~ Canon Digital Rebel XT

I wanted to share a very special and sacred moment during my stay last week.

On Mother's Day, my marmie, two sisters and I went to this cute little town up in the Sierra Foothills called Murphy's. It has one main street filled with antique shops, boutiques and cafe's with large trees stretching up above like flying buttresses forming an arch of protection. A few of the shops are old Victorian homes renovated and filled with beautiful things of all sorts.

While the four of us were walking down Main Street, we passed a gallery with tall windows and plants hanging above one of two entrances. Colorful flowers in pots were laced around the doors on the ground. The European flair put a spell on me and I meandered in unbeknownst to my marmie and sisters who continued on ahead to a sweet little shoe store (of course).

I walked thru the gallery slowly as my eyes absorbed the softly colored canvases hung randomly on the walls before me. Most paintings were of ethereal women and children dancing in fields of flowers where the bottom half of their bodies melted into the landscape surrounding them and their facial features were barely there. Something welled up within me. I felt a connection with this artist, whomever they were.

The women in my pastel drawings usually do not have vivid facial features if they have features at all. It has become my own process. For me, when I would add those facial features I felt that the picture could not quite resonate with the many beholding it and have found that without them, it is more of a soul and we all can resonate with the soul of a woman. This might not make sense to anyone else but it just became the sense of my art.

As I turned the corner, I stepped back and gasped, surprised to see a woman behind an easel with brush in hand. She gazed at me with big, brown, kind eyes and greeted me with a warm smile. We began talking and in that conversation, I found that she was the artist of all these beautiful paintings. I shared with her about my faceless pastel art and she told me about her own process of how she came to a place of almost feature-less beauties with her creations:

"I've been a landscape artist all of my life but I struggled with figurative art. I was afraid to draw people because I could never get the features quite right. One day I was standing in front of a large canvas and all was painted but the features on its face. I cried, I wanted to give up and tear up the canvas before me. I was afraid to ruin it. After I walked away from it for awhile, I came back and kneeled before it. I meditated on the thought of no judgement with my process. I took some deep breaths, stood up and just let go. This is how my soft faces were birthed...from a moment of letting go of trying to be how I thought others wanted to see me."

In the moments of her telling me this story, I felt as if I was there. All of her fear turned to peace washed over me and I bit my lip as to hold back my tears. In that moment my marmie came walking in and said..."there you are!". I waved her over to us and introduced her to the artist. As she glanced around at some of the artists greeting cards on a shelf my mom picked one up and said..."Denise, you gave this card to me years ago!"

The card was of a woman with red hair walking through a garden. Her hair was tied up loosely in a bun with flowers strewn into her auburn curls. Her arms were lifted up on each side as if she was about to twirl. She was standing in a garden and the flowers on the ground grew up into a dress that covered the woman's body. Years ago, I stumbled onto this card here in Southern California and fell in love with it. It was my mother in her garden.

My mouth dropped open. I looked at the woman and said..."You painted that picture??". She nodded and I hugged her. It felt so serendipitous that I had been talking to the artist that I had admired from afar years before. The fact that I was standing before her felt more than just a coincidence.

We continued to share our passion for art and learned of a kindredness between us. My mother stood there listening to us and glowing. My other two sisters entered and was introduced to her as well. She asked each of them about their art...Darlene's card business and Pam's flair for interior design. She then asked us all to stand shoulder to shoulder. She became emotional seeing us all together, telling us we were all so beautiful and creative. She was an angel.

We said our goodbyes and continued on to other stores but my heart was welling up and I couldn't focus on much of anything but her. While we were all standing in a small purse shop, I began to feel like the walls were closing in on me. I told them I was going to step outside for some fresh air. So, I did...on a bench under a tree. As soon as I sat down, I wept.

I wept the tears that were welling within me as the artist shared her story of her faces.

I wept the tears that were welling when I felt such a strong connection between us. Oh how I wanted to be with her in a studio, painting together with music, fruit, cheeses, wine and twirling.

My mother found me on the bench a few minutes later and held me. She has always been tender about her emotional daughter and never questions my wellings with any judgement.

I am going to contact that artist soon. I am going to tell her how she has made a huge impact on me and that her beautiful being moved me to tears.

ps. The artist's name is B.R. Garvin. She doesn't have a website. She said when she is ready for one, she will call my husband. This is the only picture I could find of the card I gave my mother. My apologies for the size:

Ma Famille

Boho & B/Sis (Darlene), Canon Digital Rebel XT

Greetings bloggie universe! I have resurfaced.

I am back into the arms of my man and nuzzling into the fur of my kitties.

My trip to Northern California to spend time with my family (ma famille) was full of blessings of all sorts. I typically go out there for a long weekend and always leave feeling as though I didn't quite have enough normalcy with my family. This past week I felt as though I lived there again and had plenty of moments to love every morsel of their beings.

Since I am still recovering from lack of sleep, I am going to keep today's post simple with loads of pictures. I thought this way you could get a true "glimpse" into my weekend and the family members I was lucky enough to see. My kindred niece, Angela couldn't make it home this week due to studying for finals, but I know when she reads this, she will feel as though she was there.

If you click on the pictures, they will enlarge for you.

My niece Kelly (Pamela's daughter) was getting ready for the Senior Prom and how gorgeous she looked:

Kelly Belly, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Kelly and her boyfriend, Dave. Their relationship is the cutest. He plays guitar for her:

Kells & Davey, Canon Digital Rebel XT

My nephews Sean and Casey (Pamela's sons) wrestling in the bathroom:

Seanzie & Casey, Canon Digital Rebel XT

My sister Pamela chatting with me in the backseat of my marmie's car:

Pamela Jean, Canon Digital Rebel XT

We spent Mother's day in a cute mountain town called "Murphy's" with antique shops and boutiques. Here are my sisters and marmie at lunch:

Pamela, Marmie & Darlene, Canon Digital Rebel XT

My nephew Mark (yes, I was an aunt at 10 years old) striking a pose for his Auntie Boho:

Marky (Darlene's son), Canon Digital Rebel XT

My sister Darlene wanted to manicure my toes. She handed me a plethora of nailpolish colors and I couldn't choose between two gorgeous ones. So I chose both. Here is Darlene (b/sis) painting my toes with two colors at my parents house:

Darlene & Boho, Canon Digital Rebel XT


Here is the result:

Boho's Toesies, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Darlene laughing while doing my toes(wearing a necklace I made her):

B/Sis, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Me and my daddy. Now you know who I look like:

Daddy & Boho, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Darlene and my marmie. Look at their yummy cheekbones!

B/Sis & Marmie, Canon Digital Rebel XT

And the queen's that rule each household...

Daisy, my parents companion:

Daisy Mae, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Ellie, my big sis Darlene's cutest Chee ever:

Precious Ellie, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Ellie resting on my lap:

Ellie & Boho, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Mini, my sister Pamela's baby:

Mini, Canon Digital Rebel XT

I have a few sweet, sweet stories to share. Will do so soon.

My Marmie ~ Fun Loving

my marmie, canon digital rebel xt

I am writing this from my parent’s home nestled at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills in Northern California. It is late. Actually it is early in the morning. I am having one of those sleepless nights where the characters from the book (sent to me by Susannah) that I read before turning off the light to head for slumber are dancing around in my brain. You know that if thoughts of them are keeping you up at night that the author has done her job well. I took this picture of my mother today. Isn't she darling? Especially because she is wearing my "Earth" Superhero necklace. Now she is one of us, it seems. Like wearing this is a crown into the sisterhood. Calling her Marmie is inspired by the movie Little Women. When I first heard the girls call their mother than in the movie, it found its way into my heart and I tried it on my mother the next time I spoke to her. She of course absolutely loved it and now it has taken up home in our relationship. Since Mother's Day is around the corner, I wanted to dedicate this post to her. Once I entered into womanhood, our friendship reached a deepness that continues to root itself and I am relishing in it during this visit. I could go on and on about how lovely her person is but this will some it up: She won "most fun loving" her senior year of high school back in the late 1950's. This was at a Catholic high school back in Massachusetts where the nuns had a close eye on them at all times. She was the one that made everyone giggle when it got too serious in class or perhaps pushed the envelope a wee bit. She was the one who won my handsome oh so Portuguese father's heart while he drove by in his cherry red convertible and saw her from a distance...all sweet, beautiful, light complected, curvy, witty, French and fun loving. He was hooked...just as we all are in her presence and just as you will be seeing her smile. Je T'aime, Marmie.

Self Portrait Challenge ~ Introduce Yourself

boho in vanity, canon digital rebel xt

First I want to begin by saying that I will be gone for a week starting Wednesday morning to be with my family in Northern Cali. I am so, so thrilled to be able to spend quality time with my parents, two sisters and nieces and nephews. Although, I noticed today that there is a sadness beneath the anticipation. This will be the longest my husband and I have been apart since we've been married (7 full days).

Since Carsten and I have been trying to get pregnant, we have been nesting all snuggly together like two lil' birdies. Our souls have intertwined into one during this journey, so him not being physically near will feel foreign to me. These feelings of separation anxiety are also foreign to me being that I am typically such an independent person.

It will be interesting to see how it all unfolds and if I will be calling him crying, crouched on the floor of my parents bathroom on their private phone each night. Isn't it cool that they have a phone near the toilet???

I am sure once I feel their arms around me, all these fears will fade.

Anyways...I've been tagged by the gorgeous Sarah of Rustic Relics. I thought it would be fun to combine her Do's & Don'ts request with my Easy Breezy Boho Bits for this weeks Self Portrait Challenge of Introducing myself.

Here goes:

I do like being fit
I don't like being skinny...I love my curves

I do consider myself spiritual
I don't consider myself religious

I do love independent films
I don't like cheesy Hollyweird ones

I do love unique style fashion
I don't like trendy fashion

I do love sand between my toes
I don't like sand in my belly button

I do wear essential oils
I don't wear perfumes

I do love being a gypsy
I don't like staying in one place for too long

I do love acupuncture
I don't like getting shots

I do love Anthropologie
I don't like Nordie's

I do love to eat food
I don't like to eat dessert

I do love rain and cloudy skies
I don't like sunshine overload

I do love Bluegrass
I don't like Country

I do love skirts
I don't like shorts

I do love hats & scarves
I don't like wallets and purses

I do love my bloggie sister/brotherhood
I don't like that we are all so far from one another

I do love my husband like mad
I don't like being away from him for 7 days.

I am tagging Moonlighting Artist, Ink on my Fingers, Drowning in Ink, The Silent K & Twisted Soda.

I'll miss all of you! I'll try to check in to read your bloggies but I won't be posting while I am away.

Love love love.

Sunday Scribblings ~ My Shoes

Boho & Carsten's Rainbow Feet, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Today's inspirational topic over at Sunday Scribblings is "My Shoes".

I thought long and hard about this one since I don't really have just one favorite pair. I am definitely one to be attached to a few pairs of shoes and wear them day in and day out. They snuggle my feet until they grow old and weathered to the point when the average person would toss them and I just simply don't.

My sister Darlene doesn't get this because she is obsessed with shoes of all shapes, colors and styles, therefore has a plethora of them perfectly lined up on a shelf waiting to be worn with the outfit she bought them for. Me on the other hand, I have about 4 pairs that I actually wear...and the few others I own are tossed into a bin in my closet all tumbled onto one another

So which pair shall I talk about today? Well...since I've already shared much of my love affair for Amy's shoes that now live on my feet, I will tell you the story of my Rainbow's.

I liken those that wear Rainbow sandals to those that drive Volkswagens. There is an unspoken Rainbow Sandal Tribe living and walking upon our dear Mother Earth. Just as I said in my previous post about the giving of the peace sign, the knowing nod and blowing the horn (meep meep) when Volkswagen driver's pass one another on the road, Rainbow sandal folks usually have that 3 second glance and smile when they see Rainbow's on your feet.

These sandals live on the feet of earthy, grungy, surfer-esque, outdoor, granola-types. And just like Birkenstocks, they mold to the shape of your foot days into wearing them. Tres comfy and tres cool are these leather sandals. I highly encourage you to give them a try for Summer!

The very first day I met my husband (story is here), I had my Rainbow's on with a hippy~flowy shirt and shorts. He too had his Rainbows on and a t-shirt with the phrase "Neo-Beatnik" on it.

Two peas in a pod.

When I got up from where we were hanging out outside to go into the kitchen for a beer, Carsten said he noticed my sandals for the first time as I walked away. He looked at our friend Rob and said..."She wears Rainbows?" with a huge grin on his face.

I think that was truly what sealed the deal, folks.

For more fun shoe stories...venture here.

Side note: Notice how much larger Carsten's feet are than mine. Nice. *grin*

The Suz.

Suzi camping, taken by Matty

I just had to post this picture of my friend Suzi because there is just too much cuteness to be had here.

She is my "Be~Fri" and I am her "Est~End". Remember those heart necklaces we proudly wore in the 80's that broke in half and each girlie wore around her neck? Woah...that was a major flashback. Do they still have those?? We've been this close since 1986.

Well...she has moved 30 minutes away from me. Destiny had it that she fell in love with a boy living close to us. I promise that Carsten and I had absolutely nothing to do with it being that she met him at another friend's wedding far away from here.

Her and I are the last two Northern Cali girls that anyone would expect to move to Southern Cali. Simply amazing how it all came together the way it did.

Let's give it up for The Suz and her cuteness and bravery. "Woot woot!"


suz & me...laughing & loving, canon digital rebel xt

Magpies

carsten & webster, canon digital rebel xt

This is for yummy Andrea. Here is Carsten, playing her wonderful game Magpies that she all shared with us in a recent post on her blog.

We
Are
Addicted!

Of course, when we don't get the answer we want, Carsten says...

"Magpie is just tired, honey."

Poetry Thursday ~ Angels Weave Me

Package from Susannah, Canon Digital Rebel XT

Yesterday was a comedy of errors.

First, both of our cars broke down within minutes of one another. As my husband and I were following the tow truck with my car on top to the dealership to be dropped off, our Volkswagen bus we were driving decides to start smoking in the back. People were driving by us pointing to the back of our bus and we had no idea what we were doing wrong. When we finally figured it out, both our bus and the tow truck in front of us pulled over on the side of the freeway. We then had to wait for another tow truck once the other one left with my car.

A sweet woman in a Volkswagen saw us stranded as she passed, then looped around back onto the freeway to make sure we were alright. She then gave us the number of her Volkswagen auto mechanic that she adores. What is it about Volkswagen owners being so fabulous??? She was like our own little VW Angel. A dear friend of mine who owns a bug once talked about how he feels VW owners are a tribe of its own and they all look out for one another. Driving passed one another, they deliver the peace sign with a smirk and a nod and then honk that unmistakable cute horn (meep meep).

Hours later, when we finally returned home, I put some artichokes in the steamer. I got distracted and left them there leaving the pan to burn to a crisp and smoke filling up in the house.

After cleaning this up, we go down to get our mail and get a notice from the mailbox that it was too full and now we have to go to the post office to pick it up.

But we have no cars!!

We shouldn't be surprised at such things. I mean...minutes after my husband proposed to me in a hot air balloon, it went crashing down to the ground and dragged hundreds of feet across a corn field on its side with all of the 12 people in it hanging on for dear life. While we were squatted down, white knuckles gripping the basket's bars and trying to dodge sticks and weeds flying into our faces, he laughed and yelled in the chaos..."this is a goooood sign that we will live a thrilling life togetherrrrrrr!"

So true.

So, the whole car debacle yesterday left me feeling quite drained today. But then another angel came to my door. Not a VW Angel but a British Angel.

My gorgeous, sweet, yummy, tres hip friend in the UK reached out her hand across the miles and I am now holding it gently. THANK YOU, Susannah! Your CD's are playing and thoughts of you are dancing around in the loft. You've shaken me out of my weirdness from yesterday and now I feel such a peace over my evening.

This poem is dedicated to you:

I Am Woven

Sometimes I am woven
Into a safe soft still luminous cocoon
Made of moonbeams and loon feathers.

Other times I think I am the only weaver
Of sacred cloth for a hundred miles,
And I can't stop my shuttle.

But more and more now I remember
The sweet weaving around me
As I sit or lie dreaming.

Angels and old grandmothers weave me,
Wrap me, then hold me in a warm nest
When I close down my loom and rest.

~ Mary Feagan, 2001

Thank you for taking time to put together a perfect combination of love, support and warmth...wrapping me and holding me in your warm nest.

Read other fantastic poems here.

Self Portrait Challenge - Introduce Yourself

boho, canon digital rebel xt

This month's topic over at Self Portrait Challenge is "Introduce Yourself".

When I first read this I sort of laughed to myself. Goodness...I have spilled so much of my inner the last five months on my blog that introducing myself feels like taking a few steps back in a growing relationship.

I suppose I would liken it to hanging out with my tribe all day and then when we are ready to part I stick out my hand and say..."Hi, my name is Denise."

Perhaps the true reason I find this topic uncomfortable is because here on my blog it has become second nature to get right down into the deepest foundation of my soul and it never occurs to me to share trivial tid bits of my life. Like what my favorite color is or what cuisine teases my palette.

But those aren't really trivial, are they? All those little tid bits make up the big lovely bit of who we are.

Upon more reflection, I realized that on those days when I feel too far into the depths of my head, it feels so good to shut my brain off and read "tags" or "meme's" listing light and airy information about the people I find so intriguing in this bloggie Universe.

So I am going to reserve all the Tuesdays in this month of May for a bit of easy breezy Boho sharing. Nothing too deep. Perhaps a few surprises.

So, here are just a few bits about myself that you may not have guessed by what you have learned about me thus far:

I don't have a favorite color right now. I choose my colors based on my mood and my mood changes quite frequently. My favorite color when I was younger was white. I thought of it like a prism in that white held all the colors of the rainbow into one. I even wrote a poem about it called "White", of course.

I have a difficult time sharing popcorn out of the same bag with my husband at the movies. His hand is so big that I feel like it swallows up everything left for me. So we usually get separate small bags and laugh about it every time. We are wondering if this stems from something out of my childhood. We think it might be since I had a special diet growing up, I was used to eating my own foods apart from others and it is hard for me to share. Did I just get too deep there???

Oops, my apologies...okay, one more easy breezy tid bit.

When I was a freshmen in bible college, my lovely roommate and dear friend Pattie and I snuck out passed curfew and found a route around the guard through the woods. Even though all we did was meander in and out of Redwood trees in the dark with some boys (ummm...the Dean's son?), it still felt cool that we were supposed to be in bed. That night we saved a frog from despair and brought it into the dorms not realizing that its ribbit sounds would wake everyone else up. Try to explain that one to your Dorm mother. Oooohhhh...crazy bible college stories!!!

More fun Boho bits next Tuesday.